Beta'd by Angw

"You're not gonna find anything." John said as Carson finished drawing some blood from John's arm.

"We'll just have to wait for the test results." Carson replied, pulling out a pen light.

"You know I hate those things." John flinched as Carson tried to look at John's eyes with the light.

"Just hold still Colonel, or I'll have the nurses restrain you." Carson held John's eyelid open. "Okay, a little redness, common from gate travel."

"Am I done Carson?" John didn't hide his annoyance.

"I'm going to tell Elizabeth you're a little stressed but otherwise perfectly healthy. You shouldn't be seeing things that detailed in your kind of health."

"But you're still going to do the blood work."

"Yes Colonel. Who knows, you may just have some strange chemical in your body that made you see that."

"I'm going to hope that you find nothing." John swung his legs off the bed and jumped off, landing easily on his feet. He hated the infirmary, but as a soldier, he tended to be here a lot.

He walked to his quarters. His room was fairly bland, with little to embellish it. He had his computer on his dressor, a duffel bag full of his own personal garments, various other bag including his sparring pack, and a single book. He hadn't even finished the first chapter.

He grabbed his sparring pack from the under his bed, knowing he was already late for his daily sparring with Teyla. He quickly changed into a clean shirt and shorts, then headed for the gym. He was hoping Teyla would be waiting for him.

In a manner of speaking, she was. She and Ronon were circling each other, each holding two sticks apiece. Judging by the amount of sweat on both of them, they had been at this since they'd gotten back. John felt the now familiar flash of annoyance. He suppressed it. He hated it. He couldn't blame Teyla, he'd been late.

He'd been held up, to be precise. John wasn't sure if he was pissed that Teyla hadn't backed him up, or that Carson had poked and prodded him for a good half hour before letting him go. He decided he'd at least pretend it was the latter.

He dropped his bag in the corner, just as Teyla's and Ronon's sticks began to crash into each other in a flurry of movement. John retrieved his two sticks from the bag and sat on the windowsill. He tried to just simply focus Ronon out of his mind.

He watched Teyla's graceful parries and blocks. She had a certain style to fighting that he'd never mastered. He admired her for it. He also knew that she was the only woman he'd ever really enjoyed getting beaten up by. Not that he'd been beaten up by many women.

He couldn't ignore Ronon though, half the time Ronon would block John's view of Teyla. Ronon compensated for a lack of grace by simply making a raw amount of attacks. None of Teyla's graceful strikes ever seemed to hit home, and even if they did, Ronon wouldn't flinch. Teyla was tough enough so that she wouldn't let him make attacks that could hurt her and absorbed his weaker ones.

John felt annoyance rise to the surface again as the hours ticked by. He didn't even know why he stayed for so long. He couldn't bury his annoyance so easily this time. It was a force to be reckoned with. He suppressed it the best he could, trying not to let it show.

He looked at his watch. It was 1:30 in the afternoon. John swore under his breath. He'd had a scheduled debriefing with Elizabeth at 1:00. He collected his pack, feeling slightly dejected and incredibly frustrated.

"Where are you going John?" Teyla asked in between blocking Ronon's wild strikes.

"Where do you think?" John snapped in return. "I've got work to do." He walked from the gym, not sure how he felt anymore. He was angry, sure. He was frustrated, sure. Above all, he was annoyed. He'd just spent the last three hours waiting for his chance to spar with Teyla. He'd had their scheduled practice three and a half hours earlier, and Teyla had seemed so oblivious to it all.

John resisted the urge to slam his hand into the wall. He knew the pain would make it easier, but it wouldn't make him presentable for Elizabeth. He dumped his stuff in his room and changed back into his uniform. He then walked through the halls towards Elizabeth's office.

He entered her office with a scowl on his face, still angry as hell. "Sorry I missed my debriefing Elizabeth." He said, sitting in the chair in front of her desk.

"Carson said he released you are 10:30." Elizabeth replied.

"He did, I then went for my regular sparring session with Teyla."

"Must've been quite a session."

"Yeah... for Ronon and Teyla. I didn't do anything." John couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Don't you and Teyla generally spar around 10:00 every morning?"

"Yeah, I guess today she had more fun with Ronon." John's eyes narrowed. "But I don't want to talk about that. Do you believe me about what I saw?"
"Carson's said that he believes you're in perfect health, except for a bit of stress."
"But not enough to cause hallucinations." John's voice rose. "I'm not crazy." He suddenly sighed, taking a deep breath. "Sorry Elizabeth. Sometimes I'm get like that."

"What's bothering you John?"

"If I'm that transparent, why don't you tell me?" John turned away.

"The point here John, is for you to admit it to yourself. Don't worry about the debriefing, I know you enjoy spending time with Teyla."

John stood up and walked out. "Mostly." He whispered to himself as he stepped back into the halls. As he walked by his quarters he briefly considered grabbing his pack and heading back down to the gym, hoping Ronon was done. He quickly remembered that Ronon rarely left the gym and if they weren't sparring anymore, it's because Teyla was done. That meant he'd end up sparring with Ronon. He didn't care for that.

The whole reason he had picked up the Athosian fighting arts was so he could spend time every day with Teyla. He'd thought that by learning that, he could learn about her. He'd learned a lot, or at least he thought he had. The thing that bothered him was how Teyla seemed to have forgotten about that.

He returned to his room, locking the door behind him. He really didn't want to be disturbed for a little while. He opened his laptop and put it on his lap as he sat on his bed. He called up his word processor and began writing in the file he had saved as journal. He hadn't minded the almost useless computer. The only things he used it for was journaling and watching the occasional DVD he borrowed from any number of the other members of the Atlantis expedition.

He remembered fondly the first time he'd shown his football game to Teyla. He had shown it to the whole gang. They had all gotten together in the control room and watched it on one of the big display screens. Ford had helped to get some popcorn. John had spent half the game trying to explain the concept of football to Teyla. He laughed at that. It had been a really special time.

He missed Ford. His second in command until recently. Ford always had a smile on his face and was always ready to lend a hand. Ford would always find a way to make something more exciting or cheerful. Ford enjoyed just being with John, Teyla, and even Rodney, as much as none of them would admit it.

Rodney had complained about how uncivilized football was, saying that the only real sport was hockey. John, in between explaining football to Teyla, was defending his sport as an American. Rodney had gone on to bring the political differences between America and Canada into the mix. At the end of the night, they all admitted it had been fun, even Elizabeth had shown up half way through the game.

He finished his entry. He saved it and then closed the window. He then pulled up the next of his unfinished reports. He smiled as he realized he only had one to go. All his midnight cramming had paid off in that respect. He continued typing about their most recent mission to the planet with the prisoners. He knew Elizabeth didn't need the report, but Stargate Command did.

Every week they would open a wormhole to Stargate Command and send reports, which were then sent to the International Committee for Oversight into Stargate Operations. Occasionally, the committee would have requests for the expedition that would be sent by radio during the weekly communications. John missed the good old days without communication with Earth.

In those days, he could delay reports for months. As long as he had a good excuse for Elizabeth, he was fine. He didn't have to worry about pleasing his military superiors back on Earth. All he had to do was make sure that the ends justified the means in all situations. That was easy enough. If he screwed up, he just had to fix it the next time.

Now, his every action was under scrutiny, especially with his new promotion. There were things he didn't really like about his new rank. Sure, he liked the pay and he enjoyed working in Atlantis, but he didn't like the constant scrutiny from his superior officers back on Earth, nor did he like Colonel Caldwell constantly badgering him about the chain of command.

He finished the report with his typical flair. He read it over quickly, realizing that it read like an action novel, but that was his favorite type, if he read any. He then dragged all the files into Elizabeth's folder on the wireless network. He didn't understand how the whole wireless deal worked, but he knew it meant he didn't have to actually bring his laptop all the way up to her office.

He closed his laptop, set it back on top his dresser. He then made sure it was plugged in to the Atlantian version of a power outlet, using a customized adapter developed by the geeks in the city, primarily Rodney and Zalenka. He then realized he hadn't eaten lunch and it was 2:30. He walked from his room down to the mess hall.

Luckily, the chief cook in the city had plenty of lunches still left. The chef quickly warmed one them up then handed it to John. John took it to his usual seat near the edge of the outside balcony. He grabbed a cup of water along the way. He forked a piece of the meat, enjoying the simplicity of it. Eating was always fun when you were hungry.

John was alone for only a few minutes before Lieutenant Cadman came jogging in. She was dressed for exercise, shorts and a tee-shirt. She grabbed some food from the chef, then came over to John's table. "This seat taken?" She asked.

"Not right now." John replied. "Considering it's 2:30 in the afternoon."

"Yeah, not exactly lunch time." Cadman laughed, forking her first piece of meat. "I take a run and before I know it, it's 2:30 and I'm starving."

"How long did you run for?"
"Well, I planned on only running for about thirty minutes... that was almost two hours ago. Good thing I'm not still in Rodney's body. He would've died."

John smiled, remembering the absolute weirdness of Rodney and Cadman sharing the same body, Rodney's. "Yeah, Rodney couldn't handle that. Hell, Rodney couldn't handle thirty minutes."

"A ten minute run before bed caused him to be sore for hours when he woke up."

"Ouch. He generally handles it off world."

"Did you really have to make him kiss Carson?"

"Hey, if I hadn't, Carson wouldn't be going out with me right now. Although he does admit, it's a major step up for me to kiss him, rather than Rodney."

John nearly choked on a carrot as he shook with laughter. "Yeah, I certainly hope so."
"Although I know that Katie really enjoys Rodney's company, surprisingly."

"She's a geek, he's a geek. It's a match made in heaven, for those two anyway." John's voice was distant as he said it.

"Something bothering you Colonel?"

"Now why would you say that?"

"I don't know, woman's intuition." Cadman threw her hands in the air. "All I know is that guys don't speak distantly unless somethings bothering them."
"You'd make a good shrink."
"Uhhh, no way. Leave that to Heightmeyer, she's the one who enjoys all that psychological crap. I just know things."

"Comes from being a marine?"
"Actually, comes from being me. I made it a habit in high school to watch others. Taught me a lot actually."

"And what is it that you think is bothering me?"

"You've got some personal issues."
"Personal Issues?" John raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, whatever your definition of it is." Cadman paused and sighed. "Look, it's not my business to say any more, but whatever it is, it means a lot to you."

"I'll give you that."

"Just follow your instincts. You don't want to wait until it might be too late."

"That rhymes."

Cadman laughed. "Yeah, it'd make a good poem."

John finished the last of his meal. "Thanks for the company Lieutenant."

"Anytime Colonel."

John deposited his plate and cup at the kitchen window and then headed back into Atlantis. Cadman had made a point. He knew he had some issues, some inner demons. He just wasn't sure what he really wanted, or how he'd go about getting it. He had a long way to go.