Rodney returned with Elizabeth several hours later. John wasn't surprised. He withdrew from the chair. He stood up and scratched his head. It had been a draining experience, but one he wasn't ashamed of. "Hey Elizabeth, what's up." He didn't have to force his smile.

"Rodney says that the city's alive." Elizabeth stated plainly.

"In a manner of speaking." Rodney replied. "The way Colonel Sheppard described it..."
"I can describe it Rodney." John snapped angrily. "It's like talking to a person, it has feelings."

"Great, the city has feelings now; I just got done telling her about your whole dog argument."

"It felt like a dog or a cat at first, but then it really started talking to me. I could hear the words as if they were being spoken to me. It was really cool."

"Anything more..."

"Shut up Rodney." Elizabeth said breathlessly. "You're saying the city truly is alive."
"Yeah, it woke back up when we hooked up the ZPM, or so it says. It told me all kinds of other things to, I just think it was making small talk."

"What did it say?"

"'Yes, you heart is clouded apprentice. Your mind must make peace with your heart before you can begin the journey.' That's what it said to me. Honestly, I'm not sure what to make of it."

"Maybe it's referring to what's been bothering you John."

"Possibly..." John shook his head. "But if that's it, I've got to figure it out on my own."

"And the drones?"

"Fully recharged. We've got millions of them now. Enough to destroy a fleet of more than a hundred hive ships."

"That's great news." Elizabeth was speechless. "Now why don't you get some rest, it's getting late."

John glanced at his watch. It was 22:00. "Yeah, I'll probably run for a bit, then I'll turn in." John turned and walked back to his room, feeling slightly unnerved, but also realized that he hadn't had to tell Elizabeth or Rodney everything the city had told him. They would've sent him back to Carson.

He decided that he'd jog the distance to his quarters instead of using the transporter. He picked up his pace as he left the chair room, jogging down the flights of stairs until he got to the lower floor of the city. Once there, he jogged along the length of the city until he was in the region with his room.

He climbed a set of stairs that got him onto his floor, then doubled back across the floor and to his room. He was acutely aware of passing Teyla's room just before he came to his own. Every time he went by, his heart rate would increase. Enough to make him sweat a little and get nervous. He almost laughed at himself. He didn't get nervous, expect when he was around Teyla.

He stopped in front of his door and opened it. He stepped into his room and then locked the door behind him. He breathed deeply. He then went over to his bathroom and filled a cup full of water. He drank it deeply, then changed into his usual sleeping clothes, a black tee-shirt and black gym shorts.

He collapsed onto his bed and slipped under the covers. He immediately felt himself drift off to sleep. He occasionally ran before bed just so he could fall asleep like this. He couldn't have slept normally with as much on his mind as he did.

He found himself on a wraith ship. He didn't know how he got there or why. His P90 was in his hands. It was a slight reassurance. He had a life signs detector in his other hand. The halls seemed to stretch into infinity. He resisted the urge to scream.

Teyla's voice pierced the gloom. "John!" She was screaming. "Help me."
"Hang on." He replied, racing off down the hallway from where the scream had come from. He stopped as he came to yet another intersection, the hallways were all identical. He looked all the directions, and picked the one he felt was right. He didn't have time to wait for her to cry out again.

"JOHN!" Teyla screamed again.

John ran faster, faster than he ever thought he could. Surprisingly, the wraith ship was abandoned. His life signs detector showed nothing, only him in the center. He continued down the hall, coming to another intersection. He swore. "How many of these things are there?"

"John, no JOHN!" Teyla's screamed pierced the gloom from his right.

He immediately set off down the hall to his right, barely stopping to catch his breath. Her scream was becoming more desperate. He tried to move even faster. The hallways seemed to blur even more.

They continued to blur until he finally appeared in a large room. He immediately recognized it as the room where he had killed the keeper. Sitting at the table was Teyla, her skin pale. Her hair seemed frail. He immediately moved to her side.

"Teyla, come on." He said, his voice a whisper.

"Thank you John." She replied.

Just as he began to pick her up, she rapidly began to age. He stood in horror as she turned to dust in his arms. His heart screamed. His soul burned. He had never known such pain before. He screamed as loud as he could. "TEYLA!"

He awoke to his own scream. He immediately checked the area around him. He was in his room, on Atlantis. He was covered in sweat. His covers were wrapped around him. He forced himself to breath.

"John?" Teyla's voice was muffled from behind his door.

He mentally unlocked and opened the door from his bed. He was a mess, his breathing was still rapid. His heart was still pounding in his rib cage. He just couldn't get a hold of himself. It had been so real.

"Are you alright?" She asked, coming to his side.

"Nightmare." John croaked.

"Bad?" She asked, seeing through him.

"Yeah." He forced himself to breathe three times slowly. His heart seemed to slow down its relentless assault.

"Tell me." She said. It was a command, not a request.

"I was on a wraith ship, alone. Suddenly, I hear you scream my name. I try to follow you as you continue to scream. The hallways were all distorted and wrong. I never encountered an actual wraith." He paused looking for a reaction. There was none, he continued. "Eventually, I found myself in the room where the keeper fed, like on the ship where we rescued you. You were there. You look like you were sick. I say 'Teyla, come on.' You reply by saying 'Thank you John.' Then, as I pick you up to get you out of there, you turn to dust in my arms."

"I have never heard of such a dream. In my nightmares, we are here on Atlantis, but there are wraith."

"It was just a dream." John wished he could convince himself of that. "Just a dream." He echoed.

"If you are sure." Teyla left something unsaid. "Will you be alright?"
"Yeah. I said I'd always be here for you. Glad it works both ways." John said. "I'll be fine." He watched as Teyla left, feeling his heart keenly. He was slightly reassured, she wasn't avoiding him. He closed his door again with his mind.

He stood and walked out onto his balcony. The city was lit like the Manhattan skyline, but it was quiet. There were no sounds of a real city. He knew the reason for it. They only occupied maybe an eighth of the city, if that. He breathed deeply before turning back to his bed.

XXXX

He woke the next morning just after 8:00. He had slept peacefully for the remainder of the night, but he still couldn't get his dream out of his head. He realized painfully just how much he cared for Teyla, maybe more than he should.

He took a quick shower and changed into his uniform, putting on a fresh shirt and pants. He then walked down the hall to the transporter. He pressed the button that would take him back into the central tower of Atlantis, where the breakfast was being served.

He walked into the cafeteria, a slight spring in his step. He grabbed a plate full of the Athosian version of pancakes, smiling at the memory of the first time he ate them. He went to sit at his regular table, which was unoccupied. He breathed deeply. At least Teyla and Ronon weren't sitting at it.

His table was by the edge of the outdoor cafeteria, from it he could see out onto the vast ocean and look down upon the city. He enjoyed the view and enjoyed the company when Teyla showed up. She was absent though, so he ate his food in silence.

After finishing, he walked back to his room and changed into his sparring gear. He was determined not to be late today. After all, it wasn't everyday that he got to spar with a beautiful woman. Actually, he thought to himself, it was.

He arrived right on time, his watch said exactly 10:00 when he arrived. The gym was empty. He was slightly in shock, Teyla was never late. He dropped his pack, withdrawing the two sticks he used in sparring. He quickly stretched his legs, then his arms.

He carefully and artfully started practicing, remembering everything he had done in his quarters yesterday. He almost laughed as it was easy. It wouldn't be for long. He didn't work any really fancy moves, only the basics. He focused on always being on the defense with one stick and alternating between offense and defense with the other.

He was a ninja, his moves were smooth, his stance untouchable. He shifted his weight between his legs easily, already battling the imaginary Teyla that he always fought when he practiced. His imaginary Teyla was perfect, unbeatable, but he was better than perfect. He was unique. He could feel something growing inside him. What was it? Confidence? Strength? He didn't care, whatever it was, it was the greatest feeling he'd ever felt.

He glanced at his watch, it was 11:30. Teyla was still not present. John felt a sudden surge of pain as he easily imagined the worse. She couldn't have forgotten. She had just seen him last night. She couldn't have.

He sat down and waited, he could do that much. He sat on the windowsill, and closed his eyes, searching for something within the new feeling he had inside of him. It had to have the answer, there was no other way. He waited for anything to come.

He opened his eyes a half hour later. There was still no one in the gym. He put his sticks back into his pack. He picked up his pack and headed down the hall again. The spring in his step was gone; instead his footfalls were heavy, almost defeated. His heart seemed to have disappeared. He was angry, it took him awhile to even begin to understand why.

He was obsessed with her. Her every move, her every step was pure heaven for him. Only his worst fears were coming true, not his greatest hopes. For all he knew, she didn't feel anything for him. He swore, slamming his fist into the wall. Physical pain numbed his own mental pain for a breath moment.

He hated obsession. He hated that once again it had taken hold of him. Each time had been the same... pain. He knew the pain all to well. He knew the anger that held his heart. He hated it all.

He arrived at his quarters in a fury. He quickly suppressed it as he changed into his uniform. He was supposed to be better than that. He could hide it, but it was still there. It was always going to be there. He tried to bury it down in the darkest portion of his heart.

He had mostly succeeded by the time he got to the control room. He still didn't have the spring in his step, but he managed to make his footfalls less heavy, hiding the pain inside him. He poked his head into Elizabeth's office. "Anyone home?" He asked in his usual sarcasm.

"Come in John." Elizabeth replied. "How did your sparing with Teyla go?"

"It didn't happen." John replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "She never showed."

"It's not like Teyla to miss appointments or be late."

"No, it's not. That's what bothering me. This is the second day in a row in which she's not sparred with me. I've actually practiced." John genuinely smiled at that thought.

"If I see her, I'll tell you." Elizabeth offered.

"Thanks. Not sure what's going on, but whatever it is," John stood, "it's important to her. Apparently more important that teaching me how to fight."

"I need someone to check on Major Lauren and the Alpha Site." Elizabeth said. "You seem like you're not busy."

"Not at the moment. I'll go grab my stuff, then I'll be back." He walked out of her office and down to the armory. He was halfway down to the armory when he found Teyla... and Ronon.

They were standing outside on a balcony. Teyla was still in her night clothes. Ronon was missing his shirt. John resisted the urge to barge in. He instead placed his ear to the door, forcing the door to remain closed for him.

"Last night was disturbing. John had a dream of me being taken by the wraith." Teyla was saying.

"Can we not talk about Sheppard?" Ronon asked, sounding annoyed.

"I am trying to confide in you, is it truly that difficult for you to be sympathetic."

"Sheppard has his own problems. He needs to learn to get over them. I had nightmares for years after I was taken. I never bothered anyone with them. Makes me stronger now."
"And how much stronger would you have been if you'd confided in others."

"I wouldn't. I'd be weaker. That's why I keep things bottled in. That's why you should do the same. I would make those recurring nightmares stop."

John clenched his fists. He'd said that she could confide in him if she'd had a nightmare. Apparently, she'd confided in Ronon. He forced himself to concentrate. He turned from the door and continued walking down the hall. He steps were the rapid pace of a person who'd just had his whole life come crashing down. He swore as he entered the armory.

He grabbed his P90 and his combat vest. He quickly put his radio ear and mouth piece into position on his head. He then zipped it up. He placed two grenades on his belt, along with the standard four clips of ammo. He then walked back out of the armory.

He took the same path back to the control room. He glanced at the balcony where Teyla and Ronon had been. They were gone. He felt relieved. He couldn't take listening in on another of those and wasn't sure if he was mad at Teyla or Ronon. All he knew was that he was mad and he couldn't seem to bury it, no matter how much he tried.

He arrived in the control room ready to go. He need to get off world for a short time. "Dial the Alpha Site." He told the scientist at the DHD. He waited for a few seconds as the gate dialed and as soon as it was open, he stepped through.