Authors Note: Thanks Riska, pinacoladachick and Liz for your awesome reviews. Here comes the chapter I know many of you've been waiting for.
Chapter 26: The Date
I did it – I actually walked up to Simon McLane at the club and said 'Hello'. And Lorelai was right I just knew what to do – I still know how to flirt with a man. Luckily none of my friends of the DAR were around, he was standing there alone, ready to leave and I walked up to him. Not that I wasn't nervous, but it worked out fine – he's a nice man – a gentleman. We talked a little and now I have a date.
It's good to know that I'm still able to do this. As I said other men are interested in me, too. I don't need Richard to have a nice evening. I wonder whether I should tell him – but then he didn't tell me about Pennylin Lott either, so why should I tell him? Because deep inside I know I shouldn't do this? But that's crap – he's moved on. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. And it's only a date – nothing more. But I never did it before. I hate those two voices inside me. It's too late anyway – I'm having a date and that's it.
Simon is coming in an hour and I'm about to panic – how could I let this happen? How could I've ever thought this was a good idea – me dating. That's ridiculous. The room's a mess – clothes everywhere. I don't know what to wear, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think – as I said panic-mode. I need someone to calm me down – Lorelai – she got me into this. She told me to say 'hello' and I did. It's her duty to support me now. I'm grabbing the phone – I swear I'll make her come over – I'm not going insane alone.
"Hello."
Thank God she's answering her phone.
"You get over here right now!"
"Who is this?"
I don't believe this.
"This is you in 20 years! 'Who is this?' I swear!"
"Mom, calm down."
"He'll be here in one hour, and I have no idea what to wear. I - You've got to come right now." I say putting down another dress. This is insane.
"Who'll be there in one hour - Dad?"
Huh? Has she lost her mind, too?
"Simon McLane!"
"Who is Simon McLane?"
"He's my date."
"What!"
Did you listen to me last Friday at all?
"I have no idea what to put on, I'm in a blind panic, and it's all your fault!" I say throwing some black pumps away.
"How is it my fault?"
"Because I used your line, and it worked."
"What line?"
"'Hello'."
"'Hello' is not my line. 'Hello' is not a line. 'Hello' is hello."
Don't get nit-picky.
"Well, all I know is I 'helloed' in today, and now he's taking me to dinner."
"Uh, Mom…"
"If you don't get over here right now, I'm going to book a DAR function at the Dragonfly every single weekend from now until I die!"
"I'll be right there."
One bright moment – this threat always works. The time I'm waiting for her seems endless – I'm not calming down at all – I'm looking at piles of clothes, shoes and jewellery and I just don't know what to do. I don't even know what colour to wear – it's a mess – I'm a mess.
Finally I hear her coming and calling for me – I'm throwing a dress in her direction.
"Look at the red pantsuit." I say going over to her, carrying some more clothes with me.
"The..."
"The red pantsuit. The red pantsuit. Right there, right there, right there."
Are you blind or what?
"I got it, I got it. - Here." she says picking it up.
"Well?"
"Nice."
"Nice?"
'Nice' says nothing. I thought I taught you that as a child.
"Uh nice… and red… and panty..- suity."
"It's horrible. You think it's horrible."
"No."
"It's horrible and Simon will be here in 20 minutes, and I have nothing to wear." I say tossing everything I've had in my hands on the beds.
While I'm looking around picking up a burgundy costume I hear her saying something about 'Butterfield 8' – must be some of her jokes. I'm going to the dressing room again - picking up a black one.
"I haven't done this in years. I have no idea what's appropriate to wear on the first date. I have no idea what's appropriate to say on the first date. I don't know what to talk about, what to order - which one?"
I'm standing in front of her holding the two costumes up to her – the burgundy one in my left and the black costume in my right hand. Lorelai chuckles – that's just making me more upset.
"They look exactly the same." she says.
Blind again.
"They are not exactly the same."
"Um, okay. Then... that one." she says picking out the black one.
"Why?"
I'll drop dead, when you have a good reason for this decision.
"Why what?"
"Why did you pick that one? What was the logic behind your picking this particular one? Could it possibly be because it was closest?" I say nearly yelling – I have to stop this insanity.
"Well, you know what they say about location."
"You're just picking anything so that I'll get dressed and you can leave." I say giving her the two costumes – I'm walking over to the jewellery box – searching them for something appropriate.
"No, Mom, I don't want to leave. I'm never leaving. In fact, I'm going with you."
As if I would believe this.
"I'll never be ready on time. I haven't finished my hair. I haven't finished my makeup. Oh, my goodness. I can't breathe. I'm actually having trouble breathing."
And I'm not just saying that.
"Mom, sit, sit." she says – leading me to the bed.
"I can't sit. I'll wrinkle my clothes."
"You're not dressed yet." she reminds me softly.
"What? Oh, my God. I'm losing my mind."
We're both sitting on the bed.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm dating. I'm single."
"You're not single."
"That's just a formality. You know, I remember the night I got married. Oh, I was panicked. I thought, 'this is it. I'll never have a chance to be with anyone else. This is it for life.' If only I'd had a crystal ball, I might have been able to eat my salad. I remember it looked delicious." I say – lost in my thoughts about my wedding day.
"Mom, is this really what you want to do?"
"Yes, it is." I answer seriously.
"Okay. - Wear the black." she says smiling while giving me the black one.
"Thank you." I say taking it and going away to change.
After a few steps I'm turning around – after all she never gave me a reason for the black one.
"What about the – "
"Burgundy works fine, too."
I'm going back to exchange the costumes. I'm changing into the burgundy one – yes it looks nice – I haven't time to decide otherwise anyway. I'm going back to Lorelai again, a questioning look on my face.
"It's beautiful Mom."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What about my hair?"
"Sit down – I'll do it."
"But –"
"Honestly Mom – I'm not messing this one up, and while I'm doing it, you can think about your jewellery and then you'll just be ready on time – or a little later, but when he's smart he'll not be on time either."
"Lorelai!"
"Pick out your jewellery Mom."
10 min. later I'm ready, just in time for the doorbell.
"Thank you Lorelai. I don't know what I would've done without you."
"Imitating Elizabeth Taylor?"
Huh?
"I think you should go downstairs now Mom – you look beautiful."
"Thank you. – Would you mind staying here until we're gone?"
"No – just go - and be home by eleven."
I smile at her – then I'm walking downstairs. He's waiting for me in the living-room.
"Simon – I'm sorry that I'm a little late."
"Emily – you look beautiful."
"Thank you Simon."
"I've reserved our table for eight o'clock – are you ready to leave?"
"Yes I am."
He's helping me into my coat and into the car – a real gentleman. The conversation is light and nice. It's good that I'm doing this – I don't know why I panicked. It feels good to be the center of attention for a man. The restaurant is beautiful. He made a good choice. We're sitting outside – both enjoying the evening – the food and the conversation – I can't remember the last time Richard and I were able to speak in such a way. I've already had two glasses of wine. Right now we're talking about classical music.
"Did you see the Cleveland Orchestra when they were here last month?" I ask him.
"I went every single night."
"Oh, I should have done that. I went the last night and then to the gala afterward."
"Their conductor that night –"
"Rudolfski."
"Did you know that he's deaf in his left ear?"
"I did know that. In fact, I have a very evil friend who likes to sit next to him at all the gala dinners and whisper incredibly scandalous things into his bad ear all night long."
I'm really comfortable with him.
"Well, who knew Emily Gilmore ran with such a bad crowd?"
"Oh, yes, I'm very dangerous. Ask my maids."
"Have I told you how happy I am you said hello to me at the club?"
"Twice. And so am I."
Then the waiter comes to check on us, asking whether or not we want more wine. Simon is looking at me. Well…
"Why not?"
„Two more glasses, please."
Then we're returning to our ‚classical gossip'.
It isn't until our way home that I start to panic a little again – not as with Lorelai – I'm able to hide it this time – but what if he wants to come inside? Why haven't I thought about this? I thought we would go out and that's it, but what if he wants more? The comfortable feeling is vanishing. I pray that he'll continue to be the gentleman he is and just leave after he's dropped me off. But I have to pay attention to the conversation again – we're nearly home. Well that's not true – I am home – he's not.
I'm waiting until he's opening the car-door for me. We're slowly walking towards the front door.
"It's been a long time since I've had an evening quite as enjoyable as this one." he says – and it's true the evening was nice.
"I'm choosing to believe you, Simon, partly because it's flattering and partly because I've had three glasses of wine and a lemon jello." I say giggling a little.
I'm walking to the front door. Please – it has to end here.
"So, do you think we could possibly do this again sometime?"
"That would be lovely, Simon."
But I'm not totally convinced of that.
"I'll call you this week." He says squeezing my hand.
I'm so relieved that he's not kissing me – I know I could never have done that.
"Good night." He says – then he turns around to leave and I step into the house.
I look around – I'm alone – alone in an empty house. I hear his car engine – he's leaving. All I have is my guilt. How could I've done this? I mean I'm still married – how can I complain about Richard and Pennylin? I'm not better – to be honest I'm worse – I wanted to date – he had lunch with a friend.
And right now it hits me – I don't want to date, I don't want to be dropped off at my own house, with noone waiting for me inside.
What would I give to change the situation – me coming home from a late DAR meeting – Richard waiting for me in his study – we would talk a little before going to bed – together. Yes I want to be with Richard – but I've lost him. And if he ever finds out about tonight, then I just know that it will be over – forever. I silently begin to cry. I've ruined everything.
Tonight wasn't what I want at all – sure the evening was nice, but I want my husband. I want to lie next to Richard – to be able to talk to him whenever I want. Slowly I'm beginning to walk up the stairs to my bedroom – still crying. For a second I consider going over to Richard to tell him everything – but he wouldn't forgive me. It would only separate us more.
How much I've changed. I remember when I tricked Lorelai to go to the Spa with me and that horrible man danced with me. It was the first time, that I've danced with a man without Richard's permission. I felt like I cheated on him. When I got home I still felt guilty and I was about to tell him everything, but somehow I knew that it would be ridiculous, but I felt guilty all the same.
And now I'm going out on a date – while I'm still married. What have I done?
Okay this chapter was way more difficult to write than I thought it would be – especially the scene after the date – so please tell me your thoughts.