Hey guys, this is my first ever Shrek fic! I'm not gonna write much up here because I wanna let you read the fic but I'd like to thank The OddBird for helping me write it! And I wanna thank all my future reviewers (which I hopefully will have.) So yeah, on with it!

Chapter 1, Shrek Junior

So, Princess Fiona and Shrek finally got a house of there own well, actually a swamp of there own. But, they're happy..and that's what matters right? Yaah. But anyways they also had a baby. Wanna guess its name? No? Fine, RUIN THE FUN. It's name is Shrek Jr, so obvious but whatever, this is my fic so SHUTUP. Wanna know how they made the baby? No? Neither do I :)

"Fiona! Where the heck did you put the baby powder? Jeez, for once could you actually put things where I can find them!" Shrek said,muttering to himself.

Donkey came running to Shrek with the baby powder.

Yes, They both, Fiona and Shrek decided to keep Donkey. Why? Because they're plain stupid thats why. Who'd wanna have a Donkey that talks to much? Not me.. Anyways back to the story...

"Oh, thanks Donkey.. I knew you'd be useful when we decided to keep you" Said Shrek as he started to put the baby powder on Shrek Junior.

"No problem Shrek, anything for you, best buddy!" Said Donkey, enthusiastically.

Shrek rolled his eyes.

"So yeah, how do I use this stuff again?"

Fiona sighed. "You sprinkle it, Shrek..."she saidas she left to go do laundry.

"Oh, yeah, that's what the holes are for haha."

"I thought you were a SMART Ogre Shrek!" said Donkey, turning away as Shrek undid the diaper.

"Yeah well, you thought I was an onion too so...Plus, it was an accident, I didn't WANT children."

"Shrek, ew."

"It was a mistake.. It broke.. I didn't know!"

"Wow, thats real nice Shrek! You're kid must hate you now.. right Shrek Jr? SEE. I can read minds, you know?" said Donkey, smiling.

"No, you can't your just trying to make me feel guilty, not gunna happen you.. JACKASS." Said Shrek angrily.

Donkey gasped.

"Oh no you DIDNT" He said with his mouth open.

Shrek raised an eyebrow "Uh, yes I did" o.O

"Seriously though, the kids going to KNOW he was a mistake...How you gonna break it to him?'

"No he wont ok? I won't tell him.." Said shrek while he looked down at the baby disgustingly.

"Maybe you should tell Fiona then.." Said Donkey

"UH. No way! She would take it worse then the damn baby.. Maybe I was overthinking about you coming in handy.."

"Oh, please Shrek.. you know you secretly enjoy having me around" Donkey said as he winked at Shrek

"Oh lord, please don't tell me that wink was a reminder of the other night.. that was also a mistakeI was drunk and Fiona was gone out. Get over it Donkey, Please.."

"Well, I enjoyed it and I can't get over it so yeah don't tell me what to get over" sighed Donkey as he looked over at Shrek.

Who would of known Donkey and Shrek would have sex? Wow.. definitly not me.. AHH. Who'd wanna have it with donkey? Shrek must have been really drunk. Oh God I get shivers just thinking about it... Anyways yeah..

Shrek stared at Donkey oddly and said, "You know what. you scare me, you really do"

"Well you scare me, and so does that baby, DAMN it's ugly! Must be from your side of the family Shrek."

Shrek threw a dirty diaper at donkey, which it hit him square in the face

"Oh EW OH GOD AHHHHH!" Said donkey, running towards the bathroom (which was actually the swamp, but w/e...)

Shrek did up the babies diaper just as Donkey reappeared at the doorway scrubbing his face with a sterilizing cloth.

"That's some nasty shit Shrek."

"LANGUAGE Donkey, the babies gonna hear that and say it all the time."

"So I don't care, he's a mistake anyway" said Shrek

"Shrek, that aint cool..."said Donkey, for once serious. "That's your son man."

"Whatever"said Shrek, exiting the house thingy-mabobber thing...yeah.

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So, my first chapter and one of my first attempts at writing. Will Shrek learn to love his son -dramatic gasp- We'll just have to SEE. Please review and say what you liked, or didn't like, preferably what you liked.
Second Chapter should be up soon enough!
Thanks all readers!

Ch3ls3a