Authors Note: Thanks Riska, Lore2, Liz and llanoestacado for your (5) reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the way I described Christmas – I hope the same applies for this chapter.
Chapter 30: New Year
I'm sitting at my desk an invitation for a New Year's Eve celebration in my hands. Should I attend? Or shouldn't I? Should we attend? I don't know. I'll certainly not go over to Richard to ask for his opinion – I did this with Christmas – which is far more important than New Year's Eve anyway – so this time it's up to him to come.
I could attend alone, but most of the people at the party will be couples – friends of us. And Richard and I spent every New Year's Eve together, when he had to leave the country around that time of year - which rarely happened - I would accompany him. Even leave Lorelai alone. No they would definitely know that we're separated, with every husband and wife kissing each other, wishing the loved one a Happy New Year at midnight. It even would make it awkward for both of us to attend the party. What to do at midnight? Just staring at each other? Only saying Happy New Year – happy new year - what happiness will be there for us anyway? No I honestly don't know what to do.
The alternative: Sitting at home, waiting for the New Year to come, sipping champagne alone, looking out of the window, only to see him being awake and looking out of his window – with a glass of champagne in his hands? Two lonely people staring at each other. Noone willing to make the first move? No that's not an option either. Or the worst, me sitting here all alone and him being away celebrating, having the time of his life without me.
Third option: Inviting myself to whatever the girls are doing – no certainly not. I don't even know if they're celebrating together. I guess Lorelai will be with Luke - and Rory? Either with them or at Yale - no I can't intrude on that.
What's so special about this day anyway – it's only a day. Well you never spend it apart from Richard. I sigh – that's right. I've never spent it apart from him. I can feel self-pity raising in me. I hate that, but sometimes I can't help it.
Richard and I are alone – it was my wish to celebrate alone this time. Our first New Year's Eve with Lorelai. I didn't want to spent it apart from her. So I asked Richard, if we could skip the party – the party where many of his colleagues are present. He was surprised to hear me saying this. Normally I am the one who wants him to attend these things, though with his colleagues being there, it's a little different than other social gatherings, he knows that it would be good for him to be there. But when I explained why I wanted this to be special, he just looked into my eyes and agreed. I know if he hadn't I wouldn't be home today.
But I am. Lorelai is sleeping in her crip. She's the sweetest thing. (Perhaps her head is a little bit too big), but she's so cute. Just a few months old. I still can't believe how happy I am. Finally after all those years I have my baby. I hear Richard coming in.
„I thought you wanted to celebrate with me?" he whispers.
"Yes, I just had to look after her – isn't she the cutest thing, when she's sleeping?"
"Yes she is."
He's standing behind me, putting his arm around me and starting to kiss my neck.
"Richard." I say turning around to him.
"What – she's asleep, she can't see us."
Yes, that's right. I'm looking up to him. I love him so much. I caress his cheek while standing on my toes to give him a kiss.
"Thank you Richard. Thank you for this evening."
"You don't have to thank me, Emily. You deserve it. I'm away so often and it's a nice idea, just the three of us."
"Yes it is. And if you want me to, I'll host a party inviting all of your colleagues, to make up for your missed opportunities today."
"You don't have to do that."
"But I'd love to do it."
And right now, we're hearing a loud sigh – Lorelai – we're both startled by it. Then we're looking at each other, trying to suppress the laughter. Richard is taking my hand, leading me out of the room.
"We'll go to her later – at midnight, okay?"
"Yes, Richard."
The evening is wonderful. We're dancing and joking – just the two of us. And five minutes to midnight, we're walking up the stairs to Lorelai again, a bottle of champagne and two glasses in our hands. Midnight.
"Happy New Year Emily."
„Happy New Year Richard."
Slowly he bends down to kiss me, and I respond his kiss. Then we're turning to Lorelai. I carefully pick her up.
"Happy New Year, Lorelai." I say to her, giving her a light kiss.
"Yes, Happy New Year, my little girl." Richard whispers, while kissing her also.
She is sleeping – she only moves a little in my arms, but my soothing voice calms her down. After putting a blanket around her, we're stepping out on her balcony to watch the fireworks – and even then she remains asleep. Richard opens the bottle and we're toasting at each other. He's putting his free arm around me and Lorelai. I lean my head against his shoulder. Why can't it be like that forever?
Yes, why couldn't it be like that forever? Was I foreshadowing things? Did I know that it wouldn't be so peaceful forever? No I didn't know what was coming. This first New Year's Eve with Lorelai was one of the best.
But to be honest it wasn't always that peaceful. Even without being separated.
I just had debated with Lorelai on her curfew. She's 14 now, and wants to celebrate the New Year with her friends. I can understand that, but 14 – she's still so young. I'm rethinking our exchange.
"You're home by 1:30 am."
"But Mom, the party is starting after midnight – I'll miss everything that's going on then." she says pouting.
"The party certainly isn't starting at midnight – why else would you be invited for 7 pm?"
"But the real party Mom, do you want me to leave shortly after midnight?"
"No, then I would've set your curfew for 1 am."
"But Mom, please I originally wanted to ask you if I could stay until three, please." she begs.
"3 am? You're not serious. You're 14. And stop begging."
„But my friends –"
„I don't care what you're friends are doing – and I doubt that they're all allowed to come home at 3 am."
"But-"
"And if I hear one more 'but', you can just as well accompany your father and me." I say sternly.
She's not saying anything (knowing that this isn't an empty threat), just looking at me with her big blue eyes. Am I too strict – isn't 1:30 am long enough? She's 14.
„Go and get your coat Lorelai – it's nearly half past six, you have to leave soon."
"Yes ma'am." she says.
She turns around to get it. A few minutes later she's standing in front of me again.
"Enjoy the party Lorelai, and don't drink any alcohol or smoke or -"
"I won't Mom. I hope you don't smoke either or drink any alcohol…"
"Lorelai." I sigh.
"Sorry – see you next year."
"See you next year." I smile.
But she's not smiling. She's not saying anything - I know what this is about. And again I'm asking myself – isn't 1:30 am long enough? Sure she would've to leave the party at 1 am, but she's 14. Her eyes are sad. She's nearly at the door when I stop her.
"Lorelai?"
"Yes Mom?"
"1:30 am."
And I can see the sadness again, only sadness or a little anger, too? No, mainly it's sadness.
"Yes ma'am."
"You'll leave your party at 1.30 am."
"What?"
The sparkling slowly is coming into her eyes again. Yes you understood me – why I'm doing this, I don't know – only to see her eyes sparkle? She has beautiful eyes.
"You'll leave your party at 1:30 am – you should be home by two then. The latest is 2 am."
"Thank you Mom."
I'd hoped that she would come to me and kiss me or hug me, but no – a simple Thank you. Some time ago we've stopped hugging each other. But that doesn't mean, that she's not serious – no she's genuine. I can see it in her eyes.
"You're welcome Lorelai. Now hurry – you don't want to miss anything."
And you'll better not be late.
Now I'm walking to my dressing room to get ready myself. Our party starts at 8 pm. I decide to wear the green dress – the neckline is a little low, but certainly not too risky. And well it's New Year's Eve. I'm going back to our bed-room. And I don't believe what I'm seeing there.
"Richard you can't be serious."
"What?"
"Go and change – you can't wear that."
"Why not?"
"Because it looks ridiculous – a yellow bow tie with coloured points on it." I say laughing a little.
"It's New Year's Eve."
"Right – New Year's Eve and not carnival. No go and change into a black one." I demand.
"I won't do that."
I sigh – first Lorelai now him. What's wrong with them?
„Richard please – you've had your fun. You shocked me, so please exchange into something appropriate. My DAR ladies will be there – do you want them to see you like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like a clown."
"A clown, because of a coloured bow tie – don't be ridiculous Emily." he says a little upset.
"Richard!"
"So I can't wear that bow tie, but you can wear this dress?"
"What's wrong with the dress?"
"It's not appropriate."
"Why isn't it appropriate?"
"The neckline – it's way too low, you can see everything."
"You can't see anything. Please don't be ridiculous Richard. I'm not a nun. There are far lower necklines out there."
„Fine you don't exchange, then I won't either."
"You're only saying that, because you're angry that I criticized your outfit – otherwise you wouldn't have said anything about my dress and I won't exchange, so please Richard stop this farce, wear the black bow tie and then let's go."
I'm going to get his black bow tie. Coming back he still hasn't removed the ridiculous one. Just when I'm about to raise my hand to do it myself he speaks again.
"Don't dare to do that Emily." he says, and he really sounds a little threatening.
"Fine, then just do it yourself."
"I won't - and when you don't stop this at once, then I won't go anywhere."
"You can't be serious."
"I most certainly am. One more word about my bow tie, and I'll stay at home."
"But I have to go there - all the DAR ladies - how do you think it'll look when I won't be there?"
"You can go, I'll stay."
"That's ridiculous. I can't go on my own – and I don't want to. Please Richard, can't you just put it on – for me?" I say softer, holding the black one up.
"That's it, I'm not going." he states.
With that he turns around and leaves the room. I can't believe it.
"Richard! You can't do that. Richard!" I exclaim after him.
I'm following him, but he's retreating to his study. The door slams. I can't believe it. He's behaving like a child. I can't go there on my own. Not only that it would turn on the gossip, we never were apart on New Year's Eve.
I can't give in – everyone would be gossiping about him. We're already late, but I'm going down the stairs, to try a last time. I'm knocking at his door. No response. I'm knocking again. No response. That's childish. Slowly I'm opening the door. He's sitting behind his desk – the ridiculous thing still around his neck.
"Richard – "
"No Emily." he curtly responds.
I'm looking at him, my eyes pleading. He's only looking shortly at me.
"Please."
"You've heard me."
Oh yes I have. Are we really staying? Because of this ridiculous fight? Does he expect an apology? For what? I don't think it's up to me to apologize. But I want him to go so…
"And if I would apologize?"
Now he's looking at me.
"Not even then."
"Fine." I yell slamming his door and running upstairs.
Then we're not going, I hope you're happy with yourself Richard Gilmore. Angry tears are coming into my eyes. I hate myself for them.
I'm looking into the mirror. Was he serious about the neckline? I'm leaning forward a little – no you can't see anything. He just wanted to upset me. To defend himself. I'm lying down on my bed – silently crying.
10 pm. I really thought he would at least come. I won't go down to him. Doesn't he remember that we've never spent New Year's Eve apart? And now being in different rooms. Ridiculous.
11:30 pm. Still no sign of him. I don't get it. He can be so stubborn. Should this really be our first New Year's Eve that we spend apart? No. Dammit. If he's not coming then I'll go. I have to. I'm looking at the mirror again. Maybe he honestly dislikes this dress? Could be. I'm going to the dressing room to change into the blue one. It worked once, so why not now?
11:55 pm. It's settled – I'll go downstairs - now. As I open the door he's standing there – ready to knock. He came. He finally came. Without this ridiculous thing around his neck. I can see him looking at me – at the dress. I'm going backwards to let him in. The fireworks are starting.
"Happy New Year, Emily." he says while looking at me.
"Happy New Year, Richard." I say while looking at him.
I can see in his eyes, that he's sorry. Hesitantly he's bending down – unsure of whether or not I want this – now that we're in a fight. But I'm not retreating. I want my New Year's kiss. I pull him closer and I can feel his hand on my back.
We're not saying much – looking into the eyes of the other, we know everything without words. We were both stubborn, and we're both sorry (but honestly he couldn't go with this ridiculous yellow thing).
That might have been the worst New Year's Eve, but it surely is a great 1st January. We didn't stop with the first kiss – we fully made up.
I'm lying in his arms – how much a few hours can change. Not long ago I was lying on this bed alone and crying - now I have Richard beside me.
"When is Lorelai coming home?"
"2 am – at least I hope for her that she won't be late. Why?"
"Just checking if we have time for another round."
"Richard!"
But he's already kissing me again.
2:05 am – No Lorelai. I don't believe it – I was very generous with her curfew, but she just can't be on time. I'm carefully standing up. Richard is asleep. I still don't know why he was so stubborn tonight. I'm walking down the stairs, making myself a drink – waiting for Lorelai.
2:15 am. I quietly hear the door opening. She's home – thank God nothing happened. She's about to go upstairs when I call her.
"Lorelai."
She's startled.
"Mom – what are you doing here?"
"I live here."
"Aren't you with Dad at the party? Was it that bad?"
„As you can see we're home."
My eyes are resting on the clock.
"I'm sorry Mom. I know I'm a little late-"
"A little? Five minutes would be a little – you're 15 minutes late. That's a quarter of an hour."
"I know - it was just – "
"What – was there some sort of accident on your way home that prevented you from arriving in time?" I ask sarcastically.
She's looking at me. I don't want to fight, but why can't she obey me? Why can't she be home on time?
"No ma'am. - It was just me." she admits.
Now I'm looking at her.
"It was just me leaving too late. I'm sorry. I guess that means I'm grounded for the next…"
She's looking at me. I'm standing up, going towards her. She's actually looking a little scared. She's smelling.
"Did you smoke?"
"No."
"You smell like it."
"Others did – I didn't I swear Mom."
Something in her eyes makes me believe her.
"Did you drink alcohol?" I continue my interrogation.
I know the answer without her admitting it. Tonight her eyes are like an open book. That's a rare thing.
„Lorelai?" I demand.
„A little champagne at midnight. Just add another week." she says looking on the ground.
"Did you enjoy the party?"
She's looking up again – surprised at my odd behaviour.
"Yes, it was wonderful."
"Good. – Happy New Year, Lorelai." I say and she's even more confused.
"Happy New Year Mom."
Again no kissing – no hugging.
"Well I think we should go to bed." I say putting my arm around her shoulder and leading her up the stairs – that's close for us.
Before she's going into her room she's looking at me again.
"I'm not grounded?"
"No – because you were honest with me, and because it's New Year and well 15 minutes… but next time you will be."
"Thank you Mom. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Lorelai."
Yes that was an odd New Year's Eve – until today I don't know why Richard was so stubborn. But thinking about the past is not solving my present problems. We never were apart – are we starting this year? I don't know. I'll just wait for him to come.
So a lot of flashbacks in this one – please tell me your thoughts about them. I'm curious, so do me the favour. ;-)