Authors Note: Thanks Riska, Lore2 and Mary for your reviews. It's interesting to see the different opinions you had about the last chapter.
Chapter 35: Shopping
We've already bought a few skirts for everyone. When coming out of the store I'm looking questioningly at the girls.
"So where would you like to go now?"
"Jimmy Choos!" Lorelai exclaims – pointing at the store on the other side of the street.
"Jimmy Choos it is." I say.
Inside the store Lorelai is behaving like a little child.
"Lorelai please – just pick out what you want, but stop embarrassing all of us."
"But Mom, that's half the fun – oh look at them, they're adorable, don't you think Rory?" she says while going over to them – she's close to kissing them.
"Sure Mom, but the price – "
"Don't worry about that Rory – your grandfather is paying for everything. He specifically told me to go have fun, and he knows that shopping is included in this. So it's perfectly fine."
"See Rory – it's our Christmas present."
While the girls are admiring the shoes I have to think of Richard. It's right when he came over to wish me a nice trip he reminded me, of using my credit-card.
You know Emily – buy them something nice. And for yourself as well – it's all included in the gift. I want you to have fun.
Thank you Richard – and we will have fun.
Yes I still have his credit-card. He never wanted me to give it back – and he was never complaining when I'd spend a little more - like in Europe. Now that we have enough money he's very generous. In fact he even was when we hadn't enough.
I feel terrible – today I bought a dress, which we don't have the money for. He specifically asked me only to spend money in emergencies, and that surely wasn't one. But Sarah… she was so convincing and his mother is getting on my nerves and before I knew it I bought it. But none of this is an excuse, I know that. He's working late every night, just to pay his mother back. I feel terrible.
Finally I can hear the door. He looks tired. I can't bring myself to tell him now. But I know I have to – I'm quiet during dinner, we both are.
"Are you all right Emily?"
"Yes." I answer.
No, I think. He isn't questioning me more – I guess he's too tired. After dinner we're going to bed. I know I have to tell him now.
"Richard?"
"Yes dear?"
"I have something to confess to you." I start.
"To confess?" he asks surprised.
I'm handing him the bill while biting on my lip. He slowly looks up to me – waiting for me to explain.
"I was at the mall today – I know I shouldn't have gone there – but I just wanted to look around a little and then I saw Sarah, and we saw this gorgeous dress and she talked me into it and it fit perfectly and I just ran out of ways to decline and I didn't want to tell her that I can't afford it and so I bought it." I ramble. "I know it wasn't an emergency." I quietly add.
He's looking at me – nodding.
"If you want me to I'll bring it back tomorrow." I offer.
"No, you won't. It's okay." he states – and I'm relieved.
Relieved that he doesn't demand that I'd have to do this and relieved that he isn't angry with me.
"I'm sorry Richard. I promise I'll avoid the mall in the next weeks."
"No I'm sorry Emily. This whole situation is my fault. But it will be over in a few weeks."
I sit down on his lap, stroking his hair. He looks so tired.
"You're working so hard and here I am spending money we need -"
"Don't do this Emily. - Wear the dress for me."
I kiss him before standing up to change. But before I leave the room I turn around.
"Thank you Richard."
I can even remember the weak apologetic smile he gave me back then. There was no accusation in his voice for me. He only blamed himself. Yes, I can have everything I want - he kept the promise he gave me in his letter – even when we're separated. That has to mean something. I know of friends where money was an issue from the moment they separated. Some women had to go to court to get money to live. Richard would never do that – he would never leave me without enough money.
"Mom what about you?"
"Excuse me?" I say to Lorelai – I was totally lost in my thoughts.
"Which pair of shoes are you buying for yourself?"
"Oh I don't know – do you know which one you want already?"
"Yes – and Rory, too."
"Mom, I really don't know if I should get a pair of – "
"Nonsense Rory – it's your Christmas gift."
"Your mother is right Rory. If you like them you'll get them."
15 minutes later we're leaving the store with three new pairs of Jimmy Choos. Next thing I know is Lorelai disappearing into a Jeans store. When she's coming out of the changing cabin she looks – cheap – I'm sorry but that's the way it is. The jeans-skirt she's wearing is much too tight – and it's sequined. Terrible.
"I really like this one – and I think Luke will too, don't you think Rory?" she says winking at her.
This is way inappropriate. Of course he will like it – you look like a – well it's so short I bet you don't even have to get out of it to -
"Mom, what do you think?"
She's not honestly asking me this – how can she? She knows my opinion and we were just getting along quite well. I really don't understand her.
"I think we should leave this store." I say trying to avoid the fight that's about to start.
"I want to have these skirt – are you paying for it, or do I have to do it on my own?"
"Lorelai where do you think you're going to wear this? Certainly not when you're at work and certainly not when you're coming over to us. You look like a – well you look -" better I don't finish this.
"What mother? I look like what?" she asks and I feel the tension raising.
"Never mind. I'm waiting outside. Take it or leave it." I say turning around.
„I look like a slut in it, right?" she's calling after me.
People are staring at us and at her outfit.
"Lorelai please. Stop shouting. And I never said that." I say while going back to her.
„But you were thinking it, weren't you? You can just as well admit it."
"I'm not admitting anything, and you should think about your behaviour young lady – I'm waiting outside. I'd never buy you this and you know it." I hiss.
Great – how could I even think that we could spend a day without fighting? But this time it's her fault – her fault completely.
"Grandma?" Rory softly says.
I turn around. Lorelai isn't there.
"Where's your mother?"
"Inside."
"Is she buying this inappropriate piece of clothes?"
"I don't know."
I'm giving her my look.
"Honestly Grandma – I don't. She just wanted to look around a bit."
I don't believe it. She's letting me wait outside the store. But no, I won't wait until she decides to get out.
"Do you have your mobile phone here?"
"Yes."
"And your mother – does she have hers with her as well?"
"Yes."
"Good – send her a message, that we're inside the Chanel boutique – she can meet us there."
Rory is just looking at me.
"What are you waiting for?" I ask her impatiently.
"Grandma please – "
"No Rory – don't 'Grandma please' me, I'm not waiting here until she decides to join us again."
"That wasn't what I wanted to say, can I please say my sentence without being interrupted by you?" she says getting loud.
I can't believe it – not you too. Not another fight. I'm not saying anything – I'm just looking at her. But now she's silent as well.
"Of course you can Rory – go ahead."
"You – you're just assuming that I would accompany you, right? You're not even thinking about what I want."
I feel like someone had slapped me. I'm hurt that she doesn't want to go with me, but she's right, I wasn't thinking about her. This isn't about her – at least I thought it wasn't.
"What do you want?" I ask her and I can't keep the hurt out of my voice.
"I don't know – I just, I don't want to be in the middle. I don't want to choose between you or Mom. When I'm going with you, she'll be mad. And when I'm staying here, then you'll be mad at me. I hate this. I don't know what to do."
She's not looking at me. I'm stunned – I've never thought about this – that she'd feel this way. I feel guilty. Slowly she's looking at me.
"And I'm sorry for raising my voice at you Grandma."
I nod.
"I'm not mad at you Rory. And I won't be. You don't have to come with me. I won't be mad – I promise. I just won't wait here for your mother. I'm betting that she's inside and only waiting for me to go away anyway. You don't have to come with me. I never meant to put you in the middle of this – I guess it has happened often enough though – I'm sorry."
"Thank you. But I still don't know what to do."
"It's your decision – I can't help you. I'll be at Chanel – it's right around the corner – when none of you is coming, I'll be back at the hotel."
She nods.
"I think I'll go and talk to Mom – I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
I'm walking away. Rory – I've never thought about her this way. But she's right. She shouldn't be in the middle. Lorelai and I have to solve our problems, without involving her. I'm passing several stores. Suddenly I'm looking at a necklace – it looks familiar – the whole place looks familiar. But that can't be… or is it… I think this is the place. That it's still there – unbelievable.
This is the place where Richard and I were once, when we visited New York and went to a musical. I remember that I was looking at the jewellery – especially a beautiful necklace – and couldn't but admire it. I was so sure, that he hadn't caught me looking at it. But of course he had. Weeks later I got it – during our fight. How he was able to get it… He was always good at surprising me. He did surprise me as well with this weekend. Oh Richard if you could see us right now. I don't know how we'll be able to enjoy the musical in a few hours. And I want to enjoy it – I love musicals.
How could she shout through the whole store? Why does she always have to provoke me? By now I've reached Chanel. I'm going inside. I decide to buy another dress for me – a pink one. It really suits me. Just when I'm about to change again, Rory comes in - alone.
"You look beautiful Grandma."
"Thanks Sweetie. Maybe we could get something for you as well?"
"Oh I don't know."
"But there's an extra collection for young ladies – just take a look at it."
She looks adorable in the dresses. I can convince her to at least take one. Outside I'm looking around – no Lorelai.
"I guess we should get back to the hotel, don't you think?"
"Yes – Mom will be already there."
I nod. So she decided to go back – not the worst decision she could make. I would have hated another confrontation at Chanel.
"Grandma?" Rory hesitantly asks.
"Yes, dear?"
"I don't know why she said this, I don't even think that she knows…"
How couldn't she – but I have to admit that I didn't know either why I made my comment yesterday.
"Maybe you could, I don't know – "
I stop walking.
"Rory. You don't want to be in the middle. I understand and respect that. And I'm sorry for every time we put you there. But now you're doing it yourself. You don't want to be in the middle? Then don't do this. Stop apologizing for your mother. Stop telling me what to do. If you won't, you'll put yourself in the middle."
"I just want you to get along. I don't know but I've the feeling that I'm in the middle no matter what I'll do – including nothing. I'm not saying it's your fault – it's just the way I feel it is."
Perhaps she's right. I don't know what to answer her.
"I want us to get along as well. Perhaps all of this will be behind us in a few hours." I say and I'm trying to sound encouraging, but do I even believe myself?
She's not in the living-room. I won't go to her – she has to come to me.
"Here – these are your bags." I say to Rory, handing her some.
"Thank you Grandma."
"Thank your grandfather – it's his gift." I say and I'm turning towards my room.
"Grandma?" she calls after me.
"Yes, Sweetie?"
"I love you." she says before kissing my cheek.
"I love you too." I say while caressing hers – then I'm going into my room.
Five minutes later I hear a knock.
"Come in."
"Hello Mom." she says looking a little compunctious.
"Lorelai." I state.
"I'm here to apologize. I'm sorry for my behaviour."
I nod.
"Why? Why did you do it Lorelai?"
"I don't know – I… I don't."
I nod again.
"I think it started with – I guess I wanted to tease you, and then I knew what you were thinking and it upset me and then I lost it. I'm truly sorry Mom.
Again I'm nodding.
"Oh and I didn't buy it."
She didn't? That's something.
"Why weren't you coming? I waited for you outside."
"I know. I just, I had the feeling that we would continue arguing and I thought we'd better cool down and talk about it here. Perhaps I was even a little afraid to go outside. I know when I've screwed up. I didn't mean to upset you any further with it – I thought it would be the best thing to do. I'm sorry."
Afraid? I hadn't thought she'd be afraid.
"Perhaps it was the best thing to do." I say and she smiles a little before becoming serious again.
"Do you think you can accept my apology?"
"Yes - I accept."
"Thank you Mom."
We're looking at each other for a moment.
"Well I guess I'll go to Rory and tell her that we've stopped fighting." she says and she's already at the door when I call her back.
"Lorelai?"
"Yes Mom?"
"Did you know that Rory feels that she's caught in the middle – that she has to choose between us?"
"Well she did mention something like that, but choosing?"
"She told me today. I just thought you should know – after all you're her mother."
"Yes, thank you Mom. I'll talk to her – she shouldn't feel like she'd have to choose."
"I agree."
We're coming home from the theatre and are in a very good mood. The musical it was just magical – all of us liked it. We even bought the CD three times. Rory suggested she could burn it, but I wouldn't want to hear anything about it. It's illegal, how could she suggest such a thing? But I didn't ask. I'm happy that we are the way we are right now.
We're sitting down at the hotel bar and are still talking about it. A few hours ago I wouldn't have believed that we could talk to each other in this way. But the atmosphere is nice and light. Lorelai and Rory are singing a few songs and after two drinks I join them. Around midnight we're going into our suite to get some sleep.
On Sunday we're getting along as well. The whole day without a single fight. It's good to know that we're able to do this. Soon the time comes where we're driving home. We're going to Stars Hollow first – Lorelai has to look after the Dragonfly and Rory needs to get her things to get back to Yale.
"Say Dad thank you again."
"Yes Grandma please do that – it was a great present."
"I will."
"But I think I'll call him myself, too." Rory says.
"Yes, we really should do that."
"You should – I think he'll appreciate it."
The girls are saying their goodbyes to me. Rory is hugging me. Lorelai and I are just standing in front of each other.
"Again thank you for all the stuff." she says, pointing to the several bags in front of her.
"As I said, it's Richard's gift to you."
"Yes – well… I should go in. I'll see you on Friday Mom."
"See you Friday Lorelai."
Overall I enjoyed the trip. We did have our fair share of fights, but it would've been naïve to think that we wouldn't have a single one. And after Lorelai's apology we were all trying very hard to get along and it worked. Lorelai was very polite to me for the last 24 hours. I'm a little worried about Rory though. Not that she mentioned it again, no she seemed to enjoy the musical and the whole Sunday – to enjoy that Lorelai and I weren't fighting. But she shouldn't feel the way she does, when we're fighting.
Please review as soon as possible, cause I have to leave for a few days and I'd love to read some reviews before I leave. I even updated so quickly, so that you guys would have something to read while I'm away.