The Importance of the Night and Being Blind

Part Two

By Katsuya Kaiba

I stared unseeing at the ceiling of my bedroom, waiting for my breathing to steady. I had never before been so happy that I was at my own home, in my own room, alone.

I was so happy that it had been a dream. I laughed aloud at my own relief, and the rapid pulsing of my heart at last began to subside. Just a dream, only a dream.

But what a dream it had been. It was sick. I was sick. Seto had been right. The very idea that Seto was able to see it while I had been unaware made me ill in itself, and an awful despair sunk into the pit of my stomach. I pulled my sheets over my head and shut out the night, hoping to hide from what lay inside of me and failing miserably. The painful excitement between my things was impossible to ignore, and only forced the obvious fact more closely under my nose. There wasn't anywhere I could hope to hide from myself.

I felt a tear slide down my face; a tear I had not known was even there. A tear that spoke the very worst. I couldn't live this way, denying something that became more and more evident with every second I spent alive and afflicted by the idea of Seto. And even now, after waking from that dream, I still didn't quite understand why I was so upset. I had enjoyed that dream, in the same suspicious way that I had secretly enjoyed the things that Seto had done to me, now two days past. Two days gone from me and still it was on my mind. Still the remnants of his touch clung to my body and left invisible scars that I felt might never heal. Not without a resolution.

His teeth on my neck had indeed left a mark, just as he had noticed in my dream. I wondered if the true Seto had noticed it as well. I had done my best to conceal it with my clothes and my actions, not wanting to invite the interrogation of my friends, although I understood that they would mean well in it. I trusted in my instincts that told me they would not want to know who had given me my mark. Who had claimed me as theirs, it would seem, from the way that Seto had been acting ever since that day. Perhaps the mark itself sank deeper below the skin than I realized. Was I ashamed of the bruise? I didn't think that I was. But I wasn't unaffected by it, there was something within me that appreciated the idea of the mark. What is was about it that I appreciated I could not say, but I did know that the only person I wanted to see it was Seto. It was his, after all.

But I hated Seto Kaiba. I had always hated him, and this night was no different. The only new piece of information that mattered was that I now hated myself, as well. I hated the part of me that gave me dreams of Seto, the weak and silent Joey that never stopped his advances whether in sleep or in reality. The Joey that never fought back and secretly wanted Seto to get mad, to reach out and take me by the hair and…

I hated him.

I was so tired, and I felt my eyelids beginning to close, although I tried my best to keep them wide open, not wanting to slip back into a dream like the one I'd just had. I glanced at the clock beside my bed.

4:08 am.

I would be so tired tomorrow. It was a Friday, but still I decided that I wouldn't go at all. Between falling asleep in every class and tripping over Seto around every corner, I thought that the best thing to do at this point was probably to simply stay away. I would have the entire weekend to sort myself out, and to hide or destroy any more of these unwanted desires. I had to put an end to this, and quickly, before I did something that I would regret later. I had a sinking feeling inside of me that Seto would be very displeased with my absence, and I wondered if he would do anything in response. I hoped not.

I firmly decided that I did not care in the least what Seto thought or did.

I only hoped that my body might finally learn to agree with my mind. It hadn't been working so far.

I slept deeply and without dreaming, and when my eyes finally drifted open on their own I caught sight of my clock and realized that it was nearly noon. I hoped that the school wouldn't call my house because I really didn't want to stay home all day waiting to be found where I wasn't supposed to be. I couldn't let my father know that I had skipped out, but I didn't think that it would be fair for me to have to spend my stolen hours of freedom sitting in my room quietly. I decided to go out, and hope to catch one of my friends as they made their way home form school. I knew that I needed some relief from my constant state of miserable self-loathing.

But then again, my friends knew me well enough to be able to clearly see that something was desperately wrong with me.

Perhaps I could spend the day alone, after all.

I wasn't nearly as tired as I had been early that morning, and before long my body grew restless as I lay in silence, waiting for a decent reason for me to get out of bed to enter my mind. None came, but I sat up anyway, knowing that the emptiness of the morning would eat away at the peace of mind I had finally been able to achieve in sleep. The memory of my restless dreams hid quietly in the darkest corners of my subconscious, and I knew that if I did not occupy myself they would creep out of the shadows and engulf me wholly without warning. I stood up off my bed and busied myself with dressing, kicking the pile of clothes in the center of my room and shifting through the disarray with my bare toe. I didn't really care what I wore that day and honestly I rarely thought of it at all, but I had to think of something besides Seto.

Seto…

I shook my head and tried to dislodge the picture of him from my mind. It seemed to work, if only temporarily. Bending over the messy pile I selected my clothes somewhat thoughtfully and realized that I really needed to buy more clothes. Seeing the entirety of my wardrobe all collected in the middle of the floor created the illusion that I had much more to wear than I actually did, and as I picked up this shirt and then that one, musing over them pensively, I was brought to the resolution that I didn't really like any of them anymore. Well…now I had something to do with myself. Clothes shopping it is.

Contrary to popular belief, I actually did have a bit of money saved up, I just didn't much care to spend it recklessly. It didn't come along all too often so I made a point of stretching it as far as it would go, waiting for times such as these to spend it. Still, I might not find anything I liked at all, but at least I would be able to buy it if I did. I had nearly two hundred dollars hidden away, and after I had dressed myself I went to dig it up from underneath my dresser, the only place left in the room that still hid the money well enough from anyone who might be searching for a little extra cash. I knew who it was who had taken my money on far too many occasions, but I pushed the memories aside and relied on my dresser as the one thing that hadn't betrayed me as of yet. It wasn't as sad as it sounded, and if it was, then I supposed that I didn't care all that much. I had far more pressing issues to pretend to not think about.

I tiptoed over the broken shards of glass that littered the linoleum of the kitchen and soundlessly escaped my home unnoticed. I successfully made it across the lawn and achieved a full and complete victory as soon as the entirety of my house was out of sight. I slowed my pace down a good bit once I was far enough away and casually walked towards that closest main street, taking my time as I had plenty to kill. It wasn't even one o'clock yet, and I had to stay out far past three in order to create the illusion of returning home from school. At that moment, however, I was just happy that I had been able to escape my house unseen.

I supposed that if I was going to do this thing, I could at least do it right, and I decided that the mall would be the most successful option. I hadn't been there in so long, mainly due to the fact that I couldn't stand the place, but as far as shopping was concerned it was my only recourse, especially when dealing in clothes. It was inevitable, and I sighed heavily as I walked through the glass doors and immediately felt the air conditioned breeze slide over my face. As soon as I caught sight of everyone else who'd had the same idea as me I nearly turned and walked right back outside. It was just as crowded as it had been four months ago, when I had been here last. That hadn't been my idea, either; I had gone there with a friend and had been none too happy about it at the time. I hated it there, but I found that I hated my clothes even more, or rather my lack thereof.

Apart from the fact that I was forced to spend an entire afternoon in the crowded building, I was able to find a number of things to my liking, and by the time I decided that I was finished it was nearly four o'clock. Walking circles around the place had worn me down slowly and I sat down in the first empty seat that I could find, which was actually a couch that sat near the exit. I could have just walked out and gone home, but I wanted to rest my feet for just a minute since the trip back to my house was nearly half an hours walk. I leaned my head back into the cushion and closed my eyes, absentmindedly listening to the endless chattering that filled the entire building, echoing off the walls and spinning through the air, drowning out my own thoughts. It wasn't too far off from what I needed, and I relaxed further into the couch and let the noises of everyone else's problems outshine my own.

I started suddenly as I felt the empty space beside me sink down slightly as the seat was taken, and before I could open my eyes to see who it was I heard a terrible noise, the sound of a voice that I had been hearing all too often these days, mostly in my head.

"You know, puppy dog…there aren't any pet supply shops in this mall."

I took in the sight of Seto Kaiba looking at me intensely as he sat stiffly upright in the space beside me, and as the shock of the moment wore off I closed my eyes once again and resumed my previous position. Leaning back into the couch and settling myself in, I decided that the Seto that I had just seen must have been a hallucination, and I said nothing to him in return. Maybe if I pretended that he wasn't there, he would simply disappear. It appeared as though my theory wasn't going to work, however, because he spoke again, seeming none too pleased with my lack of response.

"If you keep ignoring me like that I'll have no choice but to take you home and discipline your behavior."

I opened my eyes and let my head fall over in his direction, not wanting to exert the effort it would take to sit up and look at him properly. I didn't owe him anything.

"You're such a jackass, Kaiba. Go away."

He smiled at that, and I felt a bit strange for witnessing it because it was devoid of attitude and it seemed to be somewhat genuine, even if it was barely noticeable. I frowned at him, mystified, and he sat back into the couch and mimicked my position, looking at me lazily as he rested his head on the cushion.

"I can't stand this godawful place."

I smiled carefully, not wanting to get too comfortable with this scenario but not wanting to chase him off, either. This was a curious moment. I wondered why he was here, now that he mentioned it. This was the absolute last place on earth I had expected to run into Seto, which had been half of the motivation of my coming here in the first place.

"Yeah…me, too. It's way too crowded. I have no clothes, though, and there really isn't anywhere else to get them. Not good clothes, anyway."

My answer seemed to please him because he nodded slightly and turned his attention to a spot in front of us. His eyes were unfocused and I realized that he wasn't looking at anything in particular; he was simply looking away from me. I was curious to know what it was that he was thinking, and I grew bold in the strange stability of our situation.

"If you can't stand it so much, then why are you here? I mean, not that I care or anything, but…" I let the sentence go unfinished because of the unfortunate turn it took right around the middle. I couldn't be around Seto for five minutes without somehow making myself look like an idiot. I knew that I wasn't as stupid as he thought that I was, but I was beginning to get an idea of why he had come to that conclusion in the first place. He made me nervous just by being in the same room, and doubly so after last night. Every time our eyes met I could see that the way he looked at me was just slightly askew, and it was all too similar to the way he had looked at me in my dream. I followed his line of sight to an invisible spot in front of the two of us and waited for his response.

"Hmph. Your gift for words is uncanny, as always. I'm here because I have to be, not because I want to be. I didn't have any choice in the matter."

I smiled and dared to glance back over to where I knew he sat, and I found him watching me, as though he had been for awhile. He probably had been…the weirdo. I wasn't entirely sure what sort of game this was that he was playing, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I was playing along, and had been playing along since he had gotten here. I didn't quite care at the moment, far too intrigued with this new, alternate version of Seto that, while still being a jackass, was also able to carry on a decent conversation.

"Still taking orders from your little brother?"

"…Yes."

I laughed quietly and pictured Seto being bossed around by his brother, a boy smaller than Yuugi and not eve half his brother's height. It was good for Seto, whether he realized it or not. He needed someone to take care of him and it was obvious that without anyone around to constantly monitor him he would either go off the deep end permanently or work himself to death within a week. I respected his brother for the incredible feat of keeping Seto alive as long as he had. I spoke without thinking, distracted by my train of thought.

"Well, good then. You need to get out more often."

Seto said nothing to that and turned his head forward again, evidently thinking over my opinion. I wondered if I had been too familiar with him, and my blood started pumping faster in anticipation. I shut my eyes briefly and forced away the images that came forward from the shadows in my mind.

"Fuck me."

Seto paused briefly, and then bit down with a forceful pressure on my already bruised skin.

"Anything for you, puppy dog."

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into a spanning blue that was far closer than I wanted it to be.

"What's wrong with you?"

I sank deeper into the couch, trying to put some distance between us, and Seto retreated back into his relaxed position, still eyeing me suspiciously.

"Nothing. I just…didn't sleep well last night."

Two fingers came to rest on the side of my neck, and the simple action hurt more than it should have. I realized far too late that he had seen the mark on my neck, and now with his fingers putting pressure on the bruise, I knew that the casual small talk had come to an end. I stilled completely and stared blindly at something in front of me that was not there, unable to move underneath his touch. I could feel his eyes on me, but I wasn't going to turn and meet the gaze. I was scared silent, not really knowing why.

"So, then, you do remember. And here I thought that this was the only proof that it actually happened. I thought that perhaps I was wrong, perhaps I misjudged you completely. But no…I can still see it in you. You're not very good at hiding your feelings. Your eyes betray you each and every time."

I swallowed slowly, extremely aware of his touch on my skin. He still hadn't removed his hand and he increased the pressure on my neck, causing a dull ache to form underneath his fingertips. I said nothing and never moved an inch. He spoke again, braver in the absence of my objection.

"Should I ask what it was that kept you awake all night? Or do I already know the answer?"

The pace of my breath increased considerably, and other than that I remained completely motionless. A million thoughts and questions raced back and forth in my head, but they were much too fast for me and I couldn't catch a single one, leaving an uncomfortable silence around the two of us that was undoubtedly uncomfortable for me alone. The pressure on my neck decreased slowly, and after a moment I felt the fingertips remove themselves completely. The skin of my neck felt cold and abused in the absence of contact, and I lifted my hand to the spot and covered it, closing my eyes in the process. I felt him sit back, moving away from me slightly but not quite enough for my nerves to calm.

"I will allow this absence from school to slide for now, as long as you understand that you cannot run away forever. I know where you live, and I know where you go, and I know where you are supposed to be at all times. Do not underestimate me. And don't think that this freedom I have allowed you will last forever."

I refused to open my eyes, even as a hand removed my own that I had pressed against my neck and was fast replaced with a slight and soft pressure that I recognized from experience. Seto kissed my neck, not aggressively or harshly, but as soft and silent as a kiss was allowed to be. It was over as quickly as it had begun, and he pulled away and spoke once more.

"This will not fade with time. The visible mark might disappear, but the one inside your mind is permanent. You belong to me."

It was at that exact moment that I decided I was finished listening to him. If anyone here was sick, it was Seto. True, I had some intense issues that I wasn't yet ready to face, but this was insane. I…belonged to him? I stomped down mercilessly on the piece of me that rather liked the way that his claim sounded and I stood up from my seat, grabbing my bags and turning away from where he sat. I wasn't sure if I was more afraid of Seto than I was of myself, but at that moment I felt as though he posed more of an immediate threat, and I took a shaking step forward in the direction of the mall exit. That one step was all that I was able to accomplish before I felt a sharp tug on my arm, and I turned to find Seto's hand around my own. He was already standing and the look on his face was serious and displayed nothing but intensity and determination.

"Okay…Kaiba…you're really starting to freak me out. Let go of my hand."

He did what I asked without sparing a second, and yet I still stood there next to him, wondering why I hadn't continued to walk away. He snatched the opportunity and stepped quickly to the side, now standing directly in front of me. The smirk that coiled the corner of his mouth intrigued me, and I almost wanted to ask him what the hell he thought was so damn funny. I was beginning to feel like a cornered animal, and my fear and apprehension grew.

"Deny it."

Seto crossed his arms over his chest and watched me to see what I might do.

"What?"

"Deny it."

The fear that had gripped me slowly unwound, and I felt confusion settle into its place.

"Deny what?"

Seto paused momentarily and considered how to present the question he wanted me to answer.

"Tell me…that I was wrong that day. At school, two days ago. Tell me that you didn't want me to do what I did."

Understanding fell into my mind and I remembered what he had said to me on that day.

"Why…?" I asked him aloud, and my voice was angrier than I was.

"Because you wanted it."

My face must have shown my comprehension because Seto spoke again, this time with a more demanding and impatient tone.

"Tell me that you didn't want it."

I stared at him, no doubt with an expression of pure distress. My mouth opened, but no words escaped, and I realized that I had nothing to say. I couldn't do it. I couldn't deny it. Each second that passed brought Seto's hardened stare deeper into my heart, and I fumbled for the words that simply would not come. I grew angry, and then seconds later fell into hopelessness as I continued to stand in silence, and I let my eyes fall to the ground in defeat.

I couldn't deny it. Why did I feel as though I had lost something precious with that realization?

"You can't do it, can you? I thought not. None of that matters, anyway. What's mine is mine, and nothing you have to say could change a thin-"

"Shut up!" I shocked myself, perhaps even more than I shocked Seto with my outburst. He did shut up, and stared at me in a terrifying blend of rage and disbelief.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I don't care what you think you know about me. Even if it is true…there isn't any need for you to use that to your advantage. So…now that you know for sure how I feel…what does that matter? It doesn't guarantee you anything. I'm not…" I stuttered and frowned, the words came haltingly and I had no idea what they were until I heard them myself. "I'm not…just some thing that you can take…like you do for everything else that you want."

Seto's glare softened, not into compassion or understanding, but into an oddly amused grin.

"Is that so? Tell me, puppy dog, what are you going to do about it? It's already done." He took a step forward into an already sparse area that separated us, and his proximity alerted me to a fact that had previously escaped me.

Weren't we still in the mall?

We were, and as he moved to grab my shoulder I jumped back and set my bags down for a moment, putting both of my hands out in front of me and blocking him for what I knew would be a very limited amount of time.

"Hey, wait! There are people everywhere! What if-"

"What if what…?" He raised his eyebrow and watched me warily, looking honestly confused. Was I the only one here who knew that this was…well, it was…it was…

…wasn't it?

I looked back and forth. The mall was just as crowded as ever, if not more so by this time in the late afternoon. I knew that no one was watching, but still I felt so self-conscious. Didn't Seto care? Turning my eyes back to him, I picked my bags up off the floor slowly and never took my sight off of him. Standing upright once more, I took a step back, then another, and finally turned my back to Seto and walked away. My footsteps were rushed and I left the mall moments later, never once turning back to see if he was behind me. If he had been, I was sure that he would have made his presence known by that point.

I knew what I was feeling, and I knew that Seto did not feel the same way. Regardless of how strong my desire might have been, it was an uninvited desire and the idea of it made me sick. Even Seto himself had said that.

But it was a sickness that I felt wasn't totally necessary, especially when I considered the reasons why I had decided that I felt this way. There simply weren't any.

Still, the idea of one of my friends, or even a complete stranger finding out the way that things had become between Seto and I threw me into such a panic that I avoided the thought completely. I was willing, at this point, to accept the fact that there was something wrong with me, and I couldn't do anything about it. I just didn't want anyone to find out. What if everyone left me behind…? All of my friends gone, because I was weak and fell under the will of Seto Kaiba, some who I had always made a big show of hating. I had been defeated after all, and it was only a matter of time before Seto came to claim what was rightfully his. The absolute worst part of the whole thing was that I knew there wasn't anything I could do to stop him.

I didn't want to stop him. And that knowledge alone was enough for me to need to hide from.

I spent a good part of the remainder of the day absentmindedly putting away everything that I had bought, digging through the remaining pile of clothes on the floor and deciding which things to keep, and which things to get rid of. It was all just a game, something to occupy my mind in the absence of Seto. I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if I hadn't left when I did. Would he have kissed me right there, in front of the entire world? Probably. I knew that Seto could not possibly care any less about the world or the people in it than he already did, and that went double for what those people might have thought or felt about he and I. He didn't care about anyone but himself. I thought that perhaps in a situation such as this one it might do me some good to feel the same way. I wished that I could.

The discomfort I felt was for myself.

His lips took hold of my own and he kissed me as though I might disappear in moments. It was true, this was only a dream, and every second mattered. I kissed him back, my lips just as harsh and unforgiving as his own, although I knew that the kiss would always be his. I would always only kiss him back.

Seto's body, while thin and lanky as it always had been, still felt heavy with his full weight atop my own. One of his hands was hopelessly tangled in my hair, which I knew from the feel of the twisted locks on my face must have been a mess. His other hand had been pressed against my chest and I could feel the indentations from his nails that were left behind as he dragged his fingertips down my skin and slipped his hand between the two of us, taking hold of my now painful erection and pumping me furiously in time with his erratic thrusts. I was so close, we were so close, but something dawned on me even as I felt my fever near its breaking point.

I couldn't see Seto. I knew he was there, I could feel him with every sense that I had, but his room was darker than the night itself, and I couldn't see him or anything else. It was as though my eyes were closed and I could not open them for anything. It was only important at the time because it was the only thing that I could understand in the final frantic moments that gripped my mind as I felt Seto coming inside of me. I was at that point so carelessly balanced on the edge that just the feeling of it alone sent me tumbling over as well, and my arms tightened dangerously around his neck. It was too frenzied, too uncontrollable, and with a startling cry that shook the instability of my mind I came into his hand. My hips were trembling and my heart felt as though it might burst inside of my chest, and I let my head fall back into the pillows underneath me, unable to hold it up any longer. Seto's muscles were shaking as he collapsed suddenly and laid quietly on my chest, listening to my heart race as he let his own try to steady. Neither of us spoke for the longest time, still drowning in the hazy realization of what we had just done. I brought my arms up around his shoulders and pulled him closer, not knowing why but feeling that it was right. He was still inside of me and for a strange and unknown reason I didn't want him gone, not just yet.

"…Seto?"

I could feel that his breathing had slowed down quite a bit after a few minutes had passed, and he sounded as though he were dozing off. I couldn't see a thing, even then, and I hoped that he was awake. I had to ask him before I awoke myself.

"…Hmmm?"

I took a deep and calming breath, hoping to smooth out my voice. I knew that it was cracked and worn sounding, but the ringing in my ears prevented me from hearing myself correctly.

"Why is it always so dark when we do this?"

Seto raised his head and I felt it happen rather than saw it. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to see my own hand in front of my face if I had held it up. He found my lips with his own and kissed me, and the touch of it was just barely there. There was no pressure, no force to the kiss, and it surprised me somewhat.

"It's for you…so you can lie to yourself. You believe that if you can't see it, then it isn't happening."

His head came back to rest on my collarbone, and I relaxed deeper into the pillows underneath him, wondering if I would remember this when I awoke.

A hand descended out of the darkness and I felt his fingers covering my sightless eyes, as though I would see something that I wasn't supposed to see. I knew that I couldn't see a thing, but Seto's hand never left, protecting me from the sight of the two of us.

"That's what's so important about the night…and being blind."

The phrase confused me and I made a noise that asked him to explain. He never responded, and I tightened my hold around him and tried to get his attention. His hand was still over my face, and it felt strange in a promising sort of way.

"What's so important about it?"

He sighed and kissed the skin below his lips, a place just down from my neck.

"It doesn't matter which one you are. Whether you're blind or lost in the night. You can't see yourself, either way."

AN:...Hi. Ahhh...sex. Puppyshipping sex. Ain't it grand? This really isn't the lemon...the lemon comes later. It's just that entire story is realy limey... but I like it, and I hope that you do, as well. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think. Happy Puppyshipping!