The Importance of the Night and Being Blind

Part Five

By Katsuya Kaiba

Which way to go?

I began to really wonder if Seto would be angry with me. I'd left him twice now, once in the empty classroom, and now this, leaving him to stay on after school without saying where I would be. Never mind the fact that I didn't need to constantly inform him of my whereabouts. I knew that he would wait for me. And I never told him that he could go.

My wandering feet took me absolutely nowhere, and for that I thought that perhaps I was glad, in a way. It was the easiest thing in the world, to never make a decision, and instead to let the situation ride out, leading me somewhere, a place that I never meant to go. So much easier than choosing.

Seto didn't understand just how much harder this was for me. Or at least, how much harder it seemed to be. I had the impression that if any of this was hard for Seto, I wouldn't ever know about it. That made my feet stumble a bit, and I never lost my footing completely but the tension still surfaced.

Maybe Seto was just as confused as I was. At that thought, I began to feel even worse about everything, especially my part. I wondered if I could get him to talk. It was worth a shot, and it would put my mind at rest, if only for a moment. One single moment was plenty, and more than I'd had in a long while. Perhaps that was all that was needed, a chance for the two of us to sit down and sort this whole thing out. We had been fumbling around in the dark for long enough.

I took a different bus that day, one that led to the inner city and to where I knew that Seto must be. I didn't want to play this game anymore. Not by these rules, and definitely not without knowing how it ended. Or if it ended at all.

Kaiba Corp. was quite a walk from where I'd had to get off, but I knew exactly where I was and walked through the downtown streets quickly, knowing just what sort of a risk I was taking. My knowledge of the area was no coincidence, nor was it something I'd had a chance to put from my mind. I moved my feet as fast as they would go without running in full, and paid no one any mind until one of them called out to me, from not so far away. The sound was so familiar that I looked up, forgetting to feel the fear I knew I should be feeling. This wasn't a friend, not anymore.

I caught his eye and listened as I walked past him, my face full of nothing at all.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out."

Hirutani's voice was confident, but his eyes betrayed the worst in him, and they gave off his questioning thoughts. He had no idea what I was doing here, and it was obvious. I smirked as I passed him by, ignoring the group behind him. A single flick of my eyes in their direction told me that I wasn't going to get much further, outnumbered to the point of madness.

Speaking my mind wasn't going to hurt anything.

"Same to you…looks like it hasn't sunk in yet." I threw him and his crew a gesture, one that set everything off, but I knew that it wasn't anything that wasn't already hanging precariously on the edge of our shattered friendship. It hurt, too, to see the look on his face. I wondered if I wore the same one, because I felt just the way that he looked, completely empty, and without anywhere to go.

It seemed like we held out gaze much longer than we actually did. The second I lowered my hand and continued to walk away, the sounds of shoes scuffling and pounding over the pavement reached my ears. I didn't turn around to see how many had come after me. No matter what the number, it would be too many for me to fight off.

The very first hit was the last one that I felt, right on the back of my head and close to my neck. A dulled over sound traveled all the way through my skull to my ears, and it sent me under and over my feet, and then into darkness. I thought very slowly then, of Seto, and how I hoped that I hadn't made him angry. I hadn't had a chance to go and tell him that I was sorry for leaving him like that. I had wanted to.

I felt a soft and silent sort of dreaming sensation in my mind, and I realized that I was just about to wake up. The slow incoherence of dreaming began to fall away from me, but still I did not open my eyes. I didn't want to, not yet; this warm and drifting place that I was in was far too beautiful to leave voluntarily. Something had taken me here, forcefully, I could feel, but I didn't yet want to find out what that might have been.

I couldn't feel my body yet, and my mind lazily stretched first this way and then that, wondering softly if this was a familiar place that I was in. It didn't feel that way. Slowly, my mind began to comprehend what that might mean, and I got curious all of a sudden. This did not feel like always.

Begrudgingly, I opened my eyes just slightly. It hadn't been enough to focus on anything, however, and I sighed as I opened them fully, knowing that I was banishing the languid dreaming with the action.

As soon as my eyes were open and I saw where I was, I bolted up from the mattress that I lay on. This place was so familiar, and I knew that I hadn't even been there. Never in the flesh.

This was Seto's room.

I knew it because it looked exactly as it had in my dreams, and as I realized that I also remembered, in the same moment, what it was that I had been there for in the dream that I was recognizing. It was so dark, and I looked over to the wide window and saw that it was night outside.

How had I gotten here? This wasn't anywhere near where I had meant to go. The very last thing that I remembered was…

Rintama. No…I wouldn't ever go back. Maybe now they would finally get that into their heads.

I stretched my arms above my head, and then abruptly stopped once I felt the pain that shot down through my back at the action. My arms fell to my sides and I cringed, hoping that nothing was terribly wrong with me. But there wasn't any way to tell what had happened between that first hit and now. Judging from where I found myself now, and the sharp waves of pain that were still prominent and coursing over my body, I'd say that a fair amount of things had happened.

I shifted myself over to the side of the bed and turned on the lamp I found there, looking all around for any signs of life, namely Seto. I would have liked to have his position especially, since not knowing where he was seemed to be a bit more frightening than it was not to know. It was more pressing than it might have been, had it been anyone else but Seto.

No one was there, however, and I was in a serious amount of pain, most of it centered on my back. I stood up from the bed, shrugging it off the best I could and hoping that it might fade with time and movement. It didn't, but that didn't stop me from observing my surroundings a little better. My eyes caught a mirror on the other side of the room, one that stood from ceiling to floor. I walked around the bed and stood in front of it, biting my tongue when I saw how I looked.

"Christ…Seto is going to flip his lid."

I knew that he would, somehow, without even having a reason to think that. Seto was possessive, as I had come to learn in the very short amount of time that I had spent as…his prey? That must have been the correct word.

But still, I hadn't ever meant for this to happen. My reflection wasn't so bad, apart from the condition of my left eye, bruised worse than I had ever seen, on anyone. It throbbed, too, and the feeling struck me just as soon as I saw my reflection. It hadn't hurt so badly until I had seen it up close.

I lifted my hand to my face and tested the skin under my eye lightly. I could see that it wasn't the right color, but I was too curious and I drew my hand sharply away once the contact had been made. That had hurt…a lot, and I left the mirror behind and went back to sit on the bed. If it kept looking at myself I'd keep touching it, and that wouldn't help at all.

I sat down on the bed again carefully, wanting and then again not wanting to discover anything else that might be painfully broken or twisted within me. I remained still for a very long minute, and then an infinitely longer second one. Finally, I flopped down backwards on the mattress beneath me, instantly regretting the rough motion as another thread of pain wove throughout the muscles in my lower back. Cringing through it and settling myself into the sheets, I flung an arm over my eyes, willing myself to not leave the room and search the place for Seto. I wasn't sure if that was the best plan, but it was certainly an inviting one. I knew just how this room would look, somehow from my dreaming, but I still had no idea about the rest of his home, and I thought that this might just be my last chance to find out.

"Still…probably not the best idea." Mumbling under me breath, I resolved to stay put.

Seto would come around when he was good and ready, of that I was positive. But how long before that would happen? And where was he, in the first place? And what time was it, anyway?

I lifted my head, just enough to see the face of the clock that sat next to the lamp, on the nightstand near the bed. It was nearly one o'clock in the morning.

I seriously doubted that Seto had anything pressing enough to keep him out so late, but then again I couldn't be sure. Just then, I was struck with the realization that I really had no idea what Seto's life was really like, or even how he himself was outside of the school. I'd only ever seen him there, and in the various tournaments that we had participated in together. What was he like, here in his room, in his own house, when there was no one else around?

Tiredly, I smiled at the images and thoughts that flooded my mind with various possible answers. He was probably the same as he was all the time, only here and nowhere else. I glanced up at the lamp that I had turned on and wondered if it had ever been used before. Seto seemed like the kind of guy that might operate more efficiently in the dark.

The thought was so frighteningly realistic that I laughed quietly into the dimly lit room that I was sure was usually kept as such. Seto really was creepy, in a way. It wasn't a thought filled with malice or mockery, but instead with a sort of fondness for the way that Seto was, and had to be. Would he be Seto, any other way? Probably not, and I wasn't so sure that I would want him to be, anyway.

The shadows and the silence wore at my body and my mind, still strung out over the events of earlier, and it seemed as thought the rest I had gotten in between wasn't sufficient. I'd lost all track of time, and now that I thought about it, I wasn't even sure what time it had been when I had run into Hirutani. My eyelids fell slowly, so slowly that I didn't even notice that I was drifting off until the door to the room flew open, slamming into the wall on the other side and bouncing off halfway with the force of whoever had thrown it.

The shock of the sound it made was so startling that not only did my eyes fly open, but also I sat up with a start as well and looked over to where the noise had come from. The room was still dark, even though I'd left the lamp on beside the bed, but a few stray shards of light fell into the room from beyond the open door. I'd sat up far too quickly, and I felt all the blood rushing out of my head and then a dizziness overwhelmed me with the loss. I let myself lean back slightly and I placed my hands on the bed behind me and supported myself with my arms, waiting for something more and blinking through my blurry eyes.

The same door slammed shut, and then Seto came around the edge of the bed, studying me in silence. Nervousness crept over me at the inspection, but I knew what he was staring at.

"Christ, puppy dog…you look like shit."

"Um, yeah, I know…but thanks, anyway."

I smiled briefly, and he watched me do that, as well, from the place that he stood, just before the foot of the bed. He was mere feet away, but it seemed that the light from the lamp either wasn't strong enough to fully reach him, or his mere presence was enough to engulf the area around him in an impenetrable shadow. I smiled again, at my own thoughts this time, but Seto had nothing more to say. He looked preoccupied with something, although he never took his eyes from my face, and then I suddenly remembered what it was that I wanted to say to him.

"Hey…what…how the hell did I get here? And what happened to those Rintama kids? What…what happened?"

Seto stared at me for just a single second more before stepping aside, walking around the edge of the bed and sitting down on the right side, the farthest from the lamp.

That figures, I thought.

He faced the wall in front of him, and all I could see was the back of his head. He wouldn't look over at me, which I felt was strange seeing as how it had been days now that I had been halfheartedly trying to stop him from doing just that. He remained silent, and I understood that he wasn't going to answer me unless I asked him a more particular question.

"…Seto?"

"What?"

His tone implied that I was speaking out of turn, but I ignored it and pressed on.

"…How did I end up here?" I left it at that. The room was silent for at least another minute more before he finally answered me.

"It doesn't matter. I wouldn't press the issue, if I were you."

That made me angry, for whatever reason. It certainly wasn't out of character for him to say something like that, but still, I thought that I at least deserved to know that much. I spun in a half circle on the mattress and sat cross-legged, facing his back directly. He still didn't turn, but he was listening.

"Hey! That isn't fair, and you know it."

My voice wasn't angry, like I'd thought it would be, but I sounded as serious as I was and the words held a certain finality within them that I swore I must have learned from Seto himself.

"Come on, tell me what happened…please?" I wasn't sure if the 'please' part of it would make any difference, but it was worth a shot. It didn't seem to affect Seto, though, none of it, and he just sat and listened to every single word in silence. Then, he stood up suddenly and walked towards the door, and I watched him do it with a growing sensation of dread in my stomach.

"Where are you going? Wait!" Seto's hand reached out for the doorknob, and just as he was about to turn it he looked back at my face for a few moments.

"Go to sleep. I've got things to take care of, and I'll be gone for a while. I only came back to see if you were all right."

I interrupted him, although I never meant to. I couldn't believe that he had something so pressing to see to, at this hour.

"No, wait…don't leave me here! Where are you going?"

"Never mind. You," here he pointed at me, "need to rest. You won't be going to school tomorrow, so do not bother getting up in the morning. I'll come to get you when I'm finished."

I didn't say another word, and Seto slipped out the door and shut it behind him. The sound it made was one of finality.

There wasn't anything that I could have said that would have made a difference. Seto had already decided how things were going to be, and nothing I could say would change that. Never.

I let my line of vision fall to the sheets I still sat on, wondering what it was that Seto was really doing. Was his life always like this, or had something important come up? I thought that it must have been the latter, because it was obviously strange that he had me, here in his house and his room, and his bed, and yet he hadn't a moment to spare for me.

And he still never answered my question. He had managed to escape that, for the time being, but I wasn't going to forget. I lay back onto the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me again. It wasn't long before it did, but not nearly as swift or as violently as before.

It was always just like this. I was never aware or awake when we began, and when I tried to open my eyes and grasp what was happening, I could never see a thing. It never mattered because I knew what was happening. I knew what I was doing. It was unmistakable, and it was…it was so dark and it didn't have to be that way. I couldn't see Seto, and I couldn't see myself. But I did think that soon, I might want to.

I wanted…I needed more. My arms were wrapped around Seto's neck and at some foggy and distant point that was already lost my hands had flattened across his shoulder blades, and my nails dug into the flesh that covered the bones there. I could come soon, I could, but I felt empty somehow. I hadn't gotten nearly enough of him, and I let one of my hands shakily slide down to Seto's lower back, feeling my way across him in the dark.

He didn't protest, being far too occupied himself, and my hesitation faltered and I quickly slid my other hand down his skin as well and placed both of my hands on his hips, pulling him harder into me than he was able to do on his own. I cried out at the result, and somewhere not far away I heard Seto laughing quietly, gasping for air around the edges of his chuckling, but the sound didn't reach me right away and I repeated the action over and over, driving him desperately deeper inside.

Still…I cried and cried but it wasn't enough, Seto was so close but he wasn't quite there, and I knew that I was coming; any moment now would be too late. I was dreaming and I knew it, but I didn't care because I was so lost. I was tired and it wasn't enough; I needed more of Seto, and I wasn't getting it.

I felt his tongue on my face after a long moment and had to choke back a sob at the sensation it caused, nearly sending me over the edge right then. I was going to lose my mind, there were tears on my face but Seto passed his tongue over them and they were gone, for a moment. Seto could feel it, could tell what I wanted and he lost his steady pace suddenly and followed my weak direction, pushing himself as hard and as fast as he could, and the startling change shocked me so much that I had to stop myself from screaming aloud.

My hands kept on pushing and pulling at his hips and I managed to use the leverage that Seto gave to lift my own hips up higher, and my grip held tight until I felt one of Seto's hands slip across my stomach and around my side, settling on the small of my back and holding me up off the mattress, so I wouldn't have to. It was just enough, and I let go of him and let him have whatever he wanted, pressing my head back into the pillow that I had forgotten and relinquishing any control that I might have had over anything at all, ever.

Something crossed my mind in the final moment that passed before I finally came and it struck me as odd, especially since it was the first coherent thought I'd had in what seemed like always.

I wished that I could open my eyes, and see what it looked like. What I looked like underneath Seto, and what he looked like on top of me.

It was a terribly empty feeling, and although I clenched my eyes shut as I felt myself break at last, I knew that there wasn't any point. Why, why close my eyes? I would have given anything for the sight.

Seto came only seconds after I did, and he did a very strange thing as soon as his moment was over. Up until just then, the dream had been so familiar, but this had never once happened. For in the moment that Seto always collapses over me and tries to catch his breath, instead I felt him lean slightly over to the left, taking care to keep his hips still as he was still fully inside me.

"Seto, what…?" What was he up to?

I heard him laughing again, quietly, and I reached up with one hand and tried to pull him back down, like he was supposed to do on his own, but it was too late.

I couldn't see a thing, and when I felt the cold and blunt gunmetal of the barrel against my temple, all I could do was widen my sightless eyes in the dark.

"…Seto?"

A sharp click of a hammer, and then he fired. The shot was so loud against my ear that it deafened me instantly, and the darkness never once faded as I fell back into the pillow underneath my head.

Yeah, that's sort of scary. Lemony AND scary...does it get any better? Hell, no... so, anyway, I'm posting all this because a) I felt kind of awful for not posting anything under this fic for so long, and b) that last dream is neato. It's definitely one of my favorite parts in the whole story...wait. Actually, everything is about to change, and it moves a lot faster, staring right now, with this dream, and then Seto's return the next day. You'll see. The ending to this fic is crazy. Crazy.

I know, and you're all, like, "Yeah, so, can we read it, or are you going to make us wait another million months for it?"

No. I will not. It's barely even halfway done. Oh, and that carzy lemon? It's seriously close.

Review me, if you want me to feel happy. I just lost my editor...sigh. And I have two books to edit, on my own. Deep breath...HEAVE...sigh. It was for the best. I hated her, anyway. But still, editing isn't easy, especially when you're going over something you've written, and you know that hardcore business-people are going to be nitpicking it, and looking for any reason they can to toss it aside. Wish me luck.