Author's Notes: Thanks alot for all the reviews guys! I honestly never thought this story would get to it's 100th review(no joke). Anyways thanks once again! Also this chapter is yet another one split in two, so keep an eye out for for the nextpart :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, any of the characters, Sesame Street, Spongebob Squarepants, Hello Kitty or any of the stores mentioned(except the ones I made up) so don't sue me:)
Lucky 13
"Does this trenchcoat look like something I could wear while taking down my enemies?" said Seto as he looked at himself in the mirror while donning a stupid looking purple trenchcoat "Or does it look more like something I'd wear while relaxing at home plotting revenge against them?"
There was no place that Seto liked more then "Trenchcoat Inferno" since they sold nothing BUT trenchcoats. There were trenchcoats of every size, shape, color, and possible style. There was also no person that the salespeople at Trenchcoat Inferno liked more than Seto since he always bought dozens of trenchcoats at a time. Whenever he came in, they would completely ignore all the other customers and do whatever they could to please him...even if this actually ended up angering him.
"Oh you look strapping in that trenchcoat Mr. Kaiba!" said one of the salesmen in an obvious attempt to kiss up to him "See how it brings out your eyes?". Several of the other salesmen agreed as well in yet another lame attempt to kiss up. "Do those idiots realize that this is actually a ladies trenchcoat?" thought Seto to himself as he looked at the absurd purple coat "Or are they too scared or too busy kissing up to me to say anything?". Indeed they were so busy thinking about all the money he would leave behind, that nobody noticed that Seto was actually wearing a ladies trenchcoat. "So will you be taking this trenchcoat Mr. Kaiba?" said a salesman wearing a hideous lime green suit as he jumped forward "I would certainly buy it since it fits you very well!". "So you think this ladies coat looks good on me? Liars!" snapped Seto as he narrowed his eyes and pulled off the trenchcoat as quickly as he could and threw it on the ground "If I wanted to have my butt kissed then I'd get Roland to do it!".
"That's what he pays me for!" said Roland as he suddenly popped out from a behind a rack filled with trenchcoats "Now get lost and don't bother Mr. Kaiba until he's done trying on trenchcoats!". Roland then chased off the salesmen as quickly as he could in order to let his boss shop in peace. "I don't know what I'd do without him" said Seto with a pleased smirk on his face "Now where was I?". He then promptly turned around and began to walk down the many aisles in his unending search for the perfect trenchcoat.
"Boots! So many boots!" shouted Mai excitedly as she and Yami walked around inside of "Pirate's Boot-E" "I never knew such a wonderful place could exist!"
After dancing from joy for several hours, Mai and Yami finally got all the excess energy out and finally decided to go into the store. The store was huge and it had absolutely every kind of boot imagineable, but Yami still wasn't convinced. "Yes there certainly are many boots" said Yami as he looked at the platform boots "But there's one thing I need to be certain of first". "Arr mateys! Welcome to Pirate's Boot-E" said a salesman with a black beard wearing a pirate hat, an eyepatch, and a striped shirt as he walked up to them "How can I help ye today?".
"I'd like some black leather stilleto boots in size 8 please" said Mai who knew exactly what she was looking for "Oh and make sure that they're not patent leather! Patent leather is so last season!". "Aye aye miss! And for ye matey?" said the salesman as he turned his attention to Yami "Will ye be needing any boots today?". "First of all how tall are your tallest platform boots?" said Yami as he suddenly jumped up and grabbed the man by the shirt "TELL ME NOW!". "Let me go matey!" said the salesman as he struggled to pull the crazed(yet short) Pharoah off of his shirt "I could send ye to Davey Jones locker for this!". "NOT UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME!" shouted Yami as he clung to the man's shirt "Now how tall are they?".
Yami was determined to get a pair of the boots he wanted, but he wasn't about to be tricked again. "They be twelve inches tall matey!" said the salesman as he still struggled to pull Yami off "So will ye be needing a pair?". "Did you say twelve inches? Ra does love me!" said Yami as his eyes practically filled with tears from the joy and he finally let go of the man's shirt "Bring me a pair and make sure they're black leather, size 8, and Ra help you if they're women's boots!". "Now get moving!" shouted Mai as she gave the salesman a swift kick in the butt "Those boots aren't going to get out here by themselves!". The salesman quickly scrambled off now that he realized the kind of boot obsessed psychos he was dealing with.
"Does this trenchcoat look like something I'd wear while taking down Kaiba?" thought Amelda as he tried on a dark blue trenchcoat and looked at the mirror "Or does it look like something I'd wear while plotting revenge against him?"
After being beaten up by a female wrestler, getting poked by some kids, and then scarring them for life, Amelda decided to forget his troubles by heading over to Trenchcoat Inferno. It was one of Amelda's favorite stores...well except for one thing. "Uh miss...that's a men's trenchcoat you're trying on" said the salesman in the lime green suit as he walked up to Amelda "Would you like me to show you where the ladies trenchcoats are?". Every single time Amelda walked into the store he would always be directed towards the ladies trenchcoats. "Why the Hell do these idiots always think that I'm a woman?" thought Amelda to himself as he resisted the urge to turn around and kick the salesman into the next state "I've shopped here more than enough times for them to remember that I'm not a woman!".
"You might also be interested to know that we just got in a shipment of lovely pastel trenchcoats this week" said the salesman as he looked at Amelda's midriff bearing tanktop "Even a lovely lavender one that would match your shirt perfectly!". "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" screamed Amelda at the top of his lungs as he pulled off the trenchcoat he had been trying on "ARE YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING?". Taking the trenchcoat was not much help since it only helped to convince the salesman that Amelda truly was a woman. Unfortunately there was also another unwanted side effect. The next thing Amelda heard was dozens of rapid footsteps and when he turned around, he found himself face to face with every single salesman in the store. "Can I help you miss?" blurted all the the salesmen in unison as they practically drooled at the sight of Amelda's hot body. They couldn't believe that such a gorgeous girl was at their store and they were all more than eager to help her.
"What the Hell? Has the whole world gone blind?" shouted Amelda as one of his eyes began to twitch violently "I AM NOT A WOMAN!". The salesmen all just chuckled since how was it possible for such a beauty not to be female? "That's a good one cutie!" said one of the other salesman as he hungrily eyed Amelda "I like a girl with a sense of humor!". "I'm not a woman and I'll prove it!" shouted Amelda as he suddenly pulled up his tanktop "See? I don't have any breasts!". One of the salesmen fainted, others just gasped in shock, while one of them snapped a picture with his camera phone. "Aww that's nothing to be ashamed of" said the salesman in the lime green suit in reassuring tone of voice"I'm sure a good plastic surgeon could turn those mosquito bites into melons". A few others chuckled and nodded their heads in agreement while a few others stood there with perverted grins on their faces while staring at his bare chest. THAT WAS IT! Now they had gone too far and Amelda had absolutely nothing to lose."Alright I didn't think I'd have to do this but you leave me no choice!" shouted Amelda as he suddenly reached down, unfastened his belts, and yanked down his pants "So do you still think I'm a woman?"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
After screaming like little sissy girls, all of the salesmen ran away as quickly as they could. They were all beyond traumatized when they realized that the beautiful redhead "girl" was actually a beautiful redhead guy. "MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!" screamed the salesman in the lime green suit "I THINK I'VE GONE BLIND!". "Idiots" muttered Amelda as he quickly pulled his pants back up as he watched the salesmen run off "I don't think they'll ever mistake me for a woman again". So after traumatizing even more people, Amelda continued his search for the perfect trenchcoat.
"Come back soon miss!" shouted the salespeople at "Aahs" as Varon staggered out of the store carrying almost as many bags as Raphael "Oh and we'll call you when the next shipment of Cookie Monster merchandise comes in!"
Right after Varon was rewarded so generously by Pegasus, he happened to walk right into the most wonderful store. Varon usually wasn't the type of person to buy pointless junk(like Raphael) but that was usually since he had little to no money. Now there was nothing holding him back and he could buy everything his heart desired. He bought tons of Spongebob Squarepants merchandise, some Cookie Monster merchandise, some exploding whoopee cushions(for Dartz...'s behind), some rollerblades, some x-ray goggles(for looking at Mai...'s behind) and finally an inflatable chair. And even though Raphael and Amelda had been evil enough to ditch him, Varon was still generous enough to get them each something.
Varon knew just how much Raphael disliked Kuribohs(or Multicolored Pom Pom Sisters as he called them) so he decided to get him the best gift possible: an entire set of Kuriboh plushies. They were cute, snuggly, came in cute colors, and they even squeaked when hugged. Shopping for Amelda was alot tougher though since he seemed to hate just about everything, but there was one thing that he hated more than anything. If Amelda had an archenemy(besides Kaiba) then it would have to be Hello Kitty. Just looking at the big headed, mouthless, yellow nosed, bow wearing cat, would cause Amelda to fall over, have convulsions and/or go temporarily insane. So what better thing to get him than the cutest(and strawberry scented) Hello Kitty plushie at "Aahs"?
"I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I give them this" snickered Varon as he sat down on a nearby bench and peered into the bags "They'll think twice before ditching me at a time like this!". Varon then checked in his pockets and realized that even after his little shopping spree, he still more than enough money left. "This would be so much better if I wasn't stuck in a girl's body" whined Varon as he looked down at himself "There's so many things I want to see and do right now!".
"Dere ya are cutie!" said an all too familiar and all too annoying voice belonging to someone who had walked up directly behind Varon "I love a girl dat plays hard to get!". Varon slowly turned around and surely enough there stood Joey with a smug grin on his face and a half eaten corndog in his hand. " WHY IS HE BACK?" thought Varon as he jumped up and felt a wave of nausea hit him yet again "IS IT PUNISHMENT FOR TAKING MONEY FROM A STRANGER?"
Just when Varon thought things couldn't get any worse, another person walked up behind him. "Hey cutie you must be a parking ticket" said Tristan as he tried out one of the many lines he'd overheard Duke Devlin use "Cause you've got "fine" written all over you". "Hey I was here first!" shouted Joey as he roughly shoved Tristan aside "NOW BEAT IT!". "You beat it!" shouted Tristan as he roughly pushed Joey backwards and nearly knocked him over "I'm sure she'd rather go out with me than a greedy pig like you!". "DAT'S IT!" shouted Joey as he jumped forward and trapped Tristan in a headlock "DIS MEANS WAR!".
Joey and Tristan began to roll all over the ground fighting like a pair of little kids on the schoolyard and all because of a girl. Unfortunately neither one realized that this "girl" was actually a poor guy who had been the victim of a perverted old Atlantean's sick sense of humor. "WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING?" screamed Varon at the top of his lungs as he ran over and kicked them both "I WOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH EITHER OF YOU!". Unfortunately they didn't seem to be paying attention since they just kept on fighting.
After kicking them a few times, screaming, and spraying them with his new Spongebob Squarepants Fire Extinguisher, Varon decided it was better to just get on the nearest escalator. It disgusted him how obsessive and insane some guys seemed to get when they encountered a girl. He couldn't imagine what could make someone act in such a repulsive way. "Those two need some professional help and soon!" muttered Varon under his breath as he approached the top of the escaltor "I'm glad I'm not that obsessed with any girl". When Varon reached the top of the escalator he found himself directly in front of Pirate's Boot-E, and that's when he noticed Mai was inside.
"So how do those boots fit ye both?" said the salesman/pirate as both Mai and Yami pranced around in front of a mirror "Do they fit ye well?"
So far Mai and Yami had been prancing around the store in circles since they wanted to make sure that the boots were really what they wanted. "Hmm I don't know..." said Mai as she looked down at the black stilleto boots "I know I said I wanted black leather stilleto boots, but now I'm thinking about suede boots". "These boots are everything I've ever wanted" said Yami as he looked down at the gigantic platform boots "But now I'm wondering whether Yugi can wear these without tripping and breaking his neck?". "But they be good boots!" said the salesman whose butt was still sore from getting kicked earlier "And all black boots be half price for today in celebration of Captain Blackboot's birthday!".
"DID YOU SAY HALF PRICE?" screamed Mai and Yami as they jumped up and their eyes glistened with greed "HALF PRICE ON ALL BLACK BOOTS?". "Aye" said the salesman nervously as the two boot obsessed maniacs began to approach them "So will be be taking t-". The salesman didn't get to complete his sentence since at that moment all Hell broke loose. "I NEED MORE BOOTS!" screamed Mai and Yami at the same time as they suddenly began to run all over the store snatching up every single black boot in sight "NOW BRING THEM TO ME!". Meanwhile Varon was standing outside observing the entire scene.
"She's so cute when she's crazy" sighed Varon dreamily as he pressed his face against the window "That's the kind of woman I want..". Whenever Mai was around, Varon was completely unable to think straight and now was one of those occasions. He completely forgot that instead of waking up in the body of a cute teenage biker, he woke up in the body of a sexy teenage girl. The only thing Varon remembered was that he still had tons of cash left. He also decided that maybe now he could impress Mai(and possibly get a date) if he was able to buy her all the boots she wanted. "This is gonna be great!" thought Varon to himself as he marched right into Pirate's Boot-E "I'm finally gonna get the girl of my dreams!"
"My head is killing me..." muttered Raphael as his buzz slowly died down and his mind came back into focus "And why am I so hungry?"
Raphael then looked around and was surprised to find himself standing in the middle of the music store with a group of people surrounding him and clapping. "Yeah that was cool!" shouted Mako as he clapped wildly "Where'd you learn to dance like that?". "I say that was excellent!" said Bakura as he clapped politely "I certainly wish I could dance in that way". "It was good...but not as good as how I dance" said Duke Devlin with a conceited smirk on his face "Just ask the ladies". "Duke! Duke! He's so cute!" shouted some girls dressed as cheerleaders "He's so cute and his name rhymes with puke!". Before the girls had even finished cheering, Duke passed out and hit the floor with a loud thud. "What's going on?" said Raphael as he looked down and realized that he still had his Guardian Eatos figurine in arms "What are you people talking about?".
"You've been dancing nonstop for the last hour!" said Serenity as she suddenly tossed a quarter at him "You earned this!". A few of the others nodded in agreement and began to toss coins at Raphael and begged him to dance some more. "Can you do the hustle?" said Mako as he pulled out a quarter "There's a shiny new quarter in it for you if you do!". "No! Can you do the moonwalk?" said Bakura as he fished around in his pocket and pulled out a one pound piece "Uh...do you take British currency?". "Hey can you do the robot?" slurred Duke as he suddenly woke up and held up a quarter "I bet you can't...no one does the robot like me...".
Raphael couldn't believe that in his "altered" state he ended up making a fool of himself and attracting a crowd in the process. "Are you people insane?" said Raphael as he frowned and tried to give them the angriest look possible "I'm not dancing for your amusement! Especially not for a few measly cents!". "Oh please do one more!" begged Serenity as she fished around in her purse "I'll give you a dollar if you do the lambada!". Suddenly the others dug around in their pockets and began to pull out more money in an attempt to get Raphael to dance some more. "So you won't do the chicken dance?" said a strange looking pink haired man named Siegfried Von Schroeder who looked like one of Pegasus' long lost relatives "Not even if I pay you?". "FOR THE LAST TIME NO!" shouted Raphael who had pretty much lost his patience at that point "I'm not degrading myself anymore for a few dollars!
"Hmph what a pity" said Siegfried as he suddenly reached into his pocket and withdrew a one hunder dollar bill "I was willing to give you this if you did the chicken dance...but I guess you're not interested". Suddenly Raphael realized that he had a little dilemma: Should he walk off and keep what was left of his dignity intact or should he further humiliate himself and make some money in the process? "What would any other person do in this situation?" thought Raphael as he stared at the currency in Siegfried's hand "I need to think fast!"
"I like oo...!" slurred the now extremely drunk pink haired girl as she held a Cosmopolitan in one hand and had her other arm wrapped around Dartz "You o...ow too reat a...lady!"
"Yes yes my dear" said Dartz with a perverted grin on his face as the drunken girl leaned against him for support "Now lets get you another Cosmopolitan". Dartz and the pink haired girl had gone to a bar not too far from the mall and things were going better than expected. The girl hadn't expected Dartz to be so generous when it came to the cocktails, so she just kept drinking and drinking the cocktails he offered her. Dartz just smiled as he observed her getting drunk and before long her motor skills had gone downhill and she could hardly form a coherent sentence.
"Now how would you like to be queen of Atlantis for a day my dear?" chuckled Dartz who had completely forgotten all about following around and tormenting his minions "We can leave this place and go someplace...more fun". He nodded suggestively which was pretty much a complete waste of the time since the girl was too drunk to notice. "A fun...ace?" slurred the girl as she suddenly pulled away from Dartz and just stared at him "I...ow ust the..place...ollow me". The girl began to stagger towards the door and she beckoned for Dartz to follow. "I think I need to get out more often" thought Dartz to himself as he gulped down the rest of his martini and began to follow the girl "Now we'll see if all those yoga lessons I've taken have paid off".
"I can't believe I've only managed to find twelve trenchcoats" said Seto as he wandered down one of the aisles of the store "Why aren't there any good ones today?"
So far Seto had walked down almost every single aisle in the store and tried on dozens of trenchcoats, but still nothing. The trenchcoats were alright but they were nothing truly special. None of them seemed to stand out and scream "BUY ME!" like a few of the other trenchcoats that Seto had purchased in the past. Seto turned around a corner and began to wander down another aisle and as he approached the end, that's when he saw it. There stood a mannequin wearing the most incredible trenchcoat that Seto had ever seen. It was a beautiful full length solid black trenchcoat with a high collar and three shiny silver buckles close to the bottom of each sleeve. "THAT COAT!" exclaimed Seto as his eyes lit up like a little boy in a candy store "I MUST HAVE IT!"
"Ugh these trenchcoats are even worse than the ones at Old Navy" said Amelda in a disgusted tone of voice "Why aren't there any good ones today?". So far Amelda had wandered all over the store, tried on a few trenchcoats, but they just weren't that great. The store was completely deserted at that point since all of the salesmen were still traumatized by what they saw earlier. "You'd think there'd be at least one trenchcoat I like" said Amelda to himself as he looked down at the ground as he walked "Why isn't there-OW!". Amelda had walked right into a mannequin and bumped his head pretty hard. He was about to get mad, but then he noticed the trenchcoat the mannequin was wearing. "THAT COAT! It's black, it's got buckles, and-" exclaimed Amelda as he quickly grabbed the sleeve with the pricetag "AND IT'S MY SIZE!".
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT TRENCHCOAT!" suddenly screamed Seto as he leapt out of nowhere and quickly grabbed the other sleeve "I SAW IT FIRST!". "KAIBA!" thought Amelda as he suddenly tightened his grip on the trenchcoat when he saw his enemy "What's he doing here?". Normally Amelda would have taken this opportunity to duel Kaiba and attempt to steal his soul, but now something bigger(and possibly more important) was at stake. "THE HELL YOU DID!" screamed Amelda as he began to try and pull the trenchcoat away from his archenemy "I SAW IT FIRST!".
They both immediately began to tug at the trenchcoat's sleeves and it was an all out war. When it came to trenchcoats, both Seto and Amelda were just as crazy and obsessed. They were always in search of the perfect trenchcoat, and this particular trenchcoat seemed to embody perfection. Now they both wanted it and they would resort to whatever it took to keep the other from getting it.
"ROLAND!" shouted Seto who was determined to keep the strange redhead crossdresser from getting the beautiful trenchcoat "I NEED BACKUP!"