I feel as though he's forgotten me. As though I have stopped existing in his world of orbit.
I write him letters, passionate, bland, emotional, boringly recreated accounts of my day…and each one disappears into the either, not even acknowledged as received by him.
I call him and end up leaving a message with his new secretary, which of course, he never replies to.
I try to catch him in the hall but he's always so busy and I'm left staring at his back, wondering what I did wrong.
He's ignoring me, ignoring 'us'. Ignoring everything we ever meant to each other and I don't know why. I want to corner him, to force out a reason, to scream at him until my vocal cords break and I'm left bleeding out my pain.
But I can't because somehow this is all my fault even though I don't know why. I kept my promise, damnit! I was right there besides him, despite what I felt inside. Yes I was a bit…cold in the beginning, but I had a very good reason. It was tearing me apart to think about the whole situation let alone be the best of a friend I could be. Not to mention I didn't exactly approve of his choice...but then again I doubt I would approve of anyone he chose.
But I'm trying…shouldn't I get credit for something!
But no…he still walks away from me, nearly pretends I don't exist unless he has to deal with me.
So what did I do wrong since I know this is somehow entirely my fault. I mean, he's not ignoring anyone else.
I feel so…broken. Even more so then before because at least then I thought I could still be his friend, still have at least that part of him but now…
now I have nothing. I have just memories of what he was…what we were.
If this is some giant joke it's not funny. I've seen war, I've seen hell. I've seen the deepest, darkest parts of the human entity and I survived mostly untouched. But this…this is breaking me. Piece by piece I fall away and soon there won't be anything left but a shell. A mannequin that goes through the motions.
IO don't want to be that way. I don't want to be a wisp of half forgotten memory.
Especially not to him.
But I don't know how to stop this!
Please…
Please speak to me.
Remember me…
I'm sorry…please…