disclaimer: I do not own CSI : (
AN: Thousand thanks to Alex for beta reading! You're the best!
chapter 5
It was early in the morning when Sara woke up. First she didn't really know where she was until the memories came back to her.
This was definitely weird. Waking up in Gil Grissom's bedroom. Waking up in his bed with him lying next to her. How often had she dreamed of this? And now it became reality though it had the bitter after taste of it still being a lie.
Grissom was still asleep, she could tell from the way he breathed. The urge to turn around and watch him while he was asleep grew bigger and bigger but she reminded herself of their conversation last night.
After Gretchen had called it a night they had taken seat on the sofa. After a long time of silence Grissom had finally brought up the theme that had haunted her mind in the last twenty four hours. Sleeping. They would have to sleep in his bed room. Both. Together. In the same bed.
Grissom told her that he had thought about sleeping on the sofa but he didn't know whether his mother used to stand up early or not, whether she was the kind of person who ran to the fridge three times a night to get a glass of milk or not. He told her that he had thought about several excuses like that he had fallen asleep while watching TV or while reading a book… but he knew his mother, she'd expect something to be wrong, she'd think that they'd have a huge argument that their 'relationship' would be almost over and that they only pretended to still be happy, to make her happy.
Sara had wondered if Grissom was worried about the fact that they'd share the same room, the same bed, for the night. When he had broached the subject she had felt a weird feeling rising up in her stomach, it was a mixture of nervousness, anticipation, excitement and concern and it had been more than difficult to push all those thoughts out of her head.
He had told her that he had thought about some rules that would make this whole room and bed sharing thing easier for the both of them. She would sleep on the right side of the bed, he on the left, no-one was allowed to be on the other's side, they'd have their own blankets and pillows, he would sleep with his back to her and she would sleep with her back to him, they would change into their pyjamas - he had stressed the word pyjama, probably fearing she'd wear nothing at all or just a negligee or something similar – in the bathroom, when they had changed into their pyjamas they'd immediately go to bed, they'd neither read in a book or talk or do anything else, the light would be switched off and they'd sleep. As soon as one of them should wake up he would leave the room, in addition to this, he had added grinning, it would be nice if this person would already cook some coffee then.
They had already broken rule three, five and seven. Grissom had realized that he couldn't really sleep on the left side of his body so he had turned on his right side, his face to Sara. Before that Sara had broken rule five. She had been too impatient to wait for Grissom who seemed to spend hours in the bathroom so she had changed into her pyjama in the bedroom. Grissom had thrown an exhorting look at her, but then he had smiled softly telling her that the bathroom was free now, in case she'd still need it. And then Grissom had broken rule seven with asking her if she was already asleep half an hour after they had switched off the light. And she had broken rule seven b with answering his question.
It had taken her a long time to finally fall asleep. It was weird to lie next to someone in a foreign bed. And the fact that it was Grissom that she lay next to made it even harder to calm down, to settle her thoughts enough to find the calmness to be able to sleep.
She had listened to his breathing for a long time, first it had been kind of fast almost anxious but then he must have fallen asleep, he had been breathing slower and easeful. And the slow and soft breaths had finally been what had helped her to calm down.
And she now was breaking rule nine, she was the first one who woke up and it was actually her duty to leave the room and make some coffee. But she was the one who was doing him the favor here. Even though she had agreed to follow all of his rules, she felt that she should reward herself for her helpfulness. At least she tried to justify her trespass with this argument to herself.
She slowly turned around trying to be as quiet as possible. It would be really the worst thing that could happen if he'd wake up.
He looked so peaceful. She simply loved the way he looked while he was asleep. She noticed that there was a soft smile on his lips and she wondered if it was his dream that made him smile. Was he dreaming of something funny? Or was he dreaming of someone who made him smile? Who was this someone?
The right side of his face lay on the pillow, his right arm lay under the pillow, his left arm lay on the blanket, his hand buried in the gap between the two mattresses.
Sara bit down on her bottom lip. The urge to reach out for his cheek, the demand to touch him, the longing to caress him, the need to feel the soft skin of his face to feel the softness of his beard…it almost ripped her mind into two pieces. She knew that she had to resist the temptation. She knew that she just couldn't do this, she was not allowed to do it. What would happen if he'd wake up? What would he say? Would he be mad at her because she had broken the rules? How high was the actual chance that he would like to be touched by her?
He hadn't touched her at all after this one kiss. She had hoped he would at least hold her hand or let his hand slip over her arm or just something similar once again. But he hadn't done anything.
She needed to feel him so badly. She had stopped denying this to herself long ago.
His lips, she wanted to feel his lips again. She wished that she could at least run her finger over them, slowly. She tried to remember how they had felt on her cheek, how soft they had been but somehow the memories were already blurred.
She just couldn't control herself anymore, she needed to touch him even if it would just be for a second or half a second. She would hazard the consequences if he'd wake up.
Slowly she reached out for his face. Stopping half an inch before actually touching him. She needed to think about the point that she would touch, she had to pick a good one. She only had this one chance, it needed to be a special point.
But before Sara could think any further she heard a loud noise in the kitchen. She immediately turned her body away from Grissom afraid that he'd wake up.
It felt as if her heart was beating in her throat…and guilty conscience rose up in her. She would have deserved it if he'd been waking up but as far as she could tell he was still asleep. The speed of his breathing hadn't changed.
Sara took a deep breath. After this shock she needed a coffee, a strong coffee.
She slowly left the bed, careful, to not wake him up.
Before opening the door she stopped for a second. Taking a last look at him. The smile on his lips was still there…
If only this smile would be for me…
TBC
I hope you liked it :)