Hey I'm back again. Last time you were here, Kuronue had just told Youko to run from the guards, sacrificing himself to let his mate live. Youko knew he couldn't save Kuronue, so he ran, and as he did, saw his love's demise. That kind of thing can have a bad effect on a person, and when they've been together for the last 200 years, that would make a big impact on anyone. And yeah, I was going to have him die before he realized Youko was innocent, but it would have been to sad to write. So how does Youko handle this? Find out now.
Oh and now that school started the only time I have to write this is on weekends, so the chapters won't come out as fast as before. I will try to do one a week.
Note: The following chapter will likely be a bit depressing, so if you don't like it, eat some sugar as you read to keep you cheerful.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's a Secret: Chapter 14
Youko emerged from the forest carrying the mirror under his arm. He gazed at the ground, his eyes teary and empty, like someone who's spirit had been broken. As he appeared, Nori and Sho ran up to greet him. Their joyful smiles turned to frowns as they saw Yoko's dejected expression. They exchanged worried glances. "Youko?" Nori asked softly. Youko looked up at him, and what Nori saw in his eyes was heartbreaking. Youko's eyes were withdrawn, with a hopeless expression much like when he had first joined them. Currently, the only ones in the camp who had been there then were Nori and Sho, but they could tell that he had lost the spark of youthful spirit that had made him who he was.
They followed Youko into Kuronue and his tent while fending of inquiries from the other bandits. Inside, Youko handed the mirror to Nori and lay back where Kuronue usually slept, still fighting back tears. He curled up and hugged his knees into his chest. Nori put the mirror safely in a locked chest, then joined Sho next to Youko. Despite his best efforts, Youko couldn't hold back his tears as they flowed freely down his cheeks. Kuro..., that moment just kept playing through his head. His two teachers exchanged a dark look over his head.
"What happened?" Sho asked as gently as he could. Youko just shook his head and clutched his knees tighter. Sho noticed his tail was trembling violently. "Youko, you need to tell us. Don't forget, Akiko is my daughter. Akiko! Her fate hadn't even crossed Youko's mind since they split up. He wasn't an optimist, he knew that Akiko, as well as Takeshi and Shizuka were likely dead if they hadn't returned by now. And though the thought grieved him, it was nothing compared to the pain of losing Kuronue.
You idiot. He thought, Why did you do that. It was me who should have died. It was me who's value in this world was so small. I was just a greedy child, but you were a beloved leader. If anyone should have died it was me. I'll live now, because if I don't your death was worthless. If I go, then your sacrifice was in vain. But just because I live doesn't mean every breath I take won't cause me pain. As Sho and Nori tried to convince him to speak, he sank deeper into his depression.
"Okay Youko, if that's the way you want it, you can stay here until you're ready to speak to us. But I expect you to tell us everything the second you leave this tent. We'll go now, and bring some food in a little later." Nori gestured for Sho to follow him out of the tent. Youko didn't notice them leave though, in fact, he had forgotten they were there.
Over the next few days, Nori or Sho were true to there word and only disturbed him when they brought him food. But he never saw them, and his meals went untouched. He hadn't moved an inch since he first lay down. If Akiko had been here, she would have probably been able to bring him out of this depression, but now there was nobody who could reach him.
While Youko showed no signs of outward motion, inside his mind was working at an incredible pace. That in itself was consuming huge amounts of his energy. So even though it had only been a few days, his body began to show signs of his inward grief. He grew pale and thin, his eyes were glazed over, and his breathing was shallow. He was also getting a bad fever, but he didn't know any of this. All he knew was a black void where his darkest thoughts kept repeating over and over.
His ancient feeling of inferiority that he had had as a slave came back to him. He felt as if the whole world hated him, and it had just revealed itself now. Kuronue, he would never doubt Kuro's love for him. Kuro had made the ultimate sacrifice for him, but now that he was gone, it seemed as if nobody else cared for him. So as much as he didn't want to waste Kuro's sacrifice, it seemed as if there was no other choice.
I have to die. There is nothing more that binds me to this world. The bandits will be fine without me. Kuro is gone, and they will hate me for it. It only makes sense. Maybe I am a coward. Maybe it is the selfish thing to do, but I have no alternatives. Usually there is a choice, death is always an option. But in this case, it's the only option. It's time to leave this world.
So that night, on the fourth night since his return, he stirred from his bed, and sat up. When Nori came in with his food, he was delighted to find Youko awake, as he put it. He had a demon rush to get Sho. And when the other fox arrived and sat down, he told them what had transpired. In a monotone voice, he explained in great detail what had occurred, never displaying any emotion. And when he was done, both Sho and Nori were sobbing. Without a word they went to inform the others of their leaders demise.
There I have done it. I have fulfilled my last earthly obligation. With that in mind, Youko left the tent and walked straight through the camp and into the forest. If he had stopped to look around, he would have seen that no one blamed him for Kuro's demise. But as he didn't, it was unimportant, because in his mind everyone, including himself blame Youko.
So the fox walked through the forest until he came to a clearing used for things similar to what he was about to do. Here he would die. In Judgment glade, where many before him had been tortured and died, sometimes self willed. And where some would end it quickly, he was no coward. I deserve to die a traitors death. He had played the role of torturer before, and therefore knew exactly what to do.
I love you Kuro, and now, though it may cause you grief, I will end this. For though it may hurt now, in the end this is for the best. And though this path of love and pain may hurt, I will bring it to its end. My love for you may never end but nor will my pain. So now, because I love you so, I will end it. My life is over, but my pain will last to love's end. I will not run away, my pain shall be eternal, as the methods of my death will ensure. So now I shall begin.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After this there will probably be two or three more chapters. To answer a question I got, Yomi was in the camp because he was trying to get Youko to take him back, by now he's gone.
Sorry to leave it off like that, but next chapter will open with Youko's self inflicted torture. And if there's anyone who doesn't want to read that, I'm warning you now. Though I'm not very good at that kind of thing so it will most likely just be ineffective in showing his pain.