Chapter 10

SEE PROLOGUE FOR DISCLAIMERS, ETC.

Harriet Sims Roberts knew something was wrong when Jimmy took one look at Mac and ran screaming out of the room.

"I am so sorry, Mac," she said as she ushered Mac and Harm into their spacious house. "Jimmy has been upset ever since we told him-"

"Auntie Mac!" AJ's scream from outside sent Mac back to the yard.

"I guess I'm chopped liver," Harm quipped, nudging Harriet forward.

"Hardly, Harm. If there's an airplane in that bag, AJ will be falling all over you in no time." She sighed. "Want a beer?"

"No, thanks. A diet Coke is fine."

Bud came down the stairs with one of the twins in each arm. "Com-Captain! I'm so glad you're here. Take Nicholas, would you?"

Harriet watched as her very capable husband transferred a squirming six month old to Harm, who hadn't entirely lost his trepidation with infants despite caring for both AJ and Jimmy over the years. But once Nicholas was safely ensconced in his arms, Harm looked down into the baby's eyes and smiled. Nicholas cooed his contentment and snuggled against Harm's shirt.

"I guess I pass the test."

"I'd say so, Harm. Let me go see what's wrong with Jimmy. Make yourself as comfortable as you can."

Harriet went into the boys' playroom and found her second son standing in the middle of the room heaving great silent sobs. He threw himself into her arms when she knelt down to him, but he didn't stop crying.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Au-au-auntie M-m-m-ac l-l-look fu-fu-fu-funny."

Harriet thought for moment before she came up with a logical reason for Jimmy's assertion. "You've never seen her with her hair down, honey. She's just got longer hair."

Jimmy looked up at her with what she swore was an exact copy of Bud's "You've lost your mind" expression. "N-no, Mommy," he said, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Her a man."

Knowing that contradicting him would spark another round of tears or even a tantrum, she quelled her disbelief. It was patently ridiculous, of course, but almost-two year olds have active imaginations, particularly when they have older siblings who encourage such imaginations. "How do you know, Jimmy?"

He put his hands to his face just like he put his hands on Bud's face to test the shaving job every morning. "'Iskers."

"She had whiskers?"

"Him. Him 'iskers." Another advantage – or disadvantage – to an older sibling was better than average verbal ability for a child his age.

"Jimmy, Auntie Mac looks just like she always does, sweetie. I think your brother has been filling your head with nonsense again."

"No. 'Iskers. Big. No Auntie Mac." He plopped himself down on the floor at Harriet's feet and crossed his arms over his chest.

Deciding there was nothing more she could do for the moment and knowing the room was safe enough for him to be left alone in for a few minutes, Harriet turned on her heel and walked to the door. "Uncle Harm and Auntie Mac brought presents for you and we have cake for dessert, but you have to eat lunch first. When you're ready to come out, say so and someone will come get you." With that, she flipped the intercom switch to "on", backed out of the doorway, and latched the bottom half of the door in place. She expected Jimmy to beg to be let out immediately, but as she tiptoed up the hall, she could hear him muttering nonsense to himself.

Albert Jethro Roberts, you are in so much trouble, she thought.

Speaking of AJ, he nearly bowled her over as he ran in the front door screaming for Uncle Harm and Daddy. Mac was right on his heels.

"What in heaven's name is wrong with him?" Harriet asked Mac.

Mac rolled her eyes. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Bud might, but you wouldn't."

Bud and Harm came out of the den, each still carrying a twin. AJ moved between them when they stopped in the hall and pointed to Mac.

"Auntie Mac is a man. Lou says so, too."

Harm blushed. "AJ, um . . . how do I say this? I can tell you from personal experience that Auntie Mac is a woman. And who's Lou?"

Bud flashed a look at Harm that Harriet recognized as a typical male "Score!" response.

Harm shrugged and shook his head.

Mac laughed. "Not yet. But I am definitely a woman."

"Geez, Uncle Harm, you've met Lou, remember? He's my friend I play with when nobody else will play with me." AJ waved to the space next to him, then pointed at Mac. "You're a man. Your voice sounds like a man's voice. And there's another man in the front yard wearing very ugly, very bright clothes carrying a calculator. And I can hear Auntie Mac's voice but I can't see her."

Harriet glared at Bud. He paled.

"Maybe I let him watch too many episodes of 'Quantum Leap' last night," he admitted, hanging his head.

Mac coughed, but waved off any concern with a murmur of "pollen."

"Sam!" AJ pointed at Mac. "Al was in the front yard."

Mac kept coughing.

Harm looked back and forth between Mac and Bud.

Harriet tipped her head back against the stairway wall, barely controlling the urge to bang it repeatedly in hopes this craziness would go away when she awoke from her psychotic dream. "That's it, no more television with Daddy until summer comes, and next time, make sure Jimmy is asleep before you watch any of your science fiction. AJ, Auntie Mac is just fine. She's right here in this house where everyone can see her. And even if you don't believe me, pretend that you do so you don't scare your little brother anymore than he already is."

AJ nodded, but kept looking at Mac with narrowed eyes. "Yes, ma'am. I think Mom means it, Lou."

"Enough about Lou, AJ. Now that this is settled, can we please sit down to eat? Uncle Harm has a plane to catch."

Harm nodded toward the Toys 'R Us bag behind Mac. "And Uncle Harm brought planes to play with, too. Well, Auntie Mac and Uncle Harm."

AJ dived for the bag and extracted two wrapped presents. "Which one's mine?"

Mac smiled. "The Spongebob Squarepants package. The other is for Jimmy."

AJ's eyes brightened. "Cool! Mommy, can I go get Jimmy?"

Harriet heaved a sigh of relief. "Tell him he has a present, but he can only come out if he will be nice to Auntie Mac, okay? And don't tell him what you think."

"Yes, ma'am! Uh, no, ma'am." AJ tore off, leaving the boxes on the floor.

Harriet got the rest of the family and their guests to the dining room, where Nicholas and Nicolette had swings to settle into so everyone could eat unencumbered. From the kitchen where she poured drinks, she heard Mac ask Bud about "Quantum Leap."

"It's this really great show about time travel. 'Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top secret project known as "Quantum Leap." It's a Donald Bellisario show, you know, of 'Magnum, P.I.' fame?"

Mac laughed, to Harriet's ear a little nervously. "So you let AJ watch several episodes last night and that's why he thought I was a man?"

"Yeah. I am so sorry, ma'am. If I had realized . . ."

"No harm done, Bud."

Harriet heard Harm cough at that and wondered if Mac had intended the double entendre.

Jimmy and AJ dragged their presents in behind them from the hallway as Harriet carried a tray of drinks in from the kitchen. She went unnoticed as the two boys "oohed" and "ahhed" over their gifts, which were, she noted over Bud's shoulder, age-appropriate fighter jets.

Over the din of the dogfight her sons enacted, she called them to the table. "You can play later, guys. Let's eat."

"Aw, Mommy, can't we play for a few more minutes?" AJ asked her from the floor.

"Not now. Go wash your hands. Bud, would you take Jimmy?"

Bud stood up and scooped Jimmy from the floor behind him. "Sure, honey. Come on, guys. Mommy's got her admiral's voice on."

Harm laughed. "Admiral's voice?"

"AJ heard Admiral Chegwidden yelling in the office one day and told Bud that I sound like that when I'm bossing people around. Ever since, no one argues with the admiral's voice."

Harm's look at Mac sizzled across the table. "In our house, it will be Mommy's Marine voice. Even I jump at that one."

Harriet hoped that Mac's non-committal reply was related to the probability that she and Harm would have to adopt. Otherwise, she'd be tempted to buy into AJ's assertions because Mac almost never let an opportunity pass to one up Harm.