Oh my sweet goddess, more than a month since my last update in this story? I'm really sorry for that!
I just realized that I wrote this third chapter few weeks ago, but it's not beta-ed yet…
Against my best judgments, I decided to take the risk and post it this way – I just hope my English is not that bad!

Calliann: I'm glad you're enjoying this story as well as my drabbles! But I must confess that write drabbles is a whole lot easier, at least to me!
This chapter is somehow a turning point in the story, and I hope you like it! And just to let you curious, we'll see a bit of Tristan in the next chapter, that I'll start to write as soon as I finish here! (winks)

Cardeia: Oh, gods! You touched my weak spot in your review… I really don't know how to insert anything else during the dialogues! I guess it's because I'm used to write screenplays, where the description of the actions and the dialogues are separated… In this chapter I don't have dialogues, but I tried to add some actions between the thoughts of the characters… In the next chapter (that I'm already writing, so I hope I won't take a month to post) I'll try to focus on this matter. I know it's something I need to improve in my writing style, and I'm working on it!
Oh! And I just read your Merciful God, and it reminded me a lot of what happen in this chapter! (Actually, it was when I read your story that I remembered I didn't post this chapter yet!). Thanks, dear! Really! (winks)

Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one. My beloved Lancelot follows me everywhere because he wants. I'm not forcing him to anything!
Author's Notes: English is not my native language and I'm still learning it, so feel free to help me pointing at any error you find!
Any feedback will always be welcome, so please, review and let me know what you think!
This story is inspired by the song Best of You, from Foo Fighters, and the bold lines belong to the song.

-o-

I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again but I break loose

Arthur was laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what to do. Kay was gone. What now? How would he keep his Sarmatian Knights under control without the older man's help? He knew he needed to conquer the men's trust, but he had no idea how. Arthur felt himself as slave as the knights, once he would only be free to go to Rome when their fifteen years were over. Moreover, there was nothing Arthur wanted more than go to Rome – and meet Pelagius, the last one Arthur could call family. Arthur could understand the longing the knights felt from their home and their family; he felt the same way about Rome and Pelagius - although he had been in Rome just once, with his father. If Arthur could understand the way his knights felt, why was so hard to them to even try to understand Arthur's point of view? He rubbed a hand in his eyes; his head was starting to ache. Why at least once things couldn't be easy with those Sarmatians?

"Damn!"

Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to choose a man to be his new Second in Command. But who? It needed to be someone he entirely trusted – someone all the knights entirely trusted. Trust. That seemed to be his biggest problem recently. Or better, the lack if it. And Arthur didn't really understand why they didn't trust him. He could understand the anger – their freedom had been taken from them – but Arthur himself wasn't the one to blame, was he? Was he the one between the knights and their freedom? No. He was the one who was there to assure the knights would survive to see their freedom. He had no fault about their past, but would take full responsibility on their future. And that was what he needed to show them, what he needed to make them believe. Arthur would give his best to be their guarantee of life, not of death. He would do everything he could to protect these men, even give his own life. Arthur sighed in relief. He still had no idea about how to keep the men under control, but at least his heart was sure about what path to follow. Arthur let a small smile form in his face; he was questioning himself too much lately, sometimes he was almost sounding like…

"Lancelot!"

Whispering the young knight's name, Arthur sat in his bed. He blinked and took another deep breath. Suddenly, everything was making sense.

"Is not bad to be questioned, and Lancelot is not the only one looking for answers. Are you giving the answers to him or to yourself?"

Kay's words were once again in his mind, but this time they carried a whole new world of meanings. That was what Kay was talking! How didn't he realize that before? Lancelot was always questioning Arthur to make him see things from the knights' point of view - that Arthur had already understood. What Arthur had just realized was his needing in answer Lancelot. While answering the knight's questions, Arthur was answering himself. To face Lancelot's intense eyes and sharpened tongue, Arthur needed to be confident about what he was saying. When Lancelot asked all those hard questions, he made Arthur ask those same questions to himself; and giving the young knight the answers, Arthur was proving himself how much he believed his own words.

Arthur ran his hands through his hair. Lancelot was the one he needed at his side to keep him aware of how much he trusted his own beliefs – and how far he would go for them. Arthur was used to train with Lancelot, so they knew each other's weaknesses in battle; spending all this time together, Lancelot was the closest to Arthur among the knights, and they were learning to deal with each other – the hardest way, but they were improving. Lancelot also had some leadership among the men, and certainly had their trust. Yes, Lancelot was the perfect choice to be Arthur's Second in Command. Arthur sighed again. Would Lancelot accept his offer? There was just one way to find out, so Arthur left his room, searching for the young knight.

-o-

My head is giving me life or death but I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse

Lancelot stormed towards his room. He was furious at Arthur. He slammed the door behind him - with such a strength that the door almost broke - and started to pace furiously from end to end in his room. Maybe furious was not enough to say how much anger Lancelot was feeling for Arthur. How dared that bastard Roman ask for Lancelot's trust and loyalty like that, out of the blue? Be his Second… If Arthur really wanted to be trusted by Lancelot and the other knights, he would have to conquer their trust with actions, not buying Lancelot's with some stupid promotion! But what else could Lancelot expect? That was the Roman way to act.

"Roman Bastard!"

Roman – that was the worse offense Lancelot could think of at that moment. They were Lancelot's enemies. Trust a Roman would be betray his own kind. They had taken him from his home and brought him to throw away his life fighting a war that was not his. They had done the same with Lancelot's forefathers and they would do so with Lancelot's heirs. Yet, Arthur refused to see how filthy and corrupted Rome was! No matter how hard Lancelot tried, how loud he yelled, he seemed to be unable to make Arthur sees the truth about his beloved city. One day Arthur would finally understand the difference between his beliefs and the real world around him, and the shock would break the man – not that Lancelot cared.

"If you don't care, why do you question him so much? Why would be so important for you drive insane someone you don't give a damn to?

Lancelot growled. Damn Kay and his stupid questions! Running a hand through his hair, Lancelot stopped to pace, sitting is his bed. He never felt so confused nor so alone before. It was useless keep denying to himself: he cared for Arthur. He hated himself for that, but he was starting to see the damn Roman with different eyes. He'd been fighting the unwelcome friendship that was growing between them lately, but certainly was not having any success at it. He was learning to know the other man, and was quite fond of the time they were spending together. He knew he didn't waste his time questioning Arthur just for fun; although it was amusing see the always so moderate Arthur loosing his control at Lancelot's words, there was something else. Lancelot needed those answers. Unlike the other knights, Lancelot didn't believe in any god, goddess or religion; the only thing he believed was himself. But – and this was something he would never admit to anyone – when he returned from battle badly injured for the first time, he found out that believe just in himself wouldn't be enough. He needed to believe in something else, and even against his will, Lancelot's heart made a choice for him. Arthur. Deep in his heart, Lancelot wanted to believe in Arthur's words, he wanted to believe he was fighting for something worth of his life. But Lancelot's mind had already seen too much to believe in a world of peace and equality, as the one Arthur talked about.

"Look at the man!"

Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. Once again, Kay's words were echoing in his mind. The man. What kind of man was Arthur? That kind of fool who would believe in fairy-tales. Lancelot mentally snapped himself; this time he wouldn't just put his thoughts away. He would really reflect about that – he owned Arthur at least an answer, after all. He tried again. What he saw when he looked at Arthur? Lancelot saw a man who held his beliefs and his principles close to his heart. A man who would die for everything he believed – and he believed was his duty to protect the men under his command, so he would die for them. Lancelot took a deep breath. He could not believe in Arthur's perfect world or follow his beliefs. However, he could believe in the man Arthur was, and could follow the man's leading. Arthur deserved at least a chance, and Lancelot was ready to give him that.

Lancelot stood up and started to pace again, this time slower. Lancelot knew that if he gave Arthur a chance, the other knights would follow him. This trust the other knights had placed in Lancelot was reason of pride for the dark-haired knight, and he wouldn't disappoint his fellows. Arthur knew about the undeclared leadership Lancelot had among the other knights, and Lancelot asked himself if Arthur wasn't trying to use him to conquer the others' trust. He stopped in front of the mirror in the wall of his room and stared at his own eyes. Raising an eyebrow to his reflected image, Lancelot snapped himself again. Arthur was an honored man.

"He trusts me."

-o-

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?