Chapter VIII
The dim light of the passageway was soothing to Kat's eyes. She didn't need to work as hard to keep them focused in the low light. Barney dragged along next to her, shoulders slumped with exhaustion. Three days with little sleep was taking it's toll. They had come through one of the hidden entrances to the Resistance headquarters and Kat felt almost giddy at the thought of the hot shower and bed waiting for her.
As they walked along the passage, a figure jogged towards them. It was Diane, the disagreeable young woman who had escorted Kat to her first meeting with Dr. Werner and Susan Holmes. She trotted up with a grin, "Glad to see you back! Dr. Werner is waiting for you; he wants to see you…both of you right away."
"Right away?" Barney asked. "Can't it wait a couple of hours?"
"No. As soon as security picked you up he started collecting all the available council members together. He's pretty excited to hear about what you found."
Barney sighed heavily and continued to trudge up the passageway. Diane followed along, pelting him with questions about the mission. She barely acknowledged Kat's presence, which was fine by Kat. She felt she didn't have the energy to string together a coherent sentence anyway.
As they reached the outer ring of the base, Barney stopped and turned to Diane, "Do you think you could take some of this stuff to storage for us?"
Her eyes flicked briefly to Kat, "Sure. No problem."
Barney handed over his weapons and equipment, while Kat dug through her pack. She pulled out her notebook and samples and handed the rest to Diane. As Kat thanked her, she was treated to a sour look. She turned to Barney as they walked away, "I get the feeling she doesn't like me."
"Don't take it personally. She treats almost everyone that way. I convinced her join the Resistance instead of Civil Protection, so somehow that seems to make me her savior."
"Ahh. So I guess that means I'm not welcome as a fellow disciple," she responded with a smile.
Barney snorted, "That's the last thing I need. Anyway, I think I owe you now. I would have been checking into Nova Prospekt last night."
"Well, let's just call it even then. You don't need to owe me any favors."
"I'd hardly call it even, but if that's what you want..."
There were already several council members waiting in the meeting room when they arrived. All heads turned as they entered. The bearish Dr. Werner stood, a smile fading from his face. "Mein Gott, Calhoun. You two look awful."
"Yeah. Sorry Doc, they're a little short on the five-star hotels out there."
Werner winced slightly, "Yes, well, come sit down then and tell us what you found. We will try to make this quick."
As they settled in, Susan spoke up. "We're glad to see you back safe. We had heard rumors through our contacts that there was Resistance activity at the Atmosphere Control Facility. They told us there had been a capture and an escape attempt but that there had been no survivors." She raised an eloquent eyebrow at Barney.
Barney nodded, "That was my stupid mistake and Kat's quick thinking. It looks like she figured out those bugs. If you can get past the smell, they can be pretty useful." He turned to Kat.
"They communicate with pheromones. We managed to kill a queen and I found four glands that produce the substance." She set the samples on the table. "The odor is rather strong, but it seemed to fool the workers into thinking we were antlions. We ended up using scent-marked rocks to goad the workers into attacking the Combine soldiers that were pursuing us. I was hoping it would look like we had been killed on the beach."
One of council members, a stout Asian woman, stared greedily at the samples, "We must get this off to the chemistry lab at once! If we can replicate the substance…" She looked at Dr. Werner.
"Yes, Xian, go ahead and get started on it. Excellent job, Ms. Orovjek. This could be quite a breakthrough. And Barney, did you find anything of interest at the ACF?"
"As a matter of fact, yes. They're hauling in something on some new tracks. We got a sample of it. I think it might be related to their increased production and might have something to do with that activity we've been hearing about in the northwest."
Werner waved the statement off, "You have no way of knowing if the two are related."
An older man with the air of the military about him looked up. "You know, Claus, we started receiving reports of Combine activity in that area northwest of the city a couple of months ago. It looked like they were doing some scouting. They cleared out any nearby settlements and set up a pretty tight cordon around the area since then, so we haven't been able to get a look at what they're up to, but it must be pretty important. And there are new railroad tracks coming out of the area…"
Kat felt the blood drain out of her face as the room slipped sideways nauseatingly. A small ember that had been smoldering in her chest for weeks bloomed into flame. The meeting continued on as a faint buzzing in her ears.
Suddenly there was someone shaking her arm. "Are you okay?" She looked up to see people leaving the room. Barney was looking down on her with concern.
She staggered to her feet, avoiding his eyes. "I'm fine. Just…tired." Shaking her head, she roughly brushed past him, hurrying to the door, "I just need some sleep."
Barney trailed after her. "I saw your face in there. Do you want to talk about it?"
She continued walking swiftly down the hall, eyes straight ahead, "No. I don't." To her relief, she didn't hear him follow. She hurried along to her room and shut the door. She walked to the bed and curled herself onto it, lying with her eyes open. Sleep would only bring more of the dreams now.
Her impotent rage bubbled painfully in her chest. All of those people killed for a bunch of rocks. Just knowing the reason seemed to make it worse somehow. As fantastic plots of revenge swirled through her mind, a knock sounded at the door. She knew who it was.
"I'm fine, Barney."
"Can I come in for a minute please?"
"I'm trying to get some rest."
"No you're not."
Kat sat up with a sigh. "Alright."
Barney stepped into the room, his face grave. "We need to talk."
When she didn't respond, he sat on the bed next to her. "I know you have nightmares. I saw your face during that meeting when the settlements were mentioned, and I've noticed how you always try to avoid talking about what happened. It doesn't help to bottle it all up."
Kat drew in a shuddering breath and stared fixedly at her hands clenched in her lap. "I can't."
"Look, I know what happened to you was awful. Everyone here…"
"But it didn't happen to me! It happened to them! And I know that everyone has a horror story. That's what makes it so awful. I don't deserve any dramatics." She held her shaking hands out in front of her, "This isn't how I'm supposed to be. Why is this happening? What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing is wrong with you. You will get over it, trust me. It really does help if you talk about it."
"I can't. I can't even think about it."
Barney was quiet for a long moment. Finally, he spoke softly, "I've seen other people self-destruct, Kat, and that's where you're headed. I know what I'm talking about. I've been there myself."
Kat turned and looked at him silently. "I told you that I worked at Black Mesa. Well, not many people survived that mess. I had to go through some…awful stuff to get out of there and I left a lot of friends behind.
"We had to flee the country because our own government wanted to kill us. Some of the scientists I helped escape had friends in Germany, so I went with them. Everything seemed fine at first. We kept busy moving around a lot, but after three or four months I started having nightmares. Then the nightmares got worse and I started drinking too much." He shrugged, "It was the only way I could get any sleep. Then I started having nightmares when I was awake…flashbacks, I guess."
He paused for a moment. "I hit rock bottom when I…I attacked one of the scientists over some stupid little thing. That's when I met Amina and she convinced me to talk about what happened. She kept saying it was like draining an abscess. Every time I told the story, it seemed like it was, I don't know, something that was outside of me, not locked away inside and festering."
Kat nodded thoughtfully. "Thank you for telling me. I'm sure you're right, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm sorry."
"It's alright. Like I said, I've been there. I know how hard it is to open up." He stood and moved towards the door. "It might take awhile, but you can talk to me whenever you're ready. I'm sure Amina would listen, too."
As she watched the door shut, Kat's thoughts started circling again. She stood and paced the length of her tiny room. The thought of unburdening herself was appealing, but the pain it would involve was terrifying. Barney certainly meant well, but she couldn't afford to let her guard down again. She had made that mistake on the farm and she didn't want to do it a second time.
She paced for a long time, struggling to push the rage and fear back down. If only… If only… If only I could… What? Lennox was out of her reach and the Combine was an impossible foe. Her frustrated emotions ripped at her. There was no answer.
Exhausted, she finally sat on the bed and pulled out her notebook. Sleep was still too much of a risk. There was an old game she had played in college to help her study and when she was distracted it often helped soothe her mind. She and her classmates would list an order of animals and see who had the best memory. She selected one of her favorite orders and started a list.
Order: Cetacea (14 families; 40 genera; 85 species)
Suborder: Odontoceti – Toothed Whale
Family: Phocoenidae – Porpoises (6 species)
Phocoena phocoena – Harbor porpoise
Phocoena spinipinnis – Burmeister's porpoise
Phocoena sinus – Vaquita
Phocoena dioptrica – Spectacled porpoise
Phecoenoides dalli – Dall's porpoise
Neophocaena phocaenoides – Finless porpoise
Family: Delphinidae – Dolphins (36 species)
Cephalorhynchus commersonii – Commerson's dolphin
Cephalorhynchus eutropia – Black dolphin…
She had nearly finished the list when she finally fell asleep, pen in hand.
X X X
Kat worked hard to keep herself busy as the next few weeks passed. She wrote a report on the antlions and the behaviors she had observed and worked up some detailed sketches from what she could remember of the internal and external anatomy. Amina often found jobs for her in the labs and she enjoyed working with the calm, patient doctor. Barney stopped by periodically to check in on her. She knew he was concerned about her state of mind, but he did his best to avoid the subject.
When she had first arrived at the Resistance headquarters, it had seemed to be a fairly quiet place, but every day now there were new faces and more activity. Shortly after their return from the coast, a scouting party had been sent to the secure area in the foothills to the northwest. They had confirmed a large mining operation that looked as if it might be supplying most of Eastern Europe. An attack was being planned, although Kat knew little of the details. She knew that it was unlikely she would be able to participate and the thought frustrated her endlessly.
X X X
"Kat, hold on a second!"
She turned to see Barney striding down the gently curving hallway towards her. It always seemed incongruous to see him in his Metrocop uniform inside the Resistance base.
"Are you busy? Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure. I just finished up in the lab. What do you need?"
He took her arm and guided her to a quiet spot in the hallway. "Are you still interested in going on this assault on the mine?"
"Of course I am. Why?"
"Colonel Damarov wants us to put together small teams to get out of the city unnoticed. I'm heading one up and I want you in it."
"Really? I thought this was a 'veterans only' mission."
"It is, but you have the skills we need, so I think you qualify. I know what you said, but I stillowe you one, so I pulled a couple strings. I think it would do you some good to get out there and do something instead of just stewing in here. I just want it to be clear that this is not a revenge mission though."
She nodded, "I understand."
"Good. We're meeting tomorrow night in the big conference room. I'll see you there."
Well, I was trying for something different here and I'm not sure if it works or not. She has a few issues I felt needed adressing. This chapter gave me fits; it's hard getting into someone elses head. Anyway, the action will be back soon. I hope no one is snoring out there.
B.C. 2501 - Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
Stormsworder - Thank you. I'm always concerned that I'm not getting enough detail into the story.