Well, Chapter 6 done at last. Sorry for the long delay, I've got an exam about every 2 weeks at the moment, and none of them are easy to say the least!
Big thanks to all you reviewers, and especially to Karen or Cultnirvana as usual, she's made this readable once again (A small miracle given my typing and spelling skills). I hope you haven't all died of old age by now......
So, this is where things start coming out in the story (at last!). Chapter 7 is half-written, so it won't be too long in arriving :)
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Where the River Flows - Chapter VI
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2A.M. 23rd July - The clock just keeps on going, going on. I wonder if time has a consciousness? It seems to slow upon the the call of expectation, but makes ecstasy all to brief in length. Changes human perception to mock the fact that we believe we can understand it. But one thing that it emphasises is that it is utterly relentless. Cannot be stopped, fighting it is futile at best. It sees all, knows all. And it is laughing at me now, stretching each second to an hour, knowing that I have no choice but to wait.
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My head is pounding. I wish it would stop. I don't suppose that my nerves are helping either. The voice of common sense whispers that maybe it's because I'm still ill, but I ignore it. Realising my mind is drifting, I attempt to wrench it back onto the matter in hand. The treatment and recuperation periods for Horseas after chronic illness.
"You really should give it a while, Misty. Trying to learn anything while you're unwell isn't going to help." My reply to Ash's worried voice it to turn a page. And find my mental guesstimate of the answer was miles off. This is going really well.
"I'd listen to him. You look like you're gonna pass out." Hazel adds, looking up from where she's playing cards (and getting sharked by Cyndaquil).
"I'm fine." Although I'll admit to myself my mind is beginning to wander just a little. "Although..…" A huge yawn halts my speech for a second. "…..I could really do with a drink."
"Coffee?" Ash asks, sliding off his bed and to his feet, rubbing idly at the scratches on his arm that he picked up two days ago through his deep purple pyjamas.
"Yeah, no sugar." I don't really like coffee without sugar, but I don't feel like sweetness right now. Giving in to my brain's silent pleading for me to stop, I rest the book down on my chest and look around the room. Cyndaquil is laying down a royal flush, Hazel looking pissed as she throws in her hand of cards. Chikorita is watching with idle interest, having already lost her money. Pikachu is half-asleep on the other bed next to the window, the one I slept in on the first night, Ash's patient hands having massaged her into a daze. Pretty much the sort of scene we've made for a lot of the time since we got here. We won't be here for much longer, I've got to be back down in Cerulean City in a little more than two weeks. Just as this place was beginning to grow on me too. The lady in the café knows us all on sight now, we're approaching the level of regulars.
"Usual for the rest of you?" A chorus of yes's (and one sleepy "Pika") greet the question. I think that Ash is the centre of gossip in this town too. Not only is he famous, but he arrives with a girl on each shoulder and yesterday, well, I don't think I've stopped laughing yet. We'd been putting all the dirty washing that we'd created since we did the last load in a bag. He was the one that took it down, and asked nurse Joy if he could use the washing machine to clean "his clothes." She agreed, of course. And it turned out the bag was more than half full of underwear. Mostly mine and Hazels. He grabbed an item and was about to throw it into the washing machine when he realised exactly what he was holding. Pink panties. With frills. Nurse Joy did too. I heard her laughter from up here. Ash returned to the room looking pinker than the aforesaid lingerie, where he was coaxed into explaining why Joy was in hysterics. Even feeling as awful as I did yesterday I almost choked with mirth. A knocking on the door drags me out of my thoughts as Ash goes to answer it. I crawl to the end of my bed so I can see down the passage as he answers the door. It's nurse Joy, holding a bag in one hand and a dark smile on her face. The sort that makes me gesture to the others to come and watch the show.
"Ash, these are all dry now. Except your skirt-" I giggle at the way she emphasises *your* "- that'll take a little longer." She hands my blue shimmery summer skirt to Ash, who takes it bashfully. It sort of is his, since he bought it for me, but I don't think he thought this would happen. " Oh, and I reckon you'd look really cute in your black lacy number, it'd go with your hair." She gives a coquettish wink, picking my fanciest underwear out of the bag and handing it to him with a grin the size of the San Andreas fault. "But you could always try it on for me if you want to try and prove me wrong….." That's it, my silence cracks and I burst into great peals of laughter at the exact same moment as everyone else.
"Agh, it's not that funny." He pops the bag down, dropping the skirt on top of it. "Fancy coming in for a cup of something Joy? The kettle's on."
"Sure, thanks Ash. I've got a bleeper if the door opens and Chansey has PMT so she won't take any messing around at this time of the month." Heh, I suppose even Chanseys aren't happy all the time. Joy sweeps into the room, and picks a seat by the window and my bed. We've all become good friends with her, if there is one person you could trust with a secret it's her. I know for a fact that Hazel was bending her ear for a good hour or so yesterday. I know for a fact that she was on about me as well, but I've done the same so I'm not going to get all high and mighty.
"Quiet day?" I ask idly, flicking some fringe out of my eyes.
"Yeah. Usually is at this time of the year. People go on holiday for most of the summer, soon as the kids are out of school. Don't blame them, this place is duller than a wet Welsh Wednesday." That's fair to say. Joy likes our company all the more because it's just about the only company she has. We've become quite close friends in the short time we've been here.
"What's your poison?" Ash does well to hide the fact that he's just been embarrassed horribly in front of three women with a skirt and my nicest G-string. Speaking of which.....
"Tea, please." Out from somewhere comes another mug, this one with Blisseys all over (it's obvious that he's used to having the occasional nurse Joy in to visit, he even has a cup ready for the occasion.) and a tea-bag is in it in a flash. As Ash crouches down to get the milk out I notice something sticking out of this pocket. Now I'm interested.
"Okay, milk? Sugar?" Joy shakes her head.
"Nah, just plain." He pours out the water and hands her the mug. She smiles lightly at the design on it, before going over to sit on the bed by the window, next to Pikachu. Then Ash goes over to give Hazel, Cyndaquil and Chikorita their drinks. Chikorita takes a long slug.
("Ow! Hothothot!!!") And ends up in the sink, mouth under the cold tap. Some people never learn. Finally, Ash picks up my cup, and moves to hand it to me.
"Thanks." I take a cautious sip, and give him a smile. His face almost seems to light up in response. He's been acting different the last thirty-six hours. Like he knows something I don't, but at the same time, doesn't really believe it yet. No, I didn't, did I? I thought that my words were just a dream, they were, weren't they?! I'm sure that they were. But if they weren't..…
"Misty, you okay?" I shake from my daydream to see Ash's face barely inches from mine, eyes just glistening with compassion. I'm so confused. If I had said something, and he knew, he'd be sure to tell me. He wouldn't be stood there with puppy-dog eyes almost begging me.
"Uh, yeah, just a little woozy." Crap excuse in a voice just begging for reassurance, and this time he doesn't take it at face value.
"You look flushed." He reaches out and touches my cheek, tender as a mother to a child. Soon as his skin brushes mine I seem to float away, just for the briefest, most fleeting moment. In another world. Pure sensation and emotion, a bliss so intense it's choking. All to swiftly it's torn away, and replaced by reality. And fear. Fear of risk, and of love itself.....
"You look like you're going to steal my most expensive underwear." My blind flailing for distraction works, and the silent attention of the room previously focused on me now switches to Ash. I notice, to the tune of the shards of my heart as they shatter on the ground, that he looks devastated. Ever so briefly, but for a lifetime to me. Damn my cowardice.
"Uh, sorry." Ash draws the black lacy garment from his pocket, and for everyone the tension seems to snap.
"So they were yours! I'm sure they suit you down to the ground!" Joy chortles, and Ash blushes hotly, looking at the floor.
"As it happens, they do." Mumbled words, but not mumbled enough to escape my hearing. It's only now the words scrawl themselves across my consciousness. Leaving me slack-jawed. He hasn't, has he? He has, hasn't he? And I'm not really sure how to react. And it's now that it is clear I'm not the only one to hear his concealed words. And this is because Pikachu is pissing herself laughing. Ash forgot how sensitive her hearing could be. And now Pikachu is repeating what he said amidst peals of laughter. And even Hazel understands. And Ash is looking ashamed. And I feel like a total shit. If I wasn't such a chicken.....
("Oh my.") Is Cyndaquil's response. Now almost the whole room is rocking with laughter, except for me, Ash, and, to my surprise.....
("Pikachu, you bitch!") Chikorita hurls herself past me and faces down Pikachu, who abruptly stops laughing.
("Uh?") Pikachu looks worried. Not surprising, considering the history of this confrontation.
("Whatcha go and do that for? It's none of our business, why should it be?") She's inching closer, an undeniable snarl of hostility in her voice.
("I was only having a laugh.....") To my horror one of Chikorita's dark green vines lances out and strikes Pikachu across the face. Any laughter dies suddenly as a fly hitting a windscreen.
("Laugh?! Look what your little laugh is doing to him!") All eyes flit to where Ash was. There's now just an empty space. From the bathroom, I faintly hear an indistinct noise, and then a tap flowing. Like poison blossoming through the body to spin a web of fatal constriction, despair sweeps all aside within me. I'm a total jerk. Why did I even bring him down in the first place?! Because I'm a waste of space, too busy trying to save my own skin to care about his. Then a card floats mockingly into my eyes - the joker, weaving its sly spells on us. It's only now that Pikachu returns from the shock of being slapped, and out of the corner of my eye I see her glowering at Chikorita, raising one dandelion paw to her face.
("That hurt, you little bitch. I'm going to make you pay for that.") She hisses between bared teeth, cheeks glistening with unspent lightning in emphasis. Chikorita, who has just stared at the Ashless space with wide eyes, turns back. Her red eyes now ablaze.
("Fat chance. If you care about making fun of him more than you care about his feelings, I'm going to beat you to an inch of your life until you beg, beg out loud for his forgiveness.") Ignoring Pikachu's stunned expression, she reaches out with one of her vines and swipes an ankle, pulling her right off her feet and spinning into a bed.
("Cut it out!") Cyndaquil dives between them as Pikachu leaps back up, poised to strike. ("Stop fighting, goddamn it! What good is that going to do?")
("Soon as she realises that she can't shoot her mouth off and get away with it!") Chikorita levels a foreleg towards Pikachu, spitting bullets. ("You do it all the time, and not just to me either!")
("So you're just using Ash to get at me, are you?!") Pikachu cracks a bitter, acrid laugh. ("So all that crap about me upsetting him was a front to get at me! Well I've got news for you, I can see right through that.") A knife seems to plunge through my ribcage as their words work through. Ash wouldn't have been worked up about something as silly as this, no way. I did it, didn't I? Soon as I blew him off, cut him down. My fault. Mine. But this is now escalating beyond something little and insignificant.....
("Like hell!") Chikorita looks crumpled. She's always been easy to upset. In fact, it was because she was blinded by emotion that a catastrophe nearly took place, three years back. You can only push her so far, and she'll snap like a dry twig. Beyond that, no one knows. Trying to put a brave face on, she almost draws the tears seeping into her crimson eyes away again. ("Why do you have to be so malicious? You take every chance you can to put me down, but can't resist taking a bite at Ash, eavesdropping on everything anyone says and using it against them.....") She takes a deep gasping breath, looking down and biting her lip. All eyes turn to Pikachu. She looks utterly dumbstruck, just for a flash-frame. Then the fire hits her eyes again, and now it's burning so bright that Cyndaquil lights his own flames in silent warning.
("You arrogant little whore.") My despair grows deeper with every snarled tone Pikachu makes. This is down to me. I should end this myself. But my mouth is dry and paralysed with fear, throat gripped tightly by the fingers of shame. ("You stand there so cocky and self-centred and say those things, without even considering that you're so possessive that you do the same things, twice as bad every day. And I'm sick of you simpering and whimpering like a spoilt baby because there are other people on the earth. And you know what.....") Pikachu's normally subtle voice is about to reach a thunderous crescendo, when Chikorita makes a tiny noise of her own, but a noise which stops everyone in their tracks. A choked sob. It's a barely audible whisper, but like a trigger clicking. Cyndaquil turns to her, concern spread over his face.
("Chikorita?") No reply. Her eyes slide to the floor, shedding tears, spattering carelessly on the carpet. She almost seems to shrink, all spirit and will evaporating. Entirely submissive.
"Uhm, what's wrong with her?" Hazel, who is now laying beside me to watch the confrontation, sounds baffled. Of course, she's never seen Pikachu and Chikorita going at it, and she's never seen the aftermath either.
("Please, just leave me alone, please…..") Chikorita turns away from Pikachu, dejectedly shuffling around the bed and towards the passage. Soundless, like a machine. She reaches the door Ash has disappeared through, nudges it open and slithers through the gap, shutting it behind her. Then, nothing. No words, no comments, nothing. Until Joy sets her now empty cup down on a table with a definite clink.
"Misty, was that normal?" Normal? Did that look like a normal reaction to anyone? Anyone? Go on, put your hands up audience, if you think that was something perfectly average and understandable, put them up. And keep them up there, so the people with the white coats will know to come around and pick you up after the show. They'll give you a nice jacket and all, a little difficult to get off admittedly, but they do have really fashionable buckles and are a snug, maybe even tight fit. I sigh, rolling my eyes before answering.
"No, I think it's fairly obvious it's not." Pikachu, I notice, hasn't moved a muscle since Chikorita gave out that one hiccup. I think she might be feeling as bad as I am right now. "Chikorita, she's unusual. She always seems rough and ready, and is quick to face up to any confrontation. But when something gets to her, it's a different matter." A bit like someone else I know quite well. Me. I resist the need to choke on my words as I say them, although it gets harder with each passing breath. "If it's someone close to her, or it bites to the bone, she seems to lose it. Deflates like a punctured balloon. Then goes and hides away for god knows how long. But the resentments fester, and grow, and when she gets her will back, watch out." There is a collective intake of breath from Joy and Hazel, who seem enthralled by the drama.
("Chikorita!") Pikachu snaps from her daze, and dashes headlong towards the bathroom, entering and shutting the door behind her. Instinctively, we all listen out for any noise from the room, but none seems to come out other than the noise of water running. I think that is what I should be doing, going and sorting things now. I prop my arms beneath me to push off the bed.
"So what's all this about something happening three years ago? I've heard bits and pieces, and also Ash say something about it when I was in there the other day." Hazel nods towards the partition which is enclosing three of our group. "Does it have anything to do with Pikachu and Chikorita?" Damn it Hazel, talk about breaking the moment.
"So this isn't the first time that those two have tangled then?" Joy leans forward, interested. Nosy would be a better word, I think. Should I tell her to mind her own business? I sense Cyndaquil nodding to me to continue. I glance down to him and see the message straight away, loud and clear - this isn't the time to go chasing after Ash. And better killing time in talk than in silence.
"No." He jumps up to my right, brushing against the pink sleeve of my pyjamas as he settles down.
("I'll fill in anything I know you've missed.") Hazel just about understands, and frowns at him from my other side.
"What if I can't work out what you're saying?" I smile at her with mock sweetness.
"Then I'll try and use simpler words. Okay?" Her frown powers up to a glare as it shifts to me. If I wasn't feeling so guilty, I would be laughing like hell.
"Just get on with it." I let the snarl pass over me, working out where to start.
"Well, it started pretty soon after Chikorita joined us....."
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I nudge the door shut behind me, and lean against it with a deep breath. Glad I'm out of that room. Now I've got a bit of peace, away from the teasing. Nothing to worry about, right? Right? Wrong. Why the hell am I lying to myself? I run my hands through my charcoal hair, loss settling heavy as a bowling ball into my stomach. Was she lying? Was she too sleepy to realise what she was saying? Was it meant to be a thank-you? How the hell can I know. All I do know is that I'm confused again. I stumble away from the door, and to the bath, setting the hot tap running to splash my face with. I don't hold much hope that it'll clear my head. "I love you" keeps echoing through my ears, the very water itself seeming to remind me of a certain someone. But I can't know now if that was spoken from honesty or delirium. Misty sure hasn't made a move either way. I keep on waiting for her to do something, anything, deny, accept, recall, regret. But I have too much to lose to take a chance. Her. To me, we're like a couple already, in everything but the physical part of the relationship. And boy, do I long for that. Yet I'm still unsure if she sees us the same way. I can't put everything at risk, not yet. It's like our relationship is in the balance. A pair of brass scales swims into my 'imagination. On one side, beautiful pearls, the promises and delights of those long starry nights, the catching of her gaze before she breaks from her daze. On the other, hot coals, smouldering and angry, when she cut me down and made me the clown, blown me off with a measly scoff. Yet it seems the two sides balance perfectly. I thought that her words would make all the difference. But too briefly, far too briefly. The hope, delicate as a butterfly that I treasure in my hands, left on a whim just as the butterfly spreads it's wings to float away on a passing zephyr. Should I have closed my hands on it while it sat placid in my palm, or would I have crushed it from carelessness? Of all the things I must not do, to destroy the frail beauty out of stupidity is the greatest. But every time I see the flitting figure fade from focus, the first thing I do is put my hands together, but in prayer that it may fall into my grasp again.....
"Ah, this is useless!" I mutter hollowly, screwing a few strands of hair into a knot. I can feel bile rising into my chest again, so I concentrate on the bath. May as well make use of it, it's half full since someone put the plug back in. I slosh the water about to mix the cooler stuff with the hot, and strip off my purple top. And the door creaks. I spin around as it shuts again, only to see Chikorita sit down forlornly just inside, gazing at the peach tiles. It is barely a second before the tears start falling. Drip, drip, drip.....each one collecting into a tiny puddle which forms in front of her. Hurriedly I crouch down to her level, reaching out to touch her face. As my finger brushes her, she finally looks up.
("I'm sorry, I shouldn't be in here.....") Soon as she says it, whatever has been holding her together breaks, and she slumps forward, overflowing with tears. I gently pick her up, taking a seat on the edge of the bath, and rock her slowly.
"What's wrong babe?" She snuggles deeper into my grasp in response to my whispering, crying still harder. I just keep on holding her, whispering comforting sounds, the words of which mean nothing while they themselves mean everything.
("Pikachu, horrible.....*sniff*..... she told me I was a whore *sniff* she said so many things, I can't take it, I just can't.....") Her anguished, querulous voice breaks off as a fresh flurry of sobs bubble up, and she buries her face into my bare chest again. I sigh gently as I cradle her. She's so over-sensitive, but she can't help it either. And Pikachu too, but this is not the first time, and I doubt it will be the last. I can feel the stresses of recent times swelling up. Confusion over Misty's intentions, having to referee between her and Hazel, worries over Hazel's past and what to do about it, and being fought over by my two most passionate Pokemon like an object. And the whole time trying to stay neutral and calm, it's wearing me down now. I don't know how long I can keep going in a situation like this. It reminds me of the words of an old song:
"'There must be some way out of here'
Said the joker to the thief.
'There is way too much confusion here,
I can't get no relief.....'"
"I'm going to relax in the bath, and I think you could do with it too." Chikorita just nods, and I set her down on the end of the bath as I finish undressing. Putting the pile of clothes to one side I turn off the water stream, and Chikorita slides down the slope into the water with a gentle plop, re-surfacing quickly. I step in myself and sit down, splashing my face. Half way between lukewarm and hot, just about right for me. Chikorita floats over and perches on my knee as I grab the shampoo, before working it into the fur along her back. Some people think it's odd that I do things like share a bath with my Pokemon, but I don't. Personally, the things that some people think make me want them to wash their minds out with soap. Soon as I'm done with her back, Chikorita dives back into the water again, rinsing the lather. She seems to have cheered up, and working the shampoo in is very relaxing for me too. The stresses seem to die down again, thankfully. It's a bit like a mental massage, it doesn't get rid of the aches and pains for good, but makes them go away for a while at least.
("Chikorita!") The door flicks open once again, and Pikachu speeds through it, kicking it shut with a hindleg before hopping up onto the end of the bath. Instantly I sense the tension as Chikorita swims back over to me before turning to face Pikachu.
("Go away.") Pikachu looks a little irritated at Chikorita's harsh tone, but pushes ahead anyway.
("I came in here to say, uh, to say I'm.....") She trails off, unable to meet the cold stare she's receiving.
("I said go away. I don't want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth. Please.") Already, Chikorita's deadpan voice is wavering at the edges, still very upset from the earlier altercation.
("Okay, to say I'm sorry! Happy now? Sheez, it's not like you're so blameless yourself.") Pikachu snaps, annoyed by the non-committal reception.
("Fine. But please go away, leave me alone, please.....") She turns away from her adversary, biting her lip. Pikachu almost gapes at her turned back.
("Why are you hiding? It's not like I was that bad. I don't get you sometimes, I really don't at all.") Her voice is slowly and ominously rising again. As much as Chikorita is fiery, Pikachu is persistent. And can be just as explosive, only she doesn't get upset so quickly.
("I don't want questions, I just want some space and time.") And no more is said. Pikachu just shakes her head sadly at Chikorita's stiff back for a moment, before hopping down and resignedly leaving.
"Chikorita." She still stares blankly at the wall, as if meditating. "Come on, you've got to tell me why you're so prone to going off like this, why you snap when you're being hurt by words." She's still in her protective coma, until, like a statue awakening from its petrification, she speaks.
("I won't say.") And she means it. I give up for now, I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with it.
"So where were we?" The question catches her off guard. Not expecting me to let her off so easy.....
("Uh, you were soaping my back.") Fine. Anything to get away from all these stresses. She hops back in the water again to moisten her fur and skin, mint colour darkening to grass on contact. After a short period of paddling, she climbs back onto my leg and I rub in a fresh lather. She does the same for me with her vines as I squirt some of my own stuff onto my head. I can't help questioning, am I letting things settle or letting them brew? Will worries dissipate or accumulate? Screw them. I don't want them to bother me for a while, and I'll take the risk.
"How are your scratches?"
("Healing up alright.") And that's all. We just assist each other in silence, not seeing the need to speak. I've had enough noise, so let there be peace, at least until I get out of this room.
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"Right Chansey, put the boy's Pokemon in the rejuvenator for now, I'll let him calm down before I give him a chewing out over their condition." My Chansey nods and makes her usual happy noises while working, taking two red and white balls on a tray into the treatment room. It's way too common for trainers to drag themselves in here begging for assistance after running into Ursaring or something similarly strong away up here before they're ready for the tough environment and strong wild animals. I suppose that ignorance is an excuse, but it shouldn't be. Boys and Girls so young, no more than eleven some of them, after the weeks of exposure and exhaustion that living in the wild can bring, barely coming out alive. Why are they even out here? At that age I was in school, and sitting by a cosy fire in the evenings with my family. I know for some it is pure ambition, and I kinda respect that. Usually they are the ones who arrive here in a right state, but exude that desire to get back out there and find out what they've done wrong, and try try again. Ash himself has become famous among the family for being one of these people, he's been knocked down more times than a journeyman boxer, and has always hauled himself back up. But some others - like that boy out there, who is staring at the floor tiles - I don't know why they're here. I guess that he's asking himself that right now too, and if he has to think for more than a second, he should pack up and go home. Going out half-baked is a dangerous thing to do, and can put a trainer and his Pokemon partner at risk. But to do it without masses of will and determination can be deadly. It may be for their parents, it may be because they don't know what to do with life, it may be a way of escape, but if the heart isn't in it, it may be the biggest mistake a person ever makes.
"Nurse Joy?" I hide my irritation at being called by my surname (I always wanted to be called by my first name, since I'd seem like just another Nurse Joy, not as a real person) and look up from the paperwork to see the boy leaning on the desk, gazing imploringly at me.
"Yes?" He looks down for a moment before rejoining my gaze.
"Will my Pokemon be okay?"
"They will be fine." My tone seems sharp after his shy muttering. I think it's time I gave him a telling off. But to my shock he beats me to it.
"I shouldn't have brought them out here before we were ready. I was stupid. I shouldn't have come out here....." For a minute I think he's going to burst into tears. But his shoulders square themselves, and he takes a long breath. "But I won't make that mistake again. So long as they're going to be okay, I'll start again, and do it right." The boy, no, the young man spins around, and re-takes his seat, looking focused. Maybe I was wrong about him. I really hope so. Well, back to the reports.
"Joy?" More disturbances, sheez, will I ever get any peace? I glance up again, trying to plaster a false smile on my face. When I see who it is the smile isn't false any more, it's one of my favourite clients, Hazel.
"Hiya, what can I do for you?" I glance at the bag she is carrying. "Another pile of washing? You only did a shedload yesterday." Hazel shakes her head, a half-smile on her face at my guess. She has bought enough clothes from the local shops, and all of it has been into the laundry room at some time.
"Nah, just waiting down here for my friends. Oh, and Misty." I grin back at her. On a couple of occasions when it's quiet I've ended up in the staff room with Hazel and a hot drink. Just for something to do, there's not much you can do in this place. She told me that she isn't comfortable hanging around a room with Misty. Then she went off into a long bitch about her, but that's to be expected from a girl that age. Especially when you're wild about someone that the person in question is also wild about. I'm still not sure about how Hazel thinks. She goes on and on, but never below the surface. So, I can't tell if she sees Ash as a father, brother or something else.
"Well, want to take a seat?" I gesture to the one next to the desk.
"Why not?" He nods, pulling her backpack off and peering over at what I'm writing. I hurriedly cover it up.
"Now Hazel, you know that patient information is confidential." She wrinkles her nose at the rebuke, and goes to sit a nearby chair.
"Yeah, yeah, I know." I don't tell her that this isn't anything to do with patients. To be honest, these are more like her records than any patient of mine. I'm just doing my little hobby, which is writing. I know it's a little cheeky, but the book is pretty much about this group of six, three people and three Pokemon. They're the most interesting thing to happen to this place for a long time, and since I've spent all but ten of my weeks here every year for the last three years it's captured my imagination. Just picture it, the boy, uncertain of his love's feelings for him and caught between the rest of his companions. One girl, madly in love with him but unable to say it, and every day her face seems to pale yet more. Another girl, filled with hate for the first and harbouring unknown feelings for the boy, her heart shrouded in mist. One male Pokemon, again caught between his friends, and fearful for them all. Two females, both determined and persistent in their pursuit for the favour of their trainer, but one with a great weakness, a weakness which nearly lead to tragedy in their past. I sigh involuntarily, eyes scanning blindly over the page beneath my pen. The way that this story is going, every lonely housewife on the continent'll buy it before it can reach the shelf.
"Hope I'm not disturbing anything." I drop the pen and stick my arms over the paper, head shooting up. Misty looks down at me with slight concern, since I've reacted like I've just been stung in the backside.
"No no, not at all." I paint my usual nurse exterior back on within a second, the built-in reactions taking over. No fooling Misty, the big brush which works in a flash to paint on the usual work face is enough with most people, but the fine brush takes a lot more time to cover the little details. She's a smart girl, I've no doubt that she's seen through me.
"What are you doing?" She asks inquisitively.
"Nothing." I glance over to Hazel, as if to say 'not in front of her'. Misty picks it up, and turns to look at Hazel herself, who isn't even pretending not to listen. They lock sight for a moment, and then with a sort of non-verbal 'humph' they both look away, noses in the air. God, what I've written between them in my story is not a patch on these two in reality.
"So, what is it?" Misty asks in a much lower tone. Well, no way of getting out of it. Embarrassment envelops my speech as I speak, turning my face down to lose her eye contact
"It's, ah, a book I'm writing, I do it to pass the time."
"Really?" She cranes further over, Aqua eyes trying to see through the arms obscuring my writing.
"Uh, it's sort of a work in progress." I'm nervous enough when someone is reading anything I've written, but I haven't even changed the names of the characters yet. If Misty sees her name written down, or anyone else's for that matter.....
"Oh, okay." I'm saved as a figure lands in the Lobby with a thump, at the foot of the stairs that lead up to the rooms.
("You git, Pikachu!") Cyndaquil picks himself up, and shakes off the fall.
("Sorry, too tempting.") Pikachu's voice, tinted by humour appears, barely before she does. She stops and looks Cyndaquil over. ("Okay?")
("Okay.") He scratches the side of his head briefly, before calling back up the stairway. ("Hey Ash, you coming?") An indistinct reply comes back, but it must be positive as the two of them wander over to say hello. It's tricky trying to place Cyndaquil in this whole mess, since he's not really on anyone's side. Maybe Chikorita's, but he still stays on the fence. But I get the feeling that, of all the relationships going on in this bunch, the most important is maybe the one which isn't noticed at all. I'm going to have to make sure that I include that too, even if how it works is going to be a guess.
("Hey, Misty, I've got the key. Ash'll be right down.") Even Pikachu mentioning the name Ash is enough to stun Misty for a split-second. I still remember that point vividly a few days ago when Misty put Ash down, Ash looked crestfallen, and Misty kept on losing the plot when she was telling us the tale of Chikorita and Pikachu afterwards. Ever since it's like they're walking on tightropes. That are six hundred feet up, in a force ten gale, with pidgeys perched along it.
"Right." Pikachu gives Misty the key, and then goes back to chatting with Cyndaquil.
"Going anywhere special?" Misty jumps, having been floating in her own world for a few seconds.
"Oh, eh, yeah. Cerulean City."
"Ah, the exam."
"Yep, I'm already nervous as hell." She hands me the key with a rueful smile. "I'm sure you can't wait to get rid of us." I fail dismally to hide my disappointment as I take it off her. She's become my best friend, we've become really close really quickly.
"Life won't be the same. Don't forget the name Suzanne Joy though, will you?" An edge of sadness is glaring in my voice, but I'm glad to see her smile back at me.
"No chance Suzanne, It's been a pleasure." It's a pleasure to have someone know me by my Christian name as well, not just as "Nurse Joy". It's also a pleasure to have become a friend of someone like Misty Williams. Dropping the usual professional front I get up and give her a hug, one she returns.
"Stay in touch, I'll probably get out of this little hole of a village sometime soon, so just ask one of my relatives for Suzanne, right?" I murmur into her ear wistfully, hoping like hell that she will.
"Right, I'll chase you down, you can be sure of that." I just hold onto her for a little longer, gathering the courage to say what I want to say. I know that normally I'd hold my sworn secrecy like a sacred chain, but this time I think it's worth it being broken.
"And don't forget, you'll only feel regret if you never ask." I draw away from her, and take a step back.
"Promise me?" She nods mutely, trying to figure out what I mean. Well, I've talked to all of the group many times, people and Pokemon, and Ash of all of them was the most open. He told me about his adventures, and also told me how he was being torn asunder by everyone pulling him in every direction (barring Cyndaquil). He swore me to secrecy about only one thing - that he is absolutely head-over-heels crazy for Misty. I couldn't betray his trust. But I couldn't let this slip away either.
"So, everyone ready?" Speak of the devil. Ash appears in the lobby, chorus of affirmatives greeting his query.
"Leaving so soon?" I call to him, and he shoots me a grin.
"Looks like it." He replies lightly, strolling over to me.
"It's my fault, I'm the one who has to be in Cerulean." Misty mutters in mock-misery.
"Well it's you're fault we're out here in the first place, so don't worry about it." Ash answers lightly, before returning his attention to me. "I guess its bye for now, Suzanne."
"Yeah. I'll miss you guys, life won't be the same." I can feel my eyes get oh-so-slightly tearful, but still keep a smile on my face as all six of my friends bid me goodbye in their own ways before filtering out of the doors. But this is a genuine smile, since I know that I'll see them again, I'll make sure of it.
"Was that the Indigo Champion?" The boy who arrived earlier approaches me, looking curious. "Was that Ash Ketchum?" I nod, still gazing out of the open door through which my excitement has just left.
"Yeah, it was." He looks over to the doorway for a second, then back up at me.
"Is he your friend?" I still stare into the distance.
"Yes, he is." My voice is distant, distant as my thoughts.
"Wow." He looks out of the door, then back up at me again. "Why did he call you Suzanne?" My mind is still skating among the clouds, imagination running unbound.
"Because it's my name. Suzanne Joy." He repeats his glance to the doorway, but this time looks down afterwards, not up at me.
"My mum's name is Suzanne. Nurse Joy, uh, do you mind if I call you Suzanne too? I'm not a Pokemon champion like Ash, but I will be someday....." That wakes me from my stupor like smelling salts, and I turn my view down to him, to see him looking hopeful.
"Sure, it's not professional, but I'll make an exception for you!" He grins broadly up at me, and I feel myself smiling back.
"Thanks." He looks shy for again, continuing in a murmur. "You kinda remind me of her, and I really miss her, more than I thought I ever would....." He looks just about ready to burst into tears, so I grasp him gently by the shoulder.
"Want to come in the back room for a cup of tea and a chat? We've got ages yet." His depression lifts like fog clearing beneath blazing summer sun, and his hopeful look returns.
"Don't you mind?" I shake my head, laughing lightly.
"Again, I'll make an exception. Now come on, the kettle should be boiling now." I lead him to the back room, feeling lifted. Maybe I have lost Misty and co. from my life for now, but every day is a new one, who knows who may follow the river here?
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We're like two amidst a shipwreck. Clinging onto each other in the waters of anger, so cold that it burns. Thrown about in the tempest, rising and sinking with the waves of emotion, all the time trying to use one another to stay afloat. Yet we both inexorably tire, and sure as the kiss of death will greet all who live, we will one day slide beneath the surface.....
"You awake?" The voice of my partner in the tempest creeps through the night's curtain, brittle and empty as a fine champagne flute. I just contemplate the smouldering ashes which preserve the memory of the blaze which lived in front of me but hours ago for a timeless moment before answering.
("Yes.") There is a rustling, like someone grasping night's curtain, and it is drawn aside to reveal Ash as he moves to the edge of the smouldering debris, opposite me.
"Couldn't sleep?" It's a hollow question, we both know that neither of us can sleep. I shake my head in response as he settles down, not into a sitting form, but a tired slouch.
("Ironic really, the time of life when you need the most sleep you can achieve, it's as elusive as the peace you yearn for.") I stare wistfully into the sky, scouring its canvas for the painting of the moon gracing it. ("Perhaps that's why we can't sleep, because peace is the world asleep.")
"It is. Perhaps I can sleep during the day and come alive with the stars. But night has all too short a lease of life in the summer." He gazes skywards along with me. "It's normally lighter, but it's a new moon tonight." A new moon.
("The moon is lucky, reborn every month. It never need worry for the future or the past, since it is cleansed by the passing of the weeks.") Ash sighs deeply, laying on his back to scan the sky.
"Like life, it grows stronger and fuller with each passing day until it becomes whole. Then, it slowly dies, fades and wastes, until it is reborn. It's like life, really." His hushed voice, reflective in tone, grows yet quieter. "I wonder if I am still growing, flourishing day by day, or if I am already beginning to wane and die."
("I feel like I am beginning to thin and decline, but through the pressure of others.") My thoughts flicker back through the days past, an endless stream of arguments and pain. We left civilisation and civilisation left us. All semblance of pretence between Hazel and Misty, between Chikorita and Pikachu flowing away like the water in the river we are following to the Cerulean Sea.
"I can't believe that Misty and Hazel manage to bicker for their entire waking lives. I don't get it at all. I mean, we're always together as a group, and tempers are bound to be frayed, but it's just too much. Way too much." Ash's quiet voice takes a turn towards worry. "Yet they both worry me so much. Just why does Hazel lie so much? And why does she steal?" I must have made a noise at that remark, because he gives my unasked question the answer. "Yes, she's stolen money from my bag. Back in that cafe when we first arrived, she showed me a picture in her wallet. There was nothing else in the wallet. No cash, no cards, no nothing. But she's been buying things left, right and centre. All the same, the amount she's taken from us is not enough to pay for everything she got....." This is really worrying. I don't know if I can trust her, knowing she's been stealing from us all this time.
("So what are we going to do about it?") We both know the answer already. Confront her, ask her why. If she can answer, we'll hear her out. If not, well, I just hope she can.
"Speaking of Hazel, she isn't here. She must be having a walk, I saw her go about ten minutes back."
("Why did we end up in the company of a lit fuse?") It's an empty question, and I don't expect an answer. I just slip back into the velvet of silence, caressing my mind and body with its exquisite touch. A new thought floats to mind, a bubble surfacing from the sea of thought. ("It's almost as bad with Pikachu and Chikorita. I can see something going off, and soon. Pikachu hates being ignored, so Chikorita is really brassing her off. If she starts something, Chikorita is going to blow her top, I can say that for sure.") Scenes from a memory come to mind, Chikorita slumped sobbing amidst a room full of chaos, broken furniture and shattered trinkets. Pikachu facing me down out of sheer frustration. Misty trying to make peace, being ignored. Deliah Ketchum's face as she saw the wreckage of what had been her sitting room. Ash threatening to use Pokeballs to keep them bound unless they stopped. It was something to do with that moment and Pikachu's insistence that she be the one incarcerated that caused Chikorita to finally snap.
"I don't know how much longer I can take this." Ash sounds crumpled as I feel. The whole group has been held together by the two of us, and now the toll has been taken. Sadness is swelling up inside me like a fracture, it's all I can do to stop myself waking anyone up as the tears begin to fall. My sniffling must be a giveaway as Ash moves around to my side, to stroke the top of my head. It's nothing new to him. Unbeknownst to the others, we've both been up late at night many times in the last month, ever since life took a turn for the tougher. Sometimes it's just to enjoy the silence, sometimes the company, but always to try and ease the stresses of what has become our everyday lives. We've become the Samaritans, the police force and the UN rolled into one. But the question which escapes minds is - who looks after us? Misty? Hazel? Chikorita? Pikachu? They can't deal with their own lives right now. That's why we, Ash and I, have to look after one another. Otherwise we'll fall apart, and then, well, then who knows?
("Sorry Ash.") I hiccup, but he just snorts quietly.
"Hey, I get enough of that during the day, so stop apologising. You do the same for me if I need it, so we're equal, ne?" I chuckle quietly at that, he's right.
("Okay, I apologise for apologising. And I apologise for apologising for apologising.....And I think I'll stop there before it gets too complicated.") I can just feel him smile as a touch of dryness returns to my voice.
"All apologies accepted. Anyway, I think we'd better-" The sudden rustling of bushes stops him short. We shoot a quick look at one another, and without needing to speak I light the fire quills on my back, bathing the area in a bright glow. The movement ceases suddenly, and that's as good an admission of presence as any.
"Come on out, whoever it is." Ash calls quietly, and after a few pensive seconds, Hazel emerges. I relax momentarily, but then remember her deception and stiffen again.
"Sorry to startle you guys, I was just out for a walk. I'll just go on back to bed, okay?" No, it's not. I want to sort this out now.
("Hazel, come here for a second.") She stops dead, but doesn't make any move to come over.
"Why?" I can almost feel the nervousness radiating from her.
"Because we know." Ash's quiet words make her tense yet more.
"Know what?" Any nonchalance she forces into her voice is wasted. The game is up. I know it, she
knows it, all that's needed is for someone to say it.
"That you've stolen from us." There is silence, save for a tiny gasp. But one that isn't from Hazel.
("Stolen?") Chikorita. I exchange a worried glance with Ash. Lighting my quills must have woken her. I wanted to get this sorted out quietly, not with an audience baying for blood. But that's gone right out of the window now.
"Oh, um….." Hazel stutters, casting a helpless look at me. It's hard enough for her to know that she's in trouble, without this too.
("Misty, Pikachu, wake up!") Chikorita yells, springing to her feet and staring piercingly at Hazel.
"Huh, whassat?" Misty, dazed after being jerked from her slumber, drags herself up.
("Hazel's been stealing from us. I don't know what, but sure as hell we're going to find out.") She directs her gaze to me, then on to Ash. ("What do you know?")
"I don't think it's the time right now." Ash tries to diffuse the situation, but it isn't going to work.
"It is the time." Misty, now wide awake, gets up and moves to Chikorita's side. "I'm not going back to bed until I know what's going on. And I want to know now." She glares as Hazel, who is edging towards us seeing us as her only allies.
("I do too.") Pikachu appears next to Misty, fixing her own eyes on Hazel.
"Ah, well, she stole some money from my bag." Ash explains, keeping his tone neutral.
"How much." Misty's tone is as neutral as a religious fanatic on the subject of her faith. She's angry.
"About a hundred. Her Charmander isn't hers either." There's a collective pause. One hundred. That's a hell of a lot of money to us. And a possibly stolen Pokemon.
("A hundred…..") Pikachu rolls the number around in her head. I'm just waiting for the info to digest…..there it goes. Her brown eyes narrow to slits, and a hiss escapes her mouth. ("You sly bastard.")
"Tell me why we shouldn't make you leave right now." Misty's words are cold as arctic ice in the deepest of winters. I glance up to Hazel, and see her lip tremble. She can't defend herself. So I'm going to do it for her.
("Let's hear her out, at least.") I suggest, watching them closely. They all look angry, but no-one says anything against it. Finally, I look up to Hazel. ("Well, speak now, or forever hold your peace…..")
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Yup, a bit of a cliffy here, but I think the story is due one! Don't forget to R&R if you feel the desire, since it's taken ages to read this I guess there's time to leave a little comment. Pretty please?
See you soon, chapter 7 won't be long.
Dan.
Big thanks to all you reviewers, and especially to Karen or Cultnirvana as usual, she's made this readable once again (A small miracle given my typing and spelling skills). I hope you haven't all died of old age by now......
So, this is where things start coming out in the story (at last!). Chapter 7 is half-written, so it won't be too long in arriving :)
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Where the River Flows - Chapter VI
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2A.M. 23rd July - The clock just keeps on going, going on. I wonder if time has a consciousness? It seems to slow upon the the call of expectation, but makes ecstasy all to brief in length. Changes human perception to mock the fact that we believe we can understand it. But one thing that it emphasises is that it is utterly relentless. Cannot be stopped, fighting it is futile at best. It sees all, knows all. And it is laughing at me now, stretching each second to an hour, knowing that I have no choice but to wait.
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My head is pounding. I wish it would stop. I don't suppose that my nerves are helping either. The voice of common sense whispers that maybe it's because I'm still ill, but I ignore it. Realising my mind is drifting, I attempt to wrench it back onto the matter in hand. The treatment and recuperation periods for Horseas after chronic illness.
"You really should give it a while, Misty. Trying to learn anything while you're unwell isn't going to help." My reply to Ash's worried voice it to turn a page. And find my mental guesstimate of the answer was miles off. This is going really well.
"I'd listen to him. You look like you're gonna pass out." Hazel adds, looking up from where she's playing cards (and getting sharked by Cyndaquil).
"I'm fine." Although I'll admit to myself my mind is beginning to wander just a little. "Although..…" A huge yawn halts my speech for a second. "…..I could really do with a drink."
"Coffee?" Ash asks, sliding off his bed and to his feet, rubbing idly at the scratches on his arm that he picked up two days ago through his deep purple pyjamas.
"Yeah, no sugar." I don't really like coffee without sugar, but I don't feel like sweetness right now. Giving in to my brain's silent pleading for me to stop, I rest the book down on my chest and look around the room. Cyndaquil is laying down a royal flush, Hazel looking pissed as she throws in her hand of cards. Chikorita is watching with idle interest, having already lost her money. Pikachu is half-asleep on the other bed next to the window, the one I slept in on the first night, Ash's patient hands having massaged her into a daze. Pretty much the sort of scene we've made for a lot of the time since we got here. We won't be here for much longer, I've got to be back down in Cerulean City in a little more than two weeks. Just as this place was beginning to grow on me too. The lady in the café knows us all on sight now, we're approaching the level of regulars.
"Usual for the rest of you?" A chorus of yes's (and one sleepy "Pika") greet the question. I think that Ash is the centre of gossip in this town too. Not only is he famous, but he arrives with a girl on each shoulder and yesterday, well, I don't think I've stopped laughing yet. We'd been putting all the dirty washing that we'd created since we did the last load in a bag. He was the one that took it down, and asked nurse Joy if he could use the washing machine to clean "his clothes." She agreed, of course. And it turned out the bag was more than half full of underwear. Mostly mine and Hazels. He grabbed an item and was about to throw it into the washing machine when he realised exactly what he was holding. Pink panties. With frills. Nurse Joy did too. I heard her laughter from up here. Ash returned to the room looking pinker than the aforesaid lingerie, where he was coaxed into explaining why Joy was in hysterics. Even feeling as awful as I did yesterday I almost choked with mirth. A knocking on the door drags me out of my thoughts as Ash goes to answer it. I crawl to the end of my bed so I can see down the passage as he answers the door. It's nurse Joy, holding a bag in one hand and a dark smile on her face. The sort that makes me gesture to the others to come and watch the show.
"Ash, these are all dry now. Except your skirt-" I giggle at the way she emphasises *your* "- that'll take a little longer." She hands my blue shimmery summer skirt to Ash, who takes it bashfully. It sort of is his, since he bought it for me, but I don't think he thought this would happen. " Oh, and I reckon you'd look really cute in your black lacy number, it'd go with your hair." She gives a coquettish wink, picking my fanciest underwear out of the bag and handing it to him with a grin the size of the San Andreas fault. "But you could always try it on for me if you want to try and prove me wrong….." That's it, my silence cracks and I burst into great peals of laughter at the exact same moment as everyone else.
"Agh, it's not that funny." He pops the bag down, dropping the skirt on top of it. "Fancy coming in for a cup of something Joy? The kettle's on."
"Sure, thanks Ash. I've got a bleeper if the door opens and Chansey has PMT so she won't take any messing around at this time of the month." Heh, I suppose even Chanseys aren't happy all the time. Joy sweeps into the room, and picks a seat by the window and my bed. We've all become good friends with her, if there is one person you could trust with a secret it's her. I know for a fact that Hazel was bending her ear for a good hour or so yesterday. I know for a fact that she was on about me as well, but I've done the same so I'm not going to get all high and mighty.
"Quiet day?" I ask idly, flicking some fringe out of my eyes.
"Yeah. Usually is at this time of the year. People go on holiday for most of the summer, soon as the kids are out of school. Don't blame them, this place is duller than a wet Welsh Wednesday." That's fair to say. Joy likes our company all the more because it's just about the only company she has. We've become quite close friends in the short time we've been here.
"What's your poison?" Ash does well to hide the fact that he's just been embarrassed horribly in front of three women with a skirt and my nicest G-string. Speaking of which.....
"Tea, please." Out from somewhere comes another mug, this one with Blisseys all over (it's obvious that he's used to having the occasional nurse Joy in to visit, he even has a cup ready for the occasion.) and a tea-bag is in it in a flash. As Ash crouches down to get the milk out I notice something sticking out of this pocket. Now I'm interested.
"Okay, milk? Sugar?" Joy shakes her head.
"Nah, just plain." He pours out the water and hands her the mug. She smiles lightly at the design on it, before going over to sit on the bed by the window, next to Pikachu. Then Ash goes over to give Hazel, Cyndaquil and Chikorita their drinks. Chikorita takes a long slug.
("Ow! Hothothot!!!") And ends up in the sink, mouth under the cold tap. Some people never learn. Finally, Ash picks up my cup, and moves to hand it to me.
"Thanks." I take a cautious sip, and give him a smile. His face almost seems to light up in response. He's been acting different the last thirty-six hours. Like he knows something I don't, but at the same time, doesn't really believe it yet. No, I didn't, did I? I thought that my words were just a dream, they were, weren't they?! I'm sure that they were. But if they weren't..…
"Misty, you okay?" I shake from my daydream to see Ash's face barely inches from mine, eyes just glistening with compassion. I'm so confused. If I had said something, and he knew, he'd be sure to tell me. He wouldn't be stood there with puppy-dog eyes almost begging me.
"Uh, yeah, just a little woozy." Crap excuse in a voice just begging for reassurance, and this time he doesn't take it at face value.
"You look flushed." He reaches out and touches my cheek, tender as a mother to a child. Soon as his skin brushes mine I seem to float away, just for the briefest, most fleeting moment. In another world. Pure sensation and emotion, a bliss so intense it's choking. All to swiftly it's torn away, and replaced by reality. And fear. Fear of risk, and of love itself.....
"You look like you're going to steal my most expensive underwear." My blind flailing for distraction works, and the silent attention of the room previously focused on me now switches to Ash. I notice, to the tune of the shards of my heart as they shatter on the ground, that he looks devastated. Ever so briefly, but for a lifetime to me. Damn my cowardice.
"Uh, sorry." Ash draws the black lacy garment from his pocket, and for everyone the tension seems to snap.
"So they were yours! I'm sure they suit you down to the ground!" Joy chortles, and Ash blushes hotly, looking at the floor.
"As it happens, they do." Mumbled words, but not mumbled enough to escape my hearing. It's only now the words scrawl themselves across my consciousness. Leaving me slack-jawed. He hasn't, has he? He has, hasn't he? And I'm not really sure how to react. And it's now that it is clear I'm not the only one to hear his concealed words. And this is because Pikachu is pissing herself laughing. Ash forgot how sensitive her hearing could be. And now Pikachu is repeating what he said amidst peals of laughter. And even Hazel understands. And Ash is looking ashamed. And I feel like a total shit. If I wasn't such a chicken.....
("Oh my.") Is Cyndaquil's response. Now almost the whole room is rocking with laughter, except for me, Ash, and, to my surprise.....
("Pikachu, you bitch!") Chikorita hurls herself past me and faces down Pikachu, who abruptly stops laughing.
("Uh?") Pikachu looks worried. Not surprising, considering the history of this confrontation.
("Whatcha go and do that for? It's none of our business, why should it be?") She's inching closer, an undeniable snarl of hostility in her voice.
("I was only having a laugh.....") To my horror one of Chikorita's dark green vines lances out and strikes Pikachu across the face. Any laughter dies suddenly as a fly hitting a windscreen.
("Laugh?! Look what your little laugh is doing to him!") All eyes flit to where Ash was. There's now just an empty space. From the bathroom, I faintly hear an indistinct noise, and then a tap flowing. Like poison blossoming through the body to spin a web of fatal constriction, despair sweeps all aside within me. I'm a total jerk. Why did I even bring him down in the first place?! Because I'm a waste of space, too busy trying to save my own skin to care about his. Then a card floats mockingly into my eyes - the joker, weaving its sly spells on us. It's only now that Pikachu returns from the shock of being slapped, and out of the corner of my eye I see her glowering at Chikorita, raising one dandelion paw to her face.
("That hurt, you little bitch. I'm going to make you pay for that.") She hisses between bared teeth, cheeks glistening with unspent lightning in emphasis. Chikorita, who has just stared at the Ashless space with wide eyes, turns back. Her red eyes now ablaze.
("Fat chance. If you care about making fun of him more than you care about his feelings, I'm going to beat you to an inch of your life until you beg, beg out loud for his forgiveness.") Ignoring Pikachu's stunned expression, she reaches out with one of her vines and swipes an ankle, pulling her right off her feet and spinning into a bed.
("Cut it out!") Cyndaquil dives between them as Pikachu leaps back up, poised to strike. ("Stop fighting, goddamn it! What good is that going to do?")
("Soon as she realises that she can't shoot her mouth off and get away with it!") Chikorita levels a foreleg towards Pikachu, spitting bullets. ("You do it all the time, and not just to me either!")
("So you're just using Ash to get at me, are you?!") Pikachu cracks a bitter, acrid laugh. ("So all that crap about me upsetting him was a front to get at me! Well I've got news for you, I can see right through that.") A knife seems to plunge through my ribcage as their words work through. Ash wouldn't have been worked up about something as silly as this, no way. I did it, didn't I? Soon as I blew him off, cut him down. My fault. Mine. But this is now escalating beyond something little and insignificant.....
("Like hell!") Chikorita looks crumpled. She's always been easy to upset. In fact, it was because she was blinded by emotion that a catastrophe nearly took place, three years back. You can only push her so far, and she'll snap like a dry twig. Beyond that, no one knows. Trying to put a brave face on, she almost draws the tears seeping into her crimson eyes away again. ("Why do you have to be so malicious? You take every chance you can to put me down, but can't resist taking a bite at Ash, eavesdropping on everything anyone says and using it against them.....") She takes a deep gasping breath, looking down and biting her lip. All eyes turn to Pikachu. She looks utterly dumbstruck, just for a flash-frame. Then the fire hits her eyes again, and now it's burning so bright that Cyndaquil lights his own flames in silent warning.
("You arrogant little whore.") My despair grows deeper with every snarled tone Pikachu makes. This is down to me. I should end this myself. But my mouth is dry and paralysed with fear, throat gripped tightly by the fingers of shame. ("You stand there so cocky and self-centred and say those things, without even considering that you're so possessive that you do the same things, twice as bad every day. And I'm sick of you simpering and whimpering like a spoilt baby because there are other people on the earth. And you know what.....") Pikachu's normally subtle voice is about to reach a thunderous crescendo, when Chikorita makes a tiny noise of her own, but a noise which stops everyone in their tracks. A choked sob. It's a barely audible whisper, but like a trigger clicking. Cyndaquil turns to her, concern spread over his face.
("Chikorita?") No reply. Her eyes slide to the floor, shedding tears, spattering carelessly on the carpet. She almost seems to shrink, all spirit and will evaporating. Entirely submissive.
"Uhm, what's wrong with her?" Hazel, who is now laying beside me to watch the confrontation, sounds baffled. Of course, she's never seen Pikachu and Chikorita going at it, and she's never seen the aftermath either.
("Please, just leave me alone, please…..") Chikorita turns away from Pikachu, dejectedly shuffling around the bed and towards the passage. Soundless, like a machine. She reaches the door Ash has disappeared through, nudges it open and slithers through the gap, shutting it behind her. Then, nothing. No words, no comments, nothing. Until Joy sets her now empty cup down on a table with a definite clink.
"Misty, was that normal?" Normal? Did that look like a normal reaction to anyone? Anyone? Go on, put your hands up audience, if you think that was something perfectly average and understandable, put them up. And keep them up there, so the people with the white coats will know to come around and pick you up after the show. They'll give you a nice jacket and all, a little difficult to get off admittedly, but they do have really fashionable buckles and are a snug, maybe even tight fit. I sigh, rolling my eyes before answering.
"No, I think it's fairly obvious it's not." Pikachu, I notice, hasn't moved a muscle since Chikorita gave out that one hiccup. I think she might be feeling as bad as I am right now. "Chikorita, she's unusual. She always seems rough and ready, and is quick to face up to any confrontation. But when something gets to her, it's a different matter." A bit like someone else I know quite well. Me. I resist the need to choke on my words as I say them, although it gets harder with each passing breath. "If it's someone close to her, or it bites to the bone, she seems to lose it. Deflates like a punctured balloon. Then goes and hides away for god knows how long. But the resentments fester, and grow, and when she gets her will back, watch out." There is a collective intake of breath from Joy and Hazel, who seem enthralled by the drama.
("Chikorita!") Pikachu snaps from her daze, and dashes headlong towards the bathroom, entering and shutting the door behind her. Instinctively, we all listen out for any noise from the room, but none seems to come out other than the noise of water running. I think that is what I should be doing, going and sorting things now. I prop my arms beneath me to push off the bed.
"So what's all this about something happening three years ago? I've heard bits and pieces, and also Ash say something about it when I was in there the other day." Hazel nods towards the partition which is enclosing three of our group. "Does it have anything to do with Pikachu and Chikorita?" Damn it Hazel, talk about breaking the moment.
"So this isn't the first time that those two have tangled then?" Joy leans forward, interested. Nosy would be a better word, I think. Should I tell her to mind her own business? I sense Cyndaquil nodding to me to continue. I glance down to him and see the message straight away, loud and clear - this isn't the time to go chasing after Ash. And better killing time in talk than in silence.
"No." He jumps up to my right, brushing against the pink sleeve of my pyjamas as he settles down.
("I'll fill in anything I know you've missed.") Hazel just about understands, and frowns at him from my other side.
"What if I can't work out what you're saying?" I smile at her with mock sweetness.
"Then I'll try and use simpler words. Okay?" Her frown powers up to a glare as it shifts to me. If I wasn't feeling so guilty, I would be laughing like hell.
"Just get on with it." I let the snarl pass over me, working out where to start.
"Well, it started pretty soon after Chikorita joined us....."
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I nudge the door shut behind me, and lean against it with a deep breath. Glad I'm out of that room. Now I've got a bit of peace, away from the teasing. Nothing to worry about, right? Right? Wrong. Why the hell am I lying to myself? I run my hands through my charcoal hair, loss settling heavy as a bowling ball into my stomach. Was she lying? Was she too sleepy to realise what she was saying? Was it meant to be a thank-you? How the hell can I know. All I do know is that I'm confused again. I stumble away from the door, and to the bath, setting the hot tap running to splash my face with. I don't hold much hope that it'll clear my head. "I love you" keeps echoing through my ears, the very water itself seeming to remind me of a certain someone. But I can't know now if that was spoken from honesty or delirium. Misty sure hasn't made a move either way. I keep on waiting for her to do something, anything, deny, accept, recall, regret. But I have too much to lose to take a chance. Her. To me, we're like a couple already, in everything but the physical part of the relationship. And boy, do I long for that. Yet I'm still unsure if she sees us the same way. I can't put everything at risk, not yet. It's like our relationship is in the balance. A pair of brass scales swims into my 'imagination. On one side, beautiful pearls, the promises and delights of those long starry nights, the catching of her gaze before she breaks from her daze. On the other, hot coals, smouldering and angry, when she cut me down and made me the clown, blown me off with a measly scoff. Yet it seems the two sides balance perfectly. I thought that her words would make all the difference. But too briefly, far too briefly. The hope, delicate as a butterfly that I treasure in my hands, left on a whim just as the butterfly spreads it's wings to float away on a passing zephyr. Should I have closed my hands on it while it sat placid in my palm, or would I have crushed it from carelessness? Of all the things I must not do, to destroy the frail beauty out of stupidity is the greatest. But every time I see the flitting figure fade from focus, the first thing I do is put my hands together, but in prayer that it may fall into my grasp again.....
"Ah, this is useless!" I mutter hollowly, screwing a few strands of hair into a knot. I can feel bile rising into my chest again, so I concentrate on the bath. May as well make use of it, it's half full since someone put the plug back in. I slosh the water about to mix the cooler stuff with the hot, and strip off my purple top. And the door creaks. I spin around as it shuts again, only to see Chikorita sit down forlornly just inside, gazing at the peach tiles. It is barely a second before the tears start falling. Drip, drip, drip.....each one collecting into a tiny puddle which forms in front of her. Hurriedly I crouch down to her level, reaching out to touch her face. As my finger brushes her, she finally looks up.
("I'm sorry, I shouldn't be in here.....") Soon as she says it, whatever has been holding her together breaks, and she slumps forward, overflowing with tears. I gently pick her up, taking a seat on the edge of the bath, and rock her slowly.
"What's wrong babe?" She snuggles deeper into my grasp in response to my whispering, crying still harder. I just keep on holding her, whispering comforting sounds, the words of which mean nothing while they themselves mean everything.
("Pikachu, horrible.....*sniff*..... she told me I was a whore *sniff* she said so many things, I can't take it, I just can't.....") Her anguished, querulous voice breaks off as a fresh flurry of sobs bubble up, and she buries her face into my bare chest again. I sigh gently as I cradle her. She's so over-sensitive, but she can't help it either. And Pikachu too, but this is not the first time, and I doubt it will be the last. I can feel the stresses of recent times swelling up. Confusion over Misty's intentions, having to referee between her and Hazel, worries over Hazel's past and what to do about it, and being fought over by my two most passionate Pokemon like an object. And the whole time trying to stay neutral and calm, it's wearing me down now. I don't know how long I can keep going in a situation like this. It reminds me of the words of an old song:
"'There must be some way out of here'
Said the joker to the thief.
'There is way too much confusion here,
I can't get no relief.....'"
"I'm going to relax in the bath, and I think you could do with it too." Chikorita just nods, and I set her down on the end of the bath as I finish undressing. Putting the pile of clothes to one side I turn off the water stream, and Chikorita slides down the slope into the water with a gentle plop, re-surfacing quickly. I step in myself and sit down, splashing my face. Half way between lukewarm and hot, just about right for me. Chikorita floats over and perches on my knee as I grab the shampoo, before working it into the fur along her back. Some people think it's odd that I do things like share a bath with my Pokemon, but I don't. Personally, the things that some people think make me want them to wash their minds out with soap. Soon as I'm done with her back, Chikorita dives back into the water again, rinsing the lather. She seems to have cheered up, and working the shampoo in is very relaxing for me too. The stresses seem to die down again, thankfully. It's a bit like a mental massage, it doesn't get rid of the aches and pains for good, but makes them go away for a while at least.
("Chikorita!") The door flicks open once again, and Pikachu speeds through it, kicking it shut with a hindleg before hopping up onto the end of the bath. Instantly I sense the tension as Chikorita swims back over to me before turning to face Pikachu.
("Go away.") Pikachu looks a little irritated at Chikorita's harsh tone, but pushes ahead anyway.
("I came in here to say, uh, to say I'm.....") She trails off, unable to meet the cold stare she's receiving.
("I said go away. I don't want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth. Please.") Already, Chikorita's deadpan voice is wavering at the edges, still very upset from the earlier altercation.
("Okay, to say I'm sorry! Happy now? Sheez, it's not like you're so blameless yourself.") Pikachu snaps, annoyed by the non-committal reception.
("Fine. But please go away, leave me alone, please.....") She turns away from her adversary, biting her lip. Pikachu almost gapes at her turned back.
("Why are you hiding? It's not like I was that bad. I don't get you sometimes, I really don't at all.") Her voice is slowly and ominously rising again. As much as Chikorita is fiery, Pikachu is persistent. And can be just as explosive, only she doesn't get upset so quickly.
("I don't want questions, I just want some space and time.") And no more is said. Pikachu just shakes her head sadly at Chikorita's stiff back for a moment, before hopping down and resignedly leaving.
"Chikorita." She still stares blankly at the wall, as if meditating. "Come on, you've got to tell me why you're so prone to going off like this, why you snap when you're being hurt by words." She's still in her protective coma, until, like a statue awakening from its petrification, she speaks.
("I won't say.") And she means it. I give up for now, I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with it.
"So where were we?" The question catches her off guard. Not expecting me to let her off so easy.....
("Uh, you were soaping my back.") Fine. Anything to get away from all these stresses. She hops back in the water again to moisten her fur and skin, mint colour darkening to grass on contact. After a short period of paddling, she climbs back onto my leg and I rub in a fresh lather. She does the same for me with her vines as I squirt some of my own stuff onto my head. I can't help questioning, am I letting things settle or letting them brew? Will worries dissipate or accumulate? Screw them. I don't want them to bother me for a while, and I'll take the risk.
"How are your scratches?"
("Healing up alright.") And that's all. We just assist each other in silence, not seeing the need to speak. I've had enough noise, so let there be peace, at least until I get out of this room.
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"Right Chansey, put the boy's Pokemon in the rejuvenator for now, I'll let him calm down before I give him a chewing out over their condition." My Chansey nods and makes her usual happy noises while working, taking two red and white balls on a tray into the treatment room. It's way too common for trainers to drag themselves in here begging for assistance after running into Ursaring or something similarly strong away up here before they're ready for the tough environment and strong wild animals. I suppose that ignorance is an excuse, but it shouldn't be. Boys and Girls so young, no more than eleven some of them, after the weeks of exposure and exhaustion that living in the wild can bring, barely coming out alive. Why are they even out here? At that age I was in school, and sitting by a cosy fire in the evenings with my family. I know for some it is pure ambition, and I kinda respect that. Usually they are the ones who arrive here in a right state, but exude that desire to get back out there and find out what they've done wrong, and try try again. Ash himself has become famous among the family for being one of these people, he's been knocked down more times than a journeyman boxer, and has always hauled himself back up. But some others - like that boy out there, who is staring at the floor tiles - I don't know why they're here. I guess that he's asking himself that right now too, and if he has to think for more than a second, he should pack up and go home. Going out half-baked is a dangerous thing to do, and can put a trainer and his Pokemon partner at risk. But to do it without masses of will and determination can be deadly. It may be for their parents, it may be because they don't know what to do with life, it may be a way of escape, but if the heart isn't in it, it may be the biggest mistake a person ever makes.
"Nurse Joy?" I hide my irritation at being called by my surname (I always wanted to be called by my first name, since I'd seem like just another Nurse Joy, not as a real person) and look up from the paperwork to see the boy leaning on the desk, gazing imploringly at me.
"Yes?" He looks down for a moment before rejoining my gaze.
"Will my Pokemon be okay?"
"They will be fine." My tone seems sharp after his shy muttering. I think it's time I gave him a telling off. But to my shock he beats me to it.
"I shouldn't have brought them out here before we were ready. I was stupid. I shouldn't have come out here....." For a minute I think he's going to burst into tears. But his shoulders square themselves, and he takes a long breath. "But I won't make that mistake again. So long as they're going to be okay, I'll start again, and do it right." The boy, no, the young man spins around, and re-takes his seat, looking focused. Maybe I was wrong about him. I really hope so. Well, back to the reports.
"Joy?" More disturbances, sheez, will I ever get any peace? I glance up again, trying to plaster a false smile on my face. When I see who it is the smile isn't false any more, it's one of my favourite clients, Hazel.
"Hiya, what can I do for you?" I glance at the bag she is carrying. "Another pile of washing? You only did a shedload yesterday." Hazel shakes her head, a half-smile on her face at my guess. She has bought enough clothes from the local shops, and all of it has been into the laundry room at some time.
"Nah, just waiting down here for my friends. Oh, and Misty." I grin back at her. On a couple of occasions when it's quiet I've ended up in the staff room with Hazel and a hot drink. Just for something to do, there's not much you can do in this place. She told me that she isn't comfortable hanging around a room with Misty. Then she went off into a long bitch about her, but that's to be expected from a girl that age. Especially when you're wild about someone that the person in question is also wild about. I'm still not sure about how Hazel thinks. She goes on and on, but never below the surface. So, I can't tell if she sees Ash as a father, brother or something else.
"Well, want to take a seat?" I gesture to the one next to the desk.
"Why not?" He nods, pulling her backpack off and peering over at what I'm writing. I hurriedly cover it up.
"Now Hazel, you know that patient information is confidential." She wrinkles her nose at the rebuke, and goes to sit a nearby chair.
"Yeah, yeah, I know." I don't tell her that this isn't anything to do with patients. To be honest, these are more like her records than any patient of mine. I'm just doing my little hobby, which is writing. I know it's a little cheeky, but the book is pretty much about this group of six, three people and three Pokemon. They're the most interesting thing to happen to this place for a long time, and since I've spent all but ten of my weeks here every year for the last three years it's captured my imagination. Just picture it, the boy, uncertain of his love's feelings for him and caught between the rest of his companions. One girl, madly in love with him but unable to say it, and every day her face seems to pale yet more. Another girl, filled with hate for the first and harbouring unknown feelings for the boy, her heart shrouded in mist. One male Pokemon, again caught between his friends, and fearful for them all. Two females, both determined and persistent in their pursuit for the favour of their trainer, but one with a great weakness, a weakness which nearly lead to tragedy in their past. I sigh involuntarily, eyes scanning blindly over the page beneath my pen. The way that this story is going, every lonely housewife on the continent'll buy it before it can reach the shelf.
"Hope I'm not disturbing anything." I drop the pen and stick my arms over the paper, head shooting up. Misty looks down at me with slight concern, since I've reacted like I've just been stung in the backside.
"No no, not at all." I paint my usual nurse exterior back on within a second, the built-in reactions taking over. No fooling Misty, the big brush which works in a flash to paint on the usual work face is enough with most people, but the fine brush takes a lot more time to cover the little details. She's a smart girl, I've no doubt that she's seen through me.
"What are you doing?" She asks inquisitively.
"Nothing." I glance over to Hazel, as if to say 'not in front of her'. Misty picks it up, and turns to look at Hazel herself, who isn't even pretending not to listen. They lock sight for a moment, and then with a sort of non-verbal 'humph' they both look away, noses in the air. God, what I've written between them in my story is not a patch on these two in reality.
"So, what is it?" Misty asks in a much lower tone. Well, no way of getting out of it. Embarrassment envelops my speech as I speak, turning my face down to lose her eye contact
"It's, ah, a book I'm writing, I do it to pass the time."
"Really?" She cranes further over, Aqua eyes trying to see through the arms obscuring my writing.
"Uh, it's sort of a work in progress." I'm nervous enough when someone is reading anything I've written, but I haven't even changed the names of the characters yet. If Misty sees her name written down, or anyone else's for that matter.....
"Oh, okay." I'm saved as a figure lands in the Lobby with a thump, at the foot of the stairs that lead up to the rooms.
("You git, Pikachu!") Cyndaquil picks himself up, and shakes off the fall.
("Sorry, too tempting.") Pikachu's voice, tinted by humour appears, barely before she does. She stops and looks Cyndaquil over. ("Okay?")
("Okay.") He scratches the side of his head briefly, before calling back up the stairway. ("Hey Ash, you coming?") An indistinct reply comes back, but it must be positive as the two of them wander over to say hello. It's tricky trying to place Cyndaquil in this whole mess, since he's not really on anyone's side. Maybe Chikorita's, but he still stays on the fence. But I get the feeling that, of all the relationships going on in this bunch, the most important is maybe the one which isn't noticed at all. I'm going to have to make sure that I include that too, even if how it works is going to be a guess.
("Hey, Misty, I've got the key. Ash'll be right down.") Even Pikachu mentioning the name Ash is enough to stun Misty for a split-second. I still remember that point vividly a few days ago when Misty put Ash down, Ash looked crestfallen, and Misty kept on losing the plot when she was telling us the tale of Chikorita and Pikachu afterwards. Ever since it's like they're walking on tightropes. That are six hundred feet up, in a force ten gale, with pidgeys perched along it.
"Right." Pikachu gives Misty the key, and then goes back to chatting with Cyndaquil.
"Going anywhere special?" Misty jumps, having been floating in her own world for a few seconds.
"Oh, eh, yeah. Cerulean City."
"Ah, the exam."
"Yep, I'm already nervous as hell." She hands me the key with a rueful smile. "I'm sure you can't wait to get rid of us." I fail dismally to hide my disappointment as I take it off her. She's become my best friend, we've become really close really quickly.
"Life won't be the same. Don't forget the name Suzanne Joy though, will you?" An edge of sadness is glaring in my voice, but I'm glad to see her smile back at me.
"No chance Suzanne, It's been a pleasure." It's a pleasure to have someone know me by my Christian name as well, not just as "Nurse Joy". It's also a pleasure to have become a friend of someone like Misty Williams. Dropping the usual professional front I get up and give her a hug, one she returns.
"Stay in touch, I'll probably get out of this little hole of a village sometime soon, so just ask one of my relatives for Suzanne, right?" I murmur into her ear wistfully, hoping like hell that she will.
"Right, I'll chase you down, you can be sure of that." I just hold onto her for a little longer, gathering the courage to say what I want to say. I know that normally I'd hold my sworn secrecy like a sacred chain, but this time I think it's worth it being broken.
"And don't forget, you'll only feel regret if you never ask." I draw away from her, and take a step back.
"Promise me?" She nods mutely, trying to figure out what I mean. Well, I've talked to all of the group many times, people and Pokemon, and Ash of all of them was the most open. He told me about his adventures, and also told me how he was being torn asunder by everyone pulling him in every direction (barring Cyndaquil). He swore me to secrecy about only one thing - that he is absolutely head-over-heels crazy for Misty. I couldn't betray his trust. But I couldn't let this slip away either.
"So, everyone ready?" Speak of the devil. Ash appears in the lobby, chorus of affirmatives greeting his query.
"Leaving so soon?" I call to him, and he shoots me a grin.
"Looks like it." He replies lightly, strolling over to me.
"It's my fault, I'm the one who has to be in Cerulean." Misty mutters in mock-misery.
"Well it's you're fault we're out here in the first place, so don't worry about it." Ash answers lightly, before returning his attention to me. "I guess its bye for now, Suzanne."
"Yeah. I'll miss you guys, life won't be the same." I can feel my eyes get oh-so-slightly tearful, but still keep a smile on my face as all six of my friends bid me goodbye in their own ways before filtering out of the doors. But this is a genuine smile, since I know that I'll see them again, I'll make sure of it.
"Was that the Indigo Champion?" The boy who arrived earlier approaches me, looking curious. "Was that Ash Ketchum?" I nod, still gazing out of the open door through which my excitement has just left.
"Yeah, it was." He looks over to the doorway for a second, then back up at me.
"Is he your friend?" I still stare into the distance.
"Yes, he is." My voice is distant, distant as my thoughts.
"Wow." He looks out of the door, then back up at me again. "Why did he call you Suzanne?" My mind is still skating among the clouds, imagination running unbound.
"Because it's my name. Suzanne Joy." He repeats his glance to the doorway, but this time looks down afterwards, not up at me.
"My mum's name is Suzanne. Nurse Joy, uh, do you mind if I call you Suzanne too? I'm not a Pokemon champion like Ash, but I will be someday....." That wakes me from my stupor like smelling salts, and I turn my view down to him, to see him looking hopeful.
"Sure, it's not professional, but I'll make an exception for you!" He grins broadly up at me, and I feel myself smiling back.
"Thanks." He looks shy for again, continuing in a murmur. "You kinda remind me of her, and I really miss her, more than I thought I ever would....." He looks just about ready to burst into tears, so I grasp him gently by the shoulder.
"Want to come in the back room for a cup of tea and a chat? We've got ages yet." His depression lifts like fog clearing beneath blazing summer sun, and his hopeful look returns.
"Don't you mind?" I shake my head, laughing lightly.
"Again, I'll make an exception. Now come on, the kettle should be boiling now." I lead him to the back room, feeling lifted. Maybe I have lost Misty and co. from my life for now, but every day is a new one, who knows who may follow the river here?
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We're like two amidst a shipwreck. Clinging onto each other in the waters of anger, so cold that it burns. Thrown about in the tempest, rising and sinking with the waves of emotion, all the time trying to use one another to stay afloat. Yet we both inexorably tire, and sure as the kiss of death will greet all who live, we will one day slide beneath the surface.....
"You awake?" The voice of my partner in the tempest creeps through the night's curtain, brittle and empty as a fine champagne flute. I just contemplate the smouldering ashes which preserve the memory of the blaze which lived in front of me but hours ago for a timeless moment before answering.
("Yes.") There is a rustling, like someone grasping night's curtain, and it is drawn aside to reveal Ash as he moves to the edge of the smouldering debris, opposite me.
"Couldn't sleep?" It's a hollow question, we both know that neither of us can sleep. I shake my head in response as he settles down, not into a sitting form, but a tired slouch.
("Ironic really, the time of life when you need the most sleep you can achieve, it's as elusive as the peace you yearn for.") I stare wistfully into the sky, scouring its canvas for the painting of the moon gracing it. ("Perhaps that's why we can't sleep, because peace is the world asleep.")
"It is. Perhaps I can sleep during the day and come alive with the stars. But night has all too short a lease of life in the summer." He gazes skywards along with me. "It's normally lighter, but it's a new moon tonight." A new moon.
("The moon is lucky, reborn every month. It never need worry for the future or the past, since it is cleansed by the passing of the weeks.") Ash sighs deeply, laying on his back to scan the sky.
"Like life, it grows stronger and fuller with each passing day until it becomes whole. Then, it slowly dies, fades and wastes, until it is reborn. It's like life, really." His hushed voice, reflective in tone, grows yet quieter. "I wonder if I am still growing, flourishing day by day, or if I am already beginning to wane and die."
("I feel like I am beginning to thin and decline, but through the pressure of others.") My thoughts flicker back through the days past, an endless stream of arguments and pain. We left civilisation and civilisation left us. All semblance of pretence between Hazel and Misty, between Chikorita and Pikachu flowing away like the water in the river we are following to the Cerulean Sea.
"I can't believe that Misty and Hazel manage to bicker for their entire waking lives. I don't get it at all. I mean, we're always together as a group, and tempers are bound to be frayed, but it's just too much. Way too much." Ash's quiet voice takes a turn towards worry. "Yet they both worry me so much. Just why does Hazel lie so much? And why does she steal?" I must have made a noise at that remark, because he gives my unasked question the answer. "Yes, she's stolen money from my bag. Back in that cafe when we first arrived, she showed me a picture in her wallet. There was nothing else in the wallet. No cash, no cards, no nothing. But she's been buying things left, right and centre. All the same, the amount she's taken from us is not enough to pay for everything she got....." This is really worrying. I don't know if I can trust her, knowing she's been stealing from us all this time.
("So what are we going to do about it?") We both know the answer already. Confront her, ask her why. If she can answer, we'll hear her out. If not, well, I just hope she can.
"Speaking of Hazel, she isn't here. She must be having a walk, I saw her go about ten minutes back."
("Why did we end up in the company of a lit fuse?") It's an empty question, and I don't expect an answer. I just slip back into the velvet of silence, caressing my mind and body with its exquisite touch. A new thought floats to mind, a bubble surfacing from the sea of thought. ("It's almost as bad with Pikachu and Chikorita. I can see something going off, and soon. Pikachu hates being ignored, so Chikorita is really brassing her off. If she starts something, Chikorita is going to blow her top, I can say that for sure.") Scenes from a memory come to mind, Chikorita slumped sobbing amidst a room full of chaos, broken furniture and shattered trinkets. Pikachu facing me down out of sheer frustration. Misty trying to make peace, being ignored. Deliah Ketchum's face as she saw the wreckage of what had been her sitting room. Ash threatening to use Pokeballs to keep them bound unless they stopped. It was something to do with that moment and Pikachu's insistence that she be the one incarcerated that caused Chikorita to finally snap.
"I don't know how much longer I can take this." Ash sounds crumpled as I feel. The whole group has been held together by the two of us, and now the toll has been taken. Sadness is swelling up inside me like a fracture, it's all I can do to stop myself waking anyone up as the tears begin to fall. My sniffling must be a giveaway as Ash moves around to my side, to stroke the top of my head. It's nothing new to him. Unbeknownst to the others, we've both been up late at night many times in the last month, ever since life took a turn for the tougher. Sometimes it's just to enjoy the silence, sometimes the company, but always to try and ease the stresses of what has become our everyday lives. We've become the Samaritans, the police force and the UN rolled into one. But the question which escapes minds is - who looks after us? Misty? Hazel? Chikorita? Pikachu? They can't deal with their own lives right now. That's why we, Ash and I, have to look after one another. Otherwise we'll fall apart, and then, well, then who knows?
("Sorry Ash.") I hiccup, but he just snorts quietly.
"Hey, I get enough of that during the day, so stop apologising. You do the same for me if I need it, so we're equal, ne?" I chuckle quietly at that, he's right.
("Okay, I apologise for apologising. And I apologise for apologising for apologising.....And I think I'll stop there before it gets too complicated.") I can just feel him smile as a touch of dryness returns to my voice.
"All apologies accepted. Anyway, I think we'd better-" The sudden rustling of bushes stops him short. We shoot a quick look at one another, and without needing to speak I light the fire quills on my back, bathing the area in a bright glow. The movement ceases suddenly, and that's as good an admission of presence as any.
"Come on out, whoever it is." Ash calls quietly, and after a few pensive seconds, Hazel emerges. I relax momentarily, but then remember her deception and stiffen again.
"Sorry to startle you guys, I was just out for a walk. I'll just go on back to bed, okay?" No, it's not. I want to sort this out now.
("Hazel, come here for a second.") She stops dead, but doesn't make any move to come over.
"Why?" I can almost feel the nervousness radiating from her.
"Because we know." Ash's quiet words make her tense yet more.
"Know what?" Any nonchalance she forces into her voice is wasted. The game is up. I know it, she
knows it, all that's needed is for someone to say it.
"That you've stolen from us." There is silence, save for a tiny gasp. But one that isn't from Hazel.
("Stolen?") Chikorita. I exchange a worried glance with Ash. Lighting my quills must have woken her. I wanted to get this sorted out quietly, not with an audience baying for blood. But that's gone right out of the window now.
"Oh, um….." Hazel stutters, casting a helpless look at me. It's hard enough for her to know that she's in trouble, without this too.
("Misty, Pikachu, wake up!") Chikorita yells, springing to her feet and staring piercingly at Hazel.
"Huh, whassat?" Misty, dazed after being jerked from her slumber, drags herself up.
("Hazel's been stealing from us. I don't know what, but sure as hell we're going to find out.") She directs her gaze to me, then on to Ash. ("What do you know?")
"I don't think it's the time right now." Ash tries to diffuse the situation, but it isn't going to work.
"It is the time." Misty, now wide awake, gets up and moves to Chikorita's side. "I'm not going back to bed until I know what's going on. And I want to know now." She glares as Hazel, who is edging towards us seeing us as her only allies.
("I do too.") Pikachu appears next to Misty, fixing her own eyes on Hazel.
"Ah, well, she stole some money from my bag." Ash explains, keeping his tone neutral.
"How much." Misty's tone is as neutral as a religious fanatic on the subject of her faith. She's angry.
"About a hundred. Her Charmander isn't hers either." There's a collective pause. One hundred. That's a hell of a lot of money to us. And a possibly stolen Pokemon.
("A hundred…..") Pikachu rolls the number around in her head. I'm just waiting for the info to digest…..there it goes. Her brown eyes narrow to slits, and a hiss escapes her mouth. ("You sly bastard.")
"Tell me why we shouldn't make you leave right now." Misty's words are cold as arctic ice in the deepest of winters. I glance up to Hazel, and see her lip tremble. She can't defend herself. So I'm going to do it for her.
("Let's hear her out, at least.") I suggest, watching them closely. They all look angry, but no-one says anything against it. Finally, I look up to Hazel. ("Well, speak now, or forever hold your peace…..")
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Yup, a bit of a cliffy here, but I think the story is due one! Don't forget to R&R if you feel the desire, since it's taken ages to read this I guess there's time to leave a little comment. Pretty please?
See you soon, chapter 7 won't be long.
Dan.