Broken hearts, the pain of the lonely dark
(Sesshomaru's P.O.V) It has been some years since my mother decided; it would be for the better if I went to the Ten-rye Shinto boy's boarding school. It's been hard and very lonely here but I survived. The duo Inuyasha and Miroku have been giving me troubles about my gift well actually my curse. Saying that I'm a freak, because I don't like the dark or being alone. They just don't understand. "Hey Sesshomaru." it's Inuyasha again, yet he came alone. Why? What does he want? He sits next to me. "What do you want?" I ask coldly. My heart over years grew so cold I feel little warmth. What warmth I do feel it's for my mother. "Feh" Inuyasha replied he too has seen hard times.
But Inuyasha has friends and no reason to be cold, that why I can't figure him out. "Just came here to see if you come to our room to watch movies." I don't trust him. "Why would you invite me?" I ask carefully "Well it just that I-I believe you. You know in that you can see stuff and hear them too; I just want Miroku to believe you too." Inuyasha tells me this and I just can't begin to tell how I feel that someone really believes me. But still my hard heart refused to trust anyone. "…." What could I say, someone really believes me in all my 14 years someone actually believes me.
"Come on Sesshomaru, please just trust me." He takes my hand to picks me up, and drags me away from the fountain in the courtyard. Than leads me to his and his room mates dorm. I personal don't have a room mate, as no one wants anything to do with a wimp who has to sleep with a light on. As I told earlier I don't like being alone especial at night. But what can I do? In their eyes I'm just a freak.
We came to a room at the end of the hall way. I heard someone behind me "how could you…" I turn around to see if I can see them too, but alas this one was only heard. "What's wrong, Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha calls to me noticing that I stopped. "Just heard someone." I whispered. I never liked this school; just something always felt horribly wrong here in fact I passed out on my first day. It was the school. There was just too much going on here. I've since learn to some what control just what and how I felt. Even then the school seemed always to push me. "You mean you actually heard someone, you have to tell me and Miroku all about it." He opened the door and led me in. It was just what I though a normal Dorm should look like. Messy and with things I rather not know of. The one Miroku seemed to be a bit a Hentai (pervert) he all kinds of hentaic things on his side. I'm guessing that because he was sitting on that side of the room, for all I know it could be Inuyasha's side. "Hey Miroku" he called to his friend. "Guess who I brought?" I wonder what he means by that. The other boy jumped up at his name. "Really….Hey that's great." He seemed excited. He turned to me and blushed "Sorry about the mess." He excuses, then he, Miroku brightens up. "But where all boys aren't we so what doesn't really matter." I nodded.
The mess doesn't bother me much. It just felt good to be wanted. "So," Miroku started "I heard you could see the dead." I swarmed. No one had ever called it that, and I don't like it. Once more I nodded, not really use to talking, I also keep my gaze on the floor. I just couldn't bring myself to meet their eyes. "REALLY!" Miroku seemed excited. I can't see why. "Did you hear that, Inuyasha!" he shouted to roommate. "Yeah, but doesn't talk much do he?" Inuyasha eyed me funny. Miroku laughed at his friend's comment "Neither did you at first, but we all change that."
To this comment Inuyasha blushed, and Miroku laughed again. While I'm thoroughly confused, and ignored as always. Sometimes I wish I had friends. "So Sesshomaru tell us just what is it you see?" Miroku asks, I feel my voice freeze in throat. I couldn't talk even if I wanted to. Which I don't really want to. "Told ya he don't talk much." Inuyasha said once more remaining us of the truth. "I know what will get him talking….MOVIES!" shouted Miroku as shot up. I can't complain I actually had fun. For the first time in my life I had fun. I mean, I laughed ok actually giggled a little but it's a start.
It was evening when we were done watching movies, and I don't like night or having to walk in the dark. "Hey, Sesshomaru" one of them called. "There something we need from the closet." it was one the called Miroku, and we were cleaning up the room. Well somewhat. It was still quite a mess, but maybe not as much as one now. "Sure." I said. Yeah I actually said something. Shocking isn't it. I went into the closet. "No, not that closet this one over here." Miroku point me to the other closet, one I hadn't really seen before. I think it was behind the T.V.
Inuyasha must have moved the T.V when I was helping Miroku. "Ok." I answered. They were my friends, what do I have to worry about. I went in the closet. When there I call out. "What I'm I looking for?" the door behind me slams shut. I freak out. Because it's dark in here. Haven't I already told you how much I fear the dark, Well I fear it a lot, especial in this school. Then the room booms with voices. It makes me scream, I bam on the door, as hard as I can. I let me out! Please I-I can't take it! You have to! LET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME OUT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! I know I'm crying now, But I have to get out of here. The voices are going more and more restless, there are also starting to lash out.
I ball up trying to protect myself from the hands that are clawing at me, I'm also sobbing now. The door opens and frees me. They're laughing at me. They're laughing at me! I take off. I ran off as fast as I can. "SESSHOMARU!" Inuyasha screamed to me looking confused. Who does he think he's fooling, I know what he did and I bet this was all his idea. I crying harder now. I-I trusted them…. How could I have been this naïve no one would ever be my friend. I was such a fool.
There was nothing I can do about it. Expect go back to my room and lick my wounds, and revel in my own silence sorrow. I can't believe I trusted them. My tears fall even harder, harder then I'll admit. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. Anything had to be better then this. I run till I can't run anymore then I just break down, I trusted you. How could you. I thought you were my friends. There I had said it and it was identical to what I hear earlier, it wasn't a voice it was a vision, if only I hadn't ignored it. I wouldn't be this teary Mess on the floor.
"SESSHOMARU!" Inuyasha calls for me. Hasn't he done enough to me. He sees me on the floor in a sorry ball my face stained with tears, tears he and his bastard friend caused. My arms are cover by many claw marks and fingernail scratches. "Oh Sesshomaru." He looks down at me with pity. Damn you I don't want your pity. "Leave me alone" I growled. He touch my hair gently. I growl deeper. He is not fazed. "Sshshh" Begins to stroke my hair so gently. I start to sob. "It's ok." He says so simply. I start to sob a little harder. "Why are you doing this to me?"
I sob back. He looks at me confused. But his face soon softens to gentle smile. It hurts even more. So I cry more. Why hurt me, then help me. No I won't fall for it any more. I try to get up, but I fall miserably back on the ground. I was mess there was no denying that. Strangely enough Inuyasha caught me. I looked at him with pain glazed eyes, now red from tears I had shed. I hated it when people saw me like this. I hated feeling weak. But there was little I could do now, He had seen me cry. I just wanted to die. "It's alright now, easy take it slow." He said softly as he helped me to my feet. I collapsed again painfully. I was too tired, the attack drain me of all the strength I had. Inuyasha still hang on to me as he knew this could happen. It hurt too much, I couldn't move if I tried. My heart was shattered, It felt like I had a hole in my heart, and with every breathe it hurt worst and worst.
Inuyasha shifted my weight on his shoulders as he lifted me up. "Leave me alone." I moaned, It hurt to see him. "You can't walk; I can't just leave you here." He replied firmly. "And why not everyone else has?" I shout back, as sad as it was no one ever cared about me, many hoped I die so that they would have too hear any more ghost stories about me. They never cared if I fell and couldn't get back up. They'd maybe just antagonize me, farther by kicking me, or cursing me. Worse things have happen to me after all. "Well I'm nothing like everyone else." He replied. 'No your not,' I thought 'for you helped me.'
Those thoughts break my heart farther. The first person to care about me, hurt me. I try so hard not to cry. Kami finally gave me a friend, and he had hurt me. I just wanted to forget, just to become a shadow. A frozen soul that no one could hurt, so what if that made me some emotionless zombie it was better having my heart broken again and again. That how I would live how I have lived, with no help from anyone. I know I'm shaking from pain, pain in heart, pain in body, and the pain deep in my soul for how I have suffered. Inuyasha noticed I was shaking and tried to calm me, but I'm beyond all reason, His kind words only prove to hurt me further.
My breathing sharp and pained, I sobbed some more unwillingly, as he leads me to my room. He's been there once or twice trying in vain just to get me to come out of my shell. I sob on his shoulder as he leads me. I have nothing to hang on to any more, nothing to drive me, to push me. I was dead inside, it was as if I was never alive at all inside. Inside I am nothing. And that hurt most of all. I am worthless, I have a ugly soul, a useless voice, and a empty pained heart that knows nothing. It is true what they say of me, I truly am worthless. "w-what am w-what am I worth."
I cry out in between sobs "nothing." I breathe softly to remind myself of the truth. "No" came a voice it was strong willed, stronger then I would ever be. My vision blurred by tears, and my mind hazy from the attack, that I had forgot Inuyasha was helping me. "Never say that." He told me. "Never believe the lies they tell you." I wanted to believe him, but I-I just can't. "But I am." I whispered back "I have an ugly soul, a useless voice and an empty heart" I added there was no denying that that was me. "No your not!" he tells me with such strength that I didn't think possible. "I seen you and talked to you many times, I seen your forgiving soul, your quite gentle voice, I have even seen your heart once, it's not empty just lonely. But it can heal, and you can come out of the dark! It doesn't have to be this way!" he tells me, "You don't have to be afraid any more, because I-I believe you're a good person deep down and could be a wonderful friend if others just believed in you the way I do!" the words held such power and hit me so hard deep down they also stop my tears and the pity party I was having for myself.
"Your not alone!" this time his voice is softer but still strong, I begin questioning his past in the back of my head. His next words hurt me so much I can't describe it in words. "I would never hurt you." I literally howled in pain. Those five simple words broke me, crushed me completely. I completely collapsed against him it took Inuyasha by surprise. I had no more tears in me to cry but that didn't stop me. I cried and cried, more then I had in long time trying in vain to make the hole in my heart stop hurting.
At was at this point I was nothing. That was how I truly felt. My legs refuse to move any more I laid against Inuyasha, as a withered broken form. He was at a lost of what to do with me as I was for myself. Strangely enough he let me cry against him, he let me, let it all out. It felt strange, here was someone I could depend on, someone who would be there for me. I had never had any one like that before. Maybe I should forgive? Maybe? I'll remember that kind face forever it was so kind and so understanding never had any been as kind as he was to me. Many would have been repelled at my mere touch, but not him. Why? It was all I could ask. Was it just a scheme. I didn't know.
He asked me if I could stand. I replied saying I'll try in between sobs, some how we made it to my room. He took care of my wounds and was so care not to hurt me farther. 'Such kindness,' I thought "Wish there more people like this in the world" I muttered with a sob. Inuyasha smiled at me "You got to know where to look that's all." He told me simply maybe that was simple to him, But I'm only a clairvoyance bastard of a demon with no real family to speak of no one would ever help me again. He made sure I was calm, and no threat to myself with how miserable I felt.
In desperate times people or demons do desperate things. I was so tired. I didn't even know I fell asleep somehow I found so peace there. I remember Inuyasha kind face and gentle words before drifting off, words and a smile I would carry in my heart forever. "You will never be alone again." So simple but so special to me what happen next was lost to the black peaceful void of my dreams….
LPK: (is comically weeping anime style) Oh so sappy I think many of us may have had a time in our lives past or present that this was true, maybe we played the part of Sesshomaru, or maybe kind Inuyasha, or even crule Miroku. But it has happen. Plus I said it was angst didn't I. And there much more where that came from… alright note time.
(1) I'm pulling that idea out of my arise, but hey I figure if they have catholic schools they should a Shinto schools. I don't exactly know why two demons would be going to Shinto school, will one and a half one that is. It was when I wrote this I thought of them as actually people not demon and half demon. I think Sesshomaru is there because he's Clairvoyant. But as for Inuyasha I guess it because he got in trouble at regular school so this is a punishment. As for what a Buddhist monk is doing at a Shinto school, I guess he's just there to find out about the rumors of the existent of a clairvoyant either that or to keep an eye on the school as if they fail they will become a Buddhist School. One of those I believe I like a little of both actually.
(2) If you've read the first chapter you know that there is no way he can know that they are related. That and I guess that Inuyasha see some of himself in Sesshomaru as he too for the longest time imaginable was alone and he know how hard it is to live like this. So he tries to help him come out of his shell. To help Sesshomaru like no one has for him. It's kind of a I'm-still-in-pain in-my-heart-so-I'll-help-someone-who-also-has-this-problem-and-full-that-hole deal going on. It gets kind of crule for Sesshomaru as he doesn't understand how his heart works after all these years alone, some things that happen confuse him to think love, but don't worry none of that here. It's that Sesshomaru begins to care deeply for his care giver. It's not love but he can't tell the different. Yay ) confused hormonal teenage angst! It actually deep friendship, a bond that siblings have, but that's later on it will be fun to see how this works when Kagome enter the picture. It all boils down to Inuyasha needing to be kind just to be kind not to make up for past sins against him. Alright next one
(3) I think I already answered this. See (1) and look for Miroku's name. Wow(looks up at the note and sweat-drops) Gomen Nasi, very sorry for that long note just thought I would explain things better, Oh sorry if I repeat things, I'm one of those people who love to explain things to death sorry but that's how I am. Hope you enjoy… R+R (Read and review)