Kit: SO MANY REVIEWS! SO MANY HITS! TOO LITTLE TIME! Okay, I'm done now. I would also like to ask something: Why do you people hate Breaking the Language Barrier so much? It's been up since, what, Monday? And I have just one review, no favs, and no alerts for it. I feel like crying…
Kai: Please don't. You'll get the floor wet, and we don't have a janitorial system. And if we did, they would probably be non-union.
Kit: Thank you Mr. Sympathy! I feel LOTS better now.
Kai: I can do anything I want now that my turn is done.
Kit: (mumbling) That's why they invented sequels…
Kai: What was that?
Kit: Uh, I said…In math we learned about equals! Yeah, that's it!
Kai: Whatever. We still don't have a janitorial system.
Kit: I could fix that. And our security system. As long as Johnny doesn't do anything stupid…
Kai: Speaking of Johnny, where'd he go?
Johnny: (runs in dressed like Link; still wielding chainsaw) I'm off to slay the fat guys at the Renaissance Festival! (revs up chainsaw) Huzzah! (runs out, laughing like a maniac)
Kai: …
Kit: Kai, since when does my hometown have a Renaissance Festival?
Oliver: (runs in) WHERE'S JOHNNY?
Kit: At the Renaissance Festival that I didn't know existed until Johnny came in dressed as a video game character and said he was going there to slay all the fat guys. Why?
Oliver: BECAUSE THERE IS NO FESTIVAL! HE'S GOING DOWN TO THE STATE WIDE CHESS TOURNAMENT!
Kit: WITH A CHAINSAW? Oh dear, not good. Um, I'll be back in a bit ladies and gentlemen, but in the meantime, enjoy the chapter! C'MON OLIVER, WE'VE GOT TO GO STOP THE CHESS-HATING, CHAINSAW WIELDING MANIAC THAT IS JOHNNY! I knew I shouldn't have left that tool shed open…
(I don't own it)
Discern Your Actors!
a.k.a.
Know Your Stars!
Chapter 7
Tala Valkov
(Tala is in the studio chair, waiting)
"Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" The narrator says in a round.
"Tala Valkov…He's a gold medallist Russian figure skater…"
"I'm a what? Yes, I skate, but come on! IT'S GODAMN RUSSIA! The only way to get around is by skating…"
"Tala Valkov…He's a robot…"
"Ah, that's a common misconception. Yes, Kai's demonic grandfather's people did alter my brainwaves, but they did not make me non-human. You want non-human, talk to the Zagart kid, Zeo."
"Tala Valkov…He thinks his best friend is descended from demons…"
"I MEANT THAT KAI'S GRANDFATHER WAS A PSYCHOPATIC FREAK! ASK KAI! HE THINKS SO TOO!" (thinking) The guys warned me about this…
"Tala Valkov…He used to be a girl…"
"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?"
"In the Japanese version, your name was Yuri Ivanov. Sounds like a girl to me…"
"That's why the dubbers changed it. Duh. Now if you want to question someone's gender, then I would suggest Oliver."
"Why him?"
"Three good reasons: His launcher is PINK, his bit beast is a UNICORN, and he looks like frackin GIRL." (A/N: Sorry to the Oliver fans. I don't like to do it; Oliver's one of my favorites.)
"I see…" (thinking) This kid is REALLY starting to get to me…
"Tala Valkov…He gets beaten up everyday…"
"Uhh, no. I don't know WHO this is coming from, but they are liars. Heck, after the whole 'Boris trying to destroy the world' crap, I got a new motto: Don't Hit Kids." (A/N: I got all these little mottos of the character galleries from the "Bladers Forever" geocities site.)
The voice is now cracking up with laughter. "Right…"
Tala cocks an eyebrow. "No, seriously. We have guns now." He holds up his gun-shaped launcher to empathize his words. The voice is finally beginning to get it.
"You aren't going to crack, are you?"
"Nope. They beat that out of us as kids at the abbey." He quickly looks around and says quietly, "However, if it's blackmail you need…"
"Hold on a second are you…EvilIceBoy16?"
Tala has an evil smirk on his face. "The one and only."
"I was wondering when I would get to meet… (DUN, DUN, DUN) my source." (Gasp! Tala's the one behind this?)
Tala's evil smirk becomes a grin. "This little conversation never happened. Now continue on."
"Right. Tala Valkov…" The voice starts, but is stopped when large amounts of screaming are heard. Suddenly, a fairly short, brown-haired boy dressed up as Link and wielding a chainsaw runs onto the stage. A few seconds later, a green-haired boy and a red-haired girl run in after him, panting.
"Finally." the boy gasps. "Okay Johnny, put down the chainsaw…"
"NEVER!" Johnny has been backed into a corner, and cannot escape.
The red-haired girl won't take that answer. "Johnny, cough up the chainsaw." Everyone gives her strange looks.
"Interesting choice of words, Kit." Oliver says. Kit just grins like a maniac.
"No." the Scottish blader replies. Kit's eyes grow as big as saucers and take on a disgusting cute factor as she (gulp) chibifies. Oliver looks like he's going to be sick.
"Pwease give us da cwainsaw, or else…" she trails off.
"'Or else' what?" Johnny challenges. Kit suddenly poofs back to normal.
"One of MANY things. I could: (A) Make you listen to Robert's long, boring lectures on his family history (gasp!), (B) Re-chibify and watch Oliver barf at my disgustingly Ming-Ming like cuteness (double gasp!), (C) Gag you, tie you up, dress you like a girl, and trick Enrique into going out with you (triple gasp and gagging from Oliver; Kit is beginning to think option two is going to happen regardless), (D) Get Jake out here, give her spiky sledge hammer back, and let her handle this (quadruple gasp!), OR you can hand over the chainsaw and go with the nice men in white, Bob and Joe." Two large men in white uniforms suddenly pop up from nowhere behind Kit. Everyone sweatdrops, with the exception of said Authoress.
'Do I REALLY have much of a choice?' Johnny thinks. "Fine…" he says, and drops the lethal power tool. Now, without the danger of certain death to sway her, Kit tackles Johnny and forces him to the ground. Bob runs over and helps her pin him down, while Joe straps him into a straight jacket. Oliver is unable to help them, seeing as he's currently barfing into a trash can that conveniently appeared onstage, the entire time thinking: "Chibi Kit…saucers…Duct tape…Johnny…dress…date…"
Johnny blinks, and then screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I GOING?"
"Don't worry, Johnny. Joe and Bob here are good friends of mine. They're going to take you to the Happy Hotel, a magical place without chess, chainsaws, or fat guys in Renaissance clothing. Doesn't that sound nice?" Kit says in a sickeningly happy tone. Tala almost wants to barf himself; Oliver just continues.
"The 'Happy Hotel'?"
"Yep! I'm even letting you stay in my private room. It's got soft, spongy, padded walls that don't hurt you when you run into them. Plus, they always make sure you get a good night's sleep, and you can scream and yell as much as you like, all day long."
"I like the sound of this place!" He tells her as Joe and Bob put him in the padded van.
"Great! See you in six months Johnny!"
"SIX MONTHS! Wait, this isn't a limo…I'M GOING TO THE INSANE ASYLUM! KI-" before he can finish, Bob and Joe slam the doors to the van, get in, and drive off to the 'Happy Hotel', Johnny in tow.
"Now, you still don't know…Tala Valkov…"
"Why did I come here again?"
Kit: That was so frackin random! So…yeah. Here's that update! I hope I didn't scar you people too much…I'll probably do Ray next, but I'm running out of ideas. This time, instead of sending me character requests, SEND ME IDEAS! I need them badly.
Kai: Loser.
Kit: (glares) Shut up demon-boy.
Kai: (glares back)
Are and Are