The Parchment

Summary: A magical piece of paper falls prey to the whims and fancies of midlife crisis. Definitely B/S, set in AU S5; no Dawn, no Glory.
Disclaimer: 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and all related to her belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox etc. I own nothing.
A/N: Is anyone (except those few who've been reviewing -- no name-taking --thanks so, so much!)reading this? Because I'd really like to know whether there's any point in going on. Anyways, let me know what you think.

5. Imagery

Buffy knew something was wrong when she woke up; it didn't come as an instant revelation, but a slowly dawning comprehension that hit her fully when she realized that the sun streaming in through the window was not of the new, pink variety.

She opened her eyes, squinting, and saw that she was lying on the couch in her living room, in last night's clothes, covered carefully with a soft, black blanket. In the clear light, everything seemed brighter than it should and pictures swam in doubles and triples around her eyes, making her head ache and spin.

"Huh." She expressed, frowning down at herself. "I'm hung-over."

She heard a curse, then, from behind the sofa to her left. Frowning, she bent over the back of the couch and looked down.

"Willow?" Buffy's frown deepened as she saw her friend bending, obviously searching for something. "What're you doing?"

Willow, with a deer-in-the-headlights look, tried to smile. It came off as a grimace. "Hey, Buffy; I just dropped an earring..."

"Oh." The sun was too intense for her. She turned and lay on the couch on her stomach, head stuffed into the pillow as she yanked her blanket further up. "You won't find it; I swear, this house is cursed when it comes to earrings. We're always losing them. Also, can you please draw the curtains, Wills? I'm not feeling all that great..."

"Of course." Willow hastened to draw the heavy curtains and asked, "Better?"

Before Buffy could answer, Xander sauntered in and said, "How can she be, when she has Spike's coat on her body?"

Buffy hummed in response, earning a shared look from Xander and Willow. Then, when this shock sunk into her mellow brain, she yelled, "WHAT!"

"So, are you telling me that because Anya and Giles got the Magic Box, Anya dragged everyone, including Spike, to the Bronze?"

Willow and Xander nodded in unison. "Don't you remember coming here to get all dolled up?" Xander asked.

Buffy frowned. "I remember talking to mom and Spike..." She bit her lip, then let it go as her brow cleared. "Oh, yeah. About my dress. I remember that. But, dancing with Spike?" Buffy gave a delicate shudder. "No, I don't remember that, and I'm glad I don't." She frowned again. "Why would I do it?"

"Well," Willow said, trying to comfort her friend, "You did drink a lot. Beer does bad things, remember?"

Buffy nodded gravely. "Boy, do I remember."

"Plus," Willow added, sensing she was on a roll, "You and Spike were the only single ones there, so maybe you just wanted to feel as though you were part of a couple, right Xander?"

Xander, who was trying to suppress a laugh, got an elbow shoved in his ribs and said, "Yeah, totally."

"Really?" Buffy frowned, standing to walk to the fridge and grab an apple. "Nah; Giles was there too, and, as Anya put it so well," She blushed, "I didn't ... well, grind my pelvis against his, now did I?"

Her echo of Anya's words made Xander moan and Willow cringe. "Buffy," Xander groaned, "I already have the image of you and that big mooch dancing like ... well, dancing. I don't really need one of you and Giles ... well, doing t-the same!"

Willow said, her head on the table now, "Too late; it's already there!"

"Hey," Buffy said defensively, "I didn't do it!" Then, in a smaller voice, "Did I?"

Willow and Xander exchanged a look. Then, as if connected psychically, they agreed to put the Slayer out of her misery. "No," Xander told her. "You just danced."

"And," Willow added, "There was a good amount of space between your bodies. I noted."

Buffy, who knew they were lying to make her feel better, nodded to acknowledge that she accepted their fibs. "Thanks, guys. Sorry for the imagery; Anya just puts strange things in your head that tend to stay put, there."

Xander nodded. "Amen." He said, standing up to stretch.

Buffy smiled and looked at the apple. "You know what, Will?" She asked, putting the apple back into the fridge. "Let's go look for your earring."

"Thanks, Buff, but I found it." She smiled and pushed away a strand of red hair to show Buffy the black metal hoop she was wearing.

"Found what?" Joyce asked as she walked into the room.

"Hi, Mrs. Summers," Willow smiled, "Just talking about my earring."

"Oh, you lost it here and found it again?" Joyce looked surprised. "That's nothing short of a miracle, Willow!"

"Told you." Buffy moved away from the fridge as Joyce approached.

"So, are you staying for lunch, Willow? Xander?" Joyce looked at them over her shoulder as she peered into the fridge. "Tell me; I have to know how much ravioli to heat."

"Ravioli? Homemade?" Xander's ears cocked.

Joyce smiled and nodded.

He grinned and sat back down. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Willow? You game?" Buffy asked, moving to retrieve plates.

"Sure." Willow shrugged. "I'm free." Then, as her eyes saw the clock, she said, "Oh, may I use your phone, Mrs. Summers?

"Of course. I'm glad you're staying for lunch." Joyce said, pulling gout the Tupperware containers and putting them into the microwave. "Oh, and after you've eaten, would you kids run me a favor?"

"Depends on what's for dessert." Xander said grimly.

Buffy rolled her eyes and said, "Sure, mom. What is it?"

"Well," Joyce said, sitting down, "Spike called me earlier and said you had his coat, and that he wanted it back. I was wondering if, while you went to the supermarket to buy this stuff," She put down a long list of food items, "You could stop by his crypt and drop his coat off?"

Buffy, who had frozen at the mention of Spike, darted a look at Xander. Xander shrugged, indicating his indifference. Buffy looked at her mum and said, "Sure, Mom. Whatever you say."

"Hello, you have reached the Magic Box. How may I help you spend your money?"

Anya chirped and Giles, whose head throbbed, winced. "A little less volume, Anya, and no remarks about the money, please."

She frowned. "But," She argued, "We're an honest shop; we do want their money, don't we?"

"Yes," Giles rubbed his temples, "But, see, they know that and so do we; what both the shopkeeper and customer already know doesn't need to be said. Also, it makes us seem greedy."

"Oh." She frowned. "So I needn't tell them I'm human?" She asked.

"No, Anya," Giles sighed, taking his glasses off to polish them, "You don't. Now, let's try again. If the phone rings, you have to pick it up and say...?"

Just then, the phone to the Magic Box did ring and Anya grabbed it on its first ring. "Hello, you've reached the Magic Box, your stop for all your magical needs. How may I help you spend your money? Also, I'm saying that to help, and not because we're greedy!"

She looked to Giles for approval, but he was resting his head against the counter.

The person on the other end was silent for a moment, then said, in an oddly gruff female voice, "Um, yes, I was wondering ... do you still have any of that Chinese parchment that came in almost a week ago?"

Anya frowned. "Chinese parchment from a week back?" She echoed, her mind scanning the inventory they had made that very day. "No," She said when her eyes saw nothing on the paper, "I don't think so."

"Oh." There was silence, then Anya's would-be-customer said, "Haven't you changed your staff?"

"And the owner, yes."

"Well, could you ask the previous owner about the parchment?"

"Oh." Anya frowned. "I could, but I don't know where he is, right now, or whether he wants to be disturbed."

"Alright, then." The gruff voice gave way to a softer one that Anya thought she recognized.

"Hey," She started, "Willow? Is that you--?"

But the line had been cut on the other end.

Frowning, Anya put the receiver back into its cradle. From behind her, Giles asked, "Who was that?"

Anya said, "I'm not sure."