Author's Notes: Well, this is a bit of a different tone than I usually write. But Jakotsu had some dark issues I wanted to explore. I've always been a bit irritated by the fanon assumption that Jakotsu's mind only works on a sexual/rapist level. Even going by the events of 119-120, Jakotsu willingly gives into InuYasha's request for a quick death even though he could have easily taken advantage of him. Jakotsu simply wants acceptance- much like Mukotsu- and I hope that this piece shows that side of him.

Title: Reversal
Theme: Set #2, #64 - It has completely changed.
Genres: Drama/Introspective/Psychological/Darkfic
Pairings Represented: Jakotsu/Bankotsu, mentions of past-- man/Jakotsu
Word Count: 1,750
Rating: PG-13 for sexual situations
Summary: Everything would be different, he assured himself, because this man was not something Jakotsu could afford to lose.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked; voice cautious, worried.

He had never hesitated before. Even when they protested, he wouldn't stop trying to force a declaration of acceptance from them. He never got one, and so, he never had gone through with his rough ways.

But this time, it was different. The man before him, wide blue eyes staring up at him with a mixture of confusion and determination, had the one thing those others hadn't. The acceptance was already there and so, with no need to force it from him, Jakotsu found himself acting strangely.

Normally, his lust would be rampaging- his mind nothing but an animalistic buzz of desire and violence. But this time, it was clouded with concern, worry and qualms about rushing into things.

Before he'd only desired to seek pain, but now, he vowed silently to avoid it at all costs.

Everything would be different, he assured himself, because this man- this wide-eyed beauty before him, was not something Jakotsu could afford to lose.

And because of that, he wanted to make sure that this decision- this moment wouldn't be regretted by either of them.

Kneeling down beside the man, Jakotsu reached out to take his hand- he was shaking.

"We don't have to, if you're not…"

"But…" He'd finally found his voice through all the nerves, "We might not get another chance."

Normally, that would be reason enough and Jakotsu would comply. But painful memories reverberated in his mind to remind him that regret must be avoided at all costs. This man- this devotion and love- was not something he could ruin or walk away from in one piece.

He wouldn't let it happen to another innocent, naïve boy who had dared to love. He wouldn't let something as menial as sexual desire tarnish his precious someone the way it had broken him.

He would protect Bankotsu from stumbling down the wrong path and ending up a sadistic, twisted, lonesome person like himself.

"That's not important," Jakotsu forced the words out of his mouth, his body protesting his hesitance, "If you really don't want this then…"

"I do," The hushed whisper ghosted across the space between them, "I'm scared. Terrified really, but…" He looked up then, blue eyes locking onto black, "I trust you."

Jakotsu gave him a smile tinged with anxieties; those words hitting too close to home. He'd said those words before- and he still regretted it. Rejection was a bitter drug, and he drank his fill daily- but that one instance, was what had awoken that dark side within him.

"Bankotsu, there's something I should tell you," He laced his fingers with the other man's- keeping his eyes focused on the way the pale and tan skins meshed together.

The braided-man caught the apprehension in his voice, and Bankotsu knew then that he wasn't the only one panicking inwardly at the moment.

"You can tell me," He reassured, not sure what secret or unknown about Jakotsu's past was about to be revealed to him, but wanting to comfort him all the same.

"I think you should know why I even know how to have sex with another man," He said in a hushed voice.

"Jakotsu..."

Bankotsu had been his most trusted confidante, knowing countless secrets about his past that no one else had ever been told. But this had been the one thing he'd kept from him. For the young leader still had innocence and hope in the depths of his eyes, and Jakotsu didn't want to take that from him.

"I was fourteen. Just a kid really, and as stupid as it sounds- I desperately wanted to fall in love," Laying back onto the futon, he felt Bankotsu's weight lie beside him, "I was such a fool back then."

Wide-eyed and merely seeking someone to accept him- the young boy never knew what he'd gotten himself into.

He trusted the man, the two having worked together almost a year on odd-jobs from the local daimyou. There was no reason not to trust him.

And he was very handsome, a lean, muscular figure befitting of his twenty-nine years of life. Jakotsu couldn't help but fall in love with him, and he thought the man felt the same.

He'd never been asked, "are you sure about this?" It just happened one day, with no warning or conversations leading up to it.

One moment they were sitting next to each other laughing and the next thing Jakotsu knew- he was pinned against the floor.

"You've been eying me all along, haven't you kid?"

He looked away, a blush betraying his emotions.

"I thought so. You're just that type, aren't you? Well, don't worry. I understand."

Jakotsu's eyes lit up, Understand? He…understands what I'm feeling?

"It's all pent up inside you- wanting to be let out," The man roughly caressed his face, "I can help you. You want this don't you?"

Large hands wandered lower, slipping below the waist. Jakotsu's eyes squeezed shut as he tried to remain silent- the daimyou's quarters were just down the hall.

"I..." He exhaled, trying to sort out the rush of feelings he was having, "I do. But…" Jakotsu paused, "I'm scared. Terrified really…I've never…"

A forceful finger pressed against his red lips, "Shhh. There's no need to worry. You trust me, right?"

Jakotsu nodded. He trusted him, respected him, loved him.

"Good. Then just do what I say…"

It hurt. Gods, did it hurt. But Jakotsu didn't complain or protest at all. This was what people who loved each other did, right? And lovers didn't hurt it each other without thought; they found no joy in the other's pain, that's what love was- right?

He had gotten the answer too late. Only after being used and thrown away did he realize that he'd been a fool. Only after being abandoned could he easily slaughter without a single pang of conscience. Only after all the pain, both in body and mind, did Jakotsu decide that pain could be a beautiful thing.

And from that moment, a darkness was born within him; an uncontrollable force that demanded to have others in pain, crying his name.

It was only his heart, from where it laid buried away, that saved him. Giving him at least enough mercy to kill the tortured souls before he could rape them of their dignity and freedom. His heart upheld a single rule- if they didn't accept him, if they didn't return his wishes and willingly obey, then he would kill them before the darkness could claim their hearts as well. It was the one shred of compassion that hadn't been shown to him.

But that had all changed when he met a wide-eyed boy.

The friendship he'd once been shown in the past, was resurfacing. The laughter, the camaraderie- it was all there like before.

Jakotsu though, was already playing the role of the fool. He wouldn't let it happen again; he would just let the darkness keep searching for someone.

His heart had other ideas, and kept tugging him back to the innocence he once had, the naivety about life and love that had been his downfall. And those were the very traits he found himself attracted to the most. Much to his dismay, those traits were all the ones Bankotsu possessed.

He fought it at first; trying to throw himself into the darkness of his heart and block the residual remains of love and dreams from resurfacing. But as their time together progressed, it became inevitable- not only for Jakotsu, but for Bankotsu as well.

Built on the solid foundation of friendship and trust, the smallest seeds of hope and love began to sprout. Jakotsu kept trying to stunt their growth in his heart, but the more he saw Bankotsu's confusion turn to acceptance, he knew then he couldn't stop this flower from blossoming. It took time, and even with the five others now constantly around them, the small bud grew and fortified itself with the briefest touches of hands or the unspoken knowledge that something about it felt right.

And when the time was right, after given plenty of care and tenderness, the bud bloomed into the most beautiful of flowers.

In a world that had left them on a lonely path in life, they'd found someone to accept them, to understand them, and to love them.

It wasn't until now, when their love found itself about to be tested by a physical bond, that Jakotsu's reluctance resurfaced.

"And that-that's why," Jakotsu finished, having recounted all that he felt necessary.

His pale fingers idly toyed with the end of Bankotsu's braid as the blue-eyes he'd come to love so much stared up at him with tears rimming their edges.

Wry smile on painted lips, he chided him, "What are you crying for?"

"Why then? If it'll only hurt you…"

Jakotsu pressed a gentle finger over his lips.

"Because you made me believe again; you changed things, and so I took the risk."

Another tear fell at that, and Jakotsu couldn't help but shake his head. How was it that Bankotsu could be so determined and so strong, yet still find himself moved to tears over anything that deeply touched him? It was something Jakotsu had to admit, he found very endearing.

"Jakotsu, if you don't want to, we don't have to rush into things. But," His voice steeled, his firm resolve taking precedence over his own fears, "But I'm willing to take the risk whenever we both feel the time is right."

"Okay," Jakotsu said with a smile, pulling the warm body closer against him. He wasn't going to let the fact they'd lucked out and overthrown a huge mansion with rooms far apart from the others go to waste, "But I'm still sleeping with you tonight."

Bankotsu rested his head on Jakotsu's chest, "Thank you for telling me."

"You deserved to know."

They laid there in silence; allowing themselves a moment to just listen to the soft echoes of their heartbeats.

Jakotsu noticed Bankotsu trying to stifle a yawn, and he pulled the blanket up over their bodies.

"Goodnight, Bankotsu," He said, pressing a light kiss against the man's forehead.

A second later, a light kiss was pressed against Jakotsu's cheek.

"Goodnight, Jakotsu. I love you"

Yes, Jakotsu thought to himself, things had completely changed.

This was what love was, he didn't have to question it at all. This time- he knew he was right.