Back home, they parked the bikes in the garage and Andrew went ahead to the house. When they were alone she put her hand out to stop him as he started to follow Andrew, "Boone?"
"What?" he turned to her.
"What I felt when I touched him, do you feel it too?" she questioned.
"Yeah, I do. It's quite a jolt isn't it? I should have warned you. I'm just used to it. Sorry for not giving you the heads up." He apologized.
"What is it?" she was pretty sure she knew, but wanted to hear his take on it.
"It's the connection between us. It wasn't very strong when you left. I mean, I know that you could sense his thoughts, but he was barely three, they weren't very coherent. It's gotten stronger as he's gotten older. Stupid Craphole Island," he laughed. "Fucking ESP, what kind of nonsense is that?" he shook his head.
"Yeah, it's pretty strange." She agreed, knowing she wouldn't give up the ability to share his thoughts for anything. She closed her eyes briefly and ghosted her mind over his, smiling.
"There's something else you should know." He commented, relishing the feel of her in his head.
"Hmmm?" she opened her eyes and looked at him.
"He can pick up on other people." He informed her.
"What!" She stared at him in shock.
"Yeah, he can read anyone he wants to. I talked to Jack about it. He thinks it's because his entire gestation period was spent on the island. It had lots of time to influence the unformed mind he had. You know what it did to Aaron, and he was just a month from birth by the time we crashed." He reminded her.
"Jesus, what's that been like for you?" she couldn't imagine.
"It's been kind of rough. As if I didn't have enough problems of my own, I've had to deal with this too. That's why he seems so much older than he is. He's read every book I've read since you left, just by being in my head. He drives Sabrina crazy when we go to see her, 'cause he makes these complete non sequitur comments, picking up on things she's thinking about. That part of it's funny though, I must say, seeing her being put off balance by an eight year old. The hardest part's been since he started school. Trying to be sure he gets through it on his own, without cheating. I mean, during a test, he could so easily pick all the answers out of the teachers' head. But he's pretty smart, even without all that." He was so proud of his son, their son, he quickly amended.
"Wow, I'm sure parenting 101 never covered any of this," she laughed, sorry that she'd left him to deal with it on his own.
"Yeah, I'm sure it's pretty unique." He reached out to tangle his fingers in her hair, "I still can't believe you're back." He closed his eyes briefly, remembering when she'd left.
She realized immediately what he was doing, "Boone, stop; don't ruin the day, please?"
"I…I think you need to know. I'm not proud of it, believe me. You just meant so much to me, you still do, of course. When they say that someone completes them I think that's what you do for me. When you left me, it was like part of me was gone." He shook his head. "I've loved you since I was a child, since we both were children. God, it was so wrong, but I couldn't help myself."
When she'd left, it hadn't taken long for Tom and Heather to become seriously worried about him. He quickly lost complete interest in anything. He'd sit quietly in his bedroom, staring at her side of the bed and crying. He'd pick through her clothes, the ones she'd left, folding them and putting them away neatly, for hours. The final straw had been when Heather had found him in the bathroom, well past midnight, with a razor blade in his hand, his trembling fingers trying to press it against his wrist.
Sabrina had been furious. She'd always thought he was an idiot for marrying her step-daughter in the first place. She resented the media attention she'd had to deal with after he'd voluntarily committed himself, yet another celebrity offspring in rehab, or therapy, in his case. Jack had come to see him frequently, as had Sun and Hurley. He'd poured his heart out to Claire, sobbing on her shoulder as Charlie stroked his wife's arm. The vomiting had started soon after he'd taken up residence, afterwards he'd stare blankly into space, thinking about the release that death would bring him. The death he'd already cheated once. Jack had warned Tom and Heather against bringing Andrew to visit, knowing the blackness of Boone's thoughts would adversely affect the toddler. It had been hard, trying to talk to the therapist without revealing too much. If he'd talked about the island, about what had gone on there, he was afraid that the voluntary part of the commitment status would be changed. So he'd mostly talked about his childhood, and how loving his sister had made him feel, how her leaving had left him wanting the solace of nothingness he was sure death would bring. When he'd come home, finally, Sun had come to stay with him for a while, Jin understanding that right then Boone needed her more than he did.
Standing in the garage, explaining all this to her now, made him realize that, if she ever left him again, he didn't have the strength not to follow through on his death wish.
"Boone, honey, I won't leave you again, please know that." She held him in her arms, stroking his hair, regretting the incredible pain she'd caused him. Sometimes it seemed like their whole lives were nothing but a roadmap of pain and sadness. She swore she'd do her best to make up for that. "Come on hon. Let's go up to the house before Andrew starts getting worried about us." He lifted his head from her shoulder. She smiled at him, "Okay?"
He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I guess." He wiped his eyes, feeling like such a failure. .
"No, baby, you're not a failure." She picked up on his thought immediately. "God, I wish I'd been here for you. I had no idea what my leaving would do to you. I'm so sorry! You have to believe that!"
"It's okay, Shan, don't worry, I'm okay with it now. Come on, I don't want him to get concerned." He led her from the garage.
In the house, Andrew was in the kitchen, when they entered he saw Boone's heightened colour and looked at her suspiciously. "Is there something here that I'm missing," Boone asked, noting again the strange look they exchanged. He could easily have read either one of them, but respected their privacy enough not to invade their thoughts.
"Andrew's afraid that I'm going to hurt you again." Shannon explained.
He shot a look at his son. "Bud, don't worry, Shan's not going anywhere. Right, sis?" He looked at her.
"Yeah, of course." She reassured him.
"I don't trust her." He said.
"Andy, she's your mom." He protested.
"She's never been a mom to me, just like she's hardly ever been a wife to you! She's your sister, Boone! She's always been changeable, you know that!" He didn't know how to deal with this. Jesus he was only eight, he was just terrified that she'd end up killing Boone somehow. He couldn't overcome his fear at the thought of losing his father. It was something he'd been through years before, but had thought was far behind him.
"Andrew Carlyle, you will not speak about your mother that way." Boone was suddenly furious with him. He knew he was acting badly. He was shaking at the emotions he was experiencing. He never fought with his son.
"Boone, stop, let me," Shannon intervened. She held her hand out for the boy, "Come on, I think it's past time you and I had a talk."
He looked at her hand suspiciously, eventually coming forward to take it. "We'll be outside for a bit," she didn't flinch this time as the jolt of connection went through her. "Have something good ready for dinner when we get back." She smiled at him. 'I love you,' she thought quickly at him.
'Love you too, Shan,' he watched them go out the back door.
"So…how's it gonna be?" she asked as they settled themselves in the backyard.
"You tell me." He replied.
"You know I've already fought Sabrina for the rights to him, and won. I think she was much more of an opponent that you are." She couldn't believe the absurdity of talking about this with a child.
"I'm no child, at least no child you've ever had to deal with." He picked up on her thought. "Don't forget that I'm your son too, and I've got all of your self centred bitchiness. As gentle as I can seem, given Boone's influence, I'm my mother's son too."
She was shocked at how forthright he was. "You certainly are my son, no doubt about that. Has he…Boone, has he ever told you about…how…why…what I did to him before the crash?" She thought if she started at the beginning it might be easier.
"Yeah, he's told me. How could you have done that to him?" he looked at her in wonderment.
"I don't know. You've got to understand how screwed up we both were. He loved me so desperately, and I was in complete denial of his love, and mine." She closed her eyes briefly and thought about Sydney, his hotel room, their love for each other. She felt the hot flush of it even across all the intervening years.
"Okay…" he cut her off. "I'm still a kid here, no sex…please!" he pleaded.
"Sorry," she shook her head, smiling at him. "This is going to take some getting used to."
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock." He shot back.
"Andrew! Don't talk to me like that. Jeeze, you're not Sawyer!" she admonished him.
"No, I'm not James, that's for sure." He smiled remembering the last time the Southerner had been by the house.
"I've missed a lot, haven't I?" she questioned.
"You have no idea." He responded. "You made him laugh today," changing the subject; he remembered the scene at the school. "I guess it makes up for you making him cry last night."
"You think?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'd call it a wash." He looked at her quizzically. "Why's he so special? Why do we love him so much?"
"I couldn't say. He's been my brother since I was eight, and my husband for a long time. I don't know why I need him the way that I do." She rolled her memories of him around in her mind, trying to come up with an answer to his question. They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their memories of Boone.
He opened the back door, "Guys, supper!" he called.
"Coming." They both answered.