CHAPTER TWO; getting clear

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Disclaimer: I own nothing. CSI owns me.

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Before knocking on the door Sara briefly glanced at her watch, and was surprised to see she was only an hour and 20 minutes late. She took a deep breath and knocked lightly three times, before slowly opening the door.

She was almost afraid to look at him, but didn't actually have to worry since he was sleeping.

It was a little odd seeing him like that, and considered leaving again, but heard Catherine and Nick laughing somewhere. Not particularly interested in finding out what they where laughing at she quickly got in and closed the door after her.

She looked at him for a couple of seconds, wondering how he felt about the whole ordeal, but was a little scared he'd wake up and find her starring at him so she, once again, took a deep breath and walked over to him. She took the chair from the other side of the table and placed it next to Grissom's, since she thought the conversation they were going to have was going to be even more awkward across the supervisor-table.

She sat down and after a couple of seconds' hesitation she mildly shook his shoulder and whispered his name. He woke up rather quickly and seemed startled to see her there. Sara sensed he was quite uncomfortable so she cautiously moved her chair a little bit away from him and send him a smile.

When he remembered their 'situation' he was about to panick, but told himself to take it easy and nervously smiled back at her.

For a couple of seconds the room was filled with uncomfortable silence, but Sara simply took his hand and said:

"Look, I thought about it. Or I didn't.. because I was really too upset to think after hearing the.. reaction.. to this, but if I had in fact thought about it I think I would have realized that, eh.. I don't want to freak out about this, and I think you don't want to either. I, ehm, know this is complicated and that we shouldn't do anything.. more.. about it – but I want you to know that I'm okay with it, and.." she looked down, "I don't regret it.. I mean, it was quite fun!"

They both smiled nervously, but still didn't dare to look at each other. Sara was actually quite amazed of how easy it had been to talk to him, and was simply shocked of how calm he was being.

She looked at him for a split second, got up and tried to let his hand go, but he held on to it, "look." He grinned tensely when he thought about all the times he had started a sentence like that when talking about this particular subject, "ehm, thank you.. for being honest, and eh, I was thinking I might go out on a limb here and do the same.."

He closed his eyes, mentally slapping himself for being so inarticulate around her, but when he looked at her he saw she was smiling encouragingly, so he went on:

"I am – believe it or not – okay with it too.. I think? ... I mean, I'm not okay with the laughing and the howling and the 'wanna see something REALLY funny'-comments.. but I'm okay with what happened between us. The parts I remember, that is.."

They were both silent for a couple of seconds. Sara was digesting what he'd said, and wondering if she should ask him that question or it would ruin everything. She decided that she might as well get it all out there:

"Exactly how much do you remember?" She bit her lip, hoping he remembered everything.

"What do you mean?"

"What I said – how much do you remember?"

He was still a little confused but answered nonetheless, "Most of the evening is a blur, but I think I got the big.. picture." He smiled, but she was looking down so he thought he'd try to lighten her mood, "you know, I do however remember that at the time I thought it was the most brilliant idea ever, and I was really stunned that we'd never thought of it before"

Sara grinned as she remembered thinking something quite similar, but tried putting on a straight face again, even though she wasn't sure how well she managed.

"You know the reason I asked is that ehm," she said slowly, "we didn't exactly.. you know, stick to the kissing." She could feel herself blushing and started fidgeting with her hands, not daring to look up on him.

"I mean, we didn't.. have sex.. but eh, God knows we, uhm, tried." She looked up and saw how shocked he was and thought it couldn't get any worse so she spilled it: "but we didn't really eh, succeed – or.. you didn't really succeed.."

She couldn't help laughing a little at his stunned expression, and grabbed his hand again, after it somehow slipped away from hers during their conversation.

He finally realized that it was actually quite funny, but couldn't look at her so he dropped his head and chuckled silently.

"It's okay, Griss – you know.. it's only.. me. You can trust me" She smiled and took her other hand and lifted his chin so she could see his eyes and then removed the hand quickly as she didn't want him to freak out.

He looked at her briefly, but then shook his head, "It is not even a little funny and I'm sorry, but I don't think I could be more embarrassed if the entire lab knew"

"Well, maybe we should test that!" she started to get up, but he pulled her down again quickly and once again they laughed tensely, but finally able to look in each others eyes.

They were both silent for some time, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all.

He was the first to speak, which surprised Sara, but actually mostly himself, "I know I can trust you .. and ehm, even though I might not be as much at ease with the new.. information.. that you have given me, I am still not, eh, upset about what happened.. ..but you are right, no matter how tempting it actually is we shouldn't – pursue this, it's too complicated."

Amazed by hearing him admit that he was tempted she blurted out "I never said we shouldn't pursue it"

"yes you did, two minutes ago"

Embarrassed by her somewhat desperate out-burst she started fidgeting again, "do you tape everything I say?"

"Eh no" he said confused, "you said it like – yes, two minutes ago"

"Sorry, it's just something you sa.. Never mind. I, uhm, gotta get startet.." She glanced at her watch realizing they had been talking for way too long. She squeezed his hand one last time before slowly walking out of his office.

"we shouldn't do anything.. more.. about it" she said quietly, in a mocking voice "idiot!"

Grissom wasn't quite sure if he was supposed to hear that, but smirked silently nonetheless until he remembered what she'd just told him and went back to being embarrassed.

To be continued..