disclaimer: don't own Yugioh or its characters.
Prince Atemu...age 15 1/4
There's no doubt about it in my mind now...I'm a pawn of the gods. They are probably keeled over or upon their knees contorted in complete laughter. Perhaps this is their way of testing me to be sure I make a suitable mortal representation of them upon becoming pharaoh. Whether it is or not, I'm not laughing. It's not funny. It's downright unfair, cruel, humiliating, and a multitude of other descriptive words...most I will not say here as they are words mother told me never to speak (though she never said I couldn't 'think' them). Speaking of mother. I haven't had a chance to speak with her. I encountered a certain other someone before I could meet with her.
What am I getting at? Let's take an inventory. First, I'm as Seto bluntly puts it...hornier than a rutting buck in mating season. Second, speaking of said future high-priest of mine...he and I had the STRANGEST conversation I'd EVER had in my life! Third, said conversation made the first issue even worse. Thus the fourth, the second issue has now worsened as I seek to 'get even' for that little chat we had. Perhaps it was all my fault however. I was the one to bring up Asru's ass to him. I TOLD you I couldn't get off that topic! And now it's really gotten me into some hot water and it was all my doing...I think. Seto's a manipulative bastard to say the least. But, it might prove to be a useful trait in the future. Unfortunately for me though...I need OUT! I need Asru BAD! I don't know how, I don't know why, I just MUST HAVE both. And I ALWAYS get what I want.
And since I cannot ponder how to get either, I'm stuck here writing away my frustrations in this journal. Earlier I did try to remove my servants, but ahh, I guess that was the MOST predicatable move I've ever made. Shimon and father laughed at me. They knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do...and it wasn't to escape either. Can't I have just a little privacy to relieve a little...well...stress! So as it turned out...father overruled my requestthe servants stayed, and my stresses went unrelieved. Perhaps I should make a show of it in the throne room...nothing like a few sexual sounds behind father's throne right? That would fix him and teach him to joke about my 'bodily needs.' I'd even have an excuse. I was practicing my ritual performance of our peoples'/nations' creation. But I think myself a bit more dignified than that...at least at this moment. I'd be too embarrassed to do that. If I'm locked up in this room for too many more days, that could all change however. Seto is quite correct in saying I'm in serious need of a lay. I'm a fifteen year old virgin male. I know many males younger than me who are already married and some even fathers now. So, why, as royal prince and rather handsome if I dare say so myself, am I NOT getting any action? If I were female, I could see remaining a virgin. But this is NOT NORMAL for a male in our culture! I probably could utilize the countless concubines within the royal harems here (which seem to be gathering dust since father doesn't use them either), but they are NOT Asru. The only time there's fire in my loins is whenever I think of or am around Asru. Yes, this must be another ploy of the godsfull access to relief, but if it's not Asru than I either perform alone or go without. Not funny.
Now off that subject before my loins overrule my brain and I end up giving my servants a performance all their own.
Here's a bit of that strange conversation Seto and I had. I mentioned my proposal to Asru to him. He actually seemed receptive to my side of the story and supported me. Could be because I remember him once talking about a strange foreign girl he met as a boy and saved...at the cost of his village and mother. Perhaps he loves this foreign girl whom he describes as pale as a ghost yet more beautiful than any white lotus. He still speaks of one day meeting her once again. He says he feels he's destined to. Perhaps he is. Destiny's a strong driving force in our lives afterall.
"You love her right?"
I nod.
"Then prove it to all."
"How?"
"Consummate your relationship with her. You're horny right?"
I sputtered, not quite sure how to respond. He shocked me with that! I'm not used to speaking of the subject of sex aside from this journal. While the subject seems to plague my mind more and more of recent, outwardly, it's not a subject I express. It's all still too new to me I suppose.
"Simply sleep with her. It solves two problems in one act. Your stress is relieved and your love is shown."
"You can sleep with someone without loving them Seto. It's a reason why there's harems and concubines throughout this palace."
"There's also a difference between having sex and making love. You know that right?"
"The act is the same! Tell me what's different?" I replied back angrily...perhaps more harshly than I wanted to, but as I said...I'm a bit uptight and wound up right now. Everything reminds me of my need. Obelisks with their straight, stiff shafts, pillars erect with rounded ends, servants with perky bosoms, even lotus blossoms...need I go on?
Seto smirks. "They did not train you yet in manners of love and sexual needs? Akunadin taught me of these matters early in my training here."
"Apparently father and Shimon have been too busy reprimanding me and teaching me other subjects to be bothered with such a 'trivial' topic."
"Hardly trivial my prince. At your age, it's almost unbearably obvious isn't it?"
He spoke as if he'd experienced it. Since he was several years older than I, he probably had. So, I needed to find out how he got past it with his dignity and pride still intact. "In my mind, blatantly obvious."
"To want what you don't have. To need what you seek. To desire both."
Seto speaks in riddles worse than Asru and I! I don't need poetry, I need to get laid...preferrably with Asru, but I'll settle for alone if I must. "And your point is" There I go with 'point' again. My mind and my loins are making this really difficult for me. Sexual frustration was not a matter I ever thought I'd have to encounter...and so soon in my life too.
"My 'point' is, that love is guiding you, not your prong. That's means you can indeed make the discernation between making love and having sex."
"At this point Seto I don't really care." I replied. I was losing my patience. Usually Seto is the impatient one. Guess we traded places today. And why did we have to keep using the word, 'point?'
Seto smirked once again. Was I amusing him? I certainly wasn't amused myself. "Look my prince, if you love her, you'll find a way to accommodate both your needs and your desires. Use that gaming mind of yours. I know you have the talents to handle this dilemma. If you require beyond that, I am here." Seto replied as we both heard my chamber's door open. Father walked in. Seto immediately kneeled with a bow. Our conversation on this particular subject could go no further this day. But even though I'd never admit it to Seto. He gave me a lot to chew on mentally.
"And what have we here? Future high priest and pharaoh...and neither is roughed up nor is anything broken. So what were you too plotting then?"
If there's one thing about father...it's that he doesn't miss a beat in interactions between peoples. He knows Seto and I are both friend and utmost rival. My gaming mind must have developed from him. In matters of protocol, since Seto was not openly acknowledged by name, he could not respond to father. So, it was entirely up to me to save both of us from a potentially humiliating conversation. Now if only my prong would stay out of the thought process...
"Father. We were merely discussing ka and duelling." I lied, but it was a subject Seto and I usually spoke of IF and when we ever had conversations within visible range of others. I know my servants were too far away in my chambers to hear our true conversation so my word, however false, should stand.
"Nice try son. But you are a terrible liar. Your prong says otherwise."
Say what? Instinctively and with a speed faster than any cheetah or diving falcon, my hands slid over my frontside. Damn thing was indeed giving my skirt an unecessary 'point.' I KNEW that word was trouble! As I covered myself, I also glanced at Seto, who had looked up slightly from his gaze upon the floor. He was risking a breach in etiquette to eye my predicament. But I won't turn him in on that. I may need him on my side afterall. Fine then, I'll give in...but only a little. With a slight blush and as innocently as possible, I responded to father. "Okay, you have me there. We were talking about girls." And we were...but I'll not get specific with father...not yet.
One of father's eyebrows lifted in an amused expression. Guess I got that expression from him as well. "It's okay son. You're at an age where that is an unavoidable fact of nature."
Father has some nerve trying to console me. If he'd let me rid myself of the stresses earlier, this would have NEVER happened. "No thanks to you." I shot back. I was embarrassed and upset since I know father helped put me in this predicament to begin with. It is times like this when I wish I were female. They don't have to deal with body parts embarrassing them like this. But then again, I doubt I could endure that monthly 'red moon' as they call it.
Before father responded, he dismissed Seto. Before he departed and without father looking, Seto gave a small thumbs-up signal to me. It basically meant, 'good luck.' Yeah, I have the luck of the gods...the bad part. Their bellies must be hurting by now from all the laughter I'm giving them.
Once the door shut again, father turned his attentions back to me. "Your mother senses the same thing I do from you son. We both see it whenever you and that girl are in the same room together. You're in love with her aren't you?" he asked in a soft,gentle voice.
So, father was onto my situation. Why would I think he wouldn't be though. I bet mother noticed it first and brought it to his attention. Females are always quicker to such things. Well, at least father was trying to be civil about it. I suppose I could see where this goes. If I'm lucky (which I'm apparently not at this time thanks to the gods that be), he'll be supportive and Asru and I will see each other soon.
I nod. Father takes a seat upon my bed and urges me to sit beside me. Thankfully that 'point' has subsided. I still don't have total control over that yet. Perhaps it needs to be broken as a horse does before it obeys completely? I don't know and I haven't the slightest idea how that would even occur. They don't exactly make bridles, reigns, and ropes for the male member. But enough of that. I must focus on this discussion with father as it is of the utmost importance to me.
"So how far have you and that girl gone my son?"
"That girl, as you say father, has a name. It is disrespectful to her if you ignore that." Yes, I am bold when father and I are alone. He's not pharaoh at these moments but rather father. Therefore, protocol no longer applies.
"Ahh yes. You defend her well. I know she does...Asru...correct? I am not as oblivious to matters of my family as you may think Atemu."
I hate it when he uses my real name! I'm used to hearing 'prince' and 'son', but my real name is rarely spoken, even by my direct family. It's awkward to say the least. "No doubt Shimon keeps you updated." I want to talk to father civilly, but for some reason the bile in my body keeps surging forth. I don't like to be a pawn in nobody's game unless it is my own.
"What is this bite of crocodile within you son? Are you mad at me? I have not wronged you."
"I'm tired of all this status crap. If I wasn't the royal prince and she wasn't a 'mere commoner' none of this would be an issue at all!"
"Oh but it would be. You would have to prove yourself in wealth and ability. You'd have to pay a sizeable dowry to her father for her hand. I doubt you'd afford such if you weren't a prince. Asru's father has no sons. So, every member of his family has greater impact. His line may have to continue through a grandson. So, the price would be high for you to take her away from her own line and place her into your own. As a prince, your mere status gives his bloodline prestige, thus, the loss is not as costly. So, what would you say to that son?"
I thought about it and I really do hate it when father has a point. Ouch, I just said that 'word' again. I need to avoid that word like a plague of locusts! "Perhaps father, but this political stancing by you, the court, and her own family is going to drive us to other means of being together." There, I warned him in my own deceitful way.
"What will you do? Runaway with her? Cause her to be with child? Oh son, you must remember, your mother wasn't much higher in status than your dear Asru. I've been down that road already. Perhaps that is why I'm speaking with you now. I don't want to see the same struggles I had repeat with you."
Father's chuckling about all this? Regardless, it is nice to see him smile and hear his laugh. It's been so long since I've seen him like that. I can't help but laugh a little myself. Father and I are locked in a duel of words and we are both thoroughly enjoying it. "See, it is your fault afterall. You pre-destined me through your own actions." I said matter-of-factly.
Father laughed and ruffled my spikey hair. "I think the gods have plans for you, not I." he replied as he grabbed one of my blonde locks that streak the side of my face. "You've been marked by Ra himself. Your unique hair is touched by rays of the Aten and spiked like the fluff of a godbird of Horus. Your speed and agility, a gift from Bas like the mighty cheetahs that sprint across the grasslands effortlessly. Your..."
"Enough father. I don't want to know more. You make me sound like Osiris...bits and pieces. I'm no god. I'm mortal like every other human that graces these lands."
"You will become the halfway point between god and human son. It is the position of pharaoh...your destined path after me."
There's that word again. No, not destiny, but 'point.' Though that d-word is starting to erode in my mind too. Why can't I just be me? I know there's more to me than some pre-destined path of actions and deeds. I bet I could alter such if I so desired. Then it would no longer be a 'destined' course. The mighty Nile alters its course from season to season and grows new tributaries and alters its own pathways with each inundation. If the Nile herself isn't fully predictable than how is it a human with his/her own thought processes is? "Perhaps father, but regardless, Asru and I feel a strong affinity or bond with one another...like we're destined to be together as well." There, I used father's own choice of words against him. HAH!
Father strokes his beard and chin in thought. This usually means he's preparing for a final victory blow. I've seen him use it in court many times, just before a sentencing or decision. Yes, he's that predictable. "I feel nostalgic son. I recall a similar debate with my own father when I was your age and fell in love with your mother."
Great, even history is on father's side. But, it can tilt in my favor. Father obviously WON his debate with his own father as he is indeed married to mother...his true love. So, it shall be with me. Apparently he is testing my devotion and maturity on this matter. I just took not one, but two steps ahead of him. I remained quiet and allowed him to proceed.
"I will speak with Asru's father though I will bring no inclination of my perspective on the matter. I wish to see how he perceives it. If it proves favorable for his family, you may get your wish to proceed with your love of his daughter and I will not interfere, but allow the gods and destiny to determine if it shall be or not. If however, her father declines the idea of the radical change his family line would take, then I will step in and you will have little choice in the matter. You will forget her and marry based off the good of the kingdom rather than your own heart. Do you understand? Are you willing to accept such terms? This son, is the same terms my own father gave to me. Is it a worthy risk in your heart?"
"I have little choice do I? I firmly believe Asru and I are meant to be. Therefore, the risk is non-negotiable. I have to accept it. I've never lost in anything father and I have no intention of this being my first."
"Even if you win son, there will still be loss. I already know of a young lady within this palace who is rather displeased in your selection of female acquaintences. I'd not want her as an enemy."
I thought about it...who...ah yes...MANA. But, she's always been like a sister to me...nothing more. Is it possible she saw me as something other than a brother? "Yet another risk I must take father."
"Then jump off the cliff and may the wings of Horus guide you into your flight of fancy. For if the gods disapprove, you will plummet to the ground below and become food for Seth's minions. I will pray that your heart is true and Asru's wings spread forth in support for I do not wish my one and only son to become fodder for the underworld."
"You said it yourself father. I'm a gift of the gods. I guess it is now time for me to show you and this entire kingdom that I am worthy of becoming the next pharaoh by staking my own heart in this test of love."
"This we shall see then. Well son, I must depart. I am likely already late for some task. I'm sure Shimon is not very pleased right now as he stalls whomever it is I am late in speaking with." father joked as he stood and prepared to depart. For some reason he looked back at me and gave me a good once-over then gracefully slid out of my room. I just hope that was not a last glance before said son jumps off the cliff of love and ends up at the mercy of whatever force will prey upon me be it good or bad.
Now...if only the gods will stop laughing at me long enough to support me and point my heart in the direction of Asru's. I just said point again didn't I? I will cease this entry now and do something about that. Come to think of it, scanning through previous pages of this journal, I have come to a single conclusion. I must agree with Seto (but don't ever tell him that!). I'm hornier than a rutting buck. Many of my entries have some portion devoted to dealings with the sexual anatomy or another body part that stirs such. Why is it these 'growing years' are like this? Please Ra, make these years swift as I have more important things to think about than the fires within my loins!
Until next time journal, stay safe and secret.