Chapter 2: My Return

Colorado Springs, 1868. I arrived just before Halloween of that year and barely recognized my old home. I'd been gone for so many years I couldn't count. My life with Marcus had started off as a fairy tale but it didn't last. Now as I walked down the desolate street that passed through the center of town I was a broken woman. I came back here looking for a familiar safety and I found the world turned upside down.

As I walked along the familiar dirt road, I found myself wondering if I'd ever have a place to call home again. I felt isolated here, as if I didn't belong. I knew what lay around each corner and who lived behind what doors. Still, every sound made me jump and every gaze forced me to face the facts. I was no longer a welcome member of the town but a stranger who some vaguely remembered.

Most of the buildings looked the same, though a few were more worn down that I remembered them. Loren Bray, my brother-in-law, owns the general store. He was kind enough to put me up. Hank Lawson still had his saloon. Myra still worked there but there were plenty of girls I didn't know. Jake Slicker, the barber, had moved his shop closer to the mercantile but it was still just as I remembered; one chair and smelling like hair tonic.

Then there were the things that had changed; things that made me in a way uneasy, but in another somewhat comforted. A new woman to town, Grace, had started a café right behind Robert E's livery. There was a new Revered and someone else working the telegraph. But the key addition for me upon my arrival was that of the clinic, which was owned and operated by a woman doctor.

I went straight to Loren, knowing he wouldn't turn me away. As I stepped onto the short step I questioned whether my feet would make it to the door. When Loren recognized my weakened state, he suggested a visit to the doctor, the woman I would later come to call my best friend.

Dr. Michaela Quinn came here from Boston and was the most opinionated and strong-willed woman I had ever seen. I would like to think that I have some of that fire in me but it pales in comparison to what Michaela has.

Loren took me too meet her, commenting that she was only "sort of" a doctor. I soon realized he only felt that way because she was a woman. I gave him a disapproving glance and the he left me to be examined. I told the doctor that I had fallen off my horse but she knew better. She didn't say it to my face but I knew just by lookin' at her that she knew. It became our code word, in an odd joking matter, later on when that same horse threw me again.

"It don't really matter what happened," I told her later. "I left him and I ain't goin back."

Dr. Quinn had her clinic in what used to be the boarding house. The woman who owned it before, Charlotte Cooper, had been my best friend during one time in my life. As I sat in what was now the examination room, I remembered many days when Charlotte and I would discuss life over a pot of stew simmering in her kitchen.

"I don't know why you sit around waitin' for him to come back," I told her one evening.

"The same reason you let Marcus hit you," she responded.

"He only does that when he's drunk," I defended. "Besides he's never done more than strike me across the face. Plenty of men do worse than that to their wives."

"And plenty of wives end up dead for unexplained circumstances," Charlotte scowled.

I then turned things back around on her. "And plenty of women end up alone for the rest of their lives waitin' on their men to come home. Ya gotta face the facts here Cahrlotte, Ethan ain't comin' back with gold. You gotta find a way to raise those kids."

"I have my boarding house," she said proudly. "We'll get by fine with this old place until Ethan comes back. Then we'll have our farm again."

Charlotte's husband Ethan had been gone eight months at that time and I still couldn't convince her that he was gone for good. While she had stopped cryin herself to sleep, she still kept hope that he'd come back to her and the kids.

After I left the clinic, only a few minor bruises to my name, I set out to start my new life as a free and independent woman. Getting that independence, however, was slightly more difficult than I had imagined. I'd left the only home I had in the world with not a penny to my name. The only things I had were the clothes on my back and the hope that the people in town would soon consider me a part of their lives.

Loren was reluctant to let me stay at the store with him, and I don't blame him really. We'd had a long and complicated history between us. Me showin' up was a big shock, I could tell. He disapproved of the way I lived my life before but disapproved even more when I tried to fix things. "A little disagreement isn't a reason to break up a marriage," he told me.

I was astonished to think Maude had gone through anything similar to what I had. "Is that how is was between you and Maude?"

Loren refused to let me in. "Your sister was a good woman. We respected each other. That's all I'll say about that."

It wasn't until later that I learned any more. I met up with Dr. Quinn at the cemetery where I was visitin' my sister's grave. "We were close," I told her. "For the longest time all we had was each other. Then Loren proposed to me."

"He proposed?"

"Things just weren't the same after that."

My new friend was silent, not knowing what to make of this situation. I left her to contemplate things, with the assurance that one day I'd let her in and know more of the scattered past. I went straight to Loren at that moment, needing confirmation that only he could give. "After all these years," I began. "You're still in love with me."

He ran his hand across his mouth and rolled his eyes away, trying to avoid the situation. He'd grown old and was less tolerant of most things. But the young man I knew was still in there somewhere, just waiting for someone to ask him to come out. "Ya can't hide behind this grumpy façade," I told him. "Now tell me the truth. Do you still love me."

"I told ya back then I'd never stop lovin' you," Loren said softly.

"Then why'd you marry Maude? Why'd you put her through that?"

"I figured if I couldn't have you, Maude was the next best thing."

"You weren't that cold-hearted."

"I knew what it was like to be turned down by the person you love most in the world," Loren finally admitted. "I saw how much she cared for me, though I never could se just why. But she loved me and I couldn't bear to hurt her."

"But she knew you still loved me. Don't ya think that hurt her?"

"You don't get to just waltz back in here and tell me 'bout all the mistakes I made. I did what had to be done. Don't go tryin' to make me regret it just casue you do."

"But don't you regret it?"

"Maude and I were happy enough," Loren maintained. "Nothin' else much matters now that it's all over and done with."

I decided not to pursue matters further. "Dr. Quinn has asked us to supper," I told him. "Will you come?"

"Aww I don't wanna eat with her," Loren grumbled. I simply looked him in the eye and asked him to do it for me. He turned away before finally answering. "Aww fine, I'll go."

Loren and drove out to Michaela's homestead where we were greeted by her three adopted children, Matthew, Brian, and Colleen. I looked them all over, noting how much they had changed since I'd seen them last. These were Charlotte's children, left to Michaela when she died. They were my best friend's children and at this point almost strangers to me. Sully gave a short wave from his chair in the corner. I noticed how he and Loren avoided one another.

Michaela came to the door behind the kids, wiping her hands on her apron. "Loren, I'm glad you decided to come," she smiled broadly.

"Dinner will be ready soon," Colleen announced.

The meal went well and afterwards Loren played his harmonica and we all sang songs together. Everything was joyful, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. Then a knock sounded at the door. Sully went to answer it. As he slid the door open, I heard an all-to-familiar voice. "I'm sorry to bother you mister but I'm lookin for someone and when I asked in town they said…"

I jumped up from my seat and grasped the table in front of me. "Marcus!"

"Dorothy…" I saw his face light up when he saw me. The desire to win me back burning in his eyes.

I summoned all the courage I had left in me to try and get him to leave. "Go away, I don't want to see you. Leave me alone"

"Dorothy please, just listen to me." Marcus stepped forward, attempting an entrance into the house.

"You can't come in. I'm sorry," Sully told him, holding his hand up to block the way.

Loren stepped in at my defense as well. "You heard her, she don't want to see you Marcus."

"Loren?" Marcus asked, astonished to see him with me but also noticing how he had changed over the years.

Though I could tell Loren wanted nothing more than to knock Marcus unconscious, he remained composed. "You bets just go home now. You have no business here."

Michaela too tried to make the situation disappear. "Mr. Jennings, I think you better leave."

But Marcus wouldn't give up. "Dorothy, please. I'm so sorry darling. I don't know what go into me. It won't happen again."

"I've heard that before."

"You've never left me before"

"And I'm not goin back."

"Please Dorothy. As God and this good people as my witness, I won't ever do it again. I…I don't want to loose you. I need you. I can't take living without you."

I don't know if Michaela could sense me weakening or if she simply couldn't tolerate Marcus being in her house. Whatever the case, she was growing more and more frustrated, and you could hear it in her tone. "Please, get out of my house Mr. Jennings."

Before I knew what was happening, Marcus had pulled a gun out of his pocket. My heart skipped a beat when I thought about everything he was capable of. He could kill me, or Loren, or as things were Michaela, Sully, or the children. Him killing me I'd thought of plenty of times and had come to expect that one day it would happen. But any harm done to Loren or my new friends was intolerable. The threat alone made me despise his actions.

I could feel my blood getting' hotter as he stood in front of me with that gun. Then I noticed the look on his face and I began to soften when he spoke. "You don't believe me, you can shoot me right now. If I ever lay a hand on you again, you can kill me. Go on take it! Take it! I'd rather die then to ever hurt you again. Please, just talk to me."

"Put the gun away," I insisted. My barriers crumbling, I stepped towards the door.

"Dorothy, you don't have to," Michaela attempted to stop me.

"It's alright," I said. "I'll be right outside that door."

Once outside, I followed Marcus away from the homestead some distance, hoping to assure our privacy. He grabbed my hand gently and led me behind a lark pine. He stepped in to kiss me but I put my hand up in protest. "Come on Dorothy," he complained. "I said I was sorry."

"You said you wanted to talk," I said, standing my ground. "So talk."

"Don't you miss what we used to have?"

"Course I do. That's why I ain't willin' to live like we been these past years. I'm tired of rememberin'."

"But we can have good times again," Marcus proposed. "You know them wild times we had before the kids. Those were good."

"I don't know that the kids were ever the problem."

"Please Dorothy," He further begged. "Come home with me." That time, when he leaned in, I did not stop him.

As he came towards me, I felt my stomach churn. I wanted to protest, to push him away, but I couldn't.