disclaimer: don't own Yugioh or its characters.
author's note: Sorry for the lengthy delays in getting new chappies out on my fics...real life tends to leave little time to spare to do things like write sometimes.
Prince Atemu...age 15 3/4
The progression of time haunts both father and I. Gone are the days of my carefree childhood. I know that now. I have been spending nearly all of my waking hours between the throne room and father's chambers. This crash course in kingship is a serious indicator that father isn't going to get better, at least not on this mortal plane. To hear a talk of sex from a dying man is disturbing to say the least, but I now know that father is merely trying to squeeze in all the talks, chats, lessons, and other meaningful aspects of life he wished to bestow to me over my young years. He is continuously apologizing to me though I know not why. For me having to take the throne before I'm fully mature? For the troubles that have eerily followed the Millenium Items? For leaving me with a mix of priests that squabble among themselves? I try to reassure father that all will be well...from the kingdom to myself. But deep down in my own heart, I feel as though I'm lying. Premonition perhaps? I'm not sure. My magical abilities are increasing tenfold by the season. Do I have foresight? I know it's nowhere near the ability of Isis' Millenium Tauk, but that's beside the point. I've approached her and asked of visions of days that lie immediately ahead. She cannot see them. Father was a Millenium Item holder and I have now inheirted that same Item. So neither of our futures can be read by the Tauk, nor can the kingdom in a direct manner. "A shadow has been cast." is what she constantly voices. I will not inform father of it. His passage to the afterlife should be as worryfree and peaceful as possible. The trials to enter the afterlife will be harsh enough for him. He must prepare.
There are very few happy moments in my life right now. I can flip back through the parchments of my earlier entries and see how lively, free, and happy I was. The closer to this present entry I get, the darker and more serious my entries have become though a beacon of light continuously shines through it all...Asru.
She's aware of all. Mother has been preparing her for queenship. I am guessing the plan is to marry us before father enters the afterlife...so he can see that I will enter kingship with a stable kingdom and eyes upon the future of the realm. The thought of marriage excites and frightens me at the same time. I can finally be with Asru as much as I like, yet I fear the newfound responsibilities of being a husband and probably soon after, a father. Those two words...husband and father just don't sit well in my adolescent mind. 'Growing up too fast.' Shimon mutters. Do I have a choice in the matter? I think not. I hardly think the people of this kingdom will respect or follow an immature leader. I have got to prove to all, including myself, that I am fully capable of the kingship that I must inherit. If I don't show confidence and maturity immediately, riots and unrest could break out. Our enemies seething at our borders will invade a weak kingdom. They may fear the Millenium Items, but even they know that if the weakest link of a realm is its king, no powers or magic will save it. I didn't need Akunadin to remind me of that. I'm already aware of that.
Thank Ra, Seto has backed off in these times of uncertainty. He actually seems cooperative and understanding. I know he lost his father when he was younger. Perhaps, in his own peculiar way, he's consoling me for I am about to experience the same loss. Of all of us, I think Mahaado is taking it all the worst. He's a wreck! He spends more time alone in his chambers meditating or doing whatever great magicians do when they need to be alone. He is my best friend and we always had confided in each other, but I feel a distance in his heart...that he's keeping something from me...something vital and important. Wish he'd open up, but I refuse to order him to do so. That would be the reign of a dictator, not a just king. Perhaps he'll come to me with it on his own when he feels the time is right. I hope that my becoming pharaoh does not alter our friendship though I fear it might. Mahaado is a stickler for the rules of status and etiquette. Sometimes I wish a little of Seto would rub off on him and pehaps a little of Mahaado would rub off on Seto. Hey, that's it! I just need to get those two to enjoy a little romp together! What am I saying? Okay, the heat has fried my mind...or maybe the stress and tension that hangs over this palace like morning mist to the Nile.
Ah, Asru...are you as tormented as I? Do you think of our impending marriage? Of the consummation of such? I think I fear the night of our marriage more than the rite itself or even my becoming pharaoh. What an irony that is! I've been longing for that moment, even trying to attain it prior to marriage, and now, I fear it? Perhaps I don't fear the moment itself but more the expectations of myself. I set high goals for myself in every aspect of life. I can be nothing but the best. But in an act I've never experienced before nor have been taught 'hands on', I fear I will let myself...and you...down. Mother says my body will know what to do just as yours will. I've always been taught to listen to instinct, but not always act upon it. How will I know? Oh how I wish I could push back the sands of time! Life was much simpler and less confusing when one is allowed to just be a kid. This adult stuff...well, no wonder adults are so stuffy and boring! Somehow I have got to find a way to make adulthood fun. Simplifying life would be a good start.
Asru and I have fleeting moments still. An eye glance in the throne room, a wink in a corridor, a tap at the dining table, but that's about it. We both understand though...these are desperate times with a lot of preparedness going on and so little time for anything else. She's likely as busy as I. Poor thing. It's my fault too. But she seems to be enjoying it so I guess I shouldn't pity her or myself. Wish I could enjoy it.
Mana is being her usual jovial self. I wish I could return to the time I was as well...without a care in the world of what's going on around me. I don't hold her joy against her in this time when everyone else is feeling sadness and despair. To see her happy gives me hope that once all this is past, we all can return to it once again. So, she will be that beaming beacon through these dark hours. I still think she's mad at me though. Must remember to give her a pretty pony once I'm pharaoh and apologize for whatever it is she's mad at me for, eventhough I'm clueless as to what I'm apologizing for. She's not the brightest and the voices of the stable boys are that she's 'fantasy meat'...I KNOW what that means and how I wish I could rinse their minds out with cleansing oils, but alas, boys will be boys. I've read Mana's heart. Her loftiness is merely part of her innocence. When she loses that, her intelligence and magical skills will shine through. I fear that I will be unable to protect her innocence. And I sense great loss will steal it away from her. More premonitions? Oh Ra, can't you just let things happen as they will! Why do I have to have these sinking feelings that all will not be well when I rule?
Okay journal, I'm bringing myself down with all this darkness. Something lighter has to be added here. I'm depressing myself and that can't be good. Shimon tripped over himself AGAIN. It is moments like those where the throne room can actually be a pleasant place. What is it with that old man? Are his garments too long? They can be adjusted. His shoes too large? Or are his aging bones just falling apart? Regardless, he is often good comic relief whether he tries or not.
Shaadi and Karim collided into each other while running in a corridor. Guess that is why mother told me to NEVER run in the corridors! I still do, but at least my eyes are ahead of my feet. Is it just me or are my soon-to-be priests bumbling idiots? I guess it is my duty to shape them into a fine-tuned team. Swell, more responsibility and tasks! Nothing is ever easy is it?
This entry was interrupted by some devastating news...Shimon has informed me that father is on his last breaths. I must prepare. I guess this entry is a brief one. I have a feeling that my next one or two entries will be the last...as I told myself, I must retire you upon my coronation as pharaoh for you are the diary of a prince. Perhaps a new one will take your place, but only time knows that. Once I'm pharaoh, my time to myself will be even less or I'll be too exhausted to want to write.
Prince Atemu (just feel the need to use that rank because soon it will become Pharaoh Atemu...yikes! sounds scary just writing it, but I must get in practice with it).