I do not own Naruto – if I did, Kakashi would really be great – like a Sannin etc etc etc… and we'd see what's under his mask.

Revelation of the Wolf: The Glory of the Hatake Clan

Hard to Return

Their unseeing eyes always looked at him with reproach. The innocent or not so innocent. Their lips were silent and frozen – unspoken pleas which never reached his ears.

He was standing on the debris and below him, floating in the river of sewage, he caught sight of a child's doll floating along, covered in blood.

Had that been due to hiis earthquake blast? Or their water attacks? Had it been in the falling building? Or on the street in a child's buggy?

The blood scent – was human. And that was enough torture for him.

Yes, even when he closed his eyes and welcomed the dark of oblivion, he could still see them, wanting to know why.

Why?

Why, Kakashi?

Why did it have to be him?

And, holding Rin in his arms, he knew that like always, that question could never be answered.

He just didn't know.

Sitting in the midnight world, brooding in the dead of darkness, Kakashi sat perched on a tall obelisk of rock. An hour of travel away from the border of Fire and Rice Field. Although he was within his own country, Kakashi knew that being on his guard was still necessary.

But remembering the faces…..

Well. He just didn't care.

Living a killer's life as an ANBU assassin had taught him the lesson of compartmentalization. It mostly worked.

Kakashi had shoved every memory in his many drawers – every time he had stabbed through somebody's chest with the Raikiri, every time he had sliced somebody's throat open, every time he had found the beating center with his katana. The every time his hands had dripped with blood.

As they still did.

Normally, these drawers remained shut. But for some reason, the ghosts could not be held at bay.

Perhaps this was because he remembered (all too clearly) his loving activities some nights before. Perhaps it was because he still remembered the frozen shock of Megami's face – the last thing he saw before he had raised his mask. Perhaps it was because he realized how dangerous he was as a human compared to those silly civilized people who lived soft lives in tall buildings, cheek by jowl with those who toted guns.

No gun had been able to stop them, the elite shinobi of the ninja world. No building could withstand their element attacks or the power of their chakra.

It was a heady experience – for a young one. A disillusionment for an elder.

Beside him, sat Lightning's Howl, who had realized soon enough his master had wanted nothing more than some silent company.

Kakashi sighed. Lightning whiffled and thumped his tail.

"This seemingly easy mission upset you." It growled softly.

"Yeah. There seemed to be a lot of senseless killing."

"Senseless?"

"A lot of civilians died between us – but I had no choice."

"That is bad, true, but, at the cost of sounding redundant, you really seemed to have NO choice."

"But I never knew why."

"That's a problem for you, huh?"

"They don't realize…" Kakashi paused. "I never talked to my team about it."

"About what?"

"About ANBU and all that."

"You probably thought (rightly, no doubt) that they were too young for it. Those kids were just young pups. ANBU life is, I hear, something not many can talk about. Killing at command – when you often don't know the reason."

"Aaaa…."

"This mission ended in such way – is that it?"

"Yeh. I just…. Felt so inhuman, you know?" Kakashi plucked at his stained flak vest. "I was – I am – that is to say –"

"You can tell me – I don't gossip with other people…."

"Megami – she saw me as a good guy – but she also saw that….. ANBU part of me – which I – "

Kakashi smiled softly.

"It's so complicated isn't it? You know, Lightning, that my team always complained about me being close mouthed about myself – I guess it was just me trying to give myself a chance."

"A chance?"

"Yeah, to be seen as a nice guy – you know? Not a genius. Not a son of a coward. Not a killing machine. Just me."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah… I guess. But then, they feel like I'm holding back – and I guess I am since I haven't been totally honest with them about my character. But I just couldn't go through with it. Not only is most of my life classified, it's just too horrid to talk about. All my life I had asked new genins what their hobbies, dreams and preferences were – but until Team 7, that question had never been turned on me. I was – at a loss – sort of….."

Lightning's Howl nodded.

"Perhaps, as time passes, and troubles come into their lives, this team of yours will benefit from your tales. Until then…. Perhaps you should stop hiding away by yourself and try to be more with your friends."

Kakashi felt slightly stung.

"I hang out with my friends!" He sputtered indignantly. "Why AM I talking to a dog about my social life anyway?"

"Beats me."

"Whatever."

Kakashi slid down the rock quietly, and found a niche between the rock and some heavy shrubbery. Curling up, he allowed himself to fall into a light doze.

In the morning, Lightning's Howl woke him up and Kakashi continued on alone to his home, where he could hopefully figure out what he was feeling exactly.

When Kakashi walked through the gateposts of Konoha, he still hadn't been able to throw off his general malaise. After fililng his report out in a record breaking snail's pace, he found his way from his enjoyablysilent apartment to the busy Jounin reporting room.

Is it just me or is it more packed in here than usual?

Arriving at the Hokage's desk, he flourished his report and set it carefully in front of Izumo, who looked both excited and worried at the same time. Kakashi turned away ready to go back to his apartment for a long good think when he heard his name uttered with a certain amount of awfulness.

"Ka-ka-SHI!" The last syllable of his name made him wince.

He turned to see that the Hokage, Tsunade-sama, was clasping her hands – no doubt to stop her from killing him on the spot – and quivering with rage.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?"

She slammed down three newspapers and a couple of tabloids.

'ASSASSINS DUKE IT OUT'

'TWO ASSAILANTS DESTROY CAPITAL DOWNTOWN'

'HOW FAR IS TOO FAR? A critical look at shinobi activities in Asia'

'JEDI FIGHTERS USE THE FORCE?'

'NINJAS CALL UP ANCESTRAL SPIRITS'

The photos were blurry and unfocussed – but several caught the water dragon rather well. One picture, which ended up as the signature photo was in particular condemning.

The water dragon split in half, electrical sparks streaking through the air – a dark blur connecting solidly with another solid blur – you could see blood beginning to spray out behind.

"Geez, Kakashi! Why didn't you stop there and get a sexy pose in, while you were at it?" screeched Tsunade. "Then at least your time wouldn't have been so wasted!"

Kakashi hunched his shoulders and stared at his feet morosely.

Public disgrace for a public mistake.

"Wow," sighed Izumo, admiringly. "I wish I had a jutsu like…." He trailed away at Tsunade's glare.

Gai shook his head.

Genma rolled his eyes. "Tch. Geez! What a glory hound!"

Tsunade frowned.

"This is NOT GOOD! Did you even know who your attackers were – what if they'd been Cloud and not Sound?"

"But they weren't…."

"You just found out, idiot!"

Kakashi sighed.

"Listen, I tried to get away - but that became less and less of an option…. It was almost as if they wanted me to fight there…."

"They WERE Sound…"

"Aaaaa…."

"How could Sound have known about this mission?"

"I don't know."

"What mission?" asked Kurenai.

Tsunade stood.

"The years have passed and it is time, once again, for the renewal of our treaty with Cloud."

Kakashi's mental gears turned.

"…….. shit……….."

"Exactly. Somehow, somebody caught wind of your mission – and, no doubt, in an attempt to disrupt our negotiations, they tried to cause bad relations between Leaf and Cloud – by getting a Leaf to destroy half of Thunder's capital –"

"That is an exaggeration," interjected Kakashi.

"- even that Yukimoto singer woman you had protected last month had been caught up in it."

"Really?" asked Kakashi, without batting an eyelash. "Who would have thought?"

Obviously, Megami had sent an oral message to the embassy – Tsunade doesn't seem to have connected Megami with my stay in the city…..

There was a murmur.

"So…" Gai said. "Why is Cloud not stopping the negotiations?"

"Because it seems that the leak may have been on their end – they feel as responsible for the Sound attack as I am sure Kakashi feels."

Asumo rolled his eyes.

Kurenai nudged him.

Genma stared at the newspaper photo.

That electricity – that white chakra – the Chidori, eh? But more powerful…. Perhaps it's the Raikiri that Gai told me about…. And here I thought my training had been damn good….

"A red letter day for the Hatake clan, eh?"

"I know," Raido sighed. "From now on, Kakashi will be able to toss his head and say, 'Yeah but you never terrorized an entire city!'"

Kakashi sweat-dropped.

"Only you two reprobates would consider that worth boasting about," he sighed.

"Shinobi!" barked Tsunade.

Everyone quieted down.

"Everyone leave please, except you, Kakashi. Genma, Raido, I want you to wait outside. Asumo, bring me Iruka, please. Otherwise, you are all dismissed – including you, Izumo."

Everyone trooped out, grinning at the silver-haired Jounin's obvious discomfort. They had had a feeling that Tsunade's dressing down wasn't completed yet. Genma and Raido, once left alone, placed their ears against the door and tried to eavesdrop.

"So much for stealth." Tsunade sighed. "This was not an opportune time for you to go ballistic but we'll all manage to cope."

She paused.

"Your punishment for your recklessness…."

Kakash drooped.

"… will be to accompany me back to the Village of cloud – where you will give the kage a personal apology."

Kakashi winced beneath his mask.

"As ANBU Hound."

Kakashi flinched.

"Iruka, Genma and Raido will also be accompanying me."

"Won't they figure out that ANBU Hound is me?"

"You'll be following us as backup – to spring us from ambushes and traps and other situations as they arise. It is a fitting job, considering that your antics has cost us the trust of Cloud and therefore a larger escort."

"Right, right."

"Off you go then." She paused. "And this time around, no heroics, right? And no tardiness."

Kakash nodded and disappeared.

NEXT UP! Going to Cloud, Iruka deals with issues. Genma and Raido kick butt. Tsunade smooths troubled waters. Our team gets sidetracked - an invitation by the Raikage to attend a famous singer. What are the odds? But will their trip home be easy?