Chapter Eight: The Return of a Heart

I had walked for miles, I no longer remember where I was, tired, drained, emotionally wiped. I was once again a blank slate for which people to chalk their desires upon. The sheer amount of pain that was driving my mind into insanity was gargantuan. Both my lower legs were suffering, the left from the agony I had inflicted by grabbing at my Staff during the battle with Hinata and the right, which had weakened due to several awkward landings while fighting. I was finding it difficult to walk and ambled through forest, desert and swamp.

I clung to my Staff and hobbled, exhaustion washing over me at every intake of breath. Days and nights had passed and I had barely slept, haunted by dreams of death. The sparse hours of rest I had accumulated had only stopped my legs from throbbing, I knew that I needed at least a weeks worth of rest. During my entire trip my mind had struggled to stay focused on my goal, the death of Lillith and Alexander. However, I had began my own emotional battle within myself, my conscience had began to rage against me, guilt plagued me.

I looked up and relief swarmed over me, there was a town in the distance, faded into the horizon. I knew I'd find help there. My body had started to attempt to heal itself, my back covered in deep gashes, my legs and feet, my torso battered and bruised. I trudged onwards. It started to spit, small soothing droplets of rain landing on me, soaking me. Nonetheless, I continued to grasp onto my Staff for dear life and forced my body to walk forwards.

As the city neared, the heavens opened and a torrential downpour blasted onto the earth, drenching me. As I neared the gate, my scarlet hair was matted to my head and my clothes hung heavily. I noticed there was no Kafra as I passed through the ominous black gates. The sign was scratched and blackened, the words illegible. As I entered the boundary of the city, the streets were deserted. It had seemed to darken considerably and around me there were several dead trees, the wood old and haggard.

I hadn't walked very far when I felt eyes on me. I turned wildly and looked for the source of the discomfort before my gaze landed upon a young woman. She was dressed in black with a black and white headdress on, her hair tied back and only a few loose blonde strands were hanging free, although these were stuck to her now red cheeks thanks to the rain. It was a Nun. She stood still, staring at me, her gaze piercing as the rain soaked through her clothes.

I stood perfectly still, I felt rooted to the spot, frozen, my gaze connected to hers. I felt helpless, vulnerable, but no matter how much I tried to move, I couldn't. Her eyes searched mine, hunting for answers. I tried to blink but couldn't, and suddenly, an overwhelming emotion roared through my system like a riptide, my eyes burned fiercely and I tried to suppress the emotion but failed as tears trickled down my face, washed away by the rain. Before I knew it, I was staring into the eyes of the Nun and was sobbing loudly, all my grief, loss, anger and rage bursting forth like a dam. I cried violently, my body rocked by depression.

And now the emotion was slowly ebbing away as numbness took over. My vision began to haze like a thin blanket of fog was being laid between the rest of the world and myself. I began to sway slightly, tears still running down my cheeks as I began to float away, losing control of my body as I fell forwards, falling through the air and collapsing to the floor in a crumpled heap, unconscious.

Lillith sat opposite Alexander in the bar, her face grave. She lifted her gaze and stared into Alexander's piercing blue eyes, she sighing in frustration. Alexander pulled his white hair from his face.
"I'm not doing it," Lillith said bluntly.
"I'm not asking you too, I'm telling you." Alexander retorted.
"Since when have you been able to tell me what to do?" Lillith demanded, the heat of the conversation beginning to rise.
"Since you joined my guild," Alexander said, even though his voice sounded bored, there was a command lying underneath it.
"I think you're forgetting you wouldn't have a guild if it wasn't for me." Lillith snapped.
Alexander ignored this comment
"You're forgetting that if you don't go find him Lillith," Alexander drawled out Lillith's name. "He'll come find you." Alexander looked at Lillith expectantly but Lillith just stood up, staring down at Alexander and biting her lower lip.
"That's fine by me," she said. There was a loud rip and Lillith placed something on the table. She removed her hand revealing the emblem of Advocate, which she had just torn from her clothes.
"You're leaving?" Alexander questioned, unable to hide the shock in his face.
"If joining your guild means I have to go kill someone who I've already ruined their life, then…" Lillith was unable to finish her sentence as slow tears slide down her cheeks. She turned away from Alexander and walked towards the door.
"You'll be killed," he shouted after her. Lillith stopped on the spot and turned to face Alexander, her eyes red.
"I deserve to be." She said.

It was a warm day in Morocc desert. I had been walking for quite some time and I was sweating. I brushed the front of my shining white robes clean, the sand blowing up and dirtying them. My scarlet hair was blowing in the wind as I trudged forwards through the desert. I was so happy inside, it poured from my body. Today was a good day to be alive, I knew it.

I had recently passed my Sage test and the euphoria had been in my blood for days as I learned new skills and techniques and mastered new movements. As the rays of sunlight rested on my face I kept at a steady pace, my head held high. In the distance, Drops were playing happily and bouncing around each other. I walked passed them, smiling down at them, one of them chasing after me and squealing loudly.

The Drops followed me and I turned to it and kneeled down, balancing myself on my Staff.
"Hiya," I smiled. The Drops squeaked at me as if to answer my question and bounced happily on the spot, it's orange gelatin body wriggling excitedly.
"You can't follow me, I'm going far away from here." I said, reaching out to touch it. The Drops squealed in fear, its eyes dilating as it recoiled away from my hand. I stared at in shock and pulled my hand away, thinking I had frightened it. However, I felt a rush of air above my head and lifted my gaze to see a large brown and white wolf land behind the Drops.

I stood up instantly and grabbed my Staff, the Desert Wolf snarling. The Drops bounced towards me, obviously terrified. I stared at the Desert Wolf as it bared its teeth at me, growling. The Drops made it's way towards me, it was only a few feet away when the Desert Wolf pounced on it. I cried out in rage and brought my Staff crashing down but the Desert Wolf jumped out of the way, my Staff burying itself in the sand. I looked around for the Drops but it was gone.

I spun around to see the Desert Wolf pawing at playfully, the Drops squeaking terrified.
"No!" I screamed out, but it was too late, with a sickening thud the Drops exploded in a pile of orange gunge. I stared in utter shock, amazed, my grip on my Staff tightening.
"You…" I growled, staring at the Desert Wolf. I lifted my palm towards the Desert Wolf, it cooling down severely.
"Cold Bolt!" I cried out into the baking heat, my Staff spinning as several sharp icicles projected themselves from my body, spiraling through the air. The Desert Wolf leaped from most of them, but the final icicle embedded itself in the center of the animal's body, pinning it to the floor, it's blood tainting the sand beneath it a dirty burgundy colour. The animal lifted its head and from its muzzle it unleashed an unearthly howl of gargantuan proportions, it filling the desert with its final call of death.

I stood there panting softly and looked down at the small pile of gunge that was the Drops and sighed. "Poor thing," I thought, standing up only to be left reeling in shock. From behind every sand dune, from beside every rock, wolves began to appear, them forming a circle around the Desert Wolf, sniffing at it gently. I stood perfectly still as more and more gathered, several brown and white ones and also, some deep blue ones.

"There's so many," I thought. Suddenly, all of their heads turned to me simultaneously. There was another howl and they bounded towards me, encircling me, trapping me. I stared at them all as they surrounded me, growling and snapping their jaws at me. I pushed the end of my Staff into the ground and prayed. In one swift movement, they were upon me. I swung my Staff wildly and it connected with the head of one of the wolves, a loud crunching sound sending the wolf ricocheting across the ground to lay still meters away. However, this seemed to spur the remaining animals on more.

They clawed and bit at me, pain searing through my body, my pure white robes stained with my own blood. I continued to try to attack them but they forced me to the floor, their attack relentless.

"Play dead," I thought. "Just play dead." But no matter how hard I tried, I howled and screamed in pain. My body was covered in gashes. I began to fade away slightly, darkness washing over me. There was a rush of wind as a grey and white wolf dashed past me. However, the colours were reversed, this wolf was grey at the bottom and white at the top.

"Mammonite!" A deep voice called into the air, a glitter of a thousand golden stars dazzled my eyes. There were several loud howls from the wolves, but they slowly died out, along with my conscience as I faded away.

I woke up with a start and agony roared through my body. My white robes were still covered in my own blood and looked almost salmon coloured now. I looked around me and I realized I was back in Morocc, in a room, in a bed. I slowly ran my hand over my arm and felt all the cuts and gashes.

"Looks painful," a man's voice called out from a separate room before he slowly walked into the room. I looked at him in awe. He was tall and very regal looking, dressed in a blacksmith's attire. His trousers were a soft brown, like earth and his shirt was a very crisp white, although it was stained with blood. He noticed me staring at his bloodstained shirt.
"Oh, don't worry," he said, smiling at me, "it's from when I carried you back here."
"Carried me?" I questioned, staring at him.
"You were unconscious, I couldn't just leave you there."

I hung my head and mumbled something, but the Blacksmith just continued to stare at me. His green eyes were soft yet piercing, a beautiful jade-like colour. They seemed to be deep, filled with something, like they were filled with secrets. They contrasted his light brown hair perfectly, which flicked out at the ends.
"How..?" I asked, looking at him as he walked over and sat at the edge of my bed.
"Well, what can I say?" he smirked at me. "You were being attacked by savage beasts, I disposed of them for you and now we're here."
"You killed them?" I asked.
"Not all of them, just enough for them to get the message and leave you alone."
I blushed slightly and looked up at him, "thank you."
"No problem." He smiled at me warmly and I noticed how beautiful he was, like porcelain with a few ragged edges. "What's your name?" he asked.
"Faia. And yours?" I replied.
"My name is Kane," he said, holding out his hand. "And that," he indicated towards the door where I noticed a young woman dressed in red priestess clothes with long blonde hair. "is Lillith."

I sat bolt upright with a jolt, my heart thumping in my chest. My black robes clung to me from the cold sweat produced by the flashback of mine and Kane's first meeting. Sweat poured down my face as I looked at the dark and dusty room I was in. The décor was faded and old, the navy wallpaper peeling from the walls revealing the black brick beneath. I pulled myself from my bed and swung my legs around, agony pumping through my veins.

"Not so fast," a cruel voice called from the shadows.
"Who's there?" I demanded, searching the room for my Staff.
"You won't be needing your Staff," the voice replied. It was a cold hollow voice of a young woman.
"Reveal yourself, now!" I commanded, my voice rising. From the shadows, the form of a figure emerged, dressed in black and white attire, the face of the nun from earlier swam into vision.
"Who are you?" I said, staring at her, my blood pumping through my system as fear and anger merged into one.
"I am Sister Nygella of the Church, and you are? Or am I to presume you don't have an identity?" she said coldly.
"My identity is neither hear nor there," I retorted angrily, "what is it you want from me?"
"I want nothing, it is my duty to God neither to want nor desire." She said coolly, walking around the room.
"Then why am I here?" I stared at her.
"You are here because you are an individual who seeks sanctuary."
"Sanctuary?"
"That is why you are here."
I stood up, enraged. "Look you, why did you bring me here?"
"I didn't bring you at all, if anyone brought you, it was God."

My anger boiled over and I quickly reached down, sliding my hand into the left of my boot and pulling forth a dagger, it's blade glinting in the night. Suddenly, her voice broke the moments silence like electricity, her voice now deeper and filled with anger, commanding.
"You shall not bring weapons into the Sanctuary child, it is forbidden!"

I stared up at her and our eyes connected, once again a feeling swept over me and my anger subsided almost instantly, my grip on the dagger weakening and the dagger dropping to the floor with a thump.
"I am Sister Nygella of the Church," she began "and you are in the lost city of Niflheim, a city lost to even the power of God."
"Niflheim?" I echoed. "But how did..?" I tried but she cut me off.
"I can only presume that it was the work of God that brought you to this forsaken place for now you have entered the house of Satan. His creatures wander the streets freely, his demons and his minions. You have been forsaken."
"How did I..?"
"You collapsed in the street," she interrupted me once again. "I moved you into the Sanctuary and you have been asleep for several days. Your dreams have been troubling you, you've been sweating, murmuring and writhing since the first night. It was my initial reaction that you had been possessed, forsaken by all and filled by evil. It is then I realized it must be your sins that have troubled you. What have you committed so foul that has turned you to this state? What deeds have thou done that are echoing on your conscience?"
"None!" I said, banging my hand on the surface of my bed.
"Lying just adds to your list of sins, however, I already know."
I stared at the woman in shock.
"You have killed your fellow man, allowed your bloodlust to consume you"
"How dare you?" I shouted, standing up, ignoring the lightning pain searing through my leg.
"Although you feel it is just, I believe you have suffered a lot of pain."
I slowly sat back down on the bed, my dream from earlier slowly flickering across my minds eye.

"I suggest you rest, you can leave as soon as you wish," she said looking at me, "but this is Sanctuary, it is the place for those who wish to regain strength on whatever path they have chosen."
I looked up at her and nodded slowly, still feeling uncomfortable but realizing I needed the time to heal my wounds.
"The girl with the blonde hair you seek is often found around Niflheim. She too, has been forsaken." The Nun said as she left, the door slamming behind her, my staring after her in disbelief.
"Lillith?" I thought. I lay on my pillow as the darkness enveloped me and I returned to the warmth where Kane lay, deep in my heart.