Chapter Nine: Revelations and Lillith

I looked down at the plate that Sister Nygella had just given me and frowned in distaste. It was the usual sludge, sepia coloured with a bitter odor. It's taste was neither sweet nor salty, it was just mush. I lifted my spoon and took it to my mouth, swallowing it. 'Food of the gods.' I thought.

"No-one said that Sanctuary was going to be the embodiment of heaven." Sister Nygella said bluntly, standing in the doorway.
"I don't recall wanting it to be," I replied bitterly. I hadn't seen much of Nygella since my stay here but every time I did, our conversations seemed to involve some form of lecture. However, annoying as it was to admit, I had kind of grown fond of the insane female. She really was the first to show me kindness since Kane's death. Being here had taught me a valuable lesson; I had got so lost in my hunt for revenge that I had completely forgotten about Kane. As long as I kept him in my heart he would never die and live on with me. A warmth filled my body and I smiled while eating.

"Considering your complaints about the food, I'm surprised you're smiling. It's obviously not the food that's making you smile, what is?" Sister Nygella questioned.
"None of your business," I snapped, but my eyes twinkled.
"Stubborn and cold as usual," Nygella said, turning and shutting the door gently behind her.
Even though I had warmed considerably, I still wanted my revenge and I was still going to get it. 'Nygella can threaten me with the wrath of God all she wants, they're going to die.' I thought and swallowed the rest of my mush. 'A few more days and I'm out of here'.

I stood with Sister Nygella outside the Sanctuary, which was an old wooden building with no visible markings on it. I held my Staff, which glinted in the moonlight. Since I had been here, I had not seen the golden rays of sunlight once. Niflheim looked cold and a thin veil of mist was shrouding the horizon as the darkness seemed to envelop everything. I studied the buildings, all were worn and ruined. There were no other visible signs of life apart from Sister Nygella and myself.

"You must watch your back on these streets, some say the Devil himself walks through Niflheim." Nygella said, her voice emotionless as usual. "Do not seek the blond, she will seek you."
I stared at Nygella again. 'How does she know all this?' I thought.
"Go and may the Gods be with you," Sister Nygella said, interrupting my train of thought. "And remember, forgiveness is a vital path on the road of recovery."
I began to walk away, my head down. I had walked a few meters when I turned to wave to Nygella but as I looked over my shoulder, she was gone.

I walked through the night; it was so dark I felt like I was parting the velvety mist with my body. Occasionally a loud howl would escape into the night before being swallowed by the blackness below. As I walked I looked around me for signs of life but there were none. There were no people, no monsters, nothing but darkness. I passed an old-rundown shop and stared at the door, which was hanging from its hinges.

Hours passed and daylight still did not come. I had walked over large ridges and passed over endless chasms. 'This place is really spooky,' I thought. Even after this lengthy period of time, I still hadn't adjusted to the constant darkness. I felt as if the mist was sweeping around my feet, almost drowning me.

"Niflheim, Graveyard for the living." Sister Nygella had called it.
In the distance I saw a large black silhouette. As I walked towards it, it slowly became larger. It looked almost like a large dome. As I neared, slowly, I began to see more clearly what I was looking at. My hand gripped on my Staff and my knuckles quickly turned white. It was a large creature with a cape that was billowing in the wind. In it's hand was a large butcher's knife that was dripping with blood.

It was facing away from me but it felt my eyes upon its back and as it turned, its eyes flowed red and burned into my soul. Fear was so strong through my body it seemed to burn like acid. I took a step back away from it and the creature lifted its head and a large animalistic howl escaped its body, roaring through the night. I took a few more steps before I spun on my heel and began to run.

The creature bounded after me, it's heavy feet slamming into the ground, its movement surprisingly fast. I ran as fast as my body could take me, wind rushing past my ears, my eyes streaked with water. I ran through a series of narrow alleyways trying to lose the hulking beast but it kept up with me, seemed to be gaining on me.

I turned a corner and stood face to face with a large brick wall. I stared in horror as I turned to see the great beast charging towards me as I slowly backed into the wall behind me. The beast stood before me, it's red eyes filled with a deep lust. It stood before me, inching towards me, lifting its large butchers knife.'I need to fight!' I thought, trying to think desperately for a spell.

"Jump!" A voice commanded through the night. Without thinking I reached down and smacked the heel of my sleipnirs, using all my strength to force myself upwards high into the air. I landed on a rooftop above the monster. I turned to see a girl with long blond hair in a red Priestesses outfit, her palms outwards and her body glowing with power.
"Magnus Exorcismus!" she cried out into the night, her voice strong and filled with power, it echoing around the city. It felt like she was calling the power of the gods to do her work. Beneath me, below the hulking creature, a magnificent white light erupted, ripping through the darkness and almost blinding me. I covered my eyes as the light seemed to explode upwards, jets of it ricocheting off the walls and up into the night sky. The creature below let out a magnificent roar of pain as the divine light attacked it.

I turned and looked at the Priestess, her eyes were wide open and she was still glowing with power as her hair was being blown back away from her face by some invisible force. Her gaze was steady as she stared down at the monster, now shrieking in agony, with a sudden burst of brilliant light it exploded. The priestess slowly lowered her palms and the light began to fade, her hair falling back to its original position. I stared at her in shock and she lifted her gaze to meet mine.

"Lillith?" I questioned and she nodded in reply, her green eyes duller than usual.
"Hello Faia," she said calmly.
"What the heck was that?" I asked, staring down at the space where the monster had been.
"That was a Bloody Murderer, a forsaken one turned to insanity by Niflheim." She replied.

I looked at her, her face ashen. I turned my back away from her and walked a little along the rooftop, anger slowly leaking into my system. I wasn't prepared for this, this was too soon.

"Why did you save me?" I demanded, turning on her. "Why didn't you let me die? You know what happened to Darum and Hinata."
Lillith didn't respond but kept her head down.
"Answer me!" I commanded, banging the end of my staff onto the top of the rooftop. Lillith however, remained silent. Rage took over again and I brought my Staff swinging round and stopped the sharp end near her throat.
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now? Just like the others! You know that's what my plan is!" I shouted, staring at her, my eyes wild.
"Do it." She said calmly. I reeled with shock, staring at her intensely.
"What?"
"I said do it. I want you to. I want you to kill me like you did the others, take away my life." She said, her voice still calm. It was then I noticed the rip on her priestess uniform where her Advocate emblem had been stitched.
"You left Advocate?" I questioned.
"I no longer wish to be associated with Alexander." She said bluntly, looking at me for the first time. I noticed her eyes were red and puffy. "I no longer wish to live."

I lowered my Staff and stared at her. I felt pity for her. Killing Lillith was harder than I expected.
'Kill her,' a voice in my mind demanded.
'She was your best friend,' another reasoned.
'She's just using that to her advantage so she can kill you when you aren't expecting it,' the first voice contradicted.
'Look at her, she's in a state!' the second voice replied.
"Forgiveness is a vital path on the road of recovery," I heard Sister Nygella say.

I placed my Staff on the roof and sat down next to Lillith, who was now sitting on the edge of the roof with her legs dangling over the side.
"My plan was to kill you," I said coldly.
"Why aren't you?" she asked.
"I can't." I said bluntly, hanging my head.
"But I deserve to die for what.." Lillith seemed to struggle with her words, ".. I did to you and Kane." she finished. I lifted my gaze and looked at her, staring at her as she fiddled with her hands on her lap.
"Why did you? I've been fighting this battle but one thing has been bugging me. Why the heck did you and the others turn on myself and Kane?" I looked at her expectantly but my voice was stern.
"It's a long story," she said gently.
"I have a long time," I snapped.

Lillith lifted her gaze and stared up into the starless sky for a few moments before looking at me.
"Kane took the decision himself, he knew he was going to die." She said flatly. The words bounced off me forcefully and my mouth dropped open. I stared at her in complete and utter disbelief.
"He knew?" I stuttered.
"It was his call," she said.
"But why?" I demanded.
"It's sort of twisted, but Kane borrowed a small amount of money from Alexander. All things were fine until Alexander started demanding the money. Kane tried to pacify him several times but it failed. Alexander began threatening that he would give you to Darum as a payment." Lillith looked at me and I realized that Alexander had planned to use me as a sexual favor for Darum. I bit into my lower lip so hard that the taste of my blood flooded my mouth.

"As things progressed, myself and Alexander became romantically involved as I'm sure you remember."
I nodded in recognition. Alexander and Lillith had been a couple for a mere three months before deciding to be friends.
"Alexander," Lillith continued "became obsessed with the idea that Kane and I were a couple before we met, but as you know, that is not true. Kane has only ever been interested in you, and Kane and myself had only met a few days prior to meeting you. Alexander was obsessive about it, his rage turning into a foul jealousy. That night in the club, the argument was Alexander confronting Kane and telling Kane that he was going to rape you, incensing Kane into rage. The moment Alexander placed his hand on your shoulder was a clear message to Kane that he was going to rape you."

These words played over and over again in my head as I remember Alexander squeezing my shoulder gently that night.
"Kane," continued Lillith "sent you down to get his zeny bag while he confronted Alexander. Darum demanded that you were handed over to him. Hinata didn't care less. Then Alexander, Hinata and Darum attacked Kane, bringing him down."
At this moment, Lillith hung her head and tears began to trickle down her face as she gently sobbed, continuing the story.

"I had healed Kane halfway through the battle and Alexander had ordered Darum to hold me against the wall with his Katars. The blood on Darum's katars wasn't Kane's, it was mine. When you arrived, Alexander told me that if I helped he would murder you in front of me and then kill me afterwards. Having caused enough pain I followed his orders. Alexander was happy, the jealous monster inside him having been fed."

The silence that ensued was quite large and I looked down at my legs. 'Lillith is telling me she's innocent,' I thought. 'She is just as much a victim in this as I was.'
"I'm not sure I believe you," I said bluntly, watching her for a reaction.
Her hand went to her mouth to cover a sob, her dirty blonde hair now sticking to her face.
"Please," she pleaded. "You know me. I loved Kane, he was one of my closest friends."
"You helped the enemy by not helping your allies Lillith," I stated, standing up and grabbing my Staff.
"I couldn't! He was going to kill you and then me! What was I supposed to do?" she cried, her eyes brimming over with tears.
"If you don't believe me about Kane, at least believe I didn't want anything to happen to you! The reason I quit Advocate was to protect you. Alexander demanded your death. He's sending people to kill you and I was the first on his list. To prove my loyalty he said. I quit there and then."

I looked down at her again and another wave of pity washed over me, her face and clothes were soaked.
"I'm so sorry, I tried! I tried to save him, they stopped me!" she reached out and grasped at my boot, sobbing wildly on it. "I killed Kane by not saving him. It is my fault. Forgive me. Forgive me!"
Pity washed over me again and I leaned down to reach her and froze at what I saw. Between the two buildings were several creatures, all dark with red eyes. Several of the large looming creatures with butcher knives stared up at me, their eyes dark red.

"Lillith," I hissed.
"Forgive me," she sobbed, drenching my boots.
"Get yourself together and look, we're in deep trouble."
"Please.."
"Lillith!" I cried, reaching down and yanking her up next to me. The pair of us looked over the edge of the roof and her eyes widened slowly, her mind registering what she saw.