Disclaimer: Still don't own THE Red Dwarf, but the dwarf under my bed is taking wrestling bookings for pub parties.
Well guess it's not a one shot any more - it's a duel shot!... Sounds like a new kind of gun ammo... Maybe I could patent it and sell it to Capcom for the next Resident Evil game? (Second chapter written on request for Sian)
Hey! I just left Rachael, so now I'm going to hang out with you guys – You don't think I'm noticeable do you? Hmmmm yes I suppose a medium sized talking red toaster in a cage filled with laboratory mice... dead labratory mice, isn't the best hiding place in the world, but then again – This is LISTER we're talking about here!
It's
stupid really I mean, so what if I asked if he wanted toast 574
times?... Well 575 – He caught up to me a few corridors back but
you see he can't get his big fat self through air vents!
So I
pissed off a pregnant man! You'd think he's be glad for the
toast, what with all the cravings and smeg, but NOOOOOOOOO! It's
despicable! He's so cruel to me! I mean I toast therefore I am,
That's my motto! Look I know I shouldn't have said that's
Lister's was 'I smell therefore I am' but he takes lack of
hygiene to a whole new level!
So he has raging hormones and two kids with heads the size of basketballs growing in his stomach – Think of all the crumbs that get left in the bottom – it took almost 1.2 millennia for me to get my acrobatic skills perfect so I can roll off the tale in Lister's quarters, spin round in mid air, tip the crumbs into Lister's laundry basket then land neatly on the top bunk – Was it my fault Lister was sleeping that time? It was dark – At least I was all sparkling new for when he next wanted toast… granted that event has never risen but I have hope… Even if my toasty senses are telling me he is coming back with a 10 pound lump hammer - He really shouldn't be lifting heavy equipment in his condition.
Wonder if his children will like toast? Milk dipped in toast – Very nutritious! Anyway I better run – Some people might think that talking to piles of white powder formally known as mice might be a bit… Mental.
Then again I'm not the one wielding a 10 pound lump hammer… I'll go find some places to hide in the Cargo Bays – Gotta be better than this… Smeg – I've got mouse powder stuck to my wheels! That's SO gonna leave a trail!...