As You Like It
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen: Starfish
Alex had gotten frustrated with the drugs and discarded them into the jungle. She also decided that whoever thought of the name sweatshirt was a genius, because she was drenched in sweat now. The jacket stuck to her like a Band-Aid in the hot sun, but yet she couldn't take it off. It was like she was physically attached to it. When she finally took her hands out of the front pocket to steal the drugs, they were red and sweaty. Her wrist still ached every now and then and Alex didn't have to look at them to know they were bruised, and that was part of the reason she was wearing the sweatshirt, so she wouldn't have to be reminded of what happened. From what she figured, the closer she was to forgetting, the closer she was to getting over this.
For the first time Alex looked around where she was on the beach, and saw that she was only a few feet away from Sawyer's camp. She wondered if maybe her subconscious mind led her here on purpose. Glancing around, Alex didn't see Sawyer, or anyone else for that matter coming, so she took it that maybe she was supposed to be poking around. She knew that Sawyer rarely stayed at his camp anymore, so she didn't expect to find much. A couple of novels laid amongst a few raggedy shirts, but it was a cardboard shoe box that cough her eye. She glanced around one last time and went with the feeling that no one was coming, and carefully pulled the top back.
Inside lay a collection of lighters ranging from your standard black to Dale Jarred, and a smaller collection of boxes of cigarets. Alex stared at the box, contemplating. She had never been able to stand smoking, especially having to have to experience second hand, and to her it had always been a disgusting habit with no point. But now the cigarets seemed welcoming, and the peer pressure was the voices in her head telling her that it might do her good to try an escape. That was the main reason people did drugs, smoke, and drink, right? Hands shaking, Alex reached down for a pack of cigarets and picked out the lighter carefully, making sure that it was one Sawyer wouldn't miss. She picked out a bright yellow one with a slogan imprinted on it. What would Jesus do. Alex snorted. How ironic.
She fumbled with the package before opening it, almost dropping it twice, took a cigaret out, and realized that she knew nothing about lighting one or smoking. Hell she'd probably kill herself just trying to light one, forget the lung cancer. At last she was able to light the cigaret, and stared at it a few moments, letting the smoke burn, before finally placing it in-between her teeth. Big mistake. She choked as the smoke engulfed her mouth and dropped the cigaret, burning the sand. After stomping on the sand hard Alex put the fire-to-be out, and was about to light a second when she stopped. Maybe the first falling was a sign. This was a stupid idea, she thought, so she quickly closed the box back up and threw it back into the cardboard box and slammed down the lid. Alex then sat down in the sand beside Sawyer's stuff and sighed.
Why did she have to try and be such a big person and try to get over things like this herself? She was only fooling herself..what was she going to do, sit here day after day until someone finally had the decency to tell Sawyer that he smelled, forcing him to come and change shirts. He'd find her there and eventually force the truth out of her. Alex snorted again. Who was she to think that Sawyer would go through so much trouble to get through to someone? She glanced over again towards the box, which seemed as tempting as a jar of freshly baked cookies before dinner, and Alex swore she heard it calling her name. At last she couldn't take it, and once again went through the routine of finding the box, lighter, and struggling to light the cigaret. This time Alex was more careful when she brought the cigaret towards her mouth, and after a couple of tries was successfully able to inhale and exhale the smoke without choking. Crossing her left arm over her stomach Alex turned towards the ocean and let the sound of the encoming waves take her away.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Sawyer's sudden arrival made Alex shiver and jump in the slightest.
What does it look like? Alex responded, still turned away from him.
Whatever happened to there are cooler ways to die'? Sawyer said.
She could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer towards her and suddenly Alex found herself nervous to be alone with him. She didn't know why, Sawyer had never done or said anything hurtful to her. Actually, he had been quite polite compared to how she'd observed him around others. Alex loosened up a little bit with the thought.
Things changed, she replied coldly.
You know, said Sawyer, appearing beside her, I should make you smoke the whole pack.You've been watching too much 7th Heaven, Alex smirked.
Only when the motel had cable, Sawyer joked sarcastically.
Alex smiled when he went along with her joke, even if he was quicker than her on the comedic level.
Give me the cigarets, Sawyer said in a serious tone she rarely heard him use.
It almost scared her.
she said quietly.
I'm not gonna be blamed for you dyin', now give me the cigarets! Sawyer said, this time with more force.
No one's going to blame you, Alex said, rolling her eyes.
Like hell! Sawyer snorted, and then: I'm serious, give them to me.Make me, Alex said, smug.
Sawyer stared at her, incredulous. She had the feeling that a few refusals would make Sawyer impatient, and she thought personally that Sawyer was a very impatient person.
Sawyer said with a huff, kill yourself, see if I care.
Sawyer walked away without a second though or apology. Little did he know how much that hurt her.
Claire's camp
Claire through a damp shirt over the line to dry. She was so amazed at how much lighter she was without the baby on board and how good it felt.
Charlie said after a few moments of silence.
Claire echoed.
Why are you so cheerful? Charlie finally asked.
No reason, Claire lied, and then changed her mind, well..I had this dream.I see, Charlie nodded, overacting.
We were on the island, Claire said, folding a clean pair of jeans, and the baby was with us.The baby?
Claire nodded.
We were going for a walk and I was worried about leaving him with someone else, Claire went on.
Sounds like something Jack'd do, Charlie commented.
He was trying to sit on your guitar, Claire recalled, smiling.
Nice dream, Charlie offered.
Too bad it wasn't real, Claire finished quietly.
She stopped folding the laundry and Charlie studied her. Claire wasn't the one to let out many emotions, though her facial expression may show it. Unsure what to do, Charlie took a step forward.
he said, reaching out with a hand.
I'm fine, Claire said, turning away at his touch.
Charlie studied her again and then sighed, knowing she'd never let him in. At least no time soon.
Elsewhere on the beach
Sawyer later approached Michael, who was shuffling a deck of cards and then laid them out to play solitary.
Deal me in, Sawyer said, make it speed.
Michael picked up the cards in one swipe and dealt them in the positions necessary for the game speed. They began the game and Sawyer was surprised when Michael began to take the lead.
Blackjack dealer, Michael explained.
Don't know what makes you think I'll believe that story, Sawyer smirked.
Believe what you want, Michael shrugged.
So where's the kid? Sawyer asked. To want to be around you so much, he sure ain't.You know kids, Michael said, one minute your their hero, the next your called down to the sheriff's station.At least you won't have that problem, Sawyer snorted.
So what's with you? Michael asked after throwing down a few more cards.
You smell like smoke, Michael said in disgust.
Hm..a smoker smelling like smoke, Sawyer said sarcastically.
Michael mumbled.
Fine, I wasn't the one smoking, Sawyer admitted, it was Alex. Michael said with an eyebrow. I thought she was all against smoking.She was, Sawyer said, I dunno..I think something's wrong with her.What do you mean?Like something happened.You mean like some sea monster eating to people in front of you? Michael said. Or being shipwrecked on an island with your dead boyfriend?
Sawyer threw down a card.
Give her time, Michael said.
Sawyer muttered.
Somehow he thought there was more to the story, and that meant a lot coming from him, or at least he thought.
So where were you last night? Michael asked, catching him off-guard.
Sawyer said, totally forgetting about the game, though Michael was still playing as he talked.
He had to admit, the guy was good.
We thought Vincent ran away again, Michael said, Walt wanted you to help look for him.Why me? Sawyer said, not sure if he liked the kid's affection towards him.
Michael shrugged.
Beats me, he said, luckily the damn thing came back five minutes later. said Sawyer quietly.
Something wrong? Michael asked at the sudden change in Sawyer's voice.
Sawyer grumbled, and threw a few more cards down.
Michael won the first game and Sawyer sulked as they dealt for a second. They were almost through with the first round before Sawyer finally confessed.
I slept with Kate, he admitted, sounding furious with himself.
And he really was. He was furious with himself because he was confused, because he had never let a girl get to him like this before. Michael stopped in the middle of placing a card down.
He said, shocked at the confession.
You heard me, Sawyer said bitterly.
Michael slowly set the cards down, trying to process what he's been told. Sawyer kept his in his hands and stared down at him, thankful that the cards gave him something to look at besides nothing.
Does Jack know? Michael finally asked.
Not unless Kate told him, Sawyer said.
Michael sat back, I'm gonna go, Sawyer said, standing.
He quickly decided that he didn't want to sit through five minutes of Michael yelling at him about how stupid and irresponsible that was. Sawyer half-expected Michael to stop him from leaving, and he actually found himself angry when he didn't.
Look, she came on to me, all right? Sawyer said angrily. Just know that.Didn't say anything, Michael shrugged.
And I know that she's with Jack, Sawyer went on, and after last night, we'll probably never talk again.
Sorry to hear that.
Sawyer stared at him, incredulous.
Aren't you going to say something! He exclaimed.
Like what?
It annoyed him that Michael was still sitting on the ground, now acting like this was nothing, like after the initial reaction wore off he seemed perfectly okay with it.
How stupid that was or that I should go to hell or..something! Sawyer spat.
I think you've got it figured out yourself, Michael commented.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Sawyer yelled.
Figure it out yourself, Michael said.
Sawyer scrawled at him as he stood up and pocketed the cards.
See ya around, Michael said, and left.
Sawyer stood there for a few moments in complete confusion before kicking at the sand. Was it so hard to be straightforward with someone? When he finally remembered that he should be leaving, Sawyer decided to never confess anything again.
At the caves
Jack decided that Kate believed strongly in making up for lost time. Throughout the day she had been extremely clingy, almost enabling Jack to get anything done. Jack finally agreed to take a break for lunch, and they were now chatting in the caves, eating some fruit brought around by Hurley, and some kind of soup Sun had made earlier.
Are you sure you're okay? Jack asked Kate after her leg knocked against his for the third time.
Not brushing against- really knocking against.
she stuttered.
Jack raised an eyebrow. Stuttering wasn't something normally done by Kate. Kate looked back down to the ground and continued staring at the piece of fruit she had yet to take a bite out of. That was the thing, though Kate had been around him all day, she had hardly said a word. Sighing, Jack let his eyes trail elsewhere, observing the daily lives of the other castaways. He noticed Alex's stuff still lay abandon from where it did this morning, and Danielle was sitting next to it, reading some kind of journal. Whether or not it was Alex's, he couldn't tell. Danielle looked up at that very moment and from the look in her eyes, Jack got his answer. He had the feeling that maybe Danielle was finally convinced that something was wrong. Shannon and Sayid entered the caves as their eyes broke away, and Jack noticed that they seemed to be engulfed in a heavy debate. Even Charlie and Claire nearby seemed a little on the edge. Jack sighed again and took another bite of his orange. Beside him Kate sighed as well, and after a moment Jack realized that they had almost been in unison.
On the beach
Alex walked the line of the shore with her hands stuffed in the pockets of her sweatshirt. She had smoke two cigarets before no longer being able to stand the smell, and decided to result to other means of relaxation. So now here she was, walking in the boiling sun on beach at the end of December. More irony.
You might want to look down, said a voice she didn't recognize from the side.
Alex said and looked down just in time to see a starfish be pushed to shore.
She stared at it for a few minutes, wondering how it was that that starfish managed to float up the very moment she walked by.
Something wrong? The woman asked a moment later.
Alex shook her head as she continued to stare at the sea creature, feeling sorry for it. She began to see some symbolism in that the starfish was unable to control where it went or it's destiny in the big blue, just like no matter how bad she had it, she just kept being prodded and pulled in different directions, as if being tested on how long it took before someone popped. Sniffing, Alex realized she was starting to cry again. She was really beginning to hate the word emotional'. She finally gave in and walked up the sand dune to sit down beside the woman, who she soon recognized as Rose, though she had never talked to her personally.
Alex sat down without removing her hands from the pockets, and noticed that she looked very odd sitting next to Rose, who was not only a great deal older than her, but was wearing some kind of black and white flower pattern capris that came up just past her ankles, and a white blouse. Not to mention Rose was smiling like she was looking into Heaven and Alex looked like she had just been told that Christmas was canceled. If only it were that simple.
I like your blouse, Alex commented.
Really it was just a simple plain white shirt, but Alex hated sitting in awkward silences.
Thank you, Rose said cheerfully.
A little too cheerful for Alex. She thought that no one should be that happy on a deserted island, at least not while she was this depressed, and Alex didn't care how selfish that statement was.
This is a little far out, Rose said, pulling Alex from her thoughts.
I know, Alex replied quietly.
They sat in silence for another few moments before Rose spoke up again.
Whatever's bothering you, I think you should tell someone, Rose said, and that doesn't necessarily mean me.I'm stranded on a deserted island, Alex grumbled, isn't that enough?Honey, believe it or not, there are people out there with worse problems than us, Rose said.
You don't know the half of it, Alex muttered under her breath.
This only cause Rose to smile even broader, if possible, making Alex even more angrier.
I've gotta go, she lied.
It was nice talking to you, Rose said.
Alex mumbled, a statement which she would later regret.
She scoffed as she walked away, having no real destination in mind. What Alex hated about this island was that there was no real place to run to. You were always here and you didn't have a choice of leaving, no unless you wanted to suffer worse than you already were. This must be how Kate feels, she thought, to be so used to running and then have to stay. Luckily for Kate there were people like Jack there for her. She had no one.
At the Caves
When Kate had dozed off standing straight up while waiting for Jack to finish talking to Charlie, Jack had insisted that she went to get some sleep. The skin under her eyes were dark and off and on she'd zone out, even worse than usual. Kate reluctantly agreed, leaving Jack on his own. He decided to dedicate this time to investigating Alex's mysterious behaviors, and considered himself lucky when Sayid walked into the caves sooner than he was expected to come. Jack didn't know why, but he kept coming back to Sayid being the key to all of this.
Jack called, catching up to him.
Sayid stopped and waited for him to come, though he didn't look pleased to be there.
I wanted to talk to you, Jack said, about Alex.I'm sure she's fine, Sayid said quickly, you worry too much.Does that explain why she was stealing drugs and medical supplies from me? Jack said, placing his hands on his hips.
He waited for Sayid's answer. Sayid seemed to be contemplating what Jack thought to be telling the truth.
All right, Sayid sighed, and pulled Jack over to the side of the caves where no one could overhear them. Last night when Shannon and I were going back to camp, we heard something..someone struggling.
Jack's eyes grew narrow and all at once he dreaded the rest of the story. He knew he should know, but at the same time Jack had never really considered the possibilities of what had happened.
It was Alex, Sayid finished, so low Jack could hardly hear him, she was being.. he glanced at a man who past them as he was finishing,
But Jack knew from the hesitation what Sayid really meant. Suddenly it was like he had entered a whole knew world. A world of true violence. A sick world that he hated. He felt himself feeling behind him for the wall, and eventually managed to sit down without falling. Placing his head in his hands, Jack tried to prepare himself for what would come next, and not only for him, but for Alex too.
Do you.. Jack had to clear his throat to finish, do you know who did it?
Sayid nodded.
He's tied up, he assured.
Jack looked up across the caves at Alex's abandon camp, and quickly knew what he wanted to do.
Take me there, he said, standing up.
Jack faced Sayid, more serious than he had ever been before.
Take me to him, Jack said, more slowly.
Sayid hesitated, but then finally nodded in agreement.
In the jungle
Not a word was spoken as Sayid led Jack to the scene of crime. Jack had snuck into his caves to get a gun, thankful that Kate was asleep so it'd be easier to sneak one out.
It's right up ahead, Sayid said, pointing.
Jack knew he was being warned of whatever he might see, and braced himself for the worse. One thing he learned on the island was to never underestimate the capability of violence in others. When they arrived at where Sayid had pointed to Jack looked around for whatever it was he was supposed to be seeing. Finally his eyes landed to a tree that, for some reason, stood out more than others, though it looked no more different from the rest. His eyes trailed to the trunk where Jack expected to see a body tied up, but instated, only a bloody piece of rope lay on the ground.
Author's Note: So things are starting to come to an end. Next chapter will be the last chapter and next story will be the last story. Thanks so much to all those who reviewed! You guys rock!
Coming up next, on As You Like It:
In the last chapter, we'll see Alex and Jack having a much needed chat, Boone contemplating the security guy job in the hatch, and maybe even a first real kiss between Charlie and Claire.
Thanks again!
Until next time..
October Sky