Entry VIII
We Shall Be Patient
Jono sat in the main chamber with me while I installed the generator. He seemed utterly astounded by how easily my fingers danced along the machine's components. But despite the small talk he tried to make, he couldn't pull me from my stupor. Connecting the last wire, I turned to Jono. The young pilot quieted immediately.
"I—I have to go," I told him lamely, pulling my cloak tight around me despite the heat and unconsciously folding my arms across my chest. The habit was something I'd picked up from Qui-Gon and usually did only when unknowingly demanding respect and cooperation. Jono got the message and moved to leave. Just before disappearing around the door he stopped and turned back to me.
"If you need company, the guys and I will be playing a game of sabaac later. You're always welcome…"
"Thank you," was all I could manage to reply as he left. Rubbing my face wearily, I tightened my mental shields, effectively blocking Qui-Gon in the process—although I didn't see where it mattered since he had already clamped down on his end of the training bond—and replaced my old, worn image of Jedi calm with a fresh one complete with my customary scowl.
Satisfied that my 'perfect Padawan' image would not be tarnished by visible showings of self-pitying emotions, I swept out of the cabin and headed towards the cockpit, passing Panaka and the special handmaiden along the way. After a quick, respectful bow I was on my way again, the corners of my mouth twitching into a half-smile when I heard Padmé ask why her beloved Queen's ship reflected scars from lightsaber and blaster wounds.
The young handmaiden had no idea and could never hope to understand what had taken place both inside and outside the Nubian craft while she had been away playing tag-along with my master.
Inside the cockpit, I was greeted by the cheerful face of Ric Olié.
"Got that hyperdrive generator installed, Jedi?" he asked.
"Yes, Captain Olié," I responded.
"Pshaw!" the captain exclaimed. "Call me Ric."
I found myself smiling slightly. "Then you can call me Obi-Wan."
"Deal!" he replied with a smile of his own. "So Obi-Wan, care to help me with the preflight check? I'm dying to get off this planet."
"You're not the only one," I grumbled softly, earning a large smile from the older man. While rechecking the present coordinates for Coruscant, however, a dark cloud seemed to settle over my mind. I just barely registered Ric as he placed the last test wires in their storage compartment.
"Everything checks out. We can leave as soon as Qui-Gon gets back."
"Good," I said in reply, but silently I wondered why I did not feel as relieved as I should have. After all, I had been wanting to leave this sun bleached planet even before we touched down. I wished someone would remind me again why I had chosen it….But why, now of all times, did I feel so compelled to leave the ship and venture back out into the sweltering heat of mid-afternoon?
Without warning, the cabin door swished open and a young child dressed quite nearly in rags hurried through. Panaka and Padmé flanked him.
The captain wasted no time in explaining their sudden appearance.
"Qui-Gon's in trouble!"
The simple uttering of those words sent my heart racing into an uncontrollable fit. All negative emotions I had been harboring inside myself were gone in a single gush of words as I dropped into a chair and leaned towards the viewport, squinting my eyes. "Take off," I commanded the pilot, leaving no room for second thoughts.
"I don't see anything," he retorted, but Ric was not a Jedi. The Force was not his ally.
I could see a small haze of dust lingering in the air beyond the viewscreen, and when I pieced this together with the raging turmoil of emotions coming from it, I knew we would find Qui-Gon in its midst.
The ship lifted smoothly, despite the quick speed Ric piloted it with. I pointed to where I sensed the disturbance and informed Ric to fly low. He set about doing as I said and I gripped the arms of my seat tightly in anticipation and worry as we glided just above the desert towards the dust cloud. As we came closer, I noticed that I could catch brief glimpses of not one, but two lightsabers! But that was impossible! Only Jedi carried those weapons!
Could it be a dark Jedi? I wondered briefly, just before my heart momentarily stopped beating. An old memory resurfaced. One about a young man with midnight blue eyes and a scar on his cheek in the form of a half-circle.
Snap out of it, Obi-Wan! I chastised myself. The here and now; the here and now! Xanatos has been dead many years now!
Swallowing and hoping to dislodge the stubborn lump of worry in my throat, I glanced over the ship's readouts. Ric had left the entry ramp open. I reopened the bond between my master and I, but did not dare try to contact him to inform him of the ramp. The battle below looked to be intense; if my master was distracted and injured—or worse—because of something I did, I'd never be able to live with myself.
The ramp, Master! I pleaded silently, careful to not broadcast my thoughts. See the ramp!
As though Qui-Gon had heard me, despite the precautions I had taken, I felt a brief swelling of the Force as we flew close to the fight. All eyes turned to the camscreens situated outside the ship, seeking the tall figure of my master. The Force told me he was on, yet it also told me he wasn't alone. Suddenly, I could see his attacker—a horned beast with red and black tattoos, clothed in pure black that was now stained by the Tatooine dust, and eyes as yellow as a fierce catling from Duna.
Beside me, Ric struggled to keep the ship steady as my master engaged with the warrior once again. The fear of those around me surged through the air, completely assaulting my senses until—quite surprisingly—I realized that the fear that filled the cabin the strongest was my own. I feared for my master's life like I never had before. He was a skilled warrior—one of the Jedi's best—and he had fought against and conquered more men—and women—than I could dream of.
But none had wielded lightsabers.
Save Xanatos.
And although I knew there was no way in the galaxy that that could be Xanatos, it still did not succeed in calming my raging heart.
Unconsciously, the name of the man I loved with my very soul brushed past my chapped lips, revealing all of my swarming emotions. Without waiting to see the outcome on the camscreens, I leapt from my chair and tore through the hall towards that bright—exhausted—light in the Force that could be only one person.
I felt as though I was running through a cloudy haze that caused everything, including the soft pitter-patter of the running boy behind me, to be obscured to an unidentifiable blob.
Except for the doorway.
The doorway that would reveal my master loomed ahead of me like one of the gargantuan caves of the planet Merol. I hesitated briefly just before I would have turned the corner and realized the fear still radiating off my essence would never befit a Jedi, especially when it was an apprentice preparing to encounter his master. Taking a deep breath, I tried to banish the 'what if's' roaring through by mind, but found they stayed stubbornly where they were.
What if Qui-Gon had defeated the dark warrior, but had been injured in the process?
What if the dark warrior had been trapped in the ship?
What if he stood just beyond the doorway, his lightsaber poised centimeters away from my beloved master, just waiting for the lowly apprentice to arrive so he could get the complete satisfaction at seeing the looks on the faces of both master and apprentice when he delivered the final blow?
The pitter-pattering of the boy's running feet and a foreign feeling—jealousy—raked through my emotionally exhausted mind.
I would be the first one to Qui-Gon's side; this time would be no different than how it had been for 13 long, glorious years. When one was in distress, it was always the other that comforted him.
Master and Padawan.
Teacher and student.
Not Jedi and boy!
Trusting the Force completely, I delved deep in its power and allowed it to confirm for me that Qui-Gon was alive—oh, how I hated to have to even think twice about that!—and alone. I yanked my comlink to my lips, barked "He's safe," then vaulted around the corner just as the boy arrived at my side.
Qui-Gon was struggling to push himself up onto his elbows; the droid R2-D2 whistled near his shoulder as we burst into the room. Despite what I had promised myself earlier, the boy beat me to it. He almost seemed to try and push me out of the way as he exploded with, "Are you all right?"
Hiding my distaste for the boy, I dropped to one knee as Qui-Gon was finally able to sit up, still breathing heavily.
Of course he's all right! I wanted to yell at the boy. He's a Jedi Master! He's Qui-Gon Jinn! He's my Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn! Mine, mine, mine!
But I had to be a Jedi. I couldn't pick childish fights with a boy at least 15 years younger than myself…even if he did stare at Qui-Gon with hungry eyes, like he secretly planned to take my master away from me.
I mentally shook myself, tossing the unneeded, distracting thoughts aside, and focusing once more on Qui-Gon.
"I think so," came his response to the boy's and admittedly my question. "That was a surprise I won't soon forget."
That makes two of us, I thought grimly. Force! I've never seen him in such bad shape after a fight! If we hadn't gotten to him when we did…Argh! That should have been me down there!
"What was it?" I asked quickly, almost hoping he would give Ric the command to land the ship again so I could deal with the beast.
But Qui-Gon shook his head, allowing the gesture to hold two meanings. No, he didn't know what it was, although he believed him to be trained in the Jedi arts and after the Queen. And no, we could not go back so I could pick up where he left off. I could already hear his reasoning: "Do not chase trouble, Padawan. There are not many guarantees in the galaxy, but I guarantee you this: Trouble will find you."
Confused as to the fact the warrior had been trained in the Jedi arts, I nodded nonetheless, believing it had been after the Queen as well and prepared to ask if the beast had said anything that could be used to identify it. The boy smothered my plans with the annoyance of a rainstorm during a picnic.
"What are we going to do about it?" he asked.
I found myself frowning…deeply. The boy should not be bothering my master with such petty questions. "Go play with Jar Jar," I wanted to tell him, but years of diplomacy training could not be discarded so easily.
"We shall be patient," Qui-Gon responded, still panting and speaking in a tone I quickly recognized: his teaching tone. Why was he wasting it on this boy? Wouldn't we be parting ways soon anyhow?
If Master heard my thoughts, he said nothing. Instead, he smiled. "Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi."
The pleasure's all mine, I thought sarcastically, making sure my shields were strong enough that I wouldn't broadcast. I shook my cloak sleeve back and extended my hand towards the young boy.
Anakin.
A new thorn in my side.
"Hi!" he said, and then seemed to really take a good look at me for the first time. "You're a Jedi, too? Pleased to meet you!"
I graced the child with a tiny smile despite myself. His enthusiasm was contagious. Had I not already developed a bit of prejudice against him, I many have come to realize this.
Suddenly, our shielded bond grew a little less gray. Looks like you've made a new friend, Padawan.
I turned to Qui-Gon, the smile on my face widening as I watched him chuckle quietly. It had been too long since I had heard him laugh. Even still…I don't know what you're up to, I told him, but I'm sure it won't work—whatever it is…
Oh, ye of little faith, he retorted softly, his own grin growing larger.
The bond quieted on my side and I leaned forward slowly as though to brush a loose strand of hair out of his face as he often did with my braid. I pulled back before my fingers brushed the damp skin of his cheek, leaving my hand to dangle in the air before him as I remembered the distance that had grown between us while on Tatooine. Retreating into myself slightly, I reached out with the Force instead, seeking his true condition. He needed rest and a good meal.
Just as I prepared to delve further, I felt him simultaneously send waves of calm reassurance along our bond and he clasped my dangling hand with his larger one.
"We should get to the cockpit."
I pulled my attention back to the room with reluctance. I would have stayed in my trance for as long as I felt Qui-Gon's soothing presence so close to my mind again if I could have, but Anakin's fidgeting at our silent conversation and my master's voice caused me to snap back to the present moment.
Feeling Qui-Gon's rough hand still around my own, I helped him to his feet and waited for him to step ahead of me so I could take my rightful place beside him. He placed his hands on Anakin's shoulders and started down the hallway, never looking back.
With hurt and confusion oozing past my shields and coming to rest in my eyes—and ultimately in my heart—I pushed the raging, un-Jedi-like emotions I felt to the part of my mind Qui-Gon Jinn would never see. Taking a deep, somewhat shaky breath, I strengthened my reserve, banished—for the time being—Obi-Wan Kenobi the living, breathing human being, and released from his hold Obi-Wan Kenobi…the perfect Padawan, Jedi extraordinaire.
I trudged into the cockpit slowly with my hands thrust into the sleeves of my cloak. Qui-Gon looked over me impassively and nodded, his moves stiff. I noticed he had overcome a transformation of sorts between here and the entry—he looked as though he had never worked up a sweat or battled for his very life. I noticed that, although he released soft waves of exhaustion to roll off him and into the Force, he looked as if he had just emerged from a refreshing, warm shower or timely nap. Such were the deceptions that a highly trained Jedi could present to the unknowing that were around them. But most importantly, I noticed his hands were still gently resting on Anakin's shoulders.
A strange thought came to mind. Had he ever done that with me?
No, no…The perfect Padawan does not require physical reassurance.
Nor does he require verbal or mental or tangible, a small voice said inside my head.
"Everyone, I would like for you to meet Anakin Skywalker. Thanks to him, I was able to acquire the parts we needed."
Qui-Gon's voice was warm with praise. Not knowing what else to do while the boy was introduced to those present in the cockpit, I leaned against the door frame, crossing my arms across my chest. Finally, Qui-Gon moved to stand beside Ric.
"Ready?" the pilot asked.
Master folded his arms and nodded, murmuring quietly, "Let's hope the hyperdrive works and Watto doesn't get the last laugh."
I groaned softly. Oh Force, don't even mention that possibility.
Everyone reached for a handhold or settled into a seat for the jump. An announcement was sent to the rest of the ship to prepare via a soft, monotone beep. As Ric engaged the hyperdrive, however, and the stars successfully turned to glowing streamers, I fervently began to feel that fate was finally on our side.
With the ship now steady and safe in the clutches of hyperspace, everyone began to file out. After a little urging from Padmé—with a subtle hint of promised food—Anakin left with her, leaving only my master and myself in the cockpit. Simultaneously, from years of working side-by-side, we relaxed into two chairs. We sat in silence for a while, watching the stars streak past. I'm not sure what was running through Qui-Gon's mind—was I ever?—but I knew what was running through mine. I was ecstatic that we were together again; just the two of us, just like it should be. Happiness rolled from my end of our bond, and I mixed a bit of love and loyalty. I wanted my master to know I'd do anything for him.
Unexpectedly, Qui-Gon turned to me, his emotionless mask quickly driving away the small smile that had been smeared across my face. I watched his lips part and wondered why I felt distraction on his end of our connection.
"Never give your heart away completely to anyone, Obi-Wan. It only ends in devastating pain."
That said, Qui-Gon used the arms of his chair to push himself to weary feet and exit the cockpit.
As for myself, I could merely stare out into space, my mouth slightly agape as I contemplated his words. Was he disappointed in me? Had I done something wrong? Had I not done anything at all?
He only picked you because the other masters felt sorry for you and forced you on him!
Shut up Bruck! I wanted to shout, banging clenched fists against my chair and then holding my head in my shaking hands. But how did one tell a memory—a ghost—to be quiet?
Sighing deeply and rubbing my face, I left the cockpit behind and searched for someplace quiet. I needed time to think, time to figure out why Qui-Gon was being so reserved, why he suddenly seemed not to trust me. I didn't think time—patience—would resolve this problem. I felt it would make it worse. Yet somehow, I, the perfect Padawan, couldn't sum up the courage to confront Qui-Gon about it.
Dropping the image of ultimate Jedi reserve for awhile, I trudged through the different hallways, allowing my fingers to run along the cold, smooth walls.
What had I done this time?
Hey, look! Another entry! Everyone say it with me now: "Wooooowwww..."
LOL And it only gets better from there. I have another entry all typed up and another in the process of being written. I must be sick or something! Big thank you's go out to: lovenhope, Flutie2891, AAvatar, Katieelessar. It's nice to know this story is still appreciated.
A note for anyone who is interested: I am writing this story as close to the "official" word as I can. By this I mean I am pulling from a HUGE variety of resources to try and get the best viewpoints for our lovely Obi-Wan. If the way I write him conflicts with any preconceived idea you may have had for a particular scene, I am very sorry. I am writing this to the best of my ability.
A list of resources I am using: The Phantom Menace (the official movie, adult novelization, and children's novelization); Padme's Episode 1 Journal; Anakin's Episode 1 Journal; the Obi-Wan Kenobi Episode 1 comic; the Episode 1 Visual Dictionary; The Jedi Apprentice series; The Jedi Quest series.
Hope you enjoyed the entry. As always, let me know what you think and see you in a while with the next entry. MTFBWY,
--Marie K.