Entry XI

Trials

By the time we were called back into the Council chambers, night had fallen on Coruscant. From where we had stood on the balcony, I had been able to follow each transport that entered and left the Temple. As we stepped inside, the last one caught my eye: It appeared to be a new model, perhaps still in testing. I recognized it from a blueprint picture on Garen's wall. It was deep blue in color, symbolizing the Republic's preference of shade, and of a wedge shape; it had no onboard hyperdrive. Instead, an equipped ring awaited it in space, just beyond the city-planet's atmosphere. I gave a slight wave and watched the ship grow smaller with distance. "Goodbye, my friend," I said, knowing it could be years before we met again. "Take care; and may the Force be with you."

We were issued immediately into the Council room. Anakin stood in the center, watching us expectantly. From the stoic faces of the masters, I was unable to tell if the boy had passed or failed. Ki-Adi-Mundi confirmed what we already knew. "The Force is strong with him."

"He is to be trained then?" Through the nearly strangled, but still partially open bond, I felt something inside Qui-Gon rise up, like hope renewed.

I looked away, focusing instead on Master Windu and Master Yoda. Somehow, I felt I already knew what was coming next; it was inevitable.

Master Windu, ever the picture of cool calm, stared down my master, his friend of many years, and said what most of the other Council members were too hesitant to say to Qui-Gon Jinn. "No."

While I know more was said—the dark skinned Jedi's moving lips were a testament to that—I wasn't able to hear it. That one word caused something in my master to break. A shielding wall partly crumbled and a growl greater than a Raykin bear smothered my mind. It was coming, I could sense it: the moment that Qui-Gon would forever embarrass himself in front of the Council; the moment when his reputation would be eternally tarnished…if things didn't go his way.

"No?"

I looked over at Qui-Gon, watching as he advanced forward a few steps. Had the moment not been so tense, I was tempted to come out with an "I told you so." In front of my master, Anakin's shoulders went rigid.

"He is too old." Mace waited for his words to sink in to my stubborn master's head, but suddenly I was reminded of what Anakin had said previously, concerning me—

"Isn't he a little…old? Did he fail a course or something? A couple of courses?"

It sent a non-too-pleasant shiver down my back, but it was nothing compared to what was soon to come.

The argument between my master and the Council continued. I stared at Qui-Gon, willing that single look alone to bring him back to his usually reasonable self.

To no avail.

"He is the Chosen One. You must see it!"

"Clouded this boy's future is." Yoda lowered green eyelids, then raised them again. He waited for a comeback.

The Council waited for one.

Anakin waited.

I waited.

What I got was a near fatal heart attack.

"I will train him then."

Wh—what? Someone pinch me; I want out of this nightmare! Qui-Gon?

Desperate for relief, I looked to the ethereal image of my master. Funny…he looked real.

"I take Anakin as my Padawan learner."

Those hands on Anakin's shoulders—The hope that flared in the boy—

Qui-Gon?

"I was his Padawan. So I know what you go through every day, Obi-Wan Kenobi…."

"I don't care."

"You don't care about what?"

"I don't care that I broke the rules. It was right to break them…."

"I know what you wait for. His approval. His trust…."

"And was it right to break my trust?"

"I'm sorry I had to. But yes."

"But he keeps both from you. The more you try to please him, the farther away he goes…."

"At least you're still in one piece this time. Well, did you discover anything?"

"No, Si Treemba was captured before we could find the thermocoms."

"Obi-Wan rescued us."

"A man who puts himself in the path of danger deserves to face it alone."

"Will you ever take me back, Qui-Gon? I know I am meant to be a Jedi. I'll never doubt that again."

"I know you are meant to be a Jedi, too. But whether you are meant to be my Padawan again is not so clear."

"Everyone vies to be his apprentice. But he is the worst kind of Master. He denies you his trust. Yet he demands everything of you."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. I heard you were back. I thought Qui-Gon Jinn dumped you. And you dumped the Jedi."

Oh, gods…oh, Force no…Stand tall, Kenobi; stand straight! Don't let him bring you to your knees! Oh, Force—this is real, isn't it? This is all real…!

Masters Yoda and Windu were saying something. What were they saying?

"….you have, Qui-Gon. Impossible to take on a second."

"The Council forbids it."

"I would be honored to accept you as my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"I accept, Master, Qui-Gon Jinn."

"Obi-Wan is ready."

So that's how it was going to be…Dump me, replace me right before my Trials, the second most crucial moment of my entire existence.

"I accept, Master, Qui-Gon Jinn."

Fine, I'd play his game. But not for him. Before this was over, before the bond was shattered, I swore I would let him know how I felt.

"I am ready to face the Trials." Son of a Sith—can't even look me in the eye as he dumps me for this kidBut somehow, those seven words I'd spoken aloud sounded hollow even to my own ears.

I can't hear Yoda or the other Council members. I can't hear the soft hum of the transports outside or Plo Koon's breathing mask. I can't even hear my own breathing as I rasp it out. All I hear is him…and the rush of emotions—fear, anger, confusion, loss—that cascade from me like a waterfall in the Room of a Thousand Fountains.

"He is headstrong and he has much to learn of the living Force, but he is capable."

'Headstrong?' 'Much to learn?' 'Capable?' The nerve! But…it was all true, wasn't it? I could feel the shame burning in my face as I looked briefly to the floor.

Dammit, old man—look at me!

"There is little more he can learn from me."

There it was: that look. Brief, but there. The look that sat on the face of a man I had loved since first sight. I heard, but didn't comprehend the rest of the meeting. Where my mind was, it was hard to say.

"I thought Qui-Gon Jinn dumped you. And you dumped the Jedi."

The ride in the taxi speeder felt torturously long. There was space for only three, the pilot included, in the front seat. I sat in the back, alone with my thoughts as I stared at the passing skylines, seeing but not necessarily registering what went on around me. I was glad our pilot was not a Jedi this time.

I do believe that was one of my few coherent thoughts during the entire ride. The other sensible thoughts were of our extended mission. The Queen had requested returning to Naboo; the Council had reappointed us to the quest, despite the emotional turmoil I know they all felt coming from this particular Master-Padawan team.

'Emotional turmoil….'

Wow.

Sweeping a shaky hand across weary eyes, I bit back a sigh. If someone had offered me all the known Republic credits in the galaxy at that exact moment, I still could not have singled out one emotion that ripped through my mind. Perhaps it was for the best, though. For a moment there I thought I could picture a blue saber blade protruding comically from Anakin's head, or even a young man dressed in a tunic and cloak (a thin braid trailing him), as he fell through the comfortable Coruscant night air.

With a jerk I shook my head. We had arrived at the platform where we would await the Queen. Suddenly, the realization hit that this was my last chance to try and get through to Qui-Gon before the mission consumed our attention again—for the Queen to be returning to her blockaded planet, she had to have something more in mind than surrendering.

I hoped.

I sat in the taxi speeder for a moment after its other passengers had exited and tired to collect my thoughts. When I looked up again, Anakin was the only one to be seen. He stood next to R2, presumably awaiting instructions. Hoping I didn't attract too much attention, I fairly raced across the platform and up the ramp of the ship. Qui-Gon and Ric were discussing last minute details before our scheduled take-off; I quickly fell into place beside my master and found it suddenly hard not to tug impatiently on his cloak sleeve like a small child. There was no telling when the Queen would arrive—I had to convince Master now.

"Qui-Gon—Master," I began fervently. "The boy cannot come with us."

Whoops…those weren't the exact words I first had in mind. Think, Obi, think!

Qui-Gon stopped at the top of the landing ramp and turned to me, one eyebrow raised. "And why is that, my young apprentice?"

Do you have to sound so degrading when you say that? "He would only be in the way. We do not know what we will find on Naboo. You were wrong to take him before the Council—we all know it was a waste of time. The boy is just that: a boy. He is no more special than any other—"

"He is the Chosen One!"

"Master?" Surprised at the outburst, I sought out Qui-Gon's eyes. He was avoiding my gaze. As soon as he started down the ramp—no doubt to keep out of range of overly sensitive ears—I bolted after him, sticking close to his side.

"If I had wanted your opinion, Padawan, I would have requested it. You are in no position to verbally be approving or disapproving of my actions. It shows nothing but disrespect; I thought you were above that, Obi-Wan."

Oh, I see…I'd hit a nerve. I'd injured his pride by speaking the truth. But it gave him no right to say what he had!

"It is not disrespect, Master! It is the truth!" Why was he so blind to all that was happening?

"From your point-of-view, perhaps."

'Point-of-view?' How many times had he admonished me for perceiving things from a 'certain point-of-view?' I had to make him see the truth! Before it was too late….

"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it, why can't you?"

Qui-Gon turned on me like a wild, angered malia. I was forced to stop abruptly, lest I run into him, and then it was all I could do to not back up a step in trepidation. That gaze of his was stinging and I felt my brow furrow and my eyes narrow just slightly under the pressure of it. Somehow, I couldn't click my mouth shut. Qui-Gon stared back into my unsure face with a look of—what? Disappointment? Hurt? Offense? It was hard to tell anymore with him.

"His fate is uncertain. He's not dangerous."

I clicked my mouth shut as we both noticed the Naboo crewmen file past us towards the ship. I didn't look for Jono; I was too consumed by the chiseled face before me. Qui-Gon turned to face me fully and in a slightly softer voice, provided the reminder that, "The Council will decide Anakin's future. That should be enough for you."

Somewhere between those two sentences, I felt myself jerk in surprise. Was that what I thought it was? Had Qui-Gon reopened the bond again? This time it felt nearly whole. But—

"Now get on board."

I hesitated slightly—I didn't mean to—and with a quick lick of my lips wondered if I shouldn't say anything. No, nothing more. To do so now would probably create more trouble. But—

Just go, Obi. Just let it go….

Yes, it was best just to go.

There would be time to talk it all over in detail later. I was sure of it. When this mission was over and we were back at the Temple, then we would discuss it, piece-by-piece. But—

As I turned to go, temporarily defeated, I realized for the first time that we had paused just beside Anakin—the center of all our troubles. He had to have heard everything. I gave him the briefest of looks, not wanting to linger, but it wasn't a negative glance. I think—I think—

As I boarded the ship, I was finally able to distinguish one emotion from the tangle that spasmed in my clustered brain:

Confusion.

Above all else, I was confused.

And if this was all it had truly been before the realization hit me, I felt a million times worse now that I knew what it was.

Hello again everyone! Sorry for the wait, but I just got back in town Friday evening and have been trying to unpack everything I bought! LOL

Would you believe I spent TWO hours searching through my JA books just to find all of those quotes? But I like how it turned out. Again, I studied the parts of the movie included in here until I thought my DVD player would kill me (and I would suggest watching those places again--you might pick up more of the body language that Ewan and Liam gave).

Many, many thank yous go to Katieelessar, Christina B, AAvatar, koriaena, and silverzircon. I hope everyone enjoyed thisentry. Gotta run, please please be a good reader and R & R! MTFBWY,

--Marie K.

Excerpt from Entry XII, "Blue Eyes":

It started with sand—everywhere—as far as the eye could see. I was back on Tatooine (curse that Force-forsaken dust ball of a planet). I was walking with purpose in my step, though where I thought I was headed alludes me now in my wakefulness. And then, as suddenly as he had appeared atop my master in all of his dreams, the beast was coming at me, barely seeming to touch the ground as he rapidly drew nearer. I watched that figure of red and black for the longest of minute seconds, fascinated by the whipping of his black cloak in the breeze.

And then I matched his feral grin with my own.

And I let my hatred for who he was—what he was—and how he had attacked my master bubble to the surface and boil over.

I matched my hatred with his.