Chapter Fifteen- Lost

Achilles stood silent as a stone. The doors to his room were shut and he leaned against them slightly. His mind was in complete standstill. If he thought of anything, it came back to what was at hand. He lowered his eyes slightly as another sob was heard through the door.

Carlonia held Briseis in her arms, rocking her back and forth. The princess wept bitter, angry, and sad tears. She refused to eat, drink or sleep, holding back tears for nearly a week. Nevertheless, eventually flood gates fail.

She and Achilles were so happy when she found she was with child again. They lay in bed at night, his head gently resting upon her still flat belly. He listened to her talk about names and how the child would look in comparison to their sons. At night, he watched her sleep, both of her hands instinctively over her womb.

When she bled heavy, doubling over in pain, she already knew what happened. And the loss of her baby cut deep. Achilles returned home to an explanation from the midwife. He looked on his wife who lay silent in bed, eyes unfocused. Within, he blamed himself. Nothing technically could link him to the miscarriage; but when hurting, one blames themselves as well as others.

She did not want him to touch her. She did not even want him to look at her face. Briseis carried the pain physically and mentally of losing their child. In her mind, she failed Achilles and did not deserve his love or affection. It was her fault; she must deal with it alone.

He respected her wishes, leaving her to lie in bed, staring out into the sunlight and moonlight. When he lay in bed, she kept a distance between them. He watched her breathe when her back was turned. He wanted so much to reach out and stroke the brown tendrils that cascaded down her back. But he stayed away, watching as she deprived herself further and further.

The door gave a bit and Achilles stood, turning to see Carlonia exit.

"She's doing better now," she said with a weak smile. "Crying helped her to release a bit more, but it will be a while before she fully recovers." He acknowledged her without gesture and she bowed slightly, leaving him with the door wide open.

He shut the door almost silently as he entered the room. Turning to the bed, he sighed from a bit of relief. Briseis lay sleeping in their bed. Her breaths were fluttered and her face red from crying, but it did seem to cause her difficulties. Achilles crossed the room and sat in a chair by the balcony entryway. For the longest time he remained there, just keeping watch.

The sheets seemed cold, even with both of them in the same bed. Achilles lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. If she did not snap from her dejected state he felt he would go mad. To be so close, but not hold her; to want to comfort her but be refused; to lose a child but not help her through it. He did not know how long he could last.

He felt something brush against his hand that rested on the bed. He looked to see her fingers touch his palm. He took her hand in his, squeezing tight. Briseis was awake, looking away from him.

"I'm so sorry Achilles," she said hoarsely. She began to shake with tears, stifling her whimpers with her other hand. He turned on his side, pulling her into his embrace. Briseis turned over and pressed her face into his chest, letting the hot tears fall. He cradled her in his arms, stroking her hair softly.

"I'm so sorry. I failed you."

"You never failed me. There was nothing you could do. It wasn't meant to be."

"Yes it was," she cried into his skin. "I lost our baby. Its all my fault."

"Its not your fault."

"I'm not worthy of love; I lost our child." He pulled her chin up gently, letting her blink away tears to see him clearly. The fire of his blue eyes softened, coating her in a warm gaze.

"You are always worthy of love. This was not your fault. We were not meant to have this child now. We will have it again, I promise you." He kissed her swollen lips lightly. "I love you."

She leaned her head under his neck, mumbling an 'I love you' back. They spent the rest of the night there, the flood of tears wearing away in his arms.

Thetis finished the letter with deep sigh. She sat for a moment, returning to the present when Pat touched her arm.

"Grandmamma?"

"Yes?"

"I miss momma. Can I see her again?"

"Yes, darling," she said, stroking his hair out of his face. "Your father just sent a letter saying you are going home tomorrow."

Kyte curled into Briseis' chest, holding onto a long strand of her hair. His other hand played with the curl on the end, making him smile and giggle. The brown glass of his eyes looked happily into his momma's, making her smile again.

Pat was lying against her on the sofa, fast asleep. He was tired from the swift voyage home, staying awake from excitement the whole time. She touched his baby soft cheek, closing her eyes as she remembered him as a newborn.

Kyte released her hair and let his eyelids droop down into his nap. She watched him slowly slip into sleep, holding tight to her dress. He took a deep breath, then settled further into her arms.

Briseis leaned against the back of the sofa. She felt the warmth of their bodies and rhythm of their breathing lull her into sleep as well. Her eyes found the shadow of her husband as he stood behind them in the doorway. She smiled again and closed her eyes, arms around her boys tightly.

Achilles watched her when they came home. She sat on her bed, first holding Kyte as he giggled and buried his face into her neck. When Pat came into her arms, he submitted to her tight embrace. She needed her children, her boys. They spent most of the time in her arms or right next to her, constantly reassuring her she did not lose them as well.

He knew in his heart they would have another child. But for now, he kept quiet about it. Right now, she needed to heal with her sons at her side.