SIX

"That's ridiculous," said Phoebe finally. "No one deserves to be treated like that. Leo doesn't treat Piper that way. Andy never treated Prue that way. Why would you say such a thing?"

"Of course it's not true," said Jack smiling. "But in your mind, that's how you perceive it."

"I don't understand," said Prue.

"Your father left when Phoebe was really too young to know him," said Jack. "It's common knowledge among White Lighters. And your grandmothers' feelings toward men are not exactly a state secret. Phoebe never had a positive male role model growing up. And the comments your grandmother made about men in general and your father in particular simply reinforced in her that women should just put up with whatever a man put them through."

"But I don't believe that," protested Phoebe. "I've seen many men who don't treat women that way."

"But the feelings and beliefs a person grows up with are very hard to overcome," said Jack. "Actually, this is more common than you might think. It's a form of battered wife syndrome. Intellectually you know it's wrong. But emotionally you are still under the impression that somehow you're the cause of the behavior. That you somehow deserve the way Snake treats you.

"Most battered women won't leave their husbands. Emotionally they believe they deserve the treatment. In most cases their fathers were emotionally or physically abusive to their mothers and often to them. They grew up not knowing that this isn't normal behavior. So when their husbands begin treating them that way they just suffer in silence believing it's normal.

"Without a positive male role model growing Phoebe had no way to determine normal behavior except what she saw and heard. Penny Halliwell didn't have much luck with men. Six marriages prove that. And at least subconsciously she resented them. Many of the things she said were engrained in Phoebe from a very young age."

"But Piper and I grew up in the same environment," protested Prue. "How come Phoebe feels this way but Piper nor I do?"

"Because she was too young to remember your father," said Jack. "I know there have been some hard feelings between you and your father, Prue. But even so you were old enough to remember a lot of the good times. The times when your father treated your mother the way a man is supposed to treat a woman."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Prue. "Despite how I felt, he was good to mom. I resented him mostly for abandoning us."

"Exactly," said Jack. "That would have tempered what your grandmother would often say about men. Phoebe wasn't old enough to have any of those memories. And she wouldn't have enough of them to augment the abuse she probably witnessed by other men toward their wives."

"So are you saying Grams is responsible for this?" Phoebe asked.

"No," said Jack. "Your grandmother couldn't help the way she felt about men any more than the way Piper feels about Leo, for example. And I'm sure she never intentionally tried to instill any dislike of men in any of you. But living together so closely for so long was bound to have an affect on you. In Phoebe's case it resulted in a subconscious belief that abuse is acceptable."

"But I don't feel that way any longer," said Phoebe. "How come Snake has this affect over me?"

"It probably stems from when you first met him," said Jack. "You did say that he was a perfect gentleman in the beginning."

"Yes, that's true," said Phoebe.

"So when he started the abuse," continued Jack, "which was probably small at first, you couldn't figure out what you had done to deserve it. Nothing in your relationship had really changed and you were probably confused why he changed all of a sudden."

"That's certainly true," said Phoebe. "The first time he slapped me I remember thinking I couldn't understand what I had done to set him off."

"Which only reinforced your subconscious feeling that it was somehow your fault," said Jack. "As I said, intellectually you've accepted that it's not right. Emotionally, however, you still feel it's your fault. That you somehow deserve what he's doing to you. And you are powerless to stop it."

"So what can we do, Jack?" Leo asked. "How do we change Phoebe's feelings about this?"

"We can't," said Jack. "Phoebe has to do that herself. Snake has power over her because she gives him that power. Snake is aware of this. He knows you're afraid of him and he feeds on that fear. I'll bet after each abuse he was very conciliatory. He probably bought you gifts and promised it would never happen again. He told you how much he cared about you and how sorry he was that it happened."

"Yes, he did," said Phoebe. "And each time I believed him."

"With some men the regret is genuine," said Jack. "They honestly hate what they do but can't stop themselves without professional help. In Snakes' case, however, he's a feeder. He likes the control you give him. He gets off on it. So he perpetuates the cycle. And each time you take him back it starts all over again."

"Okay, like Leo asked," said Prue, "what can we do about it?"

"There's absolutely nothing we can do about it," said Jack. "Only Phoebe can change the situation. She has to take Snakes' power away from him. She has to break the cycle of abuse and acceptance. Until she does he will always have control over her no matter what anyone else does."

"And how do I do that?" asked Phoebe.

"There's only one way," said Jack. "Snake has to die."