Chapter 8
So you guys wanna know how dumb I am? Okay so granted it did take forever for me to update but I'm working like 30 hours a week or something and by the time I get to a computer my brain has shut down permanently. But anyway I did finish this chapter like over a week ago and I'm sitting here, expecting reviews but none are coming, which by the way makes me very sad...and then I'm trying to check something with this story and I notice well smartie me never actually got around to posting it...it's been sitting in the upload section...Anyway hope you enjoy this very late chapter!
Key:
Regular story
Dream
Diary Entry
"She's asleep?" Summer slips into Brynn's room in her mother's house where Seth has settled himself on a chair by her bed.
Seth nods gently, not taking his eyes off of the sleeping girl, "she's...Summer...I don't even know how to describe it..."
"I know," Summer responds, "that's what it was like the day she was born."
Seth stiffens at this comment and cooly states, "we need to talk."
Summer nods, "yeah, maybe the back porch?"
"Fine." Seth stands and straightens before following Summer out of Brynn's room and then out of the house. When they are outside on the back porch Seth states, "I am calling my father when we get back to New York, to find out a way to keep you from taking her."
"Seth, I'm not taking her anywhere," Summer breathes out in frustration.
"I don't think I trust you not to," Seth retorts. "You did before."
"Are we having this fight again?" Summer exclaims, loudly. "I left, you left. We both left, neither of us has or will ever apologize for leaving with only a note so we are back at square one aren't we?"
"We would have been at square one five years ago if you hadn't decided to take the easy way out and run!" Seth exclaims.
"The easy way?" Summer snaps, her voice high and shrill, "you don't know shit Cohen!"
"Excuse me," Devin clears his throat, "I hate to have to remind you, but there are little kids inside the house very curious to see what their sister is fighting about."
Summer blushes, "sorry Devin."
"It's alright, but maybe you guys could take a ride." Devin suggests.
"It's not necessary," Summer responds. "I know how to make Seth see everything in a new light. I'll be back." Quickly Summer slips back in the house.
"I'm sorry about this sir, Summer and I have never been able to control out emotions towards each other well." Seth apologizes.
Devin's light eyes focus on Seth, "I love that girl like my own daughter. I shouldn't have had to tell you not to hurt her, but you seem to be doing the exact opposite." Pointing an accusatory finger at Seth he whispers harshly, "don't hurt her. She's been through too much without you adding to her pain."
"Hey."
"Mom," Summer jumps at her mother's entrance.
"What are you doing?"
Summer is sitting on her bed with a box in her lap, "looking for my diary from when I was in high school here. I'm going to let Seth read it."
Cherie nods, as if she's been expecting this, "sounds like a good idea."
"I just want him to understand that I'm not the same person that he used to know, I've grown up, I've had to go through a lot to get where I am. And he just walks in and suddenly he's Brynn's father and it's just as simple as that, he talks to her about all the things that they have in common and he can be an amazing father, because I don't doubt that he can. But he'll never have to go through what I had to go through."
Cherie wraps an arm around her daughter, "I'm sure you can make him understand, you're a very convincing person."
"It was just easier when he didn't know, and I could just do this on my own," Summer sighs.
Cherie gently kisses Summer's temple, "the easy things aren't worth nearly as much as the hard things."
Summer sighs at her mother's comment, "got it." Carefully Summer lifts out a hard covered journal with the picture of the sun setting a beach, a gift from her mother when she first got to Pennsylvania.
Walking out of the room Cherie stops her daughter, "Summer?"
"Yeah, Mom?" Summer turns around quickly, hoping there's not to much maternal advice coming her way.
"He hurt you, I understand that, I really do, but he didn't do that intentionally...and he does feel badly about it...maybe take that into account when you try to make him understand."
"I'm done talking Mom," Summer shrugs, "if he het gets it from reading my diary then good, we'll be at an understand...if he doesn't," Summer shrugs again. "Then he doesn't get it. I'm not going to stop him from seeing Brynn, I wouldn't do that to her, or to him. I just want him to understand...for me. It's a little selfish I know but I want him to feel what I had to go through, I want him to know everyday that he gets the easy part in raising Brynn. I was the one who was there when she was teething and kept me up all night and I still had to get up for school the next day to take finals."
Cherie smiles sadly at her daughter, "those are all things you need to get across to him. I was there, I remember."
Summer gently kisses her mother's cheek, "I love you."
"I love you to baby," Cherie responds softly.
"I'm going to deliver this and then go to bed, okay. I'll see you in the morning."
When Summer walks onto the back porch again Seth is standing alone, "so you've decided, what, that we're not talking about this?"
Summer shakes her head, "I want you to read something." Silently Summer hands over the book and walks away, back inside leaving Seth alone to stare at the cover of the journal he'd just been handed.
"Summer, she's beautiful," Cherie Johnson coos to her daughter as she peeks at her first grandchild as the nurses clean and wrap her in a pink blanket.
"Mom, Mom," Summer desperatly tries to get her mother's attention as tears stream down her cheeks.
"What is it sweetie?" Cherie asks brushing her daughter's hair out of her face.
"I can't...I can't do this..." Summer shakes her head, her decision not to give her baby up for adoption, that she'd firmly made a month ago was starting to scare her. "I'm only 17...I can't be a mom..."
"You'll be a great mom," Cherie assures.
Summer shakes her head, "I can't do this."
"Just hold her," Cherie suggests.
"I can't..." Summer sobs. But without warning the nurse appears and gently settles the small baby in Summer's shaking arms.
April 2005...The instant they put her in my arms I started crying more, because Mom and the nurses were right she is beautiful. She's small, she's got a low birth weight, but the doctor told me that I shouldn't be to worried because it's typical for young women to give birth to low birth weight babies. Every time I look at her I can't help but see her father in her, her hairs so soft and curly. I didn't understand it before, about how much you love somebody from the instant you see them but she's beautiful and she's perfect, Brynn Amelia Cohen. I don't know where the name came from but it fits her, but I can't help but wish Seth could see her and love her like I do. And I know he would love her, he totally lost it when he found out that Ryan could be having a baby and left...I don't want to put him through more than I have to. We had a semi-clean break, I'm sure he's completely forgotten about me since I left Newport, I'm probably just some girl he used to date. I dunno I figure he's been through enough, part of which I've put him through, I don't need to put him through more just as he's forgetting about me. I dunno, I have to turn my brain off though and try to get some sleep, I just don't know if I can comprehend just how much my life has changed...
June 2005
Brynn cried until 5:30 this morning all I wanted to do after my hour of sleep was curl up and sleep more but that wasn't even an option, finals started today and I probably failed all of them... I spent all of lunch in the bathroom sobbing, I love Brynn but I'm starting to think it's going to be impossible to raise her and go to school...I don't know I'm just stressed, I think, I hope...I only have three classes tomorrow and then schools out for the summer, I hope I can get some perspective by then. I want to be a good mother to her but I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mother...