Not A Pretty Girl:Alchemy Dream

Summary: Jay has made a huge adult decision to stick by Emma after getting her pregnant by financial support and...BLAH, whatever. Doesn't anyone else totally hope that he falls for her before everything's all said and done! Safe at home, behind closed doors in his step-brother's 2 bedroom run down house, Jay muses on his situation. Oh, and yeah, if you don't read for any other reason, read for the shower scene. Yeah. For real.

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Light filtered through the dust particles drifting over his head as he slept. A few simple shadows played on his unshaven tan face as the cold front moved into Toronto outside. A small clanking brought him out of the light sleep he worked so hard for all night.

Jay lay strewn haphazardly in the wooden twin bed, tangled in an old brown quilt, one bare leg draped over the side of the bed. His profile became a silhouette as the intrusively bright cloudcover broke through his curtains.

I've got to get some blinds.

The morning had come too soon for Jay. He had come home early, and laid down for the night around 12:45 last night, but his head wouldn't shut up.

After he dropped Emma off, he had driven around aimlessly, sure that his life was over. It was selfish, he knew, but part of him still wanted to abandon her. But he had figured out, it wasn't because he didn't care, it was because he was...

Scared.

A child. A child that he was obligated to father. With a woman who less than wanted him around, except for the financial support he could provide.

I'm only 17 years old, how can I possibly have a child?

He tried for an hour to remember his own childhood, but he couldn't get past the excruciating bits, the parts where he hid with his mom and step brother in the closet, watching through the crack of light at the man he called his father in a drunken rage, all the while trying not to breathe loudly, as his mom told him. He ended up staring in the fog streaked mirror in the bathroom at his reflection, reflecting on nothing at all. An alarm beeped fiercely from inside the sheets.

7:30a.m.

Jay pulled the crumpled pants from the flannel sheets and fished his cell phone out of the pocket. He had destroyed his alarm clock, so now he just used his cell. Dropping it on the dirty carpet, he hoisted himself up to sit on the edge of his bed. It creaked. Raising one bare arm up, Jay stretched, letting his hand fall onto his head and push his long hair forward. It was getting long. And curly.

Something must be done.

He rose from the bed, wrapping his arms around his torso, realizing he only wore boxers.

"Hey, are you up?" A deep male voice accompanied a loud knocking. Jay picked up a sweatshirt from the floor, pulled it over his head and walked to the door.

"Yeah."

"How did you not hear all that noise? I made eggs." A man, about 2 inches taller than Jay stood in front of him with a plate of scrambled eggs. He had a thicker frame, and it didn't seem to be all muscle. He had a rounder face than Jay, brown eyes, and blonde hair, not the sandy chestnut colour of Jay's. Overall, they were apples and oranges. His face showed lines, though he appeared to only be around 5 years older than Jay. He had a deep tan with dark freckles that at moments glopped together as sunspots from years of sports. Jay looked at him, pursing his lips into a smirk and took the plate. Under it was an envelope.

"What the hell is this, Shawn?" Jay said, putting the plate down on his dusty dresser. "It better not be a phone bill." Shawn Hogart braced himself against the door frame, waving the dust from his nose.

"Jesus Christ, Jay, clean this place up. And don't be so damned hostile. It's a check. From Mom." Jay tore the top of the envelope open and pulled out a note written on kitschy floral stationary and a check.

Ronald and Tabitha Hogart.

"I wish she'd take his fucking name off the checks." Jay said to no one in particular.

"Watch your mouth, hoss. She'd never approve of you talking like that."

"Well, she isn't here, is she, Shawn"

$500.

"Look, you had the choice, Jay. After the shooting you had the choice to move back, but you didn't."

"It's too far away, and I'm about to graduate. Besides...now I have some new problems." Jay said to himself.

"What?" Shawn came in and picked up some of Jay's dirty clothes.

"What are you doing, those are clean!"

"Just playing 'big brother'. Besides, they smell like cat piss." Shawn threw them out into the hall by the closet, with the other dirty clothes.

"You off today?"

"Yeah, Jerry let me take today off to get caught up on some bills and...", he gestured at the mountain of stinky man clothes. "Besides, with the new guys coming in, the repair shop doesn't need me as much anymore."

"Are you kidding me?" Jay said with a mouthful of eggs, leaning against the dresser. "You're the only one who knows anything about ordering antique parts. How can they afford to let you slip?"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, Mr. Honda Civic, no one's looking for parts for western builds anymore, everyone wants the oriental stuff they see on Pimp My Ride, and that's not my strong suit. You can't put a DVD flatscreen and a juicer in a '57 Ford pickup."

Jay laughed at that mental image. Shawn worked at Toronto's biggest repair shop. It was renowned for its success rate in repairs, custom jobs, and airbrush jobs.

"So, chick troubles?" Shawn hollered from down the hall. Jay hadn't even noticed he was gone.

"What?"

"Whatever you were babbling about earlier, some 'new problem'." Jay shoved the last forkful of egg into his mouth.

"Mmph. Oh yeah. Just...alot on my mind...with graduating and all."

"Hey, I gotta go to the bank before the line gets huge," Shawn pulled on a hat and a light canvas jacket, and grabbed some keys from the small breakfast table. "Be careful, the roads are really slick." Jay nodded as he walked into the kitchen after his brother. Shawn stepped out the door, and poked his head back in. "Oh, and don't move that bucket!" The door slammed and the windows rattled. Jay looked around, confused, and dropped the plate in the left side of the sink. He filled up the other side and squeezed about half a bottle of Dawn soap in. Using the sprayer, he sprayed the soapy water, bringing the bubbles to life. Using a dish rag, he absentmindedly wiped the plate clean, rinsed it, and placed it on the drying rack. He then put the skillet in the water to soak. Pulling the sweatshirt over his head, he threw it into the pile and meandered into the bathroom.

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Jay looked frustratedly at the ceiling, at the leak, and the bucket that caught the water.

"Goddammit!" he shouted, kicking the bucket over. The collected water went everywhere, and he got even madder. He stormed to the towel closet and grabbed them all, throwing them down to mop up the water. He took two dry ones off the semi-pile for his shower, and once satisfied that the bathroom was no longer a puddle, he threw them into the ever-growing dirty laundry pile. He sighed, the rage passing.

I want out of here.

He turned the knob on the shower, adjusting it to be extremely hot, steam beginning to curl from the stall behind the sliding glass curtain. Picking up his CD player from the floor in his room, Jay sifted through his CD collection. Ludacris, Sparta, Canibus, Jamiroquai, Led Zeppelin.

He picked up an old, scratched CD, rubbed it against his blue boxers. He plugged the radio into the outlet by the sink, away from the spray of the shower, and skipped to the fourth track, as was habit. As he heard the acoustic opening, he touched the water, deciding it was perfect, and pulled his boxers down to his ankles, kicking them into the corner.

Jay threw his head back, groaning as the hot water scalded his skin. He felt it seep into his muscles as they moved over one another in his body. He pushed his shoulder blades together, feeling satisfied as the muscles flexed. Beautiful, never seen, wet hair dripped down his forehead, and he blew the water from his soft lips and sang along, loudly, a startlingly pleasant tenor emerging from the pouty mouth that usually only produced scathing words.

"And it's been awhile, since I could hold my head up high, and

It's been awhile, since I first saw you.

And it's been awhile, since I can stand on my own two feet again,

And it's been awhile, since I could call you..."

He slowly got lost in the music, the sound of the water, the heat on his body and he began rubbing soap into his arms, his stomach, mostly hairless, except for a light trail that led from his navel downwards.

"And it's been awhile, since I could say, that I wasn't addicted, and

It's been awhile, since I could say I loved myself, as well.

And it's been awhile, since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do,

And it's been awhile, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you!"

Jay was shouting now. He leaned against the shower stall, just letting the water run down down to the tiles. He could only think of her. Only her. He slammed his fists into the walls, comforted that no one could see the tears through the veil of water and steam and glass. His body moved to its own accord, recklessly to the music. He shouted loudly to relieve the stress, the pain, to relish in his dreams, his nightmares.

"And it's been awhile, since I could look at myself straight and,

It's been awhile since I said I'm sorry.

And it's been awhile, since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been awhile, but I can STILL remember just the way you taste!"

Memories of her smile, the softness of her skin, how she smelled as fresh as a shower, how he had longed to take a shower with her, and how unfair it was that the only way he'd ever get to be that close to her again would be like this, alone in his shower made him shake, made him wrap his arms around himself.

Finally, Jay crouched down, rubbing his hands through his wet hair, heaving from the emotional exertion that he was in no way used to. The soft sound of water falling all around him comforted him as involuntary shakes permeated his shoulders, which suddenly bore the weight of Atlas.

Emerging from the bath of steam, Jay ran his palm along his stomach, brushing the excess water off. He reached for the towel and wrapped it around his hips, walking swiftly into his bedroom. He immediate threw it to the floor, walking nude to his bed, still dripping wet, and curled up into the blankets. He was afraid to sleep, knowing she'd be there in his dreams, just seven inches away, but always out of reach. She always had been.

"And it's been awhile, since I could hold my head up high and

It's been awhile, since I said I'm sorry."

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Yeah, this was a really short (and Jay-centric) chapter, but everything in my head shouted that that was the end of the chapter. I hope someone other than me thought that scene with Jay singing Staind was hot. As always, let me know what you think! XOXO!

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Author Note:

I wanted to take the chance to say thank you to several of you that have left me great reviews.

Grumpybear62684-I'm so glad you like it. As for Mrs. Murray finding out, I'm not there yet, so we'll see!

BabyLolly14-Your names makes me think of a sheep! Dunno why. I've always been a Spinner/Marco, strangely enough, but when you compare the two relationships, in both cases it's interesting to explore who is dominant in the relationship, who wears the pants. I like to think that Emma does, here, especially in my fic, because it's not about her being weak for a guy, it's about the strength gained through the trials and tribulations with Jay.

Chealsea- Thanks! Keep reading, I aim to please everyone involved.

Telephoneczar- Wow, thanks for reviewing, yet again!

Unleashmysoul- Aww, I'm all warm and fuzzy inside. Thanks so much. And you read my mind, babe -wink-

Degrassichick- I'm still excited that you like my fic. I love My Finest Hour, too. It's very sensitive and endearing while keeping readers on edge, if you can't tell already. I'm honestly terrified of getting addicted to Laguna Beach and losing brain cells. After I wrote that I caught it on TV and watched the whole episode, and thought "Oh, no..."

Newportbabe44- I'm glad someone likes the addition of the Tao. Yeah, I'm glad Jay said something too, that dork.

Lexie- Sweet! I'm glad you like it. I'm truly not sure who Emma will end up with, so I can't tell ya.

Plastic Strawberries- Gah, why can't I spell popsicle (Hah! Got it!) I'm sorry, I usually spell things pretty well. Yeah, I guess I was thinking that Jay cares about Emma's condition, the fact that he's involved, but he doesn't love her, you know?

Crazymadscience- Thank you, darling. Please enjoy.

Queenie12- I swear, everytime I see "PMS" I think of Midol.

BlackRoseOnFire- Thank you for your reviews, they are always intelligent. (gives you a bunnie)

Blondenhot- Awesome. I think I should keep writing it too.

Knightsgurl- Well here ya go!

A Sinner Has A Prayer- New reader, woot!

Mrs.JakeEpstein- Oh, more things will happen, babe, don't worry.

Animechick- Welcome back! Thanks!

Idon'tknowanything- Well, you clearly know how to make me happy! Glad you gave me a chance! I love J.T.