And here we have-the third one! Cue ominous music
To all my reviewers, I'd like to take this moment to say (wow, I sound like an Oscar-winner) I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!
Mistine- Thankyou! Haha, no, I'm not in college. And here you go! Updated! Avalon Estel- Oh dear, I'm sorry, I should have put warning. Bad me. But 'A Dazed Sirius' was fantabulous! Bittersweet Revenge- Wow, thanks for the feedback! And yes, Remus is getting a bit pie-eyed….but not too much, cos that's just not Remus, now, is it? Heh. Here you go, another chapter. Mirror Lies- Wow, thanks so much! It's ok to be insane, just look at me o.0. Heehee…I enjoyed that line, too. HERE'S MORE! marauders4-I'm sorry I made you cry, but I'm very, very glad you liked it! Tattva- Thanks for the feedback! Wingsister- Oh, dear, I'm sorry I almost made you cry :(. But thankyou!
So, here we are- the third instalment. It gets better towards the end, methinks.
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"Remus?"
He doesn't look up.
"It's…it's - Remus… dinner's on the table…if-if you want it…"
As she hurries away, down the stairs, Molly Weasley curses herself for being weak. She had come upstairs with an intention, to talk Remus out of his misery, and to offer comfort. But seeing him like that, her previous intentions flew right out the window, to be swept away with a feeble excuse.
As Molly leaves the room, Remus curses himself for being weak. He knows Molly came upstairs to talk gentle sense into his head, but he can't stand the thought of her sympathy. He's tired of the quick and almost discreet looks he attracts whenever he makes it into company. He hates that he's shut himself off from everyone, when it's their loss as much as his. He hates that he's weak enough to turn to drink to cope with his loss.
But Sirius is gone.
And there's nothing he can do.
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Moony…Oh god. Not again.
It's meSirius…
Remus…How he longs to hold him again. (To touch. To feel)
To speak to him again. (To whisper. To smile)
To just remember what it was like to feel Sirius's soft breath whisper across his neck, raising the tiny hairs, but feeling oh-so-right.
But never again. He'll never feel it, ever again.
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The door opens and slams shut. Remus looks up from the table, where he has been sitting for the past three hours, trying desperately hard not to cry. He meet's Sirius's gaze for all of two seconds, then looks back down at the burn mark he's been staring fixedly at.
"I missed you for dinner."
Sirius doesn't say anything.
"It's on the counter…if you want to eat it."
Sirius shakes his head, but says nothing.
Without looking up, Remus takes a deep breath and asks the question he's asked so many times before.
"Sirius…where were you?"
He merely glances at Remus with bloodshot eyes, shakes his head and stumbles toward their room. Remus hears the door close, a clear message not to ask any further.
Remus stands up shakily. He doesn't follow Sirius to the room repeating the question at a rapidly increasing pitch, which only ever leads to loud and hurtful arguments, and always ends up with the door slamming shut again and Remus crying himself to sleep. Instead, Remus flops down on the couch, puts his head in his hands, takes a deep, shuddering, gasping breath, and cries.
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Don't think about that, Remus.
Don't think about when you didn't trust me?
No one trusted anyone, Remus…Of course not. How could they trust their own lovers?
Don't, Moony…please.
And I'm talking to myself again.
You're talking to me.
This is going nowhere, Sirius. Go away.
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It was never meant to be a big wedding. Just a gathering, close friends, various family members and relatives of the such. Not a big event.
Yet for two of the people at the gathering, a small ceremony set on a small grassy hill, outside a small church, it was a huge event.
James and Lily Potter stood at the altar, exchanging vows and beaming, alone together in a beautiful, golden moment, in which they could forget all their troubles, exclude all their fears, and not dwell on the future. For one moment, one glorious moment alone with only eachother, James and Lily Potter would be the happiest people on the earth.
Remus wished it would last.
He sat beside Sirius, beside Peter, two of his best friends. Both happy, both smiling, both glad for the couple that stood before them, basking in their happiness. Both giving the impression that nothing, nothing anywhere could trouble them.
Remus knew better.
He knew Sirius drunk himself to sleep each night, worrying about his friends, worrying about the future. He knew Peter disappeared off frequently on secret missions, no doubt for the Order. He knew he, himself, just wished this War would end, that they could go back to being carefree, to enjoying their life.
They'd have to fight, first.
But, Remus thought, as he gazed up at the happy couple stood before him, that could wait. He couldn't help but grin as he watched James and Lily, finally a union, turn, smiling radiantly to the congregation, as he watched Sirius leap to his feet to congratulate them, as he watched Peter smiling and laughing happily, as James lifted Lily into his arms and span her around. He could hear his own joyous laughter, mingled with the others', as he raised his glass to the content, twirling couple.
Yes, thought Remus, draining his glass. That could wait.
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We were happy once.
You can always be happy, Moony.
Easy for you to say, stuck up there in heaven.
I see you haven't lost your sense of humour yet.
Apparently not. But I'm still talking to my head.
But this time, it isn't because you're drinking.
That's true.
Moony…what do you say? Give life another shot, Remus.
Remus stares ahead. The door, which Molly had left half open in her haste to hurry downstairs, is letting the noises from downstairs filter into the room. He can hear the unmistakable sounds of the others getting ready for dinner. He can hear the scraping of chairs across the floor.
He thinks of a time when he was happy. He thinks of a time when all he had to worry about was Potions homework and Prefect Duties. He remembers his friends, and the feelings of trust and love. He remembers Sirius. A strange feeling arises in his chest, not one of remorse, of longing, but one of acceptance. Because he knows Sirius, beside, around, and inside him, is always there in all but life and body. He is forever there in mind, spirit and feeling.
And that, Remus thinks, as he gets to his feet, half-smiling, and walks to the door and down the stairs, is all that really matters.
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A/N- So there we go. Finished. I'm not continuing on from here, but there are more separate fics on the way. So, please, whether you enjoyed it or not, the little 'review' button is just screaming to be pressed! Au reviour!