Joseph stilled again before he told her, unsure of how he should broach a subject which could forever jeopardise the relationship he was beginning to forge with the beautiful creature sitting before him.
"I've killed someone", he breathed. She looked at him, tilting her head slightly as she took a sip from the mug cupped in her hands.
"Joseph, it really doesn't surprise me you've killed someone", she said, her voice slightly humoured, " After all, it's part of your job". He could see how uncomfortable she was but now he knew, he couldn't stop. The man he'd murdered had never seen his reward, a reward that had never existed.
"No, Clarisse", he breathed, his eyes proving deep turmoil which alarmed her, " No Clarisse, it wasn't just someone".
"Joseph", she said her eyes getting wide and the secretive smile quickly leaving her face, " Don't scare me like that, I don't want to know, stop here. It was silly to get into this, a stupid conversation".
"No, listen", he said quickly, grabbing her wrist to stop her from moving away from him, "No, you have to listen, I have to tell you".
"Joseph, this is silly". she said shakily, "Please, lets not do this".
"Your father didn't die of a stroke", he whispered suddenly. She stopped, her eyes widening considerably, "I assassinated him".
She moved her mouth to speak but he stopped her.
"Please, let me do this. I was pulled out of the army when I was 23 and head hunted for the secret service", she looked stunned, questioning the existence of the secret service in her country, "Yes, there is a secret service in this country. I was ordered into the agents, badgered and trained into to the highest and I mean, the highest, I could shoot a man blindfolded and still would him so fatally he'd be dead in three seconds". she shuddered and turned away from him, not deeming him quite capable of such monstrous skill. Not his hands, not the had that had made her scream in pleasure and quiver in anticipation. Hands that had loved so warmly could never kill so coldly.
"Go on", she whispered, sliding a little so she no longer sat near him, " If it means this much too you". She felt unbelievably unfeeling at that point, as if she was watching this from outside the window and not part of it.
"I quickly made my way up the ranks, avoiding ever having to hurt someone , or rather murder them. Clarisse, I murdered your father because I was ordered too. He was old, frail and I never had to struggle with him", Joseph pushed on, forcing the words out.
Clarisse couldn't muster any words. She felt sick but surprisingly, not angry. Joseph, the man she had deemed as her protector had protected her for more years than she had ever known. Her fathers death had been an affair so indifferent that she couldn't even remember being upset when his death was announced, or rather his false death.
"Clarisse, I was traumatized after it, that's when they assigned me to the palace. I was told he was simply to be murdered, I was given no reason. I promise, I was given no reason what so ever. I just snuck into his house and poisoned him. The coroner was paid, or threatened to say it was a stroke and it was over ".
"I believe you", she said quietly, " I believe you. I don't - I'm not angry. Oh, Joseph!", she continued, throwing herself into his arms. She had never witnessed a growing man cry before and it was slightly unnerving. What must all of this be doing to him, how could she hurt him like this. His love for her ran so deep he was willing to kill, had killed unbeknown to both of them at the time for her. What was this doing to him, how could she force him to go through this.
" But one thing, who ordered his death?", she questioned, cradling him after his tears had ceased.
Joseph hung his head and gently shook it, the guilt in him subsiding slightly. Never had he told anyone what he had done, never had he intended too. But as he had listened to her, feeling the hate for the man he had held at his mercy all those years ago build up, he felt extreme guilt suddenly. She had been at the mercy of men in power for so long, Joseph himself was in power and never did he ever want her at his mercy, or not to know the real truth.
Clarisse had no doubt as to who had ordered the death of her troublesome father, Rupert's father had forever disliked him and he had the power to see to it without being caught. Her fathers reward had been death, what a horrid reward it was. Rupert would, doubtlessly be aware of her fathers death and this she would use against him, all for the love of the man who sat in front of her.
"I'm sorry", he whispered, " If I had known……… I was forced Clarisse". Josephs eyes glistened with tears and regret and she moved impossibly closer to him. He startled slightly but she just squeezed tighter, holding him to her.
"You've always protected me", she answered, her answer seeming very odd to him. Her face was not the picture of rage he'd expected but serenely knowing, " Joseph you protected me before I even knew it. He would have made my life even more miserable, as much as I loved my father. And of course I know you were only doing your job, if in any other case, I would not understand but you were forced, much like to me".
"Don't you hate me, Clarisse?", he questioned, looking into her eyes, searching the immense depth that was immersed in them.
"Joseph, there is no more room in me for hating anyone, particularly you", she whispered, nuzzling his neck, " God forgive me, I seem so heartless but all I care about is you, all I want is you. Why can't I have you?"
"You have me", he answered, " But I've hurt you, surely this has hurt you".
"Nothing could hurt me more than being without you, nothing. I will have you, because I want you and because I need you. Rupert will never be in my bed or in my thoughts. I'll return and I'll tell him and if he doesn't agree to it, I'll use what you told me to my advantage". He looked at her questioningly, but she shook her head. She wouldn't order anyone to be hurt, but simply telling Rupert she knew would put fear into him, after all, he was a coward.
"You don't need to know, all you need to know is that nothing will change when we return to the palace. You will be by my side day and night, you will share my bed right under his nose, you will continue as you have always done. Minus guilt, Joseph".
"Clarisse, it would be better if I -".
"No!", she commanded gently, digging her nails into the flesh of his bare chest, " no, I need you Joseph. You won't leave and if the worst transpires, it will be me who leaves".
His eyes widened and he shook his head.
" I couldn't Clarisse", he answered, " This is your life".
"You are my life", she countered, tightening her grip on him, " Joseph, you are my life". she sounded so selfish, even to herself. She had two children to consider, a position in society so envied she needed a security guard and yet here she was, promising she'd leave if Rupert did not except their relationship.
"Your dream, your fantasy about running away with me", she whispered, unravelling his body from the cover and kissing his bare chest, " Tell me". He tired to, but as her tongue left a hot web over his skin, he was rendered speechless.
"No, don't", she whispered, sitting on top of him and straddling his legs, he grasped her thighs, hanging his head back as he closed his eyes, " Lets not hope for anything. Lets be happy with what we have, each other and this week, even if we never have anything else". He moaned slightly as she kissed his open mouth, forcing herself impossibly nearer him. Never had he felt anything so wonderful or unnerving. She was controlling everything, taking all of this into her own hands. Her mouth left his, kissing his chest again, her teeth scraping over his skin. He tried to get nearer her but to no avail.
"Nothing", she whispered, in his ear, " Will stop this". His hands moved swiftly into action, pressing her nearer him as she kissed him again and again and again. How badly he wanted her, no matter what the consequences of his actions were.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
The following weeks, full of love making and enjoying each others company left them in more of a desperate state than they could ever have foreseen. Returning seemed impossible now and as the snow began to thaw, heralding the beginning of spring it became something they had to face.
Clarisse lay on top of him, his hands gently clasped around her soft stomach. Her head rested, lolling back on his shoulder. His hands wandered freely as they lay in exhaustion, having found it increasingly hard to sleep.
"Tomorrow", she whispered, " I wish it didn't have to come".
"I know", he whispered, squeezing her stomach, " I know already. But Clarisse we have no choice".
She nodded against him, trying to force herself to return was not easy, no matter how much she missed the boys. Yes, she was being unbelievably selfish but nothing could stop how she felt - she had resigned herself to it.
The following day, they woke, quietly packed without speaking, simply sharing a strained word or two over what they should do when they returned, not what they wanted to. Joseph tried hard to talk to her, or hold her or console her, it simply seemed so hard. He couldn't look at her, for fear her love might have changed. yet, in this time were nothing seemed solid that was the only thing he could cling to, the only thing he prayed would never change.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
The limo snaked its way through the now thawing snow, like a black beetle running over a white dinner cloth. Everything seemed so uncomfortable in the back seat and Clarisse really couldn't stand it anymore. Leaning over to where he sat, she reached gingerly for his hand. Why did such a gesture seem so hard, after all, she had touched every inch of him, kissed every part of him and yet holding his hand was so utterly impossible. But she mustered the strength, holding onto it with more than enough force.
"Tell me you love me", she whispered, cupping his face and turning it so his eyes met hers.
"I love you", he whispered, taking her hand and kissing her palm.
"I love you too", she answered, a smile flashing gently over her features. Her eyes slipped closed as his hand reached her face, caressing her cheek with such warmth and love. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks and onto his hands.
"Oh, Clarisse", he whispered, wiping away the tears with his thumb, " What is this doing to you, what am I doing to you?"
"Stop trying to justify all of this", she sobbed quietly, " Just promise me you wont leave me".
"I could never……". he gripped her shoulders tightly, so tightly he was almost hurting her, " Listen to me, Clarisse. Never, ever will I leave you". She nodded her head, wilfully accepting his promise.
"I love you, Joseph", she whispered, reaching up and placing her lips on his, " I love you, I love you".
He closed his eyes, willing the tears to go away. Never had anything felt so terrible or blissful against his mouth.
Sitting back, she looked at him, then turned to look out at the quick approaching palace. The sight did not welcome her, perhaps she envisaged it as hell shrunk into luxury and grandeur. Her two children had returned to education in England, without her even having said goodbye. Her husband, a man she had now came to hate and loath stood at the top, apparently marvelling in her return. She felt Joseph physically shrink beside her as they seen Rupert. She turned to him, her eyes stern and forceful.
"I promised you", she whispered, lifting his hand and kissing it, " No other man, not even the man I'm married to".
"You belong to me Clarisse, remember", he whispered, running his finger down her cheek, " My god, Please remember".
Hope you enjoyed, leave a little review.
Yours,
The Authors