Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Backstory 01 : All Through the Night

Chapter Four : Guardian Angels God Will Send Thee

6 December 2003 (Continued)

Walking back to their quarters, Harry felt out-of-kilter. Anger, determination, confusion, fear, guilt--they all tangled together like a Devil's Snare. And colouring it all was a familiar irritation rolling off his husband; the vivid images--concerning himself, Albus, a rope, and a large bonfire--flew randomly through his jumbled emotions, almost making him dizzy as he desperately tried to wade his way through the morass.

Why was he so angry now when he needed what few remaining wits he still had about him? What was different? So the ever-reticent headmaster had withheld information--big surprise. Albus was just being a--

"Stubborn gits," Severus muttered to himself.

Well, yes, Albus was. Assuming it was a rhetorical comment, Harry resumed his train of thought. He didn't understand Albus' uncharacteristic defensiveness. Was it because he didn't want to acknowledge--?

"Priggish, inflexible--dolt!"

There was that. Considering Albus' tenure at Hogwarts, his adherence to the 'exclusion traditions' (with their outdated and harmful notions that children were too fragile to face death squarely) confounded Harry. He simply couldn't agree--

"Oh no, his Golden Boy never defies him," Severus hissed in ire.

What? "Are you reading my mind?" Harry asked with asperity. "And what's with the 'Golden Boy' crap?" He stifled a laugh; when Severus realised he'd spoken aloud his thoughts, the resulting grimace rumpling his face was well worth remembering.

"That's how Albus still sees you--his obedient protégé, the ever-faithful recipient of his magical largesse." Severus ground out.

"And you?" Harry asked heatedly, a little wounded. "Is that how you see me, too?" Instantly ashamed at his outburst, he steeled himself for Severus' inevitable scolding.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply," Severus retorted softly. "I would hope by now my feelings were plain. I think, perhaps, you need to examine your own."

True. And why was he being so snippy with Severus when he'd been nothing but supportive? Shaking himself, Harry once again tried to untangle his mess, eventually rooting out some answers he wasn't very proud of. Minutes later, he offered, "I suppose I've been overreacting. I'm worried--about Perrin, his grief, about his possible rejection of me, us--well, about everything."

Severus sniffed. "That's an adequate beginning."

"I'm angry at myself for feeling so damned helpless. I don't know if I can reach Perrin. I certainly couldn't heal Priscilla. I won't rest easy until they apprehend Mendino. I feel I have little control over anything right now."

"Perhaps."

"And I suppose I'm disappointed that Albus doesn't support our decision," Harry said, and this cut deeper than he wanted to admit. When Severus stared at him, he sighed. "All right--I feel guilty for upsetting him. I should know better than most the consequences."

"True. Have you more?"

"Not really. Or at least not right now." He chuckled bitterly. "I'm sure something else will turn up to make me seem an utter prat."

Severus stopped him with a hand on his arm, his face softening in that way Harry knew was only for him. "Have you ever considered that you're angry and grieving because Albus is dying?"

It was like a sucker-punch to the gut; there suddenly wasn't enough air to breathe. Severus was right. All the happenings of the last day merely highlighted and exacerbated a deep hidden pain, centering on Albus, he'd been ignoring. The helplessness of not being able to heal him, the guilt whenever he lost control and caused Albus distress, the sorrow he felt as he watched Albus grow weaker--each one building on the others, only now exploding with this new situation. "Each month it gets worse and I can't stop it, Severus," Harry whispered. "It hurts, you know. And not just because I see him slipping away a little bit at a time. Damn it! Albus Dumbledore is supposed to live forever!"

Harry gratefully settled into the offered embrace, Severus' understanding and love melting some of the hurts away. He wasn't alone. "I know, love. I feel it, too," Severus replied, giving him a brief kiss before leading him by the hand over to a nearby dusty bench. As Severus tucked Harry against his side, arm around his shoulders, Harry noticed they sat in an unused corridor; his sneaky Slytherin spouse had led them the 'long' way back to the dungeons. The purposeful, circuitous route made him wonder just how long Severus had been waiting for him to figure it out.

That Severus had been doing some serious thinking himself was clear when he mused, "And I suspect Albus is angry because you're a constant reminder of his waning powers. Young, strong, powerful, determined, stubborn, refusing defeat--" Severus' voice filled with a new revelation. "Merlin, it's no wonder he expects you to agree with everything he says--you're so much like his younger self in so many respects he assumes you're also like his older self."

Harry was stunned. Him? Like Albus? His first reaction was to protest, but the more he thought on it, the more he tallied their respective talents and limits, the more he saw Severus' point. And if this was remotely true-- "Last night must have been quite a blow to him when he 'lost' the Portus."

"Very much so, especially considering the attack hit him seconds after he took control, before you stepped through. There was no time to warn you and since neither Moody nor I can sustain a gate, all we could do was hope Albus held it long enough for you to cross safely." He closed his eyes and whispered, "For a moment there, I thought we were going to lose you both."

Harry snuggled into his husband's side as the hand holding his shoulder rose, burying itself in his hair. Harry lifted his face, offering soft reassuring kisses, which Severus accepted with a sigh. They sat comfortably for a few minutes when a new thought struck him. "He didn't foresee Priscilla's death, did he?"

"Probably not. I don't think any of us thought it would happen this soon, rather, that Albus would succeed and find her before Mendino did."

Harry nodded. "I admit, I had that thought myself. Hard on him, that."

"And then you defied him." Severus shook his head. "No, Albus didn't have a good day yesterday."

"I'm thinking that neither did you," Harry said, kissing him.

Severus pulled away and stared down the hallway. Harry gasped in shock as the easy sharing ended abruptly, a mental shutter coming between them as Severus said stiffly, "Perhaps it would be best if you talk to Perrin before we see Albus at two."

Harry wanted to scream in frustration; he didn't know what he'd said to cause Severus to 'burrow', but he would find out. He'd found, on the rare occasions his husband had slipped into this--this privacy, the best way to handle it was to temporarily ignore it and then think like hell to figure out what had caused it. "Yesss. I can see where it would be easier on all of us if we did." He didn't expect, nor did he get a reply.

Why would Severus do this? Now, when they'd been so close? What was he missing? Albus, Priscilla, Perrin--which one? Hold on--he'd said 'if you talk'--not we. Didn't he want--? No, that can't be it, he'd said 'together' last night. His husband had been furious with the headmaster--"stubborn" and "priggish", he'd said. Why? Because Albus sticks to tradition and--bloody hell--Severus had even said it at breakfast and he'd been too thick to see it: 'I'm not the one Albus approached'; he, Harry, had been named guardian before they'd made vows. Albus had excluded his husband from the discussion this morning and, blind idiot that he was, he'd not corrected the old man! And then when he'd mentioned 'bad days'--

"Severus, with our marriage, does 'my' guardianship of Perrin, by law, become 'our' guardianship of Perrin?"

"No."

With the clipped tone, Harry knew he'd found the problem. "Can it? Is there a way we can legally share it?"

"The guardianship itself?"

Harry nodded.

"No."

Ouch. "Um--you know I assumed, that is to say, I thought--" All right, where's that much vaunted Gryffindor courage now? He shifted to face Severus, touching his face to get him to look at him fully. "I guess you wouldn't assume, would you?" Severus remained silent, closed to him. "Is it fair for me to ask you to share in this, too?" He searched Severus' face for a hint of his feelings and, finding none, dropped his head to look at the floor. "Silly of me, really. When Albus suggested I become Perrin's guardian, I always thought you were as much a part of it as I was. And last night, while we sat there waiting for Albus to return, I--I had this vision--of the three of us--as a--family. And then--seeing how bad I was with Perrin--and you helped me--him--I'm so sorry, Severus, it didn't even occur to me that you might not want it, too."

Severus cleared his throat, his voice hoarse as he said, "I didn't say I don't want it." He evaded Harry's hand to stare off into the distance. "I just don't know if I can," he added quietly.

Harry nodded. "I think I understand. Can't say either one of us have had any sterling examples to go by, have we? However, since we're in everything else together, perhaps you can help me muddle through this, too? If you want?"

Severus finally looked at him, an indefinable expression on his face; if Harry didn't know better, he would have said his husband was afraid. But then again--so was he. "I suppose I could try," Severus said at last, taking Harry's hand in his lap.

"Then please--don't shut me out," Harry whispered, leaning in to him, their lips meeting in a serious kiss.

It was slow at first; Severus opened up like a reluctant morning glory touched by the first rays of dawn. Harry held the welcomed, returning feelings close, letting them merge one by one with his own until their bond, fully renewed, gleamed with a common purpose. Dimly, Harry became aware that at some point, he'd crawled into Severus' lap, his legs straddling him, hanging behind the bench, their bodies wound tight around each other as the kiss deepened from comfort to rejoicing to passion.

Realising where this was going, they broke it off; Harry leant his forehead on Severus', trying to catch his breath. "You don't do anything by halves, do you?" Harry teased.

Chuckling, Severus replied, "If you recall, we decided 'halves' was for when we couldn't 'do' wholes anymore."

"Hmmm, yes," Harry said, unable to resist such a temptation under him. Nuzzling his lover's neck despite the awkward angle, he licked delicately at Severus' ear, whispering, "and you missed your--bath."

Severus shivered and cupped his buttocks, pulling him close. "And you're intending to 'wash' me how?" he purred, running his hands lightly up the arch of Harry's spine.

"Grooming you, love--washing is with a flannel--gods, you taste so fine!"

"So good to be tasty," Severus groaned, sinking his hands into Harry's hair. He gently tugged until he faced him and regretfully bestowed a soft, chaste kiss. "However, do we have the time--" he said gently, looking around the hallway.

Reality intruding, Harry flushed, saying, "Right," as he awkwardly climbed off to stand before his husband.

"To the infirmary then?" Severus asked, joining him, both adjusting their robes.

"I think so. Although I haven't a clue where to begin," Harry said as they started off down the hallway.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it; I suspect he'll let us know what he needs to know. We can take it from there."

"Together?"

"Together."

As they were about to climb the stairs to Poppy's lair, Severus leant over and whispered, "Of course, this doesn't mean we can't--groom--later."

Harry's sudden spurt of merry laughter made several heads in the corridor turn--and smile.

As they closed the door to the infirmary, Poppy poked her head out of her office door. Seeing who it was, she sighed, motioning them to take a seat in the squashy chairs near the entrance. While they settled in, she bustled over and perched on the arm of a club chair. "Perrin woke about an hour ago."

Leaning forward, Severus asked, "How is he?"

"Better than last night; at least now he's talking. He was shaking so hard when I gave him a Dreamless, I almost had to bind him, but he broke through it within an hour, so I had to resort to a Draught. Not that either of them stopped him from having nightmares; he's terrified of 'Tony'--the stepfather, I presume?" When Severus nodded, she continued, "His friend, Becky, snuck out of the Hufflepuff dorm early this morning; I found her asleep next to him--like two peas in a pod they were--didn't have the heart to move her, poor thing, and he seems content with her here."

"Becky?" Harry asked.

"Miss Gardener. Sensible girl," Severus commented. "Not the brightest student, but diligent; they usually partner in my class and generally stay out of trouble."

"Speaking of trouble--I don't know what you discussed earlier, but Albus is in a 'fine' fettle this morning--one minute nowty, the next depressed. He's already taken two doses today and refuses to explain." When Harry opened his mouth, she waved him off. "Let me save you some time. Physically, he's stable. He is upset about the boy and what you plan to do, but that's really not enough to put him in such a snit. What else happened?"

Harry and Severus exchanged a glance, both sighing. "Um," Harry began, "a couple of things actually." He looked off, uncomfortable. "We used a Portus last night--to move Perrin's mother--Albus lost control over his end and had another attack." He gazed at her in sympathy. "I'm sorry--I had to tell him it was his last one."

Her face closed, Poppy stood and moved over to the window, staring off into the distance, her whispered, "Oh, Albus," more felt than heard. After a few minutes, she turned back to them, the light from the window obscuring their view of her as she asked quietly, "Anything else?"

Harry cleared the lump out of his throat. "We argued this morning." He met her eyes. "Actually, I got angry and he reacted." He looked away. "I'll apologise."

"Were you right?" she asked, rejoining them.

"Well, that seems to be immaterial if I hurt him."

"Were you right?" she insisted.

"We both were right--and wrong--sort of."

She tipped Harry's face up with her fingers under his chin. "Don't ever apologise for your beliefs, my dear. Only for a bad expression of them. Seems you both need to apologise. He'll feel better once he admits it." She moved back to the arm of the chair. "And he will. He always does." She paused. "No, I'm more concerned about Albus losing the gate. That's at least three attacks we know of in less than a day and you've already increased the dosage twice--."

Harry mulled it over. Poppy was right. The Digitalus potion was already at its maximum safe potency; any more foxglove would turn it from beneficial to poison. He looked over to Severus, raising a brow when he received an image of the library. "There are a couple of promising potions we found, but we need to research it further. In the meantime, we can, perhaps, help by changing the Tonos. I'll examine him later. Could be--"

"No, not today," Poppy said, interrupting him. "Albus isn't critical, yet, and you need to concentrate on Perrin. If he's going to help you make--informed--decisions, you have much to discuss."

"True," he replied.

"Not that I'll ever admit it to the old goat, but I am proud of your decision to involve the boy. It's not an easy route by any means, but I think the exclusion traditions do more harm than good."

"Thank you, Poppy. Your approval means much to us," Harry said quietly. He looked at the clock. "We've only a couple of hours before we meet with Albus and the Dissolutioner; we should all try to eat something."

With a smile, Poppy rose, saying, "Ah, now there's an idea. I'll have the house-elves bring lunch here--I'm certain Perrin won't want to be with the others yet." She started off to her office. "I'll be right back."

While they waited, Harry reached over and wormed his hand under Severus', needing the contact. Severus scissored their fingers together and rested his head back on the chair. Closing his eyes, he murmured, "Too much, too soon." Harry silently agreed, knowing his husband would feel his concurrence through the bond. "I'm thinking the second potion you found last week is the better of the two--"

With a small 'pop', Dobby appeared, juggling three separate lunch trays. While the house-elf transformed one of the chairs into a low table, Severus straightened, ruefully releasing Harry's hand. Harry gave him a small smile of understanding. "You may be right. We can talk about it later."

"There. Dobby has brought all of Master Perrin's favourites." With another 'pop', the house-elf was gone.

Harry eyed the tray. "Wow, peanut butter and grape jam! I wonder why I never thought to ask if they could make that for me? Always loved it as a child, especially when I made it with that fluffy white bread and cut the crusts off behind Aunt Petunia's back--" his voice trailed off as he looked up and saw Perrin standing by the table, Poppy right behind him. "You have good taste, Perrin," he added with a grin when he saw the boy's interest and shy smile.

"Sit now, and eat," Poppy said kindly. "I'll be in my office if any of you need me," she added, walking briskly away.

"Bossy, isn't she?" Harry asked without thinking, his eyes affectionately following her progress.

"A bit," Perrin hedged. He picked up one half of his sandwich and, taking a bite, set it down carefully.

While tucking into his own rich stew, Harry surreptitiously took stock of Perrin's condition; he felt Severus doing the same. Pale, no thinner than normal, his eyes looked almost bruised, confirming Poppy's report of his restless sleep. Otherwise he seemed fine, but there was an air of sadness about him one could feel if one were looking for it. And Harry was.

Swallowing, Perrin said thickly, "Madam Pomfrey said you wanted to talk to me?" His eyes slid to Severus and back to Harry. "That you were with my mum when she--died." When Harry nodded, clearly uncomfortable, Perrin asked, "Why did she--die?"

Good question. How to make it simple? "Someone--hurt--her, badly. I tried to heal her, but--I'm sorry," he said quietly, not knowing how much he should say. He thought about what he would have wanted to hear at that age and the heart-wrenching image of his own mother screaming in agony as she'd died flashed across his mind's eye. "I made her as--comfortable--as I could--she didn't feel any pain."

"I wondered about that. Thank you," Perrin whispered.

Harry blinked, barely noticing Severus covering his hand with his own, all pretense of eating gone.

The gesture was not lost on Perrin, though, his eyes resting briefly on their joined hands before returning to Harry. "Who hurt her?"

Without hesitation, Harry answered, "I don't know, but it was a witch or wizard."

Twisting his robes in nervous hands, Perrin unexpectedly said, "I think my father was a Wizard."

When Harry failed to reply, Severus did, his voice low and soothing, "Yes, he was. We don't know much about him, but we did discover he went to Durmstrang, a Wizarding school in Europe much like Hogwarts."

Perrin mouthed the word 'Durmstrang'. After a moment, he asked, "Why did he lie to us? Why didn't he tell us he was a Wizard?"

Harry found his voice. "There was a war going on at the time--"

"The one I've heard about--with the Dark Lord--Voldemort?" Perrin asked.

"That would be the one," Harry answered wryly, unable to chastise him for interrupting. "We think your father's schoolmates tried to pressure him to join Voldemort and, because he didn't really want to, he left the Wizarding world completely rather than choose sides. If this is true, he couldn't have said anything to anyone, not even your mother, because it would've put you and her in great danger. And from everything we've heard about him, he loved you both very much and would not have wanted anything bad to happen to you--so he kept quiet."

"That sounds like my dad," Perrin replied, sounding relieved. Hesitantly he continued, "I think Tony's a Wizard, too."

"What makes you think that?" Harry asked, startled.

"Little things--you know--like starting to say something, then suddenly stopping." He looked embarrassed. "I don't know--I've talked to Becky about him over the past few months; there's just some things that don't add up to him being a Muggle." Looking away, he said hoarsely, "Words he'd use when he beat me--I think they were spells. And I have the strangest dreams."

"About what?" Harry asked cautiously, appalled at how casually Perrin spoke of Tony's abuse.

"About--never mind. It's not important." He went back to his sandwich, the issue clearly closed for now. Harry fought not pursuing it; Severus squeezed his hand and let go, bending to his meal. Harry took the hint and started eating his own, the simple act nearly filling the oppressive silence.

When he finished, Perrin sat back with his arms folded across his stomach. Staring fearfully at Harry, he abruptly asked, "What about my mother? Was she really a Muggle? Or was she lying, too?"

Harry replied with conviction, "No, she was definitely a Muggle."

Perrin sighed in relief. Out of the blue, he asked, "Do you know why didn't she write me at all this term?"

Harry was grateful when Severus rescued him. "Headmaster Dumbledore tried to contact your mother shortly after you started school, but she had disappeared. He's had people looking for her ever since with no success--until last evening when a friend found her, alone and very sick. Unfortunately, he found her too late."

Anger suffusing his face, Perrin demanded loudly, "Why didn't someone tell me? I'm not a little kid, you know. I might've been able to help--told them where she might have gone. Before it was 'too late'!"

Hearing Perrin's words was like listening to himself; this kind of anger Harry could easily understand, and he had no qualms admitting they'd been wrong. "You're right. You might have been able to help if someone had thought to ask you. And I don't have any answers for you. I'm sorry."

His brows raised in surprise, Perrin said quietly, "S'OK," his thoughts apparently elsewhere. Harry noticed his hands shaking; when Perrin saw where his gaze was, he folded them, looking away.

Severus curled his fingers over Harry's, drawing his attention. Worried eyes met; the images received counseled patience. Not his strongest suit and when he'd been about to ask what was wrong, Perrin finally spoke softly in a small voice, his head hanging. "I know you both said at the beginning of the term that I didn't have to leave Hogwarts, but with Mum gone--? Tony adopted me a year ago." He swallowed hard, trying unsuccessfully to look brave. "When's he coming to pick me up?"

"He's not. Ever," Harry declared firmly, deciding quickly not to share that they didn't know where Mendino was.

Hope warring with despair in his eyes, Perrin cautiously asked, "How can you be so sure?"

Harry took a deep breath; the moment was finally here. Severus tightened his hold on his hand as Harry said, "Because we are your guardians."

Perrin's mouth fell open. He closed it with a snap, then asked, hope winning, "My what?"

Harry looked 'the question' at Severus, who nodded in assent. "Your guardians. In the Wizarding world, this means you're now a part of our--family."

TBC