A/n: It's kinda mixed between the anime and the manga(volume5) so I apologise if readers get confused and then pissed :P.

Chapter 2

I have no idea how long it's been. Tatsumi has given me a week's leave but I think it has been more that that. I am not sure. I am still in the infirmary when I collapsed the other day. I am still in the infirmary not because I am sick but because I do not want to leave. I would lie there and not speak to anyone even though they would try their best to talk to me. It hurts too much to talk anyway so I would rather shut up.

Tatsumi is getting frustrated with me, I can tell. His usually guarded emotions can be easily read for some strange reason this week. I think he does that on purpose, to let me know how annoyed he is with me for lazing around in the infirmary. But I can't leave. I cannot go back to work knowing that Tsuzuki will not be working with me this time around. So I refuse to talk to him and curl up on one side of the bed and shut my eyes tightly, hoping sleep will swallow me up. I know the rest are sick of me already. Their visits have lessened, gradually, save for Watari who comes in everyday to try to snap me out of it. I admire him for his persistence though.

Most of the time, I sleep. It is the only way to escape from the reality. When I sleep, I have nightmares. Most of them about Tsuzuki. If that is the only way I can still see him, then I want to sleep forever. I always wake up, expecting him to be beside me, smiling goofily, and going, "Hisoka, you're awake!" But no one is ever there. Everyone is leaving me. Tsuzuki was the only reason the rest of the people in Meifu tolerated me and gotten to know me a lot better. And now that he has gone.... I cursed. Why did I ever let my heart open up to the people when I am going to get hurt? If I was still the cold, stiff Hisoka from then, I wouldn't have felt this painful. That would be better. What is the point of being nice and friendly and caring when you are going to get hurt eventually?

Watari is talking to me again. I am not listening, as usual. I flinch when he touches me, and backs away from him as far as I possibly can. His worry and concern flood into me. "Do not touch me," I hissed, remembering again, the past, when Tsuzuki touched me for the first time. All his emotions flooded into me until I could not take it anymore and I pushed him away roughly. He did not understand then, and he thought I hated him. Well, I hate him now. And I will tell him that if he was here. But of course he's not.

Watari apologises to me. I nod and curl up into a ball again on the bed. The door slams open. I uncurl and look at the intruder. Tatsumi walks in forcibly and stops at my bed. I grimace as I could feel his annoyance projecting into me. "Stop it," I screamed silently. He nods at Watari and then, looks at me. He speaks, "Hisoka, tomorrow, you are reporting for work. Your new partner just signed in today and..." I space out. I gasp at him and his cruel words. New partner. I don't want a new partner. I don't want anybody. I want Tsuzuki. I don't want to move on. I cry out in dismay as I imagine Tsuzuki's desk being decorated with the stranger's belongings. I shake my head violently and protest. Tatsumi does not want to listen to me. Watari simply looks at me in sympathy. I hate Tatsumi. And I tell him so.

His eyes widen in shock and he does not say anything for a while. I take the opportunity to tell him how I really feel. I want to hurt him like I was hurt. I want him to feel what I am feeling right now. I tell him if he did not stop me, Tsuzuki would have been safe and smiling right beside me at that very moment. I tell him that he is a murderer. I scream all this things at him and throw the pillow at his face, messing up his neatly coifed hair. Hearing all this commotion, the rest of the staff come in and try to restrain me, although they do not touch me. With that many people in the room, I feel dizzy again. I beg Watari to shoo them all away, even Tatsumi. Thank the Gods he did just that. I lie down on my bed again and try to regain my breath.

Feeling rather numb, I lie down again and close my eyes. The moment I shut them, I can see Tsuzuki there, smiling at me. He isn't real, of course. But I miss him. Badly. I begin to dream again. I am viewing the events when he died. As if I am another person, I watch myself scream helplessly at Tsuzuki in the middle of the burning flames. I watch as Tatsumi grabs me from behind and reasons with me. I watch as my shoulders sag in defeat and then in horror as the building came down around us. I watch myself wail in desperation trying to get to Tsuzuki but Tatsumi and Watari teleports us back to Meifu. And then, I wake up.

There are tears streaming down my face this time. I look around. Watari is not there. Of course. He is probably tired of me and decided to leave. That is fine with me. I wipe away my tears with my sleeve and hoist myself up to a sitting position. Feeling lost and defeated with my hands at my sides, I stare at the window outside and then look dazedly at the whitewashed wall. I sit like this for how long, I do not know. All I remember is, when I look at the window again, it is already dark. The nurse brings in food but as expected, I do not eat. Watari comes in again and he apologizes that he could not be with me this afternoon as he was occupied with his lab. I want to hurt him too so I say, "It doesn't make a difference anyway whether you are here or not."

He just smiles and refuses to take the bait. Watari is smarter than that. For some reason, I am grateful. He ruffles my hair like I am some four year old, but with my frequent tantrums this whole week, nobody would have guessed that I am sixteen. Forever sixteen. Watari then speaks gently, "Bon, I know you are angry and hurt but you have to move on. Are you going to be like this forever?" I look away. Then I say in a small voice, "I can't go to work. Not now." He speaks again, "Then when will you be okay?" I shake my head helplessly as I imagine the traitor who will take the place of Tsuzuki. How dare he? I voice my thoughts aloud. "I'll go to work if that new partner quits."

Watari snorted exasperately and he tries to reason with me. No one reasons with a sixteen year old in pain. No one. I begin to lose it again and start shouting. "That's Tsuzuki's job. Why does he have to take over?" Watari begs me to calm down and he pauses for a while before speaking again. What he says next shatters my already broken and trampled heart into a million more pieces. "Tsuzuki is never going to come back," he says softly. I cover my ears and pull the thin blanket over my head and close my eyes again. "No," I echoed over and over again until I go back to sleep.

I am not going to work. I don't want to. But Tatsumi is here and he is ordering me to get up and walk two hallways down into our office. But I don't want to. I don't have a choice. I have put it to mind to hate the new partner. That way, no one gets hurt and frankly I don't care who that is if it is not Tsuzuki. Nothing else matters anymore. I walk down the hall slowly, my footsteps echoing loudly along the walls. Strange how it seems to be a lot quieter now. As I walk in, people in the office look up at me and then look back down again. Oh, so they aren't going to acknowledge me as well? That's okay with me.

I knock on the door of Kacho's office and enter his room. Another unfamiliar man is sitting in the chair that Tsuzuki normally occupies. I almost push him off the chair but I resist the urge to. Instead I hold out a hand and say "How do you do? I am Kurosaki Hisoka." I don't smile. I can't. The man has dark hair, almost black but not quite, deep brown eyes, chiseled features and a face that looks like he is going to break out into a big cheery smile every single minute. He looks nice. Damn it. I need to hate him. He is almost Tsuzuki's height and I know that because I only reach up to Tsuzuki's shoulders. He smiles now and says kindly, "Hey, how are ya doing? I'm Shido."

I nod curtly and remove my hand to my side. I beg the Gods silently for a reason to hate my new partner but I cannot seem to find any flaws. As Kacho rambled on and on about the rules of being a Shinigami, I space out instead, and think about the times Tsuzuki and I spent in this small cramped room. Most of the time, he would be grumbling and being told off by either Kacho or Tatsumi. I blink as I realize Kacho is calling my name. I look up and say "Huh?"

He looks at me worriedly for a moment before clearing his throat. Then, he asks me to show Shido the ropes of being a Shinigami and he gives us our latest assignment. I feel like hitting him. I am in no mood, nor do I have the strength to go on a field mission. But I don't have a choice. I nod wearily and slump forward, suddenly feeling very shaky and weak. Shido immediately leans forward to stabilize me to keep me from whacking my head on the desk. Oh great. A reason to hate him. I flinch at his touch and growl, "Don't touch me." He held up both his hands in surprise and looks at our boss for explanation. Kacho takes another twenty minutes to explain what the hell is wrong with me and teaches him how to basically put up his shields so he does not give me an emotional breakdown.

When we proceed to leave the office for the assignment, Kacho tells me to show Shido his desk. I nod slowly and walk out. Then I turn to Shido. "You don't have a desk." He blinks in surprise and stares at me for a moment to digest my words. He does not seem to get it. "But the boss told you to..." I repeat what I have just said. He then starts randomly pointing out at desks which are not occupied and asks me "What about this?" I tell him that they are all occupied. Then he points at Tsuzuki's desk. He asks the same question. I say quietly, "You cannot have that desk. It is occupied." He gives up and simply nods. I think he hates me now. That is a good thing.

We finish up our assignment in two days. During that time, I speak only when spoken to and refuse to engage in any other form of conversation. He seems to get that I do not wish to talk to him, however nice he might be and gives up. I pack up my stuff and get ready to go home and realize with a pang of regret that it is the first time in a long long time that I am going home alone. Usually Tsuzuki walks back with me. With shaky breaths, I look around for Watari to see whether he can accompany me. But he is engaged with another of his crazy experiments and I have no desire to stop him. There is no one else in the office besides Shido. I prod him in the back with my file and asks whether he wants to walk home together.

He looks surprised but pleased and he agrees. I do not have the heart to tell him that I am only asking him along just because I do not want to walk home alone out of habit. I am grateful for the company though even though I do not speak at all the whole journey home. He tries hard, and ends up with "Uh..", "Yeah," "I don't know," as answers to his questions. Then he gets irritated. He is not very good at shielding his emotions when he is angry. He stops halfway and asks, "Are you always that anti-social? You don't talk very much, do you?" I just nod. He gets even more annoyed and he sighs in exasperation. He does not talk anymore until we reach my house. I guess he will leave me alone from now on. He attempts a feeble goodbye and for a second, I want to thank him for accompanying me home but I quash whatever that is threatening to come out of my mouth and enter my dark empty house, slamming the door.

I stare at the blank walls, thinking of stuff to do. I mope for three hours thinking about Tsuzuki. There is a knock on my door. I open it to see Watari there, with some take-out and a six pack. Good, I don't have to be alone for the night. I invite him in and we both eat our take-out silently. I am beginning to think my face resembles a rock. I show no expression, nothing. I think I must look terrible. But I feel terrible and I want the whole world to feel the same too. Watari then rambles on and on about his experiment he did today and I allow a tiny ghost of a smile to crack on my face. Then he stops and he looks at me, obviously pleased about something.

I am annoyed again. "What?" I ask. He says, "Good, you smiled. You didn't zone out like you used to." It reminds me of the time when I was having a bad dream on the ship and when I woke up, Tsuzuki was there and he comforted me. After that he cheered me up in a very weird way, making me annoyed at him about something. He was smiling and saying I was getting better just because I snapped at him. Watari is waving his hands at me. "You are zoning out again!" he cries.

I just grab one can of beer and finish it in 6 gulps. Watari groans and slaps his hand on his forehead, saying that he should not have brought beer along. Then the doorbell rings again. I stumble to it and open it only to see Tatsumi staring at me. He looks past me and sees Watari. "Watari, you have an assignment. Kacho wants to see you in his office now." Watari looks concerned about me but I tell him I will be okay. Then he grumbles something about having to work late-shifts on such short notice and teleports to the main building with Tatsumi.

It is dark. I don't want to go to bed. I snuggle on my couch and try to sleep. I can't because images of Tsuzuki will pop into my mind each time I close my eyes. I feel so lonely right now. Why isn't Tsuzuki here to comfort me? I want to cry but I am void of any tears. After two hours, I finally drift off to sleep. And started having nightmares again. This time, it's not about Tsuzuki. I am reliving the past again, when that bastard Muraki raped me. I want to wake up but I can't. Someone help. Tsuzuki. Help me. Please.

I jerk awake, breathing harshly. The stupid curses on my body is flaming red. This can only mean one thing. That bastard is still alive. Why did they take Tsuzuki and not Muraki? I hug myself, wanting to call Watari but I realize he is on duty. There is no one else to go to. I put on my shoes and walk out of my house. The sakura trees are still blooming. Luckily, there is no red moon or I will seriously freak out. My legs have a life of their own. I walk aimlessly, not knowing what to do or where to go. After twenty minutes, I stop and look around. I am in front of Tsuzuki's house. Feeling a sense of nostalgia, I turn the door knob and it opens easily. I walk in cautiously even though I know the house is empty and like me, so very lonely. I climbed up his stairs slowly, trying to take in everything about his home. Who knows, by the end of the week, they might demolish the whole building. I enter his bedroom cautiously. The bed is still unmade. For a strange reason, that comforts me to no end. I plop down on Tsuzuki's bed and clutch his blanket close to me. In less than a minute, I fall asleep and for once, I do not have anymore nightmares.

I do that again the next day, and the next and the day after that. Each time I wake up due to my nightmares, I will instantly go over to Tsuzuki's house and spend the night in the comfort and warmth of his bed. And my nightmares would disappear. Watari sometimes come by to accompany me but I always tell him I will be fine and he leaves after I go to sleep. Tatsumi is doing his best to avoid me and Shido, well, he has given up on me. He still walks home with me everyday because he can sense that I do not want to be alone.

I get up 2 hours earlier today and practice my kendo. Usually my mind is clear and devoid of any other things, but today I can only think of Tsuzuki. Having kept all my feelings in my shell for so long, I throw everything into this practice. I fling my shinai as hard as possible forward, letting my anger show. "WHY!" I shout silently in my mind. The swish of the shinai is the only thing that can be heard. I am not satisfied. I let out a satisfying growl of anger while throwing forward the shinai. Again and again I repeat the action, wanting to rid myself of the anger and pain that I am feeling. "ARRRRRRRGGGHH" I shout as I run forward and swing the shinai as hard as I possibly can. I stop after an hour.

Feeling utterly spent, I drop my shinai onto the wooden floors, and sink to the ground, breathing harshly. I sit like this for very long. At last, I get up slowly off the ground and walk out of the room, leaving the bamboo stave lying there on the floor.[1]

"Another assignment?" Shido groans. He reminds me of Tsuzuki when he does that. My old partner will always look for ways out of duty, almost always ending in failure. Tatsumi nods curtly. He glances at the fax that has just arrived. "Reported deaths, though their souls have not arrived in Meifu. Should be a regular task for the both of you. However," he pauses. "The two of you are fairly new to the department. And you are both without the help of shikigami. I have discussed this with Kachou and he wants you, Hisoka, to seek out a shikigami you choose to command in GenSouKai, where all the shikigamis reside."

I blink at him, trying to take this all in. Me, control a shikigami? That thought is so ludicrous that I almost choke. Then, another thought comes to mind. Tsuzuki is considered the highest ranking shinigami in Meifu because he controls 12 of the highest-order shikigamis. What has become of them? I speak out, "Tatumi-san, ano..." I stall, thinking of the choice of words. "What about the 12 shikigamis that Tsuzuki controls?" He pushes his glasses to his nose and gives me a pained look. "They all too reside in GenSouKai. Ever since..." he does not say it out loud but I know what he means. He continues, "They have not shown themselves. Since they only receive Tsuzuki's orders, we are not sure either on what to do with them. We do need their help to help us in our cases but as I said, Tsuzuki is the only one whom they will listen to."

That does not quite answer my question. But I let it go seeing Tatsumi is not entirely keen on broaching the subject.

"How am I going to go to GenSouKai?" I ask instead.

He nods and smiles professionally. "Wakaba has the ability to open up the gateway to the shikigami world. She is a keeper of one of the gates to that realm, in case you didn't know."

I blink some more.

"Oh."

He gathers his files briskly and speaks up again. "You will take as long as you need to find the shikigami of your choice. But I advise you this Hisoka, find one that will listen to you and treat the shikigami as you would your family. Respect him and he will respect you, therefore, will want to listen to you and you only." I nearly snort. How can I treat the shikigami as if he was my family when my own blood-related relatives treat me as if I am a monster? But I hold my tongue and nod anyway. I must say, Shido is looking at me right now in a mixture of envy and annoyance. I concentrate on my empathy and go past his shields. He is feeling rather left out.

We all gather in Watari's lab, Terazuma included, and Wakaba proceeds to call the gatekeepers to the GenSouKai. Two rather strange looking bird- like creatures pop out, scaring me half to death. Wakaba merely grins and hugs them. Terazuma is pissed. I can feel it. She tells them the reason of me going into their world and they nod in approval. The two of them then chant some special prayers and I don't see anything anymore except for a bright white light.

When the light fades, I gaze in awe at the majestic buildings that scatter all over the land. I walk towards the biggest one and stand there for a few minutes, admiring its architecture and majesty. As I walk through the giant gateway arching over the footpath, I wonder how the heck am I going to find a shikigami that will obey my every command.

POW! I fall flat on my face as something rather furry and heavy lands on top of me. I groan in pain as I struggle to get up and look at my attacker. Oblivious to my suffering, the person says chirpily, "HISOKA!!!! IT'S YOU!" I try to get up again but I can't because his foot is on my back. My annoyance growing, I hiss, "Can you get off me first?" He must have realized because he jumps back and apologises profusely. Standing up properly, I wipe the dust off my pants and stare in awe at the stranger. He is rather wild looking with his hair all-over the place, and he has mini- fangs etched in his teeth. His hands and feet are furry and he has a....tail? He is beginning to resemble a cat to me.

The stranger rolls his eyes as he hugs me and shouts happily. Strange, how he seems so cheerful on the outside, yet I can feel him hurting through my empathy skills. "I am Byakko you dummy!" he says, grinning. I take two steps back in shock. That... that is Byakko? He certainly does not look like the grand, fearsome tiger from the time Tsuzuki summoned him. I didn't know shikigami has human forms. Nobody told me anything about this. I realize he is hurting because Tsuzuki is gone and according to what Watari told me, unlike other shinigamis, the relationship between Tsuzuki and his shikigamis is a special one because he loves and cares for them and they do the same for him. He puts one furry arm around my neck as we walk into the grand hall.

"How are things with you?" he asks, a tinge of worry lacing his words. I look at him wordlessly and I see the same pain in his eyes. The pain that I thought no one else felt. He nods, understanding me. He leads me to the hall and we sit down, talking. "Suzaku and the others are shut up inside. They refuse to come out. I tried persuading them to no avail. I do understand their feelings though," he says sadly. I keep quiet as I take in a sense of comfort that there are actually people, well not really people, who feels the same way as I do. He rambles on, sorrow apparent in his every word. "We are bound to the contract to protect our master whenever danger arises. We have failed doing so. And we miss him. I miss him," he choked, sounding very gruff all of a sudden, kind of like how a cat would sound if it could talk. I sit in silence because I realize no amount of consoling would do the trick. I want to tell him I share his pain. So I say quietly "You wonder how much he really cares about you because he left so easily."

He looks at me, nodding solemnly. "He did not even say goodbye to me..." he stares at the cool marble floors dejectedly. We do not talk for a while, taking in comfort in silence from each other. Then, he pipes up. "Well, what are you doing here?" I tell him my reasons for being in his world and he looks impressed. "You better be careful," he warns me. "There are some scary people in here that you should not mess with. And whatever you do, try to avoid Soh Rhyu, also one of Tsuzuki's shikigamis. He can be rather intimidating to strangers in this land, not to mention, dangerous."

I shiver, suddenly afraid. I don't really feel like hunting for a prospect shikigami now. Hopefulness and hesitancy suddenly jolt through my body. Realising that they are foreign emotions, I turn to look at Byakko. His eyes are shining. He says, "Why don't you use me?" I look at him dumbly. "Huh?" I ask. He looks at me hopefully. "Why don't you take me as your shikigami?"

I hesitated. "But you are Tsuzuki's ..." He looks down again. "He's gone now," he says in a small voice. Then he speaks cheerily again, "It'll be fun. And I get to protect you. And we know each other quite well already so it will be a blast!" The more I thought about it, the better his idea seem to become. Why not indeed? With Byakko as my shikigami, everything would be much easier to handle. Plus, he makes a good friend. I nod happily. He squeals in delight, kind of like how Tsuzuki acts when he sees sweets and glomps onto me. I shove him off and cast murderous eyes on him. He backs away, "Now, now master..." God, I miss Tsuzuki....

He tells me stories about Tsuzuki, about the times they had together, how he would always be the first one to meet Tsuzuki whenever he comes to GenSouKai to visit his shikigamis, when they first met, until I fall asleep on his lap. Byakko is much wiser and older than me, but I still get the creeps when he is in his human form because he looks a lot younger than he actually is then. I bid him goodbye later in the evening and head off to the gates to re enter the normal world.

Byakko smiles softly at the fading silhouette of Hisoka as he reentered his own world. He looks towards the heavens and whispers, "I hope I did you proud Tsuzuki. I might not have been able to protect you but I will do my best to protect Hisoka. That's what you want, isn't it? Be at peace." He turns around and walks into the grand hall to inform the news to his fellow shikigami. They aren't going to be happy about this.

Author's notes : Hope you liked it. Don't worry, I won't kill Tsuzuki for long (hehe) can't bear to anyways, I go weak at the sight of him in inu- mode. About Tsuzuki's shinigamis, they have their own 'world' where they reside in which by the way, is in Watari's network in the computers =O. And they have human forms too.

[1]: Well, I apologise if the terms are wrong but I think shinai means the bamboo stick they use to practice for kendo. Does hisoka practice kendo anyways or some kind of other martial arts TT. its sooo confusing.

Read and review please!!

Sank you to SapphireDragon, jerricab, ola, klyukaizer, seichii, dream-eater- is-hungry, Midnight Phantom, and tangerine-asuka. (hugs all around )