Sorry for the delay. fanfictiondotnet was being evil so i had to fiddle a bit with Quick Edit 'growls'

Chapter 5

"He needs his rest so just leave him be until he wakes up," Watari said firmly, laying the slump weary body of Hisoka softly onto the hospital bed. There was not a sound to be heard from Hisoka as Watari tucked him in comfortably. The bed appeared too massive even though it was of single size, as he had lost a considerable amount of weight over the past few months.

Tsuzuki paced the infirmary anxiously, never losing sight of Hisoka. "Watari...are you sure he's going to be okay?" he asked worriedly.

Watari cast a concerned glance to Hisoka's direction. In a soft whisper, less he might wake up, he explained, "Physically, he is fine except that he is a little skinny. However, he has taken a huge blow mentally. I have not looked after him as well as I should have."

He sighed.

Tsuzuki stopped at midpace at the foot of Hisoka's bed. His anxiety grew as he stared at Hisoka. He appeared to be sleeping peacefully but there was no telling what was going on inside his mind. "But...I mean, what can I do?" he asked desperately.

Watari sighed again, softer this time. "I don't know. You might be able to help him, Tsuzuki. He has been a little ... down... since you..." he stopped, unsure of how to continue.

Tsuzuki drooped to the floor in dismay. "It's all my fault," he said sadly. "Hisoka...he...never would have become like this if I did not leave. Watari, he was going to Byakko every night just to help him to sleep."

Watari did not question how or why Tsuzuki knew. He did not question either how or why Tsuzuki came back. He was just relieved, and happy, as was almost everyone, when they saw Tsuzuki burst into the infirmary, frantic and practically incoherent, an unconscious Hisoka in his arms. Perhaps Bon would be okay again, with Tsuzuki back.

Tatsumi came in, closing the door softly with a click. Tsuzuki looked up and attempted to smile but failed terribly. Tatsumi walked over to him and kneeled down in front of him.

"It's not your fault."

Tsuzuki looked up, half-surprised at how well Tatsumi could read him. But then again, Tatsumi had always been able to read him unusually well. In all the time they had become colleagues, he had gone to Tatusmi countless times for comfort.

"But..."

Tatsumi smiled gently and touched his cheek. "It's not your fault," he said again. "Kurosaki-kun will wake up soon and then you will just have to help make him better, as we all believe he will; with you by his side. It's no use blaming yourself when it has already happened. All you can do now is make things better, not sink lower."

Tsuzuki looked up again, this time, still hesitating, but surer of himself.

Tatsumi ruffled Tsuzuki's hair and stood up, adjusting his coat slightly. He exchanged a knowing glance with Watari.

"Tsuzuki," he spoke cautiously. "You do know of Kurosaki-kun's empathy right? It seems that he can't feel people's emotions anymore."

Tsuzuki looked at Tatsumi in shock. "Wha..."he stammered

.

"We can't be too sure now, because Muraki tortured him in some way by touching him, as Shido reported to me earlier. But Watari has a theory about this." He poured himself a glass of water, waiting for Watari who was measuring Hisoka's temperature, to elaborate.

Watari flicked the thermometer twice before putting it into Hisoka's mouth. As he did, he explained, "I think he could not take it anymore so he simply shut himself down. In more proper words, I believe that Hisoka has full control of his empathy, but he has chosen to block out every single emotion that was projected. He didn't want to feel anymore."

He took out the thermometer and held it in the dim light. Satisfied, he turned to Tsuzuki's direction, his curls bobbing cheerfully along. "Yup. No fever. It's just a theory of mine though. There might or might not be other reasons for his empathy being gone. We are hoping," he continued slowly eyeing Tsuzuki, "that you might be able to coax Bon into opening himself up a bit. That might help him to gain confidence in himself and maybe lead him to accept his empathy."

Tsuzuki took all of this into thought. Despite Tatsumi's kind words earlier, the guilt wave was rushing back at him. Hisoka had opened up more when he was his partner; slowly, but surely. He had began to slowly untangle all the complicatedness that was essentially Hisoka: to make him see that he had friends and people that genuinely cared about him. And Hisoka had responded, in his own way. He didn't close up when Tsuzuki would playfully touch him in the shoulder, or help him up to his feet. His response was that he had gotten used to Tsuzuki's mad capering ways and his weird emotions. He was upset however, that Tsuzuki did not show him the side of himself, that he kept in dark from everyone, it made Hisoka feel that he was in the same league as everyone else to Tsuzuki, that he was a good friend, but nothing more than that. And it hurt.

Tsuzuki knew all of that, and more. It was just like Hisoka to say it, simple and matter-of-fact. He was unhappy about the way Tsuzuki treated him, and he said it out loud. Tsuzuki knew he was being unfair, but he couldn't make himself to show that despicable side of his. He couldn't let Hisoka see that inhumane side of him. He had seen glimpses of that side, during the time Saaganatsu invaded his body, and it had finally exploded in Hisoka's face in the building under the university. Muraki was too good: he knew which buttons to push.

It was his fault, that Hisoka had retreated into his unresponsive cold, callous self. It was his self-defense mechanism, to stop himself on being hurt. And he had been hurt badly, not by Muraki. But by Tsuzuki.

It was all his fault.

He covered his hands with his face. How can he face all of them, when he was the one that drove Hisoka to be like this? If Hisoka got worse, he would never forgive himself.

"Tsuzuki," Tatsumi said again. He walked over to Tsuzuki again; crouched down and gently pulled his arms away from his face. Tsuzuki resisted. "How can I face...all of you...when...," he mumbled close to tears, trying to pull away from the grip of Tatsumi.

Tatsumi managed to pry Tsuzuki's arms away from his face and wiped away his tears. He pulled Tsuzuki into his arms and rubbed his back comfortingly. "It's not the time to do this, Tsuzuki. You have to be strong, for Kurosaki-kun. Wasn't he there for you when you were upset? It's his turn now and you have to help him."

"But..."

"It's okay," he continued soothingly.

After a while, he gently released Tsuzuki from his grip and stood up, clearing his throat. "I have to be going now. Kachou needs me in the office. I'll come visit later, Tsuzuki, Watari."

With a crisp nod and another comforting smile at Tsuzuki, he headed for the door.

"Wait," Watari went after him, his curls bobbing along. "I'll come with you. Tsuzuki, we'll leave Bon to you. If you need me, I'll be in the lab."

Tsuzuki nodded, and slowly got up towards Hisoka's bed. The door closed behind him with a soft click. The infirmary was empty, except for Hisoka. There wasn't a sound to be heard, only the soft gentle snores of Hisoka and the billowing breeze blowing through the window.

He pulled a wooden chair to the edge of the bed and looked down at the sleeping profile of his partner. He smiled gently at those eyes which seemed to be glaring at him and he imagined Hisoka saying "Baka" in that annoyed yet amused tone.

"Soka," he whispered, brushing off stray hair away from Hisoka's face. "Hurry up and wake up."

Watari closed the door behind him and started after Tatsumi, who was walking briskly down the hallway. As he stepped into pace with Tatsumi, he commented, with a smile on his face. "You always have a soft spot for Tsuzuki, haven't you?"

Without even bothering to look at Watari as he was long used to his teasing ways and observant eye, even if he closed them off to other rather obvious things., Tatsumi simply replied, "It is the least I can do, for Kurosaki-kun. I don't think he would be in the right mind and position to talk Tsuzuki out of his guilt trip. Kurosaki-kun needs to be comforted, not doing the comforting."

"Right," Watari said disbelievingly.

Tatsumi rolled his eyes. "Seriously Watari, your thoughts never fail to amaze me. It's not like that. Tsuzuki...he... I would never have been able to take all of his -" he paused, searching for the right words, "It is so painful to see him blaming himself and practically torturing himself after every murder, every case... I didn't know what to do. Hisoka... he had experienced some of that himself, he knows, I'm sure, exactly what Tsuzuki is feeling and he might be able to help him. The both of them... they are so alike yet different at the same time they don't even realise it themselves."

For a few minutes, nothing could be heard exept the crisp tap-tap of their shoes.

"Ah, as selfless as usual," Watari quirked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. They passed Wakaba who waved cheerfully at them. "How's Tsuzuki?" she asked, shouting a little because by the time she finished her sentence, Tatusmi and Watari had long passed her down the hallway.

Watari looked back and shouted just as jovially, "He's fine. He's with Bon!" Terazuma was by Wakaba's side, sulking as usual and pretending not to care. Watari waved back as cheerfully; Tatsumi simply nodded as he was accustomed to.

"Ne, Tatsumi..."

"What is it?"

"Do you think, that Muraki will..."

Tatsumi frowned. He pushed his glasses up his nose and turned to look at the scientist. "That's what I was worried about too. In any case, we must be careful."

Suddenly, Tatsumi stopped in his tracks, and as a result, Watari bumped into him, sending golden-brown curls splaying and jumping all over the place. "Tatsumi, why did you stop?!!"

Piercing blue eyes looked back at him amusingly. "This is your lab remember?"

Watari stared at the sign on the door. It was a little charred at the edges, from the countless explosions from his failed experiments over the years. "Oh," he said sheepishly, rubbing his head absently.

"I'll see you soon then." He tapped his forehead twice and walked into his lab, his curls bobbing gleefully along.

I'll come visit you soon, I promise.



You're just as broken as he is.

Hisoka...save me... why are you just standing there? Save me. Please. The fire...it's burning me...Soka...Soka...

You've grown a spine, bouya. Gotten braver since Tsuzuki left? How interesting.

Hisoka, please. Why are you so mean? Why didn't you come save me?

It's all your fault. I'm going now. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye......

Hisoka opened his eyes in shock, his breaths coming out in huge short gasps. It's only a nightmare, he thought dully trying to calm himself and get his heart to beat to its normal rhythm.

I'll come visit you soon.

He shivered, his heart racing again. Flashes of what Muraki would do to him slithered into his mind, like a snake would in pursuit of its prey. He reached to his arm and pulled a little of the sleeve up. The curse marks shone brightly, almost illuminating the dark room. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the impending meaning of the marks. Whenever that happened, it was only a matter of time before Muraki caught up with him.

And his head, it hurt so badly. His mind almost felt raw, like it could break anytime. He let go of his sleeve and reached to massage his temple. The throbbing would not stop, it was as if there was some other emotion making its way into his mind, and emotion that didn't belong to him.

His hands rubbing the sides of his forehead absently, he looked around. He was in the infirmary again, for the umpteenth time. It was night time, that he could tell, but it wasn't completely dark, because of the faint strip of moonlight that streamed softly through the window by his bedside. He could see the faint edges of the bed he was lying in and the silhouette of something else the moonlight did not catch.

His breath quickened by a pace as he strained his eyes to see what was it. There was no one else in the infirmary but himself and he doubted that he could make it to the door in time if it was an intruder. He crawled out of the warm shelter under the blankets and edged closer to the thing. It didn't seem like an intruder because it wasn't moving.

He crawled nearer, his curiosity taking over. And when he was near enough to see what it was, his heart nearly stopped.

Tsuzuki was sleeping like an angel, his head in his arms on the bed, his hair splaying out to all edges on the sheets. He was rather perched on an uncomfortable position, because he was sitting in a rather rickety looking wooden chair.

It had to be a dream, Hisoka thought. It had to be.

There was no way that Tsuzuki could return. He'd saw through his own eyes when the fire engulfed him.

He was trapped, he realized with a pang, waking up to his own dream. How cruel, when it seemed so real, that image of Tsuzuki sleeping ever so peacefully by the side of the bed.

He reached out a hand and ran it through Tsuzuki's chocolate bangs. It felt real enough, but Hisoka had long gotten used to this kind of dreams. They were the kinds that tricked your mind, leading you to believe it is real but when you woke up, you'd realize that it was nothing more than your mind making you to see things that never will be, however much you wish for it to happen.

It was with these painful thoughts that made Hisoka want to get the best out of his dream. Might as well, if he was going to wake up to a Tsuzuki-less world.

He gently prodded Tsuzuki's arm with one hand and with the other, he snaked it under Tsuzuki's shoulder. Tsuzuki shifted slightly, and merely continued sleeping, mumbling something along the lines of "Strawbery pocky...chocolate cake..."

Hisoka stared amusedly at the sight before him. He tried again, poking his arm harder this time. This time, Tsuzuki woke up, eyes peering sleepily at him. "What is it, Soka... Let me sleep," he pouted, eyes droopy and hair dropping all over his eyes.

"It's not comfortable there." He climbed back into the warm refuge under the blankets and lifted them up a little, patting the empty space next to him. "Come in," he said.

Tsuzuki yawned, stretching a little. He got up and clambered into the space next to Hisoka.

"Night..." he trailed off, falling back into a gentle slumber.

Hisoka reached out for Tsuzuki and his hands found Tsuzuki's waist. He pulled him close, flinching a little at the overpowering emotions flooding into his mind. He ignored them and burrowed closer into the crook of Tsuzuki's neck. In response, Tsuzuki sleepily reached for Hisoka and hugged him close.

It's going to be a shame when I wake up, he thought sleepily as he drifted off too, into another dream.

Um, ;D hope you enjoyed it. Tsuzuki is such a blurcase, not even realizing Hisoka is awake --;;. Even though it was only about 2.8k of words, it took a long time to write. It came out just the way I wanted it to be tho .

'Throws Hisoka plushies for reviewers to hug'

Constructive criticisms and praises very much appreciated. Byakko will stomp on all flames received so don't even bother. :D

Replies to reviews:




Sapphire Dragon: now you have a hisoka plushie to add to your collection . sorry for the delay..yeah i was procrastinating lol..no Shido in this chapter... hehe poor thing. don't kill me for updating so late

kaori-chan : you won't miss much at the rate i'm updating ;P i'm glad you liked it. estatic more like it but... yeah :D

kl: thank you!!! i'm glad you think they are all IC. i was a bit worried for hisoka but he turned out fine i hope !!

Karen-Rhine: we absolutely must start a shrine on chibi-inu Tsuzuki. o.o

dream-eater-is-hungry:sorry for the delay??:P

serene-ai: fanfiction(dot)net can be evil sometimes..(most of the time but shh) LOL maybe next time we can pair byakko up with hisoka :P

Night Fox Hiten: i'm so happee u liked hisoka. i love him to death, tsuzuki as well, i'm so glad u liked the fic :D. i'll think about not hurting muraki lol!

kiori: thank you!!! so encouraging and i updated so late --''

ethereal-tenshi: i'm dead. since you killed me for waiting too long.

JJ: WAIII!! well hisoka doesn't really know yet tsuzuki is back(silly people) but they did hug :D.

Ying Fa 19: so nice of you to review every chapter ..thank you so much. and thanks also for reviewing "Trust". hope you're happy with this one :D

Krymson Tide: I know I can be so evil to Hisoka but since Tsuzuki is back, forgive me ne??

Thanks also to all da people who reviewed for my one-shot 'Trust" ;). I did not expect that much feedback, it was a fifteen minute thing that I just had to write down. so..thank you!!