Hisoka woke up to a tremendous throbbing in his head. His muscles were aching like hell and his limbs felt like they were made of lead. He groaned slightly and stretched.

Despite himself, he smiled. Letting free a humongous yawn and closed his eyes again, savouring the post-wake up moment. It was rare of him to wake up so contented and blissful. Usually he woke up screaming and drenched in his own sweat. Through his closed eyelids, he could see the touches of sunlight dancing on the rims. He could hear, in the distance, the insane twittering of the birds and leaves rustling to the gentle breeze.

He smiled again, remembering the dream. It almost seemed real…like Tsuzuki was right there, right by his side, watching over him.

He turned his head woozily to snuggle into his pillow even more and nearly died. Tsuzuki was sleeping contentedly beside him, both arms curled snugly around Hisoka's waist.

He sat up dead straight, sitting in a tangle of legs and hands. No wonder his limbs felt like lead. Tsuzuki was sleeping on them.

But how- what- when- ?

What the fuck was Tsuzuki doing in his bed?

He opened his mouth in shock. Two seconds later, realization whacked him in the head. Tsuzuki was alive. Something that resembled a gasp and a croak came out of his mouth.

"Tsu…Tsu…"

He tried again.

"Tsuzuki…"

Tsuzuki merely grumbled something inaudible and continued sleeping.

At first, Hisoka feared all of it was a figment of his own twisted imagination again. But it felt real enough. Surely God wouldn't be so cruel…?

He managed to untangle one hand from under Tsuzuki- it was all red and numb- and reached to touch his face. Ever so gingerly and almost unbelievably, he felt Tsuzuki's contours of his face, his jaw line… the mess of brown hair that was splayed all over his face…this was real… Tsuzuki was real.

He felt the tears come. Almost immediately, the dull ache from within him, the icy cold front he had put up for so long, and the emptiness inside of him dissolved; leaving a very pleasant mix of shock, almost genuine happiness and relief. And… and…

He smiled again, ignoring the tears. It was okay now, everything will be okay. Muraki, the little boy whom he killed, his throbbing head... it all seemed so trivial now.

Forgetting himself for a moment, Hisoka reached out for Tsuzuki's shoulders and then he hugged him. He hugged so tight Tsuzuki grumbled a little but was otherwise thankfully silent. God knows what his reaction would be if he woke up. Hisoka closed his eyes, not thinking and not worrying. He let everything go and just felt.

As natural as breathing had become, Hisoka unthinkingly let down his shields. He wondered fleetingly what cake Tsuzuki would be gobbling up in his dream... he couldn't be having a nightmare could he? He wasn't flailing around and if he did, Hisoka would have been the first to felt it.

Lower... Lower...

Hisoka could almost hear Tsuzuki's train of thought now... He felt..he felt..

Nothing.

He tried again. He wasn't really using his empathy for quite some time now, in fact, he had even forced it into hiding and gotten a little used to simply not feeling. It seemed less heartbreaking that way. But if he really wanted to, he could have just as easily utilise his empathetic skills again.

What was wrong?

It couldn't be that Tsuzuki wasn't feeling anything. That baka always had something in his mind; he could keep his innermost feelings guarded, but he was asleep for god's sake.

Hisoka could feel the beginnings of a panic attack swirl around in his stomach. He didn't know what to think. Perhaps he was dreaming yet again or he could have lost his empathy which was really what he would have agreed on rather than have it just be a dream but he didn't want to lose his skills regardless. He was just so wind up nowadays he didn't know what to think anymore. He brushed away the grim thoughts and tried to focus. Maybe he just needed to concentrate. That was it.

He focused, breathed in as deeply as he could and reached out mentally towards Tsuzuki. He felt...nothing. Nada.

He let out a strangled cry of frustration and punched the bed. It didn't do any good because it was too soft to drain away the tension in him so he punched it again.

Losing his empathy could mean... he had always said his empathy was a bane to him but over the years, he had somehow gotten used to it. It was a handy tool to read people's emotions, and then he would know how to react to them. He knew who hated him, who was being a hypocrite and who was sincere. Even if sometimes it was a torture when he could not control the surge of emotions flowing into him especially when he was among crowds, he had gotten so used to using his empathy to read people's minds that...he'd forgotten how to tell from their faces what they were feeling. And if he'd lost that, how the hell could he tell what Tsuzuki thought in that complicated and delicate mind of his?

He growled in anger and punched the bed again. And again. And then Tsuzuki's hand reached out to stop him.

His anger faded away to just a simmer, boiling under his skin but he was calm enough to gather about his senses. He stared in quiet distress as Tsuzuki got himself up to a sitting position with his free hand.

"What's wrong Hisoka?" Tsuzuki's face was a picture of worry and sleepiness mixed together.

"I..." Hisoka stared at his wrist in Tsuzuki's. It was so small and frail, his hand, compared to Tsuzuki's larger one. Tsuzuki's grip was gentle, and his skin was hot to the touch.

Tsuzuki pulled it away. Hisoka was almost sorry to let go. "Ah, I'm sorry. It must be hard on your empathy."

Great. Tsuzuki might have misunderstood that.

"No.. I... I can't feel a thing."

Tsuzuki's head shot up in surprise.

"What?"

"My empathy..." Hisoka looked desperately into Tsuzuki's face for a hint of whatever that man was feeling. "It's gone!"

"Whaddya mean it's gone?" Tsuzuki asked. "Maybe it's just a lack of concentration?"

"No," Hisoka shook his head. "I tried. Loads of times. I can't tell what other people are feeling."

"Other people?" Hisoka saw Tsuzuki look quizzically around the room. There was no one else in it but the two of them, nestled within Hisoka's bed. There were five other empty hospital beds around. Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka warily. His eyes clouded up a little before they returned to the normal purplish hue.

"Ah..."

It was Hisoka's turn to look away.

"Well... I'll go call Watari or Tatsumi, okay? Don't worry Soka." Tsuzuki smiled and ruffled Hisoka's hair a little. He reached over to his side of the bed, pulled open the covers, and paused.

Hisoka stared, wondering what the hell was wrong.

"Ano...did I sleep here last night?"

Fuck. Hisoka flushed. His brain kicked itself into some desperate action. "Well, you said you were cold...so..."

Tsuzuki turned around. He was bright red too. "Did I? I... I must have been dreaming. I don't remember I said that. I'm sorry anyway." He smiled, too porcelain for Hisoka's liking.

Tsuzuki turned his back on Hisoka and sat on the edge of the covers, reaching down for his shoes. The tips of his ears were a bright crimson. Hisoka half-extended a weak hand to do something; he wasn't sure what, but he quickly retreated it back to his side when Tsuzuki shot up like a tightly wounded up toy soldier and practically ran for the door.

The familiar icy cold feeling relodged itself in Hisoka's gut. It was too early in the morning to figure out just what was wrong with Tsuzuki and he was dead tired. Despite his blissful feelings earlier, he felt worn down and moroseful.

Watari waltzed in a few minutes later, with Tsuzuki right behind him and the resident doctor of the infirmary. Despite the fact that he was irritable and considering the seriousness of the situation, Watari still managed to look as cheerful as a bunny.

"Yo, bouya."

Hisoka glared at his socks.

The doctor promptly walked to his side of the bed and sat down promptly on a patch of empty space. He then lifted the hairs off Hisoka's forehead and felt for his temperature. A few series of "hmm's" and some "aaah's" followed.

"What's wrong Watari?" Tsuzuki asked. He was standing at the foot of the bed. Hisoka took it as a sign of deliberate detachment. There was a massive amount of bedspace on his left, since he was leaning sideways on the right, surely Tsuzuki would have naturally sat down at least on his left?

Okay, he was officially going nuts without his empathy.

Watari shushed him and asked Hisoka some questions. Can't you feel my emotions? NO! What about Tsuzuki's? no. Do you have any headaches? no...Are you sure? ...maybe a little..

And so on and so forth.

Tsuzuki interrupted on one occasion. "Maybe it is temporary and it will go away after a few days..."

"What are you stupid!" Hisoka shot back...and instantly regretted it. Tsuzuki smiled and ruffled his own hair and said well, maybe he was and don't mind him blablalba. Hisoka didn't need his empathy to know that it stung.

"Now now, bon, no need to get so irritated so early in the morning." Watari beamed.

Hisoka merely looked away, unable to apologise for some reason.

After twenty minutes of introspection and a lot of discussion between the doctor and Watari, Watari finally elaborated his thoughts. "I think, Hisoka, that somehow or another, that incident with Muraki has affected your empathy. You said before you couldn't feel anything, but you were simply not using it, right?" He looked at Hisoka sharply.

Hisoka nodded, feeling rather small and childish.

"Well, Muraki must have impounded your mind with his evil thoughts, which were too heavy and dark to bear all at once. Probably your empathy took its toll on you and collapsed."

Tsuzuki started pacing. "Then, you mean it's gone, forever?"

"Well, I wouldn't know. I for one, do not believe that. But I will have to do more research on that, I'm afraid. In the meantime, you'll just have to make do without it."

"BUT... but I..." Hisoka stared helplessly at Watari. How could he survive without it? He was too used to it. Even though Watari and Tsuzuki were his collegues, his friends, right now, they seemed like strangers. They resembled shells without any feelings whatsoever. He was so used to the slightly mad aura that surrounded Watari wherever he went. Now he couldn't sense any of it. Tsuzuki always had a strong presence, of sadness, of guilt, and of something else. Now he was... empty. He didn't know anything other than from their faces and voices whether they were happy or sad, or concerned. And he wasn't an expert at reading their faces. It wasn't enough. He needed to know..for sure.. The expressions can be faked, like he knew Tsuzuki put on his stupid cheerful act most of the time, it wasn't real. He didn't know now.

"It's going to be a bit hard, I know but sooner or later, you'll get used to it," Watari said in a soothing tone.

He felt lost and small and useless and...weak.

"Don't worry Hisoka." Tsuzuki came right up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll help you."

Hisoka stifled a sob that was creeping up his throat. He threw all caution to the wind and took Tsuzuki's hand and hugged him. He buried his face into Tsuzuki's coat. The reality of Tsuzuki's return suddenly took over and soon he was sobbing as loudly as a three year old baby. Tsuzuki is back... the words repeated itself again and again in his head. No matter what, Tsuzuki came back.

"I'm so sorry, Hisoka. Sorry. Sorry..." Tsuzuki murmured those words by his ear over and over again, his hand rubbing Hisoka's back gently in soothing circles.

Somehow, as Hisoka clung to Tsuzuki's arms for comfort, he couldn't help shaking off the icicles that lodged themselves in his throat. He was a fairly composed person by normal standards, but Tsuzuki's actions were confusing him to no ends. He was a little taken aback by Tsuzuki's hastiness to leave the room, and then brought to opposite conclusions when Tsuzuki comforted him. He couldn't pinpoint Tsuzuki's train of thought and it bewildered him.

He supposed he should be grateful that Tsuzuki came back, even though there were a million different questions in his mind that he wanted answers to and didn't dare to ask, even though he was on the verge of breaking down and just scream out his thoughts, even though he was quite mad at everyone especially at Tsuzuki and he didn't know why.

A/N: I'm really sorry guys for taking so long on this. I have my reasons and I would gladly tell you so but I don't want to bother you unless you really want to know :D. In the meantime, I am eternally grateful to the reviewers and the people who have gently reminded me countless times to get the story back on track and I am amazed if you even remembered my story at all :) Feel free to kill me or roast me, I am so so so so sorry.

Feedback is greatly appreciated.