A/N I had to mention Sun Valley. Had to. And well, hey, I can't let the nightmares stop that easily-he's still not sleeping as much as he should, and well, it's possible to get those nice little insomnia induced hallucinations even if you do sleep if you didn't get enough REM sleep (I'm the insomnia hallucination expert...I can't be downstairs on the computer past midnight most nights cause I keep swearing I see the grim reaper coming up on me in the mirror next to the computer) and anyone who has all the music that I use quotes from gets a big huge shoutout next chapter for having amazing taste. Yeah emokids! And yeah, past history is enough to tell you that even though it may be fluffy NOW, in a few chapters it won't be...

So, it's sad this doesn't suit you now.
And me fresh out of rope...
Please ignore the lisp, I never meant to sound like this.
So take me and break me and make me strong like you.
I'll be forever grateful to this and you.

Brand New -The No Seatbelt Song

He had managed four runs down the slope before the memories came back. He had just started on his fifth when he swore he saw her next to him. He was teaching her how to ski, she was so small, she was only six when he and Maggie had taken the vacation out to Sun Valley and he had taught Abby how to ski.

She had caught on fast, she always was quick. And before he knew it she was joining him on the regular slopes, not the bunny hill. The beginner trails, but still, she had just learned and she was a natural. And it became their bonding time, sort of. Both of them would ski, talk on the lift, but it was all small talk, it wasn't real bonding, it was too independent of a sport. But he had still thought of it as bonding time.

He barely knew his own daughter. He felt as if he knew nothing about her. And he just felt like that even more, every time that he thought back on her life, he realized how fuzzy entire parts of it were. He couldn't remember what had happened to her when he had Maggie had split, he had been too busy trying to work himself into oblivion to remember to notice his daughter.

He only paid attention to her when she had done something bad, he had taken her for granted, and she didn't let him forget it, every time he tried to sleep she was there to remind him exactly what he had done, how horrible he had been. How he was worse than an abusive father, at least an abusive father had some emotion towards his child.

He narrowly avoiding skiing into someone else and returned the rented skis, not bothering to wait for Jordan. She caught up with him as he was heading back to the car. "Where are you going?" She asked and he reached for the keys.

"Back to the cabin." He said, snatching them out of her hand.

"At least let me give the skis back." She said and he waited impatiently in the car for her to return. She seemed to take far too long for him and when she returned, he started the car up, driving just barely under the speed limit back, wanting nothing more than to curl up, do something, try and get the image of Abby out of his mind.

He wanted to drink. He wanted to go to the lodge and order whatever vilely alcoholic thing they had and down it. And another one. Three or four of them. Possibly even more depending on how vilely alcoholic the vilely alcoholic drink was. Enough to get him to the point of beyond caring.

But she wouldn't let him. He walked inside and headed into his bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. She waited a good twenty minutes before coming in. "Hey, you OK?" She asked and he shrugged.

"I'm not dying, if that's what you mean." She gave him a sharp look and sat down on the bed next to him.

"You saw her again?" She asked and he nodded.

"I can't get her out of my head, no matter what I do, I keep seeing her, she keeps reminding me of everything that I did wrong." He frowned and rolled over.

"Garret, you did nothing wrong, you were a good father-"

"Jordan, I barely knew her, I never paid her any attention, I just wanted her to grow up and be something respectable. I was a selfish bastard-I wanted to see her be something for my own benefit. So I could say that my daughter grew up to be such-and-such. I forgot about her half the time, I ignored her unless she did something that took her off that path to becoming something-" She shook her head, sprawling out next to him.

"Garret, every parent wants to see their child become something. Max wanted me to be a doctor, hell, he still brags about me being one, he introduces me as Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh, it's normal, it's natural. You did everything you could for her; you loved her, that's what matters."

"No." He said shaking his head. "I didn't love her enough. I wasn't there for her, I didn't love her enough to notice what had happened. I didn't love her enough to stop her before she began-" He could feel the tears welling up. "I didn't love her enough to feel anything at the funeral, I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry when I saw her there in the crypt, everyone else was sobbing, but I couldn't shed a tear. I couldn't feel anything about her when she died Jordan, I didn't love her enough."

She pulled him close. "No Garret, you loved her too much." She said, gently kissing him on the cheek, holding him close as the tears that had been threatening fell.