Hereret
By Katsuya Kaiba
One-Shot Series: Katsuya Jounouchi 1.0
Jounouchi couldn't remember the reason he'd asked Seto to walk with him. But he had, and he had done it without thinking, hoping that somewhere along the way he might be able to find the thing that he wanted so much to say to him, to tell him and have it out and over with. So he wouldn't have to keep it in any longer. It was heavy and it was stifling, and Jounouchi found at times that he couldn't breathe under all the pressure that it brought, to hold something so precious inside for so long.
It wasn't that he felt it to be a burden…there was something else about the feeling that was unidentifiable yet so insistent and relentless that Jounouchi often felt that it was useless, and even silly to hold it inside any longer. He wanted to give it away, but it was so hard. Even in those moments that Seto held his eyes up a bit longer than was necessary, or the seconds that passed like hours when both of them would catch the other watching in the same moment, and it would take them so long to look away. Or perhaps it was all in Jounouchi's head…sometimes he felt that it was so. And then other times, he felt like believing, for just a day. He pretended to believe that on one day he would walk up to Seto and hold it out in his hand. Jounouchi would reach inside himself and find it, whatever it was that bound him so tightly in Seto's presence, and he would pull it out and be free at long last and he would give that feeling to Seto. He would hold it high and extend his arm, and then he would wait to see if Seto would reach out and take it from him.
Jounouchi wanted to think that Seto would take it, on certain days, but on most days he felt that it was better not to pretend.
Jounouchi had awoken earlier that morning feeling as though it were one of those certain days, the ones that were becoming so few and far between recently, and he smiled as he sat up in his bed and gazed out the window, watching the sunlight falling in streams and rivers through his half closed blinds. Today was one of those days when Jounouchi was willing to pretend. He awoke wanting to believe, and believe he did, and even now, hours later, he still believed. He trusted and relished the fantasy as he walked alongside Seto and tried to keep his eyes in front of him, knowing that it was futile and that he would sneak another peek, in just a moment. But instead of worrying and waiting for it pensively, he relaxed and stepped lightly, knowing that he would do it eventually and believing that it was alright. Pretending that Seto would do it in return, and smiling as he thought that maybe Seto, too, would try to hide it, just as Jounouchi did.
Seto had been silent for a very long time, and Jounouchi thought back and realized that Seto had not said a single word to him since they had begun walking, to nowhere in particular. The moment came, and Jounouchi glanced up out of the corner of his eye, and sure enough there was Seto, stepping quietly and studying Jounouchi from the corner of his own blue eye, and Jounouchi looked away quickly, pretending to be idly looking around and beaming brightly inside. In his gaze he suddenly caught the reason, or at least part of the reason, of why Jounouchi had wanted to walk in this particular direction, and he skipped his feet suddenly and dashed ahead of Seto, wanting to be closer.
Along this path someone had planted a long line of white flowers, and over the years that Jounouchi had been passing them by he'd watched them as they grew from tiny little stems that were nearly lost in the dirt into the large and beautifully flowered bushes that they were today. Jounouchi thought they were roses, but he couldn't say for sure because upon inspection he had discovered that the stems of the flowers were smooth and thornless. It didn't matter to him what they were because he rather liked them, and had enjoyed his time spent watching them slowly growing into what they were today. And today, they were beautiful.
Seto said nothing as he watched Jounouchi run off down the path with a close eye, feeling as though he should find out what it was that stole him away so quickly, but then he noticed that Jounouchi was slowing to a halt and Seto realized that it was the white roses that Jounouchi was after. The rosebushes were at least waist high, and they stood in a uniform line that wound and twisted closely alongside the path that the two of them were walking. Seto frowned, thinking that it looked sort of unbalanced to plant a line of roses on only one side of the path. Why not plant them on both sides? Seto took one more step and then decided to wait for Jounouchi, who had run to the very first rosebush in the line and paused, reaching out his index finger to one of the white flowers. What was he doing, and why?
Jounouchi smiled softly as he picked up his feet and ran a few steps to the first rosebush, stopping suddenly in front of it and seeing that the dew from the early morning hadn't quite evaporated fully, and on one of the roses in particular there were a few full droplets that clung lightly to the white petals. They looked as though they wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, and as Jounouchi stared silently he saw one of the droplets begin to move slowly, rolling down the side of a petal and then falling, falling off into the air and dissolving instantly into the dirt below. Jounouchi lifted his hand and reached out to the rose, running his finger lightly over the petals and collecting a few of the drops of dew on his fingertip. They were nearly gone now, but Jounouchi had made it in time. He could hear Seto's footsteps halting just a few feet behind him, but he didn't care if Seto saw him or not, and Jounouchi lifted his finger to his lips and let the dewdrops fall on his tongue. The rosewater always made him feel this way, cold and misty and just a little bit earthy, smelling like flowers and tasting like sugar.
Jounouchi turned then and faced Seto with an odd expression, feeling somewhat lightheaded for letting Seto see him do that. Seto raised his eyebrow and a small smirk threatened Jounouchi from the corner of his mouth, but then Seto began walking again and Jounouchi followed him farther along the path, stepping over the fallen petals and dead roses that littered the road ahead.
Jounouchi looked in front of Seto's feet and saw it, a perfect white flower that someone must have cut from the bush and then left behind, for whatever reason. It lay in the middle of the path, and Jounouchi realized with a start that Seto would step on the flower if he didn't look down, which Jounouchi knew that Seto wasn't interested in doing. Seto walked in a different manner than Jounouchi, and the things that Jounouchi could easily see were lost in Seto's way of walking quickly and purposefully, and he ran ahead of Seto and put himself between the rose and Seto's way. He couldn't say exactly why he was so interested in saving the poor flower, but when he saw it he knew that he had to do something. It wouldn't be fair to just leave the flower there, helpless and unnoticed, and he knew that Seto wouldn't be able to see if Jounouchi did not point it out. Seto might accidentally destroy it underfoot and then Jounouchi would be to blame, for seeing it there and never saying a word to Seto, who obviously could not see it.
Jounouchi ran around Seto and stepped to the side so that Seto had to pause in order to avoid walking directly into him. Seto frowned at Jounouchi and then opened his mouth to ask him what he was doing but Jounouchi turned away from Seto and bent over to the ground. Seto closed his mouth and watched, confused but somewhat curious as to what Jounouchi meant by this. Jounouchi stood and turned back to Seto, and when he did Seto saw that Jounouchi held something, a white flower, and Seto blinked and wondered where Jounouchi had gotten it. Had it been in his path the entire time? Seto hadn't even bothered to look down and see what he was treading upon.
Jounouchi looked up at Seto and waited for him to say something, hoping that Seto wasn't angry that he had stopped him. Seto only appeared to be confused, and then Jounouchi had an idea. It wasn't the best idea he'd ever had, but it wasn't the worst one, either, and he knew that it might make a difference. Even just a small difference would be nice, because it was getting so difficult to pretend on his own, and believing in hopeful things was very hard to do, especially when you know that you are most likely mistaken. But mistaken or not, if Jounouchi never said a word, Seto would never see it, and the promise of what might come from that struck a fear into Jounouchi's heart. Jounouchi feared that he wouldn't ever say it aloud, and he was right for thinking that because he knew deep down that he would never tell Seto how he felt. But that didn't mean a thing, Jounouchi realized, and his idea was one that stripped the words from his soul and gave him the ability to tell Seto in silence.
Jounouchi held the white flower high and extended his arm, and waited to see if Seto would take it. It was one of those certain days, and Jounouchi felt like believing.
AN: Too...sweet! The last one was so sad...I had to tell this part next. I like this, telling a story out of order. It makes it more interesting somehow, especially for me, the writer. It's more creative and fun, and it lightens up the monotonous 'then this happened, and then this happened' thing that drives me up the wall sometimes. You like? Let me know why...