Chapter 9
Make Me Tell You I'm in Love with You
By EdenEight

"Yes…. No, no I haven't seen him." I can hear Ken's voice as I stumble in the back door panting from my nightly excursion. I look like a convict having just run from the hotel to the shop as fast as I can. I was like a wild man tearing down the streets in a nice outfit from dinner, and now I look like a wild man in disheveled clothing stumbling into a florist shop. "Oh wait. He just walked in the door." Ken says turning to me on the kitchen phone and I squint at him.

"Give me that phone!" I yell with more energy and convincing malice than I thought I could muster.

Ken looks worried, and perhaps even a bit afraid of me before taking a few steps back nodding at the phone which directed him to do so. Promising not to tell me anything.

Not to tell me anything?

"Oh you think?" I yell storming forward and yanking the cordless from him in time to hear the other line go dead. "Ken!"

"You look terrible." He says frowning, his arms crossed over his chest like I knew they would be! I knew the arms would cross!

"Where. Is he." I demand.

"Oh come on, I know you just heard me promise I wouldn't-"

"WHERE." I interrupt snatching him by the front of his shirt. "Is. He." I growl and he's staring at me like a baby deer, or innocent bunny, or chipmunk with wide goo-goo eyes. He starts talking then, about more crap I don't want to hear and don't want to know before I realize I know where Omi is. I don't need to ask, because I think, if I were Omi where would I-No-If I were a homosexual, seventeen-year-old, drama king, where would I run…it only makes sense for Omi. To run right to his ex, right to Rei so the guy thinks I am worse than he ever imagined! That he handed Omi over to the sexual Satan whom would force the boy to have sex with girls! Oh God! I can just see the two of them crying, and gagging at the same time before-Huh!-before having vengeance sex to get back at me! OH! That would be so like Omi to want to get back at me and have sex with Rei because I was going to have sex with Susan! "OH! That little DEVIL!" I yell in the middle of Ken's speech scaring the shit out of him before dropping his shirt and tearing for the door.

"Where are you going!" He yells back. "I am not telling you where he is you know!"

"That little brat!" I scream. "Why does he have to be such a drama queen!"

Being an assassin I must admit has its perks. They are few and far apart and seldom useful but they are perks nonetheless; ever so helpful for long life, skill play, and especially helpful when you're trying to get back at your boyfriend.

Like for instance, how I rung the doorbell before sneaking to Rei's backdoor once I made sure his parents weren't home, because Omi would never go get the door. No, he'd send Rei with some message for me. A, I am never speaking to you again, or Go home and figure out why I am mad sort of thing. So I just let myself in, and sought him out and he was right where I thought he would be.

Rei's room.

And!

Rei's bed! A dark cloud fell over my face, and the second he saw me he leapt to his feet no doubt in shock Rei let me in.

"Y-Yohji." He stuttered surprised before the frown and smart ass hateful little glare he was just saving for me triumphantly made its entrance. "Go away! I am so mad at you right now I can't even think!" He yelled, alerting Rei I am (A.) In the house, and (B.) Here to harass his ex-lover to the point of suicide, as only one can assume.

"Are you just going to live at Rei's then?" I asked keeping my voice calm.

"Oh You'd like that wouldn't you!" He snaps running his hands through his hair before wiping past tears from his face. "I can't believe-Wouldn't you!" He yells taking a step for me, but I am quiet. I am not going to let him draw me into a screaming battle.

"Are you then?"

"Don't you Dare Think you can stand there and patronize me with this cool act Yoj-JI!" He clips bringing his finger up to point at me with his glaring beady eyes. "You can just take your cocky questions and shove them up your ass! NOW GO! I don't even want to look at your face! I am done!"

"Why!" I snap loudly before gritting my teeth. I am trying, trying hard not to get mad at him. "You are so immature! You just stormed out like that! Jesus! If you were nervous about getting naked in front of her why didn't you just say so!" I yell and he looks outraged. His entire face is beat red with humiliation and anger.

"For Your Information! That wasn't the problem! But then you were so interested in fucking her you wouldn't even remember what color the walls were in that room!"

"WHITE!"

"All hotel rooms are white!" He counters. "Why don't you tell me what color underwear I was wearing." He asks suddenly calm and I am quiet for a second.

"You changed in the bathroom."

"You saw them. When you came in to ask me if I was going to take a shower. What color were they." He asks. His voice getting low and dangerous, like he's holding a knife behind his back and he'll strike at any second. Damnt this isn't fair! He's killing me with my own failure to notice detail!

"What difference does it make what color underwear you were wearing!" I snap frustrated and he instantly starts crying.

"You-You were so-you were so into having your stupid sex that you weren't-that you didn't even notice-that You mine as well have Forgot I was THERE!" He cries before throwing his hands down with his yell. "Did you just bring me along so it wouldn't be considered CHEATING!"

"NO!" I yell insulted. Outraged. Hurt. Hurt he would say that. "I can't believe you. Why the hell would I do something like that!" I snap and he shrugs before motioning at me with his hand like that's going to explain it. "What the hell is that supposed to mean." I grit annoyed.

"You know what it means!" He yells standing there crying in my too big for him underwear. "You were loving every second of it! You were loving every piece of her! I saw how you had you hands all over her-her breasts! You loved it!" He sobs.

"SO! Didn't you notice how hot she was!" I counter, but he shakes his head fast and hard, running his hands through it again and again. "Tell me you didn't think she was hot." I demand ready to get him the way he got me.

"Yohji she's a GIRL!" He cries smacking my hand away when I reach for him. "Ew! She's A GIRl!" He cries, and I am still mad, for the record I am still very mad, but watching him stand there sobbing is just so heartbreaking. And why won't he just let me touch him! "She kept touching me! I didn't know she was going to be so involved."

"I told you we were Sharing!"

"I know! But-"

"-So what part of sharing didn't you understand!" I yell before silencing as I get hit with a pillow and Omi's standing there heaving when I open my eyes. "I am not implying that you're stupid."

"You need to leave." He snaps. "Just get out so I can think about all of this."

"No, I want to think about it with you." I say gently, taking a step forward.

"You Can't!" He yells shoving me back the second I get too close. "You NEEd TO Get the HeLL OUT OF HERE!"

"Why Can't I Stay and Think it all Out with YOU!"

"Because!" He screams, jerking as I grab him so he can't move. "BECAUSE! You don't understand! I Saw that look in your eye! You were going to-going to-you were going to have seeexxx wiiitth heeeeer." He sobs. "You were! YOU WERE!" He yells accusingly.

"YEAH! In front of you!" I yell but he shakes his head.

"Whhhhy did you waaaant to? Why does it have to beeee thiiis waaaay?" He cries collapsing into my chest and I am starting to think all this crying is for another reason. "Is it my fault? Is it something I've done? It's because I won't let you touch me when we're out, isn't it." He suddenly demands pushing me off. "Oh that is so low Yohji!"

"Are you hearing yourself! For goodness sakes it's no ones fault, but yes! Would it kill you to come to your senses about your own damn sexuality! Hell, it'll take a near death experience before you come out all the way!"

"Oh god, Oh god!" he cries sobbing into my chest and making it wet with tears. "Don't' you dare tell me how to come out!" He cries. "You get to stand there all bi and easily camouflaged! I can't-I can't believe I-she kept touching me and-Yohji she put her mouth on meeeee." He confesses quietly through his tears.

"Most guys in your position would be dancing with joy." I grunt.

"I am NOT MOST GUYS!" He screams ripping off me and I feel like shit for saying that now. "I AM GAY!" He screams before coving his mouth with his hand and falling silent for a moment like every piece of furniture just turned and looked at him. "You-you said you were ok with that." He whispers.

"Omi for Christ sake you know I am! I've been fucking you day in and day out all week!"

"You." He shakes his head frowning with my word choice, but he's not going to bother to correct it now. "You said you were ok. That you'd-that I could be yours. You said we were together! YOU SAID!"

"I Know! We ARE together!"

"Just us! It's supposed to be just us! But you're not really happy like that!" He cries, covering his face with his hands before bolting from me when I get close to him. "I can't believe, I was so stupid! That I was thinking I could get what I actually wanted, and You! That's like lying! You were lying to my face and you want to sleep with other women!"

"It's ok, calm down." I hush moving to him and patting the air because his entire body is trembling with his cries. "Easy ok. I wasn't lying." He shakes his head yes I was. "I never lied to you."

"I saw the way you looked at her." He hiccups softly as I gently run my hands onto his shoulders. "I saw it, saw the way you touched her. Like you wanted those pieces on me. Like you wanted her to be me." He snivels and I closed my eyes because I did, I was thinking that. I was wishing I could take her butt and give it to him because it was bigger, and rounder, and had more meat. I was wishing I could give him her breasts if that were humanly possibly, socially acceptable, and not all displeasing to him. I was thinking these things, and he knew it. "And then you ignored me when I needed you."

"What?" I mumble snapping from my mental musings.

"You just shook me off, didn't even answer me."

"What? When?"

"When I called to you." He mumbles simply looking up at me with wet hurt eyes before realizing, I had no idea what he was talking about and he was furious. "You! You! ASSHOLE!" he screamed before slugging me in the stomach and I doubled forward coughing. "You DICK! YOU SELFISH DICK!" He screamed smacking me like a girl would, repeatedly with his hands before punching me like a girl would NOT the second I stand back up.

"Just tell me when It was!" I choke.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I WAS TALKING TO YOU! OH! OH! That's SO typical! Why didn't I think of that before! OF course! Now it's all coming together!" He screams glaring at me as he paces about the room and I stand rubbing my jaw. "You didn't answer, because you didn't know. Typical Yohji. Typical. So consumed with having-having sex with that-that girl! That you didn't even listen to meeee." The tears came back cataract style.

"Mr. Kudou." Rei sounds from behind me in the doorway. Frowning-With his arms crossed over his chest like Ken! "I think you should go." He says as Omi sinks to the edge of the bed crying into his lap.

"I told you I didn't like it. I said I don't like it, I couldn't be any clearer than that." Omi continues talking to me through his cries. Even with Rei standing there glaring like a little Nazi. "I wanted to do it for you so bad. Because I know how bad you wanted to threesome with that girl, and I don't hold it against you. It's o-ok if you're bi I love you anyway! But! But! I couldn't do it OK! I am not going to pussy foot around and make excuses for myself!" Omi yelled snapping his head up to glare at me. "I knew you were going to have sex with her and I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to stop you! Shower and scrub you raw later May-BEEE! But I was going to let you do it! And then she said I should feel it too and to watch you, and she did-she-she…" Omi starts trembling as he speaks like he's just been raped by the pope. "She took my towel, and didn't even ask, she just did! Just like you were doing and I knew I had to get the hell out of there before I couldn't recognize you anymore!" Omi sobs. "I didn't like her touching me and I didn't like her feeling me the way you feel me, and now I have nasty vagina-ness on me!" Omi cries frowning at me as I started over. "I told you to go!" he slaps my hand away slamming his heel down on my toe. "Fuck off Yohji! You got yourself into this mess! Stop thinking you can butter me up now! After you-after you fucked up so bad! Why don't you go play with Susan!" he yells batting my hands away as I try to touch him whining over my toes. "NOOOO!" he screams when I try to kiss him. "Get your Vagina mouth away from me!"

"All right!" I snap shoving him back and letting him go as I stand up. I can feel myself running wildly to the breaking point. I don't want this all to be my fault. Somehow it shouldn't be my fault! Omi should have said something if he was uncomfortable. He should have just enjoyed her. I never should have let him say he was ok with this. I should have told her I was just with him. I hurt him so bad. That's all I see in his face, and so I can't stand it. Don't want to see that this is my fault, that I caused all that pain. Yet, even when I am staring him in the face I can't seem to mutter those simple words. I am sorry. I am sorry and sound sincere like I feel inside, like I feel like shit that I made him cry, that I made him get naked and cozy up to a girl when he felt so strongly about it. I feel like shit. Why can't I just apologize, drop to my knees and tell him how much I love him and that I am sorry. Instead I shove him. Rip my hands from his shoulders and push him away.

"Do you know what bi people are Yohji!" He snaps pushing himself up from the bed glaring at me with a pained expression. "They're just sexually frustrated individuals whom can't decide what piece they like better! They just fuck any brainless body with a pulse that's got cavities that will work!" Omi yells throwing hateful words at me to make up for my lack of apology, and the shoving.

"Well." I snort. "I guess we're the perfect couple than, aren't we."

I guess we're the perfect couple than, aren't we.

My words just kept repeating in my head. The way I said them, the way I sneered them at him with that glare I had because I had enough of him not letting me touch him. When I was sorry and didn't know how to tell him and he was making me feel so bad, and so weak I just lost it. I just said stuff I didn't mean because I didn't want to feel like I was feeling and I'd do anything to make it not my fault. So that's what I said.

I guess we're the perfect couple than, aren't we.

And he gasp and stared at me with wide hurt eyes too shocked to even speak when I showed him my back and stormed out.

Why did I have to be so dumb. Was I born this way? Did I lose some of my smarts or maybe finally kill too many off with the bottle? I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for a miserable, complicated life of slaughtering others, and fighting and fucking my lover on and off. I didn't. I just wanted things to be simple. I said hey, give me a fast car, something to eat, a place to sleep, someone to love and maybe like a small dog or overly affectionate cat and I am set. I didn't say I needed a place to settle down. I didn't say I needed long life. Health. Lots of money. The perfect job. These were all things I didn't ask for. These are all things I should have asked for. They should have been listed.

1. Luxurious Abode
2. Impeccable health.
3. Loads of money, more than one can ever spend.
4. Career for all to envy and admire

Number five should have been.

5. Excellent cognitive development and people skills, so one will never forget to lock the back door, misplace his keys, or make boyfriend hate him.

I should have asked to be smarter damnt.
I should have thought of that.
Like what the hell was I thinking!

OR!

Maybe number one should have been my brains, than I could have had a better job, bought a bigger house, had loads of money AND my perfect career. Hell! Then I could buy my perfect health one plastic surgery piece at a time!

But no. I didn't think of that in the beginning. No. it didn't even occur to me I would wind up a not so bright assassin whom would tell his boyfriend he was just a walking body cavity for to enjoy. No. That didn't seem too plausible back then. But yes, oh yes it can happen. I am living proof. One day your declaring your love and admiration over a box of chocolate cherries and bag of pork rings, and the next….he's taken off with your best and favorite pair of underwear soon never to return because you put your foot so far in your mouth it came out your butt.

"Stop sitting there looking sorry for yourself." Aya snaps wondering back into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. He's like the rooster of the hen house. Constantly making rounds, thinking of things to do, now making tea because he hasn't seen this part of the house for the last half an hour. "It's just pathetic to have you sitting there like some eyesore." He mumbles dipping the tea bag up and down in his mug before placing it in the microwave.

"You're not involved, so just butt out." I say calmly, still staring off into space, though I am no longer spacing out. Time has become weird since I left Omi at Rei's. Every second is an eternity, or I blink and suddenly I've lost hours.

"Ken says you need to pull yourself together, and I am starting to agree with him." Aya says rather coldly.

"Oh." I sigh. "Did mom say that?" I sing song before smiling as Aya turns to the beeping microwave annoyed. "That sounds like him."

"Pathetic." Aya snorts leaving the room with his hot cup and I sit there frowning. Omi should be home in ten minutes. I've sat here all day waiting for him, and I'll be here when he walks in so I can look him in the eye and find someway to apologize without actually saying the word. It should take some finesse, but I am confident I can pull it off.

Forty minutes later:

Ok, so Omi thinks he's so smart. Thinks he's proving his point by leaving me waiting by: Not calling, or emailing, or faxing or even sneaking some sort of note to 'mom' behind my back. He thinks he's so smart, so cute playing all these childish little games and leaving me here to suffer waiting for him. That brat. I am suffering enough. It's sick he thinks I need to suffer more. That he can actually make me suffer more! It's sick!

"Oh for Christ sakes Yohji!" Ken snaps coming down the stairs like a kid on Christmas before his eyes land on me, and his face faults as he stops. "Are you just going to sit there all day like some mourner? Damn. And you call him the drama queen." Ken snorts moving to the fridge to silence his rumbling tummy. He can be such an oinker.

"For your information." I say calmly through my grit teeth. "I am sitting here waiting for him to get home from school, and though he might think being late is going to annoy me. I can assure you. It doesn't." I growl. "In fact, I was rather tired today, and this nice quiet sit is doing me good."

"He's not late he's-" Ken begins before silencing, almost cupping his mouth the way Omi had when he screamed at me last night, and then just blinking. There's that woodland snow white animal again, staring at me and I am almost tempted to ask him if he'd like an acorn. That is of course; if I wasn't dwelling on the fact that he knows AGAIN where Omi is. UH! That's really starting to piss me off! What does he have some type of sick stalker bodyguard out for Omi's well being! Damnt! Where was that loser when I was having sex with Susan! I could have used pointers then!

"I know where he is." I snap feeling defensive Ken knows where Omi is and I don't. "I just wanted to see if you did." I continue before mentally slapping myself.

"Oh." Ken says looking stumped. "Well Ok." He nods and I think he's slowly drawing to the conclusion I have no idea where Omi is OR what I am talking about before I realize I do know where the brat is.

"OH god! I am such an asshole!" I yell leaping to my feet. His appointment! Damnt his appointment with the doc! It's today! It's now! He's at it by himself! After our fight! Damnt! "Oh god! Could I get worse! Could I!" I groan dragging my hands through my hair and pulling at my scalp. "It's not bad enough I want to have sex with everyone NO! I have to force it in his face and then ahhH Abandon him when he needs me LIKE A Selfish dickhead!" I yell at myself using his own words before opening my jammed eyes to Ken whom is standing there wide eyed and a bit alarmed. Like he's prepared himself to throw his pork chop at me if it means slowing my charge while he runs for the phone and dials 911. "You!" I snap pointing a finger at him. "Oh, you're not getting a Christmas gift this year I can bet you that!" I yell roughly pushing my chair in. "I can't believe you let me Sit here. On my Ass. While Omi is at the docs!" I yell pointing to the chair accusingly and Ken sinks to a frown.

"Well I was going to say something, but you said you knew so…." He trails slowly raising his fork and a juicy piece of meat and nibbling while watching me. Jesus Christ he's even starting to eat like a little squirrel.

"WELL!" I yell at a loss for words. "Well your still not getting one!" I yell running for the door and he drops his fork to the plate.

"Well that's not fair!" He calls after me as I grab my keys and tear out. "If you don't get me one, I am not getting you one! You black hearted bastard Yohji!"

All of the hallways in Omi's wing look the same. So I would have gotten to him sooner if I didn't get lost, and I am going to tell him this. In fact I am going to tell him that I got here ten minutes before him because I didn't want him to go alone, but because this hideous building suffocates itself with blank white walls and same color doors in every hallway I was halfway down the wing to china before I found someone to ASK directions from.

I stop in front of his door and take a deep breath before taking a steady hold on the handle and swiftly walking in. He's lying there on the examining table in one of those gowns staring at the ceiling as I softly close the door.

"Before you start can-" Omi begins turning to look at me before stopping dead and his entire face slow-mos like a cracking damn in shock I am standing there before it gives way and emotions flood him. Instantly he makes a move to get up because he's so mad at me his anger is there in his grit teeth-then he remembers the flimsy gown decides he's not getting up, his face turns red and he turns away to hide. Then I watch him just feel bad, like shit the way I do, that I am not there, and he can't have me there and be mad at me at the same time and his shoulders curl into him as he props himself up on his far elbow to give me as much of his back as possible while he fights tears, before the anger resurfaces.

"HEY!" I yell when his hand snaps out to the small table wheeled next to his and throws stuff at me.

"Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" He yells throwing plastics at me as I dodge. "How dare you!"

"OMI! Just let me say something!" I yell before getting beamed with a small plastic bowl right in the face and the onslaught of medical trays stop flinging at me stops for a moment where he wonders if I am ok before remembering he's not supposed to care and I am hit in the shin and stomach with two more before he's out of ammo.

"Christ, calm down will you." I beg slipping my jacket off and handing it to him, and he swipes it from me before slapping my hand away once he has it.

"I already told you. You couldn't come. Why are you doing this to me." He hisses pulling my jacket around him and in front of him the way women hold their towels.

"I was thinking about everything I said last night and my words are haunting me." I groan before losing what else I was going to say with my honesty. I didn't plan to just blurt that out but he says nothing and is simply waiting patiently for me to continue. "It was…so out of line and…if you believe what I said than-than I know-than I wish you wouldn't because. Because it's not true." I whisper standing there like I am naked on the beach again. I feel like he can just see right through my clothes now and I am waiting for his judgment as he stares at me.

"You called me…a walking cavity." He says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper without any distinguishing tone.

"It's not true, and you should know it." I say stepping up to him but he turns his head from me when I move to touch his face.

"We have more sex than anything else in our relationship." He says and I can tell my words have been eating at him the same way they've been eating at me. He's been thinking about them, analyzing if they're accurate and how much truth might be behind them.

"Because I love your body." I whisper trailing my hand up his leg and letting it rest ever so lightly on his knee. I don't want it slapped away. "I was mad, and I was…hurt." I confess, and I feel like I am just stripping in front of him. "I said things I didn't mean."

"I didn't mean what I said about bi people either." He whispers but his face remains turned away. "I am sorry." He says quietly and I close my eyes and swear at myself because for some reason I can't say those words to him.

I'll change the subject.

"What I did with Susan was wrong."

"I consented to it." He counters turning to look at me and his eyes are swollen and bloodshot about the corners where the eye drops he could have O-deed on didn't get to. I've exhausted him and that's what he looks like. His face is dull, missing color and spirit. He didn't really fix his hair, taking a glance at his pile of clothes he'd not even wearing anything that interesting and I reach up and finger his necklaces. The shells smooth and hard against my fingers, before the rainbow beads warm from his body, and enticing.

"It was a selfish decision." I state. "I never should have let you consent and I never should have put you in that position. I honestly didn't know you felt so strongly about women and…" I trail as he gently moves his hand over my own. "And…" This is where I am supposed to apologize. "And I…I never should have done it." I say trying hard to get as close to the I am sorry's without using a synonym or actually saying it.

"Ok." He says quietly giving my hand a gentle squeeze while staring at it and I am silent. Does this mean I am forgiven? I am confused, what's he talking about? What is this ok, I am unfamiliar with it. No one says ok, they say yes, or no, or something graceful and vague. Ok, doesn't solve anything. "Give me some time to think about what you've said." He says pulling his hand off mine and I can literally feel our soft moment disappearing. "Than I'll…get back to you." He says turning to look at me and he still looks just as tired as he did when I entered.

"Ok." I nod, there doesn't really seem to be anything else I can say. I have to agree with him, have to let him think it over; I can't just demand to have an answer although I want to badly. I begin to leave, backing up and taking my jacket before quickly leaning into his cheek and when he doesn't reject me I gently kiss him. He doesn't pull away, but he doesn't lean into it either.

"Can I stay with you?" I ask whispering into his ear.

"No."

"Please?"

"No." He shakes his head. He doesn't want me there for such an awkward procedure.

"Ok." I nod pulling back and he makes eye contact but he doesn't smile. "I'll be right outside." He nods and I leave: to spend ten minutes in a chair outside his room until his doctor arrives greets me, and asks to deliver a paper to the front desk.

I did.

And when I got back he was gone.

Missing.

Thanks so much readers! And thank you Mistress of Muses for assuring me my story wasn't crap. It really meant a lot considering I am getting like no reviews while writing this. For you I post thischapter now instead of waiting a few more days -hands over basket of sugar cookies-. I hope you like it becuase there is only two more to go. This is the cliffhanger,next chapter has thesuspence, and then thefinale last chapter which is perhaps the longest chapter of this peice filled with every genre a story can have. Here's hoping you like it and to all you readers out there not reviewing. No cookies for yoU!