Chapter 15 - A Little Insecure, A Little Unconfident
AN: Hey all, again I'm just in a writing mood so since I got another chapter of Deep enough ready I decided to update everything. I can hear people racing outside my bedroom window and my rex is still outta commission. That's like three weeks longer then it was supposed to take and I'm goin out of my mind. Summer'll be over and I won't get any more race time cause we get snow here and it's just not wise to speed in bad weather. But since I can't be out racing and doin' stupid stuff behind the wheel like want to I write about other people doin' it instead. To the person who told me to use a grammar checker.Um, I have a 600 dollar word processing suite on my laptop. If MS Office XP Pro doesn't catch it then it can't be caught by a computer and I'm a mechanic not an English major. I do my best but I miss stuff and so does the computer. As I say on my profile, if the computer can't spell it then I can't likely either and it's stayin' spelled wrong. Sorry but that's just how the cookie crumbles. Glad you liked the story anyway despite the misuse of then than.I think that's small to point out, I guess but that's just me.I might say something in a review if every second word was obviously misspelled but to say "For (and I assume you mean gods sake? I don't know what sods sake would be) god's sake use a grammar checker" seems a bit harsh over one word being used wrong a few times. I think the rest of what you said is complimentary but I'm not really sure because it came out kind of funky with rnrn in the middle and stuff. But thanks anyway for the review.I think. That came off really bitchy and I'm sorry but I hate to be corrected over something trivial when you knew what I meant. But sorry for being bitchy anway :) Anyway, on with the story.
"Where were you man?" Kat asked Sean. She was a bit cheesed off that he left her to her own devices in a strange place. Not like she could meet people like he could. To most of the women here she was competition for the guys and to most of the guys she was just a race whore. Plus she had to come within 5 feet of Dom because of it. But then again, she knew that because he was often taking care of her, Sean missed out on his chance to meet girls that might want to date him. Since she didn't it wasn't fair to monopolize his time like she did.
That thought scared the holy hell out of her. She always had the guys to fall back on. What happened when they all grew up and out grew taking care of her? It wasn't like she could ask them to stay with her forever. It had been the 4 of them against the world for so long that the thought of an end to that time almost made her cry right there. Just Kitten and her boys. United against all the shit life threw at them. But they were brothers not boyfriends. Sooner or later they were gonna meet girls they loved and want to move on with their own lives. She didn't see herself ever falling for a guy so at that time it felt like someday she would be all alone. She sniffed. She'd be left all alone while everyone else got on with their adult lives. She had no future but racing.
"I met a cool group of people and I lost track of time talkin' to 'em. I figured you'd be entertained with the guys." Sean didn't sense her melancholy mood for the first time ever, normally he was totally in tune with her and knew when she was depressed. Kat really didn't think she was up to driving right now so she tossed the keys to the Skyline to Sean. He caught them then did a double take at her. He could count on one hand the number of times she had allowed him to drive the Skyline while she was in it with him. She trusted him implicitly with the car he knew, but she hated to let anyone else drive while she was in the car. It was one of the little idiosyncrasies that made her Kat. And she hated to hand the control away. Kat always had to be in control. Little miss independent hadn't had any control in her life till she came to them and now she never gave the control up. Well, almost never.
Almost like he sensed that something wasn't ok Leon stopped his yellow car right in front of her car and rolled down his blacked out window. She seemed small, like she was drawn in on herself. "You ok Kat?" He asked softly. She gave him a watery smile.
"I'll be ok. Just a little low after the adrenaline wears off. You're an adrenaline junkie, doesn't that happen to you?"
"Not quite as big of a mood swing as happens to you. Man, your highs are high and the lows are low huh?"
"Something like that." She gave him a slightly more enthusiastic smile.
He snaked an arm out of the window and pulled her closer to the car. "Just means you feel girl, that's a good thing right? You're passionate about everything you do. Remember this conversation?" She looked down at him, seated in his car.
"I guess so. I also remember being told that I was cocky and didn't know when to let enough alone." Her smile was almost normal. She crouched down by the car.
"All that too, but it makes you interesting." Leon smiled down at her and moved the hair out of her eyes again. "Go on home Kat. I'll see you around."
"Ok. Thanks for this Leon, you really cheered me up. I wish I could go to your party."
"I'd like that too, but we have parties every week. When Dom calms down, you can come."
"Deal." She stood up. "Well, see ya."
"Yeah, see ya." Leon gave her one last glance and the peeled away with a squeal. He didn't want to leave her there. He watched her watch him leave with her arms wrapped around herself in a sad little hug. He wanted to gather her in his arms and make her know that everything was gonna be fine. That she was pretty and fine and not some sort of undesirable tom boy. That she could be a hot woman and a racer chick at the same time. That there was a guy in the world for her. It wasn't him mind you, but there was a guy somewhere. The desire to do so scared the hell out of him. He went home to his party.
"Well, well, well. Who was that Kitten?" Sean asked her as she walked back to the car. He had known there was someone in her life that had her in a tail spin. She'd never even tried to date anyone but him and look were that went.
"That was Leon, Brian's friend. He helped me with the car that first race night." She blushed and got in the passenger seat.
"And when did he start being close enough to you to grab you like that?"
"The day of my first race with the car I realized no one had ever checked over the NOS and stuff and that it wasn't my forte to set up so I told Brian I was worried about it and I didn't think you'd have time to check it out for me before races. I really didn't think you'd have time. So Brian said we'd take it down to his friends Jesse and Leon. Jesse is a phenom when it comes to engines. He's that amazing. He's the best mechanic ever. I'm sorry but that's the truth. And Leon drives a Skyline as you saw, so Brian said he could help Jesse make sure everything was perfect." Sean nodded.
"So anyway, while I was there Leon teased me about how did I know I was ready to race since it had been months since I did it. And I had been nervous as hell but I'd been hiding it to that point. But then I broke down and told them I was scared I couldn't do it. And Leon took me to a little track and raced me to help me with my confidence. And I won a month of car washes off him come to think of it. Then of course they wanted to know how I did so Brian took me down there to show them the car and then Leon invited me to the races tonight. I hardly know him but we just kinda clicked." She finished.
"So you're fallen' for him?" Sean asked with a smile. It was about time she fell for a guy.
"No, I'm not falling for him. I just think he's nice. I hope we're gonna be good friends. I don't want to fall for anyone." She said.
"But you want him." It wasn't a question. Sean could tell. He was momentarily hurt she hadn't wanted him. But he knew it wasn't anything against him personally it was just that their relationship had been friendship first and it was too weird to make it more. But still, his Kitten wanted this guy. "You can't help who you fall for Kitten. Whether you want to fall for him or not might not be relevant." Something clicked in his mind. "Jesus Christ, that was the fucken' pizza boy!" She didn't deny it. "Fuck Kat, what are you thinken'? What happens when he finds out? What if he recognizes us? You think he'll forgive you for your role in that night?"
"He's never gonna find out Sean so it doesn't matter. He saw the picture of us and he didn't know us. He'll never know cause he has no idea where I live and we'll move before he ever does."
"God Kitten. I can't believe you picked the pizza boy to fall for."
"I never fell for anyone." She practically screamed. "Besides, I thought you couldn't help who you fell for. Just let it go Sean. He'll never know."
"Fine. But you want him Kitten, whether you fell for him or not, and I just want you to be careful. I don't wanna see you hurt."
"I won't. I'll be fine." Kat wished she was as sure as she sounded. They parked the car at Mama's and walked down the street to the payphone and caught a cab home. Kat and Sean each had showers and then they settled down on the couch to watch some TV before bed. It was late. Around three they decided to go to bed. Stacy and Kale never came home but Kat had figured they wouldn't. It was good for them to get to have some fun. She figured that Sean and she could have gone to someone's party but she was kinda glad they hadn't.
She settled down on her 'bed' and tried to go to sleep but thoughts of the guys leaving her all alone and Leon finding out that it was her that held him up were keeping her awake. She tossed over for the tenth time.
"Kitten, what's wrong?" Sean sighed. She was obviously upset, and he hoped it wasn't over him scaring her about the white boy she liked.
"Nothin'." She mumbled out.
"It's not nothing'. You're tossing and turning over there and it's obvious you can't sleep." Sean hated it when Kitten was upset.
"I'm just down right now. Sean?" She asked in a small voice.
"What kid?"
"Can I sleep over there with you? I just feel, I don't now, not right. I'm scared."
"Come 'ere Kitten." She got up and crawled in bed with him. She use to do that all the time when she was little and she'd had nightmares about her mom dieing and her brother trying to sell her. She'd crawl in bed with him and he'd keep her safe. "What made you scared about the future?"
"It finally occurred to me that someday you guys are gonna move on and I'll be all alone." She started to sob.
"Oh baby girl. That'll never happen. You're my girl. I'll never leave you. We might move on to other things, but you'll always be my Kitten. You know that." Sean pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "What made you think we'd ever leave you?"
"It's not fair for me to ask you guys to stay here and take care of me. You can't lead normal lives because of me. I'm keeping you all from moving on." She stuttered out between hiccups and sobs.
"You didn't ask us to do anything. We found you remember? And you didn't even want to stay with us at first. We knew what we were doing Kitten. And someday you'll find a man and leave us. Not the other way around." He rubbed her back just like he use to do when she was 15 and having one of her nightmares. "Now go to sleep. We're family, and family never just moves on. We'll always be together in some way Kitten, and you'll never be left on your own. Shush, go to sleep."
"I love you Sean." She sighed as she finally drifted off to sleep, feeling safe as she did when he would hold her through her night terrors when she was a kid. Sean was her rock. His reassurances went a long way toward relieving her fears. If he said he'd never leave her then he never would. And they'd all be able to lead more normal lives when they got a house that had a bedroom for everyone.
"I love you too kid." Sean told her and went to sleep himself.
AN: Hey all, again I'm just in a writing mood so since I got another chapter of Deep enough ready I decided to update everything. I can hear people racing outside my bedroom window and my rex is still outta commission. That's like three weeks longer then it was supposed to take and I'm goin out of my mind. Summer'll be over and I won't get any more race time cause we get snow here and it's just not wise to speed in bad weather. But since I can't be out racing and doin' stupid stuff behind the wheel like want to I write about other people doin' it instead. To the person who told me to use a grammar checker.Um, I have a 600 dollar word processing suite on my laptop. If MS Office XP Pro doesn't catch it then it can't be caught by a computer and I'm a mechanic not an English major. I do my best but I miss stuff and so does the computer. As I say on my profile, if the computer can't spell it then I can't likely either and it's stayin' spelled wrong. Sorry but that's just how the cookie crumbles. Glad you liked the story anyway despite the misuse of then than.I think that's small to point out, I guess but that's just me.I might say something in a review if every second word was obviously misspelled but to say "For (and I assume you mean gods sake? I don't know what sods sake would be) god's sake use a grammar checker" seems a bit harsh over one word being used wrong a few times. I think the rest of what you said is complimentary but I'm not really sure because it came out kind of funky with rnrn in the middle and stuff. But thanks anyway for the review.I think. That came off really bitchy and I'm sorry but I hate to be corrected over something trivial when you knew what I meant. But sorry for being bitchy anway :) Anyway, on with the story.
"Where were you man?" Kat asked Sean. She was a bit cheesed off that he left her to her own devices in a strange place. Not like she could meet people like he could. To most of the women here she was competition for the guys and to most of the guys she was just a race whore. Plus she had to come within 5 feet of Dom because of it. But then again, she knew that because he was often taking care of her, Sean missed out on his chance to meet girls that might want to date him. Since she didn't it wasn't fair to monopolize his time like she did.
That thought scared the holy hell out of her. She always had the guys to fall back on. What happened when they all grew up and out grew taking care of her? It wasn't like she could ask them to stay with her forever. It had been the 4 of them against the world for so long that the thought of an end to that time almost made her cry right there. Just Kitten and her boys. United against all the shit life threw at them. But they were brothers not boyfriends. Sooner or later they were gonna meet girls they loved and want to move on with their own lives. She didn't see herself ever falling for a guy so at that time it felt like someday she would be all alone. She sniffed. She'd be left all alone while everyone else got on with their adult lives. She had no future but racing.
"I met a cool group of people and I lost track of time talkin' to 'em. I figured you'd be entertained with the guys." Sean didn't sense her melancholy mood for the first time ever, normally he was totally in tune with her and knew when she was depressed. Kat really didn't think she was up to driving right now so she tossed the keys to the Skyline to Sean. He caught them then did a double take at her. He could count on one hand the number of times she had allowed him to drive the Skyline while she was in it with him. She trusted him implicitly with the car he knew, but she hated to let anyone else drive while she was in the car. It was one of the little idiosyncrasies that made her Kat. And she hated to hand the control away. Kat always had to be in control. Little miss independent hadn't had any control in her life till she came to them and now she never gave the control up. Well, almost never.
Almost like he sensed that something wasn't ok Leon stopped his yellow car right in front of her car and rolled down his blacked out window. She seemed small, like she was drawn in on herself. "You ok Kat?" He asked softly. She gave him a watery smile.
"I'll be ok. Just a little low after the adrenaline wears off. You're an adrenaline junkie, doesn't that happen to you?"
"Not quite as big of a mood swing as happens to you. Man, your highs are high and the lows are low huh?"
"Something like that." She gave him a slightly more enthusiastic smile.
He snaked an arm out of the window and pulled her closer to the car. "Just means you feel girl, that's a good thing right? You're passionate about everything you do. Remember this conversation?" She looked down at him, seated in his car.
"I guess so. I also remember being told that I was cocky and didn't know when to let enough alone." Her smile was almost normal. She crouched down by the car.
"All that too, but it makes you interesting." Leon smiled down at her and moved the hair out of her eyes again. "Go on home Kat. I'll see you around."
"Ok. Thanks for this Leon, you really cheered me up. I wish I could go to your party."
"I'd like that too, but we have parties every week. When Dom calms down, you can come."
"Deal." She stood up. "Well, see ya."
"Yeah, see ya." Leon gave her one last glance and the peeled away with a squeal. He didn't want to leave her there. He watched her watch him leave with her arms wrapped around herself in a sad little hug. He wanted to gather her in his arms and make her know that everything was gonna be fine. That she was pretty and fine and not some sort of undesirable tom boy. That she could be a hot woman and a racer chick at the same time. That there was a guy in the world for her. It wasn't him mind you, but there was a guy somewhere. The desire to do so scared the hell out of him. He went home to his party.
"Well, well, well. Who was that Kitten?" Sean asked her as she walked back to the car. He had known there was someone in her life that had her in a tail spin. She'd never even tried to date anyone but him and look were that went.
"That was Leon, Brian's friend. He helped me with the car that first race night." She blushed and got in the passenger seat.
"And when did he start being close enough to you to grab you like that?"
"The day of my first race with the car I realized no one had ever checked over the NOS and stuff and that it wasn't my forte to set up so I told Brian I was worried about it and I didn't think you'd have time to check it out for me before races. I really didn't think you'd have time. So Brian said we'd take it down to his friends Jesse and Leon. Jesse is a phenom when it comes to engines. He's that amazing. He's the best mechanic ever. I'm sorry but that's the truth. And Leon drives a Skyline as you saw, so Brian said he could help Jesse make sure everything was perfect." Sean nodded.
"So anyway, while I was there Leon teased me about how did I know I was ready to race since it had been months since I did it. And I had been nervous as hell but I'd been hiding it to that point. But then I broke down and told them I was scared I couldn't do it. And Leon took me to a little track and raced me to help me with my confidence. And I won a month of car washes off him come to think of it. Then of course they wanted to know how I did so Brian took me down there to show them the car and then Leon invited me to the races tonight. I hardly know him but we just kinda clicked." She finished.
"So you're fallen' for him?" Sean asked with a smile. It was about time she fell for a guy.
"No, I'm not falling for him. I just think he's nice. I hope we're gonna be good friends. I don't want to fall for anyone." She said.
"But you want him." It wasn't a question. Sean could tell. He was momentarily hurt she hadn't wanted him. But he knew it wasn't anything against him personally it was just that their relationship had been friendship first and it was too weird to make it more. But still, his Kitten wanted this guy. "You can't help who you fall for Kitten. Whether you want to fall for him or not might not be relevant." Something clicked in his mind. "Jesus Christ, that was the fucken' pizza boy!" She didn't deny it. "Fuck Kat, what are you thinken'? What happens when he finds out? What if he recognizes us? You think he'll forgive you for your role in that night?"
"He's never gonna find out Sean so it doesn't matter. He saw the picture of us and he didn't know us. He'll never know cause he has no idea where I live and we'll move before he ever does."
"God Kitten. I can't believe you picked the pizza boy to fall for."
"I never fell for anyone." She practically screamed. "Besides, I thought you couldn't help who you fell for. Just let it go Sean. He'll never know."
"Fine. But you want him Kitten, whether you fell for him or not, and I just want you to be careful. I don't wanna see you hurt."
"I won't. I'll be fine." Kat wished she was as sure as she sounded. They parked the car at Mama's and walked down the street to the payphone and caught a cab home. Kat and Sean each had showers and then they settled down on the couch to watch some TV before bed. It was late. Around three they decided to go to bed. Stacy and Kale never came home but Kat had figured they wouldn't. It was good for them to get to have some fun. She figured that Sean and she could have gone to someone's party but she was kinda glad they hadn't.
She settled down on her 'bed' and tried to go to sleep but thoughts of the guys leaving her all alone and Leon finding out that it was her that held him up were keeping her awake. She tossed over for the tenth time.
"Kitten, what's wrong?" Sean sighed. She was obviously upset, and he hoped it wasn't over him scaring her about the white boy she liked.
"Nothin'." She mumbled out.
"It's not nothing'. You're tossing and turning over there and it's obvious you can't sleep." Sean hated it when Kitten was upset.
"I'm just down right now. Sean?" She asked in a small voice.
"What kid?"
"Can I sleep over there with you? I just feel, I don't now, not right. I'm scared."
"Come 'ere Kitten." She got up and crawled in bed with him. She use to do that all the time when she was little and she'd had nightmares about her mom dieing and her brother trying to sell her. She'd crawl in bed with him and he'd keep her safe. "What made you scared about the future?"
"It finally occurred to me that someday you guys are gonna move on and I'll be all alone." She started to sob.
"Oh baby girl. That'll never happen. You're my girl. I'll never leave you. We might move on to other things, but you'll always be my Kitten. You know that." Sean pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "What made you think we'd ever leave you?"
"It's not fair for me to ask you guys to stay here and take care of me. You can't lead normal lives because of me. I'm keeping you all from moving on." She stuttered out between hiccups and sobs.
"You didn't ask us to do anything. We found you remember? And you didn't even want to stay with us at first. We knew what we were doing Kitten. And someday you'll find a man and leave us. Not the other way around." He rubbed her back just like he use to do when she was 15 and having one of her nightmares. "Now go to sleep. We're family, and family never just moves on. We'll always be together in some way Kitten, and you'll never be left on your own. Shush, go to sleep."
"I love you Sean." She sighed as she finally drifted off to sleep, feeling safe as she did when he would hold her through her night terrors when she was a kid. Sean was her rock. His reassurances went a long way toward relieving her fears. If he said he'd never leave her then he never would. And they'd all be able to lead more normal lives when they got a house that had a bedroom for everyone.
"I love you too kid." Sean told her and went to sleep himself.