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Lorelai had been in Paris for 3 months now, and she loved it. Or, at least, she pretended to love it. It wasn't that Paris wasn't beautiful, because it was. It wasn't that she wasn't enjoying her job, because she was. No, it was because Paris didn't have a Doose's Market or an Al's Pancake World that didn't sell pancakes. It didn't have a grumpy diner owner with a weird obsession for flannel and an ultimate goal to stop Lorelai from drinking coffee. It didn't have that same diner owner who had asked her to marry him on the side of a coffee cup.

But she wouldn't admit this to anyone. As far as all her new friends went, they thought she had never been happier. All except Melissa. For some reason, this mysterious woman from South Carolina had been able to see through Lorelai's façade from the start, and could tell that she was unhappy. They had continued their weekly lunches at the café and Melissa had continued to be a good listener for all of Lorelai's problems.

They were at one of these lunches, waiting for their check, when Melissa spoke up.

"Have you talked to him since you left?"

The question caught Lorelai off-guard. Melissa usually let Lorelai bring up Luke or they would talk hypothetically. She had never brought him up herself, and Lorelai liked that.

"I…um…no, I've talked to Sookie though, and she usually tells me about him."

Then again, she hasn't mentioned him the last few times I've called…hmm, probably just doesn't want to bring up old problems.

Melissa nodded.

"Why don't you ever call him? I'm sure he would want to talk to you."

Lorelai was shaking her head even before Melissa had finished her sentence.

"No, no, no. I can't talk to him. It's…It would be too difficult. I wouldn't be able to…he would ask questions I couldn't answer."

"How do you know hun? You don't know that he doesn't understand why you left…why you really left. If he knows you as well as it sounds he does, I'll bet my bottom dollar that he knows you didn't leave because you wanted to be single. Give him a chance. I'm sure he'd surprise you."

Lorelai just gave her a slight smile, her thoughts on the day 3 months earliershe had left Luke with nothing more than a note…

Flashback

It was early. The sky was still dark and Lorelai had to use a lamp to see what she was writing. Luckily, Luke had already left for his early deliveries, so she didn't have to worry about waking him with her sobs as she haltingly wrote the note she would leave for him, careful to not let her tears blur the script. She knew that this was wrong, that she shouldn't leave Luke like this, but she couldn't think of anything else to do. If she tried to tell him in person, she wouldn't be able to leave.

No, this is the only way.

When she finished the note, she looked over it once more, making sure it sounded like something Luke would believe.

Dear Luke,

I know this isn't the way to do this, but I don't think I could do it any other way. I know there's no way for me to make you understand this, but I have to take this job offer. I went right from pre-teen to mother, never getting to enjoy just being an adult. This is my chance. I know I should have told you this earlier, but I just realized it as I planned our…while I was planning. You are the absolute best boyfriend a girl could ask for, and I know you will probably never forgive me for this, but I hope you will at least understand that this is something I have to do for myself. I'm leaving for London today and I'll probably be back in a couple of months. I'll talk to Sookie, and you can find anything out from her, since I don't think I'll be your favorite person after you read this. See you soon!

-Lorelai

She shook her head. It didn't matter how many times she re-wrote it, she knew Luke would be able to see right through her feeble excuses and know that she was just afraid. He had known her for too long. Loved her for toolong.

Well, by the time he gets this, I'll be on a plane to London and there won't be a thing he can do about it.

She looked at her finger. She knew that she should leave the ring, after all, it was Luke's mom's, but she couldn't bear to take it off. Luke had put it on her finger 4 months ago, and she didn't plan on taking it off any time soon, no matter what she said in a stupid letter.

She sighed as she picked up her last bag and loaded it into the van that she had gotten to pick her up. She wouldn't be back for at least a couple of months, maybe longer. She wouldn't see Luke for as long. Hopefully, by the time she came back, she would have her life figured out. If she didn't, well, she'd figure out what to do from there.

With one last look at the Crap Shack, Lorelai wiped a tear from her cheek and opened the passenger door, telling the driver to go. She had to get away.

End Flashback

Back in Stars Hollow, Luke was wiping down the counter after the dinner rush, trying to keep his mind off of her.

She had left in the morning after he had already left for the diner, not even bothering to say goodbye. All he had found when he got to her house that night was an empty closet and a note.

He sighed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper. Not that he actually needed to read it, by the 5th time he had had it memorized. Basically, it said that Lorelai wanted to be single for a while, wanted to explore her options. She didn't want to be in a serious realationship with Luke, and that hurt.

He hated how she had ended the letter, so impersonal. She hadn't even written Love Lorelai, just Lorelai. It was like she was writing to an old friend, not her fiancée…or ex-fiancée. Were they broken up? She had left him, but she had kept the ring. She wanted to be a single adult, but she called him the best boyfriend ever.

Luke sighed. He just didn't know what to think about their relationship. But he did know why Lorelai had done it. It wasn't because she wanted to be a single adult with nothing holding her in one place, hadn't she said numerous times to him that all she wanted was 'The whole package'?

No, she just got scared.

And just because he knew the real reason, didn't mean he liked it.

Luke had known when he started dating Lorelai that she had commitment issues, but he had hoped that their relationship would be different. He had been wrong. The only thing that could tie Lorelai down was her daughter, and now that they weren't speaking, she had nothing left.

She had me

Luke shook his head as he headed up the stairs to his apartment. Apparently he hadn't been good enough to stick around for.

That night, Lorelai sat in her apartment, staring at the phone. She had gotten home around 4 and since then had done nothing more than stare at the phone or pick it up and start dialing, only to slam it down moments later. She couldn't make herself call him no matter how much she wanted to hear his voice because she dreaded hearing the disappointment she knew would be there.

So instead she called another familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Sookie? Hey! It's me"

"Lorelai! How are you? Hold on just a minute."

She heard Sookie talking to Jackson.

"No, Jackson, I need you to take Kaylee. I'm trying to talk to Lorelai. Yeah, Davey's already in bed. No, you can't…yeah, just give her the bottle, I'll be in there in a few minutes."

Lorelai smiled into the phone. Sookie was such a good mom.

"Hey, okay, I'm back."

"Sure you can talk? You sound pretty busy…"

"No, we're still getting used to having two kids, that's all. It's really different."

"Yeah, I wouldn't know what you're talking about, but you seem to be doing a good job."

"Thanks sweetie. So what's up with you?"

She sighed.

"Nothing much. Mike's having me do a lot of work, but it's good, because it keeps my mind off of…things"

"So you haven't talked to him? I mean…you haven't talked to Luke" She added, as if she needed to clarify who she was talking about.

Lorelai smiled in spite of herself.

"No Sookie, I haven't talked to him. I can't bring myself to dial his number."

"Aww, I'm sorry. Have you heard anything about him lately. I mean, from other people in the town. Anything about how he's doing?"

Sookie's tone was sympathetic, but Lorelai noticed something else in it as well.

"No…Sookie are you hiding something from me?"

"No…I mean, of course not…Why would I…" she gave a nervous cough, "I wouldn't hide something from you."

Now Lorelai knew Sookie was definitely not telling the truth.

"Sookie, what do you know about Luke? Is it something important? You need to tell me Sook. I need to know."

Her voice was rising slightly. She was panicing. What if Luke had been hurt while she was gone? How would she ever know?

Oh I was so stupid to leave. Why'd I leave?

She was jostled out of her thoughts by Sookie's high pitched voice.

"No no Lorelai, its nothing like that. I mean, it's just…I've heard that he's…thathesdatingsomeoneelse."

Lorelai looked at the phone quizzically as if it could give her some answers as to how to understand what Sookie had just said.

"Huh? Sook, Hun, you're gonna have to talk slower than that if you want someone to understand you."

She could hear Sookie take a deep breath across the Atlantic ocean.

"I heard…that he's dating someone…"

If Sookie had said anything else, Lorelai didn't hear it. She had dropped the phone onto the couch the moment she heard that sentence.

Dating someone? Not Luke…He…we're engaged…he waited 8 years…

She considered asking Sookie if she was feeling okay, if maybe she had imagined the fact that Luke was dating, but she knew that it was the truth. Sookie wouldn't hurt her like this for a joke. She knew how much Luke meant to her.

It was only when she heard Sookie's tiny voice eminating from the dropped phone, screaming her name, that she jumped back into reality.

"Lorelai! Lorelai! Are you there! Lore…"

"Hey Sook, no I'm here."

"Oh thank God. I thought you might have fainted or something. Look sweetie, I'm sorry…I just thought you'd want to know…"

"Yea..I…Thanks for telling me Sookie. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll call you tomorrow…Bye."

"Bye…"

After she hung up, all Lorelai could do was stare at the phone. It wasn't until she felt the tear hit her hand that she realized she was crying.

I left him. I left him with nothing more than a note. He has the right to move on. He probably thinks I have, what with that note I left.

But Luke wasn't supposed to believe the note. He was supposed to know she was scared and wait for her to get over her fears. He wasn't supposed to move on. Not after everything they had been through. Everything they were planning on doing.

That night, as she lay in bed, trying to sleep between fits of sobs, one thought stuck in her head.

It's my fault.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Okay, there's the next part. Sorry it took so long, but I had a lot more problems than I thought I would trying to write this. Hope you enjoyed it…I'll try to get the next part up soon, but don't hold your breath, cuz I can't afford to be sued. Review!