Dayknightmare: A parody

Chapter Two: The Quest begins!

A/N: Okay I don't CARE that no one reviewed this…. I'm carrying on with it regardless. Besides I really needed something to do in my spare lessons. So instead of getting on with my proper fics (Because they're all at home!) I decided to do this.

Disclaimer.. Er… I kinda forgot this last time didn't I… WHOOPS! Ah well. Okay I don't own Knightmare (But I wouldn't mind owning it) and I wish to lay NO CLAIM WHATSOEVER on the people in this fic. I hate their guts.. that's why they're here.

A/N2: Sparrow here…. Right I'm not happy that no one reviewed –Pouts- So if no one reviews this time I'm gonna personally come around to your house and subject you to the worst fanfiction humanly possible, either that or kick the crap outta M.G for not working hard enough –Cracks whip M.G Whimpers- So REVIEW OR if your in the mood FLAME!

We left our intrepid heroes (?) trapped in time, whilst Treguard and those lovely, lovely authors went out for a booze up. Er… it is now the morning after and some people are suffering, and lets just say it isn't the contestants…..

TRE: Man that was one hell of a night –Rubs head furiously- Who's great idea was it to have Absinthe?

M.G: Er ….that would have been yours Treguard. If I remember correctly and I quote 'Come on you losers… it's only Absinthe, drink up!'

SPA: Yeah! It's your own fault you have a hangover…. We're teenagers we're used to it.

PIC: -Groans from position on the floor-

SPA: Come on Pickle you lazy lout! We have a show to do!

PIC: -Mumbles something incoherent-

M.G: PICKLE GET YOUR LAZY BUT UP NOW!!!!

PIC: MY HEAD!!! THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL!!!

TRE: THEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!

PIC: Shut up geezer or I'll go rabid pixie thingymajiggy on your wrinkly ass!!!

AUTHORS: -Looks nervous-

SPA: -Coughs- Er… okay you two… Fisty cuffs are not necessary!

M.G: Yes boys… no need to get rough –Wags finger in motherly manner-

TRE & PIC: -Shoot frigid glares at one another-

M.G: - Annoyed glare- BOYS!!!

TRE & PIC: -Abashed- Sorry Miss's

SPA: Good… now lets get this show on the road –Snaps fingers-

-All frozen people are unfrozen-

CHR: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!!!! YOU COULD HAVE RUINED MY HAIR!!!!

-Treguard and Pickle wince due to headaches-

M.G: Shut it Stanley! There is nothing wrong with your hair…. Except what you've done to it yourself.

SPA: YEAH! So quit yapping and start directing.

-Screen goes to J.Lo-

J.LO: Hey you nutters…. Where the hell am I???

CLA: Er… you're on a walk way…… and the path in front of you splits.

J.LO: And that's useful to me how exactly???

M.G: Geez she's bloody looped isn't she

SPA: And thick to boot. –Both nod-

CHR: Well one path goes left and leads into a doorway with an egg over it…. The other goes to the right with a sword and shield over it.

TRE: Ah… -Winces- it's the passageway of choices. Here you may choose your quest.

J.LO: I say EGG!!! Weapons are scary and they may maim my beautiful ass in which case I'll sue… -Goes off on random rant about suing the authors-.

M.G: Okay that's enough… -Clicks some castanets, Duct tape appears over J.Lo's mouth-

J.LO: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM (Translation: WTF!!!!!)

SPA: It's a gag J.Lo….. If you promise to be a good little girl and not keep ranting about suing us for all we'll have I'll take it off!

J.LO: -Ponders for a moment-  MM (Translation.. Ok!)

-Duct tape is ripped off-

J.LO: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! That hurt I'll … -Authors cough- Er….. do nothing at all!!

M.G: Good I should bloody well think so. Carry on with this before I get annoyed and decide to torture you with my almighty balloon of death!!!!

ALL: -Look confused-

SPA: Er.. note to self. Do NOT let M.G have Whiskey EVER again!

M.G: -Pouts-

TRE: Okay… can we please carry on with this thing.

M.G: Right… come on guys move it or lose it.

CLA: Right then…. Turn a quarter turn to your left and walk straight on.

-J.Lo does so and yet again walks into the wall-

J.LO: YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT WAS THERE!!!!!!

AUTHORS: -Laugh- HELL NO!!!! That is way too funny!

GAR: I-I … a-aa-agree. –Laughs in stupid girly laugh- Hey that isn't my laugh!!!

AUTHORS: -Whistle innocently-

J.LO: AHEM! Where have I got to go?

CHR: Take a side step to your right and go straight.

-J.Lo eventually walks through the door-

J.LO: Okay you low lives where am I?

GAR: Yo-your in a room, and there I-is….

J.LO: Oh for God's sake can someone please speak instead of him… it's just plain annoying!!

GAR: -looks offended- W-w-w-why you st-stuck up cow! Ta-tttake your head o-out of y-your oversized arse!!!

M.G: People, people can't we just get along?

ALL: NO!!!!!!!!

CLA: Anyway, you're in a room and there is a door to your left and in front of you there is a table.

J.LO: OOOOOO you don't say!! And WHAT pray tell is on said table.

SPA: Er…. How do you know there is anything on the table?

J.LO: -Shifts uncomfortably- Lucky guess….. yeah lucky guess

M.G: -Laughs- I don't think so….. I'm thinking that Ms Lopez has watched this before….

J.LO: I have NOT. Why would I lower myself to watching this low budget piece of tacky crud.

SPA: -Singsong threat- Jennifer…..

J.LO: Okay OKAY…. I watched it once or twice when I was on tour… HAPPY NOW!!!!!

AUTHORS: Extremely…

M.G: -Sings- Don't be fooled by the box that I've got, I'm just a closet knightmare watcher from the block!

ALL: -Laugh-

J.LO: -Highly peeved- DON'T YOU MOCK MY SONG!!!!

M.G: I'll mock your song if I want to….. which I do coz that is the tacky crud around here.

TRE: Er.. much as this IS amusing me…. We have a limited time-span so can we move it along a little.

CLA: Right… on table there is a golden rubber chicken, some food and a yoyo??

SPA: OOooooo pretty shiny chicken!!

J.LO: A YOYO???? There is a godamn yoyo on there!

M.G YUP!!! Anywho continue!!!

CHR: Walk forward and pick up the food.

J.LO: No DUH!! –Does so- ICKIE!!!! Mouldy bread….. It's real mouldy I can see the maggots.

SPA: You don't have to eat it, just put it in the goddamn rucksack….

J.LO: But it's GROSSSSSSS!!!!

TRE: Fine then….. Let yourself starve…… you know it'll all come off your arse.

J.LO: -Gulps- You win! –Picks up bread tentively- what else should I pick up?

GAR: I- I ssssay you p-pick up the y-y-y-y-yo y-y-y-y-y-y-yo

CHR: Well I say the chicken…. It's gold… ooooooo gold.

GAR: Y-yo y-yo

CHR: Chicken

GAR: Y-yo Y-yo!

CHR: Chicken!

SPA: Oh for GODS SAKE just pick already!!!

M.G: Yeah…… This argument is getting boring! Just toss a coin or something!

TRE: -Magically produces coin out of…. I'll leave that to the imagination- Okay heads or tails?

CHR/ GAR: Heads!!!

CHR/ GAR: TAILS!!!! Hey you stop saying my side!!!!

PIC: Oh for the love of god! You are heads and you are tails so just flip the dam coin and get it sorted already!

TRE: -Flips coin- its heads so the chicken is the winner!!

CHR: -Stands up and does Rocky movement- Oh Yeah… I would like to thank Treguard for picking my side and…..

M.G: This isn't your Oscar speech!!! Get on with the game!!!!!

J.LO: Where have I gotta go now you lame people!

CLA: Take three side steps to your left and walk forward.

-J.Lo does so and is sucked into a L-O-N-G passageway-

J.LO: -Bat flies into face- ARRGGGGGHHHHH There's some horrible flying rodent thingy attacking me!!

SPA: I believe that is called a bat you stupid big arsed cow!

STUDIO: -Laugh-

J.LO: -Mutter mutinously-

-She comes out into a forest path and there is a random woman on the path, dressed as a warrior-

WAR: -Really high pitched voice- Who goes there….

TRE: I believe that is one of the warrior maidens of the forest… J.Lo you'd better tread carefully.

WAR: I said who goes there! Answer now…..

J.LO: -Takes deep breath-

M.G: URGH!!! Cover your ears people!!! She's gonna sing!!!

J.LO: -Sings- I'm J.Looooo, the way I look, my arse so big, I'm J.Looooooo, my screechy voice can make you blind. Oh yeah! I am such a loser….. HEY THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY!!!!!!

SPA: -Sniggers-

M.G: Oh you didn't!

SPA: -Whistles innocently- You like?

M.G: Oh HELL YEAH! Do it again!!!

SPA: With pleasure!! –Snaps fingers-

-J.Lo is dressed like Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror picture show-

J.LO: L-L-L-LL-LOOOOOOOOOOK at me, I think I'm so pretty, but I ain't REALLLLLLLLLYYY I'm just a hag!!!!

M.G: Bravo….. May I try!

SPA: Be my guest!

M.G: Hmmm let's see what I can come up with –snaps castanets-

J.LO: -Is now dressed like a certain Iraqi dictator starts singing- But I can't change, I can't change I'm nothing but a dirty little skank bag!

TRE: Ladies as much as I hate to interrupt your fun, we do have to move on….. The warrior ain't looking to happy.

M.G: AWWWWWWWW but it was soooooo funny.

SPA: NOT FAIR!!! Our fun is always ruined!!!

WAR: You insolent fool! I was going to offer you my help but for your impudence you now have no chance! –She stalks off-

J.LO: -Quietly fuming-

M.G: I think we pissed her off….. Our mission is a success!!!!!!

J.LO: Too right!!! Where have I got to go and hurry up so I can get out of this godforsaken  nightmare.

SPA: It's Dayknightmare actually……

M.G:  No comment!

CLA: Well you should go forwards straight ahead.

-Horn blows-

TRE: Oh my there are goblins on your tail… better hurry.

J.LO: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW GOBLINS!!!! I HATE THIS PLACE!!!! –Runs like loony-

-Bells sounds J.Lo freezes mid prance and in mid-air-

TRE: This time is over, and I must freeze you sad lot whilst we prepare for next time. –Claps his hands and does a little jig-

-Chris, Clare and Gareth are frozen-

M.G: Phew thank god that's over…. This TV malarkey is hard work!

SPA: Yeah I know! But it's fun…. And that footage is sooooo going on the net! –Evil grin-

M.G: Amen to that! See you next time guys! Don't do anything I would do!

TRE: Wonder what she meant by that?

Fin Chapter 2

A/N: WAHOOO finished! OMG that has taken way to long!!!! Stay tuned for the next instalment where even more depraved hilarity will ensue! Chapter three: The Quest continues!