Dayknightmare: A parody of sorts
Chapter six: The Quest Continues Again… and Again…and Again
A/N: -Sings to the tune of DISCO- Oh yeah, new chap-ter! Oh yeah, new chap-ter. Well as you can tell your friendly neighbourhood desecrater is back… to wreck more havoc on the masses of fandom's…Mwahahahahahahaha!!! Sorry this has taken so long…. But I've been kinda busy not getting sacked from my job…..but that's a story for another day kiddies. Anywho enjoy Peeps!!!!
At the end of the last chapter there were mixed feelings of relief and anger. After a chance meeting with Percy the merchant, they stumbled upon Merlin, who gave the loser brigade a helping hand and turned J.Lo back into a gal (Sob!). Now our intrepid heroes (?) head toward Level Two. With a slightly sulky author following close behind.
M.G: -Sigh- …………
SPA: I really don't understand what's up with her… she hasn't spoken since the end of the last chapter; she went to sleep and then woke up and refused to say anything at all.
TRE: Sounds to me like she's in a bit of a sulk…. Because of the way the last chapter went.
PIC: Either that or its woman's problems
TRE: -Looks clueless- What??
PIC: Y'know that time of the month…..
TRE: -Still no idea- Come again…..
PIC: -Shakes head- You know you are so dense sometimes!!!!!
TRE: ……..? What did I do?
M.G: -Scribbles something down and taps Sparrow on shoulder-
SPA: Um….. Pickle M.G said that it was the first point and IT IS NOT HER TIME OF THE MONTH! And that due to the fact she's in a sulk her voice has also disappeared, although that wasn't intentional.
PIC: -Eye roll- Suuuuuure it wasn't.
M.G: -Glares, writes something down-
PIC: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE TUTU AGAIN!!!!!!
ALL: -Laugh-
SPA: All I can say Pickle is….. Don't upset the author….. You've had enough warning.
M.G: -Writes-
SPA: Um.. She said Amen to that!
PIC: -Whinging- PLEASE CAN YOU TAKE ME OUT OF THIS THING PLLLLLLLLLEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEE!!!!
SPA: How about NO. Told you not to upset the author……
PIC: True…. But you're the author too! Isn't there anything you can do about it?
SPA: Well technically I could…. But that would make M.G mad and I SERIOUSLY don't want that to happen. Because as you well know….. We are also part of this world and so therefore she could do something real nasty to me.
M.G: -Writes, taps Sparrow on shoulder-
SPA: Awwww thanks M.G!
ALL: -Look confused-
SPA: Well she said that she wouldn't do anything to me as I'm one of her best mates. But you however are a completely different story.
PIC: ULP!
TRE: ULP! Indeed Pickle….. They did warn you not to annoy them.
PIC:…………
SPA: -Laughs- Awwww! We scared the ickle pixie boy
PIC: I AM NOT ICKLE…. I mean LITTLE!!!
ALL: -Laugh- Ickle Pickle. Lalalalalah!!
PIC: -Goes beet red and glares- I CAN'T HELP IF I'M VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!!! IT'S IN MY GENES!!!
TRE: How? You don't wear denim!
ALL: -Facepalm-
SPA: I believe he means his DNA not the clothing!
M.G: -Writes-
SPA: Um……. M.G said Yeah you idiot!!!
TRE: I'm not an idiot…. And like she can talk. She's the one who made herself lose her voice! If that isn't idiotic then I don't know what is!
M.G: -Glares-
TRE: -Pales and Coughs hastily- Okay I think we should be moving along people…. I'll just unfreeze this lot shall I –Backs away-.
SPA: Yes I think that's probably the best idea. –Looks at M.G worriedly-
TRE: Righty then….. –Finishes Cossack and falls over-
ALL: -Laugh out loud-
TRE: I HATE YOU!! You're all mean to me!!!
PIC: But it's FUNNY!!! And at least you're not dressed in a tutu!
TRE: True, but you're all still out to get me!!!!
SPA: Geez Treguard! Get a grip of yourself man! You're starting to lose the plot. –Slaps Treguard around the face-
M.G: -Nods-
TRE: Thanks… I don't know what came over me! I just felt weird all of a sudden…
SPA: I know what it was….. –Dramatic Pause-… It was them!!
-Insert eerie silence here-
CHR: As stated previously… that was creepy.
SPA: YUP! But the point was true. It looks as if the bloody enemies meddling is staring to shift the balance in the fic from neutral to evil and it's putting a strain on the original characters.
CLA: Which means WHAT exactly?
SPA: We'd better hurry up and catch those guys before they take over. Otherwise it's the Chaos theory all over again!
ALL: -Sarcastic- LOVELY!
M.G: -Scribbles down-
SPA: Um… she said ' Lets move or lose people!' Plus something about the bloody enemy which should not repeated…EVER, in the presence of another human being.
M.G: -Sulks-
SPA: HEY! You're the one always complaining about not putting in things that UP the rating
M.G: -Shrugs and waves hand in a 'fair enough' gesture-
TRE: Okay then. Let's get going!
-Scene shifts back to J.Lo who is still standing outside Merlin's cottage-
J.LO: It's about time you lot got back, my legs were staring to go stiff.
SPA: You were paralysed for GODS SAKE!!! Of course you were bloody stiff
ALL: -Polite indiscreet sniggering-
SPA: Oh GROW UP!
TRE: -Clears throat- Can we move on then?
GAR: Righty-oh….
M.G: -Cringes-
SPA: -Pats shoulder- I know, I know….
GAR: -Glares- J.Lo just keep walking forward along the path….
J.LO: Fine!
-Walks onto next screen, even more trees and rocks galore-
J.LO: Where am I?
CHR: You're still in the forest.
J.LO: Well that's a given…
CHR: -Glares-…. Stupid cow!
J.LO: -Sticks out tongue-…. Sticks and stones may break my bones by stupid goits can't hurt me!
M.G: -Scribbles-
SPA: She said…… 'Hey she's using our words!!! Brilliant…. She has become one of us!!'
J.LO: For the love of my ass NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
TRE: People we really need to move on.
J.LO: -Sobs- Fine…. Where should I go?
CLA: Just walk forward there is some weird doorway in front of you.
J.LO: -Looks up questioningly-
SPA: It's safe, it's part of the game that one!
J.LO: -Walks forward into doorway-
-Scene is one of those dungeon corridors with pillars down the sides.-
CHR: Okay all you have to do is walk forward…..
-Walks into pillar-
J.LO: ARGGGHHH! YOU F$£G B&#$D!!!!!!! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!
CHR: -Looks smug- Maybe I did, maybe I didn't… it's up to you to decide.
SPA: Thank you very much Mr. Blind date voice guy!! Now on with the show!!!!!
CLA: -Sigh- Fine….. Take a small sidestep to your left J.Lo and then walk forward.
J.LO: -Does so-
-Comes to the end of the corridor and enters through the doorway.
SPA: PHEW! At least that wasn't one of those bladed doorways…..
M.G: -Nods and scribbles-
ALL: HUH?
SPA: She said 'I know… if it had been we would have been buggered because that lot have the quick communication skill of a sheep on marijuana' not that she'd know of course.
ALL: -Look suspicious-
SPA: Okay, okay like Percy said before…. It was one crazy birthday.
PIC: And as stated before…. You are officially WEIRD!!!!!
SPA: -Lightly- And I'M the one wearing the tutu?
PIC: -Blushes-
J.LO: AHEM PEOPLE! I am blind here! Where the hell am I?
-J.Lo is in a courtyard, straight ahead is a huge door-
TRE: Be careful J.Lo… this is the exit of Level one… there will be a guardian…have your wits about you!
J.LO: I AM NOT STUPID!!!!!
SPA: We never said you were –Whistles-
J.LO: -Glares best she can under helmet-
GAR: Okay J.Lo….. Walk forward.
J.LO: -Walks forward and door mutates into huge face-
STUDIO: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!! –Crap load-
J.LO: -Really high pitched- AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! –Faints-
FACE: Hmmm… I seem to have that affect on people
SPA: We need one revival team STAT!
TRE: We don't have a revival team!
SPA: I know I've just always wanted to say that tee-hee!
-Insert screen flip here (Ala Will of the Macrocosm style) and everything is as it should be-
J.LO: -Trembling- What the hell is THAT!!!??
TRE: That is the guardian of Level one…. His name is Hesper.
J.LO: It has a NAME???
HES: Of course I do….. now what is the password you insignificant little runt!
J.LO: HMPH!!! And just WHO do you think you are talking to!!
HES: Some runty dungeoneer! Now give me the password!!!
J.LO: I'll have you know I'm a world famous pop star…
SPA: YEAH! In your own opinion that is!!!
ALL: -Snigger-
J.LO: -Glares- My name is J.Lo…. you better not forget it!!!
HES: Just tell me the bloody password already!!!!!
J.LO: Fine! Your bloody password is acorn! There happy now! Hurry up and let me through you stupid bricky git!
HES: -Changes from white to red-
TRE: Uh-Oh….. I feel a fight coming on!
SPA: Want me to smooth things over Treguard…
TRE: I'm sure you'll handle them sufficiently Miss Sparrow!
SPA: J.LO!!! What the hell do you think you are doing…. You are supposed to be negotiating with him …. NOT INSULTING HIM!!!!!!!
J.LO: But he insulted me! He called me a runt.
SPA: Well compared to him you are a runt…. So for once swallow your ego and get on with it. That is of course you want a REALLY angry Merlin coming after you for his quill and then 'reversing' his counter spell!
J.LO: -Whimpers- No, not that again…….. I'll be good.
SPA: Good now let's get moving!
HES: That password is correct…. Now comes the second test….. one of general knowledge, a puzzle of sorts.
TRE: Oh no…..
ALL: -Glare- We are not STUPID! We can solve one little insignificant puzzle!!!
HES: Humph…. I severely doubt it with what I've seen of YOUR intellect. Well if you think you are ready here comes the big one!!
J.LO: Bring it on BRICKY!!!!
HES: FINE!! What has four legs in the morning…… two in the afternoon…. And three in the evening..
J.LO: Ouuhhhh Toughie but not quite tough enough bricky dear. What you lot don't know however is that I love riddles! I have to have something to do whilst travelling around!!!
SPA: Did you know?
M.G: -Shakes head-
ALL: -Gape in shock-
M.G: -Scribbles-
SPA: -Sniggers- Have to agree with you there M.G!
TRE: What did she say!
SPA: She said 'Who knew she had a brain inside that balloon of a head!' and I'm inclined to agree!
J.LO: I HEARD THAT!
SPA: GOOD! It would have been wasted if you hadn't!
J.LO: -Growls-
TRE: Come on J.Lo….. take that guardian down! You can do it……
J.LO: -Brightens up- Of course I can… I'm J.Lo!!! Okay bricky here's the answer to your, oh, so, difficult little riddle. It's so pathetic I can't believe you actually asked me it!! But I said I'd answer and my answer is this it's….-Bell dongs and J.Lo freezes-
ALL: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT CRAPPY TIMING!
TRE: That's the name of the game people –Does rain dance and freezes the rest of them-
SPA: Thank god that's over…. Gutted about the crappy timing like….. but then again not gutted as we know the answer!
TRE: Me too….. Do you really think J.Lo knows the answer?
SPA: To be honest I haven't the foggiest! Perhaps she has talents we never knew about…. Urgh I just complimented her in a bizarre way.
M.G: -Shakes head- Tis' terrible that………
SPA: You can speak again!!!!
M.G: I could speak the WHOLE TIME –Starts laughing- I just wanted to see if you could go a whole chapter without any real input from me!
SPA: -Cheek is ticking furiously-
M.G: Um… I'm gonna move over here now……… See you later people BBBBYYYYYYYEEEE!!!! –Runs off-
SPA: M.G WHY YOU LITTLE……….!!! –Runs after her in fury-
TRE: Ah…… some things never change
PIC: And some definitely should! Come on we got a lot of work to do!
And so the curtain was closed at yet another interval in this story! Does J.Lo actually know the answer??…. Will the gang EVER get off Level one??.... Will M.G get the throttling she deserves??.... All this and more in the next instalment of DayKnightmare: A parody of Sorts!