DayKnightmare: A Parody Of Sorts
Subchapter: The Date!
A/N: It is truly amazing how one little fluky idea seems to run away with you. This was started as a way to pass the time…. Not intending to become a full fic. But well look at it now, ten chapters strong…. I can hardly believe it myself. This was too golden an idea to pass up and not use. The idea of Treguard going on a date is riotously funny to me and I just couldn't resist. Well enjoy.
A/N2: There are probably going to be a few more subchapter things added…. I know there are a few more little ideas creeping about my head. Technically this is part of Dayknightmare…. But it's going to be the stuff that happens in between episodes…. So there may be a few inserted in between earlier chapters. For example the night out between chapters one and two. LOL that's gonna be fun. This thing just seems to keep growing!
Dedication: To Neilus, Johno, Sparrow, S.J, Johnny and Mikus…. You guys make life worth living!
We left off with our two Authors preparing Treguard for his 'Date' with Lynette. What chaos would be wrought from this pairing? Who knows…? But it could be quite fun though!
TRE: Is all this absolutely necessary?
SPA: YES! You have to look nice for your date!
TRE: But I don't wanna look nice –Pulls at shirt collar- I just want to look like me!
M.G: But Treyie- Baby you look fabulous….
SPA: M.G you might wanna stop that…. You're reminding me far too much of those people off that 'What not to wear' show…. (A/N: Don't own it! Its BBC's…. Stupid disclaimers)
M.G: NO WAY! I'll stop, those people are abnormal….
TRE: -Gives 'The Look'-
SPA: Sorry mate but he's got you there!
M.G: STOP PICKING ON ME!
SPA: -Laughs-
TRE: Much as this conversation is amusing, I'M STILL NOT HAPPY!
SPA: And why would that be?
TRE: Because this outfit is RIDICULOUS! Honestly ME in a DINNER SUIT! It's preposterous!
M.G: Oh stop complaining…. You look positively dashing….
SPA: M.G….
M.G: GAH! Not again…. Why oh why have they possessed me!
TRE: She is officially looped!
SPA: At least you ain't best friends with her…. It's sometimes a very scary experience.
TRE: I could well imagine….
Pickle walks in-
PIC: My Lord…. What the hell is that monstrosity you are wearing?
TRE: -Black look-
PIC: Um…. I mean where did you get that wonderful outfit….
TRE: -Darker Look-
PIC: … Please don't hurt me….
M.G: Treguard that is quite enough of that! Stop scaring Pickle…. You're not exactly impressing us with your manly charms.
SPA: Yeah…. Sulking is SOOOOO not attractive.
TRE: I have every right to sulk…. You got me into this mess…. I didn't want to date her…. It was all you're doing!
M.G: Yeah and so was the rest of this…. but all that turned out fine.
TRE: I wouldn't exactly say it 'turned out fine' I'd say it was one step away from chaos, but certainly not fine.
SPA: Fine- shmine…. Enough chat we've got to get you ready!
TRE: I am ready…. There is not much more you can do to me.
M.G: Oh contraire, we may have got you ready appearance wise, but otherwise you're screwed! So we're here to help.
SPA: Now you're sounding like that lot off 'Would Like to Meet'…. (A/N: Again BBC)
M.G: -Dark voice- Will you stop comparing me to those shows…..
SPA: Yeah but it's true…. We're using their ideas to help Treguard….
TRE: -Looks scared- You're relying on something the BBC concocted to help me…. Man are we up crap creek without a paddle.
M.G: You said it not me, therefore you are the target of the BBC's wrath. Not me.
TRE: HA! I fear them not, as I am on a different network to them and so they cannot harm me without serious repercussions.
M.G: I know that's why I made you say it, I would have been liable!
SPA: Smooth girly, real smooth.
M.G: Why thank you Sparrow.
SPA: You are welcome M.G.
TRE: So what 'Idea of the BBC' are you using on me? It better not be something stupid!
SPA: -Sarcastic- Such an insult.
M.G: You know we never use anything stupid; it's against the rules…
SPA: What rules..?
M.G: 'The Fan Fiction Authors unwritten code of honour'
SPA: Oh…. Right…. Are you sure you red that right?
M.G: Err…. No…. I just wanted to make us look intelligent.
SPA: Failed?
M.G: Miserably….
TRE: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU USING ON ME!
M.G: Well we are going to monitor you and using this earpiece –Holds up earpiece- We are going to give you advice….
TRE: Just admit you want the footage for the net….
M.G: NO! WE would not exploit you like that…. We are not that cruel….
PIC: -Mutters with evil grin- Speak for yourself! –Discreetly hides video camera down tunic- Heh-heh!
M.G: PICKLE! Get rid of that video camera RIGHT NOW young pixie!
PIC: Awwww! –Chucks video camera in the bin-
SPA: So are we ready to go or what…. Otherwise we are going to be sooooo late.
M.G: Oh my god! Okay peeps time for my fast travel alternative! Hold on to your hats!
TRE: We're not wearing any hats!
M.G: Oh whatever! Three, two, one! Here we GOOOOOOO!
Insert random flashy thingy-
M.G: Okay you can open your eyes…. And stop shaking Treguard…. You are not going to die…
TRE: Try telling me that after the date. Lynette is scary…. She's gonna fry me!
SPA: Oh stop being over dramatic! She said she like you…. Therefore unless you really hack her off you're safe!
TRE: That is so reassuring.
M.G: Enough nattering! Lets get in there!
ALL (Bar Treguard): ALRIGHT!
The merry band troop inside, with Treguard being dragged in-
TRE: I want out!
M.G: NO YOU DON'T! Unless of course you want a repeat of the last time you defied me! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!
PIC: You know I really am worried for her sanity…..
SPA: Me too…. Ah well who cares, as long as she keeps me entertained.
PIC: Yeah I suppose so!
M.G: Right here is the ear piece…. There is a buzzer under the table when you want some 'privacy'.
TRE: -Looks ill- The only privacy I'm hoping for is in the mens restroom….
M.G: Ohhh kinky are we!
TRE: -Looks even more ill- I refuse to even comment on that…. You have a sick and twisted mind! And before you say it I am NOT THAT WAY INCLINED! Bloody perverted girl!
M.G: Meh…. Come on guys…. Lets go into the back room….
PIC/SPA: Alrighty! –Troop off-
TRE: Why do I have a feeling of almighty doom!
M.G: -In earpiece- Ah stop complaining and get to your table!
TRE: Ack! –Goes to table-
After about twenty minutes Lynette FINALLY shows up-
M.G: Let the chaos begin!
SPA: Amen to that!
In restaurant-
(A/N: All " " bits are through the ear piece)
LYN: Treguard how lovely to see you…
"M.G: Treguard get up and greet her you great OAF!"
TRE: -Gets up reluctantly- Hello Lynette…. Lovely to see you to. –Takes hand and kisses it-
LYN: -Blushes- A pleasure to see you too…..
They sit-
TRE: -Goes to say something and then shuts up-
Silence crickets' chirp-
"M.G: SAY SOMETHING!"
TRE: OW!
LYN: What was that Treguard?
TRE: Er…. Nothing…. Nothing. –Rubs ear indiscreetly- Um…. You look very nice this evening….
LYN: -Blushes- Thank you…. You look very…. Nice yourself.
"M.G: Good work…. Keep it up. I'm gonna send the waiter over."
M.G drags some poor random guy over-
M.G: What's your name son?
R.G: Don't 'Son' me I'm the same age as you! Idiot! And you know who I am….
M.G: OMG! Mikus (0)… Dude sorry I so didn't recognize you! It's been a while…
MIK: Tell me about it! Hey Sparrow WHASSUP!
SPA: WHASSUP!
M.G: Okay, okay enough already! Mikus we need your help! We need you to be a waiter for table 12.
MIK: Why?
SPA: Because we're setting up the lovebirds sitting there… and we need someone we know/ have under our power to serve them.
MIK: Under your power?…
M.G: Obviously you're under the 'someone we know' comment..
SPA: -Laughs- Yeah but it should be the under M.G's power, cause of… –M.G covers Sparrows mouth with her hand- MPhhhMMppphhmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM!
M.G: Unless you want to die painfully! SHUT UP NOW!
SPA: -Nods frantically-
MIK: -Blushes-
M.G: Anywho… put this on and go serve them…
MIK: Okay, okay –Wanders off-
A few minutes later Mikus wanders out dressed as waiter-
MIK: Hello I will be your waiter for this evening… here are your menu's…
TRE: Um….
"M.G: Word of advice… don't pick anything smelly"
TRE: What would you like Lynette?
LYN: Um… I think I'll just have the chicken soup to start out with…
TRE: I'll have the same please….
MIK: Right and for your main course..
LYN: I think I'll have the pasta alfredo…
TRE: Um I'll have the calamari and salad please…
M.G: -Slaps forehead-
MIK: Of course.. and finally what would you require for desert?
TRE/LYN: Chocolate fudge cake please….. –Look at one another and blush-
MIK: -Clears throat- And what would you like to drink…?
TRE: -Mutters- Something strong….
LYN: What was that Treguard?
TRE: I said you decide…
LYN: Oh how kind…. A bottle of your finest red please….
TRE: -Pulls face-
"M.G: BE A GENTLEMAN!"
TRE: -Winces-
LYN: What's wrong?
TRE: Just a bit of an earache that's all.
LYN: Oh right… You may go now waiter….
MIK: -Walks off-
Back with the Authors-
SPA: M.G you can't honestly tell me that you're not planning to sabotage this thing?
M.G: -Looks innocent-
SPA: You are aren't you
M.G: -Whistles-
SPA: What are you planning?
M.G: Come here –Whispers into Sparrow's ear-….
SPA: Surely that's illegal or something….
M.G: Hmm I think your right…. Plan B then…
SPA: Plan B?
M.G: Spike the food….
SPA: Heh-heh I like Plan B!
M.G: I thought you would…. Let's hop to it then…. Yoo-hoo Mikus!
MIK: -Grumpy- Yeah!
M.G: What's up?
MIK: This uniform is itchy and smelly! It's horrible!
M.G: Sorry it was the only one we could find that wasn't being worn, it was that or a waitress outfit…
MIK: -Looks appalled-
SPA: Saying that…. He could have pulled of a waitress, his hair is long enough... –Evil Smirk- (1)
M.G: -Smirks also-
MIK: -AGOD X Infinity- Oh no…. Don't even THINK about it!
(Short for: Almighty Glare of Death)
M.G: WHAT! I wasn't thinking about putting you in drag…. Not at all…. Brownies honour!(2)
MIK: You weren't in Brownies!
M.G: I was… I was an Imp! (3) –Grins-
SPA: -Looks scared- Now I know where she gets it from…..
M.G: Anywho enough squabbling…. When you take them out their wine slip a few drops of it into the bottle…. And I mean a few… nothing more….
MIK: I'm scared to ask what the hell this is…. And why only a few drops are enough…?
M.G: Then don't… Just put it in okay…
MIK: -Nods and walks off-
SPA: So what is it?
M.G: Oh…. Just an extra strength aphrodisiac… no biggy…. –Smirk-
SPA: You're warped and you know it….
M.G: True….
Back in the restaurant-
MIK: -Walks over with bottle- Okay just a few drops M.G said…. Ooops –Drops whole vial into bottle- Ah well not my problem….. –Reaches Treguard and Lynette- Here you are Sir, Madame…. Our finest red wine. –Scurries away-
TRE: Thank God…. Want a drink….
LYN: Yes thank you.
Treguard pours Lynette a drink-
LYN: -Downs drink in one- So Treguard tell me about yourself…. You must have had quite some adventures…
TRE: Nothing really to brag about, trying to keep Lord Fear at bay is a full time job….
LYN: -Slightly blurry eyed- I know he's a royal pain in the ass…. Can't just keep to his own levels…. Noooooooo!
TRE: -Looks slightly scared-
LYN: Ooops sorry Treyie- baby! –Giggles got a little carried away there –Lusty look-
TRE: -Goes white as sheet- Um… I wonder where the starters are…?
LYN: -Crawls into Treguard's lap-
TRE: Eeep!
Backstage-
M.G: -Blushing immensely-
SPA: What?
M.G: You should here what she's saying to him…. –Blushes- Something is not right; the aphrodisiac shouldn't have taken affect quite so quickly….
Mikus strolls in-
M.G: Mikus…. Just HOW much of that potion thingy that I gave you did you put in the bottle?
MIK: -Gulps- A few drops….
M.G: -AGOD- Now try telling the truth….
MIK: -Really little voice- Um… all of it…. I t was an accident…. The bottle slipped….
M.G: -Looks horrified- Mikus you BLOODY IDIOT! I told you to be careful…. This is soooooo bad….
SPA: Why?
M.G: Because we have a seriously randy sorceress, who isn't used to the word 'No'. Treguard is so never going to forgive me for this….
SPA: Oh right, well you may as well sit back and enjoy the fun before the shit hits the fan….
M.G: I suppose your right….
SPA: Cause I'm right…. I'm always right…. Now buck up and wait for the chaos to begin.
Back Outside-
LYN: -Is whispering stuff in Treguard's ear-
TRE: -Looking more and more traumatised by the minute-
MIK: -Walks out- Your starters will be out shortly….
LYN: -Still lusty- Hmmm how about we skip dinner and just go back to mine….
TRE: -Gulps-
LYN: I'm sure I could 'whip' something 'up' for you….
TRE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (4) –Jumps up knocking Lynette to the floor- Okay that's it I've had enough! M.G, Sparrow! You've got some explaining to do….
AUTHORS: Silence
LYN: -Staggers up, totally enraged- HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU! No one pushes me to the floor and lives to tell the tale –Conjures fire-ball in hand- Take THIS YOU CHAUVINIST PIG! –Lobs it-
TRE: Eeeep! –Ducks just in time-
LYN: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! –Getting madder-
TRE: HELP ME!
AUTHORS: Silence
TRE: THIS WAS YOUR BLOODY IDEA…. YOU GET ME OUT OF IT! –Dodges another fireball-
M.G: Should we help?
SPA: Well it is sort of your fault….
M.G: -AGOD-
SPA: Okay, okay OUR fault….. Lets intervene before you have to find a replacement host permanently.. .. ..
M.G: You raise a very good point… on the count of three….
AUTHORS: THREE!
All of a sudden the whole room freezes except for Treguard-
TRE: ABOUT FRIKKIN TIME!
SPA: Sorry…. We were having too much fun watching the chaos!
TRE: -Glares- I think I'm scarred for life….
SPA: Well that's the normal reaction to working with M.G –M.G slaps Sparrow around the head- OWWW!
M.G: Don't moan you deserved that one!
SPA: -Scowls-
TRE: WTF JUST HAPPENED!
SPA: I really don't know…. Maybe she was just really 'up' for it….
TRE: -PURE white- Please stop making innuendo's… I think I'm gonna faint
M.G: Then faint already…. It means I don't have to explain anything….
TRE: -Faints-
M.G: OMG! I wasn't expecting him to do it….
SPA: We he's just been molested by a randy sorceress, and almost fried to a crisp…. I think he's allowed too.
M.G: Yeah I suppose…. And like I said…. It does mean I don't owe him an explaination…
SPA: Let's get him back to the castle
M.G: Fine with me….
And so the date came to the as expected chaotic climax…. (SPA: M.G Will you PLEASE stop using the innuendo's! M.G: Sorry!) Lynette was frozen in time…. Not to be released until the gang had gotten past Level Two…. And poor Treguard…. Well poor Treguard was guaranteed a nice long rest under the best mental health supervision…. What's next? Who Knows? But stay tuned for the next Chapter of DayKnightmare to find out!
(0) Mikus My B.Friend…. I've been dying to put him in something for ages! Hopefully the 'Under M.G's power' comment will make perfect sense now, if it didn't before
(1) Scarily true…. His hair is pretty long (Just past his shoulders) . It was one of those 'rebellion against authority/ parents things' I like it….
(2) Yes this is a running theme…. I find drag very funny and exploit it at every given moment! Mikus' reaction to it is also VERY accurate, He's genuinely scared about me sometimes LOL!
(3) Again true… kind of appropriate eh?
(4) This HAS to be done in the style of Pedro from Excel Saga to get the full effect!